Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is owned by Nobuhiro Watsuki Sama, I'm just a mere lowly creature awed by his Great Creation, so no suing ok?
~*~ hehe, I finally got up and created my first fic ever! Hope you guys enjoy this, ^_^x ~*~
THE KENSHIN AND KAORU COOKING SHOW
~Drum roll, a red curtain could be seen, Sano's voice could be heard, only a pitch lower~
SANO: ...and now, Channel 1056 OroTV presents!.....Cooking with Kenshin and Kaoru!!!!
~Red curtain is unveiled, Kenshin and Kaoru standing in front of an old-fashioned Japanese studio kitchen~
~Applause from the live studio audience~
KAORU: Make that THE Kaoru and Kenshin cooking show...right Kenshin?
KENSHIN: Ano..ahehe..but the scriptwriter said "The Kenshin and Kaoru cooking show" de gozaru ....
KAORU: *Kaoru clenching her fist, gritting her teeth, doing the "I'm gonna punch you position"*
-Then maybe the scriptwriter made a mistake right?! SANOSUKE!
SANO: Are you saying that I'm an incompetent and an incapable scriptwriter! *runs from the camera to Kaoru, holding and shaking pieces of paper in the air* I know what's best for the show! Kenshin should be mentioned first because his cooking is more edible than yours Jo-chan, besides, it would be definitely wrong if the viewers would be mistaken that your the head chef and Kenshin's the apprentice when the level of your cooking skill is lower than a baby's...
~An explosion could be heard, flying debris could be seen, camera focuses on Sano buried in the wooden wall~
KENSHIN: Maa, maa Kaoru dono,*both hands raised* I guess this could be arranged with more peaceful means, ahehehe...
KAORU: *Looking at Kenshin with Batousai eyes* Then, what do you suggest?
KENSHIN: Ano...eto... well, The Kaoru and Kenshin Cooking show it is....
KAORU: Honto ni? Yipeee!!!*shifts to chibi chibi*
YAHIKO: *Behind the camera* Hey start cooking will ya? We don't have all day!!!
KENSHIN: Oro? Ah, right, let's start the show now, Kaoru dono...
KAORU: Welcome everyone to THE Kaoru and Kenshin Cooking Show! I'm Kaoru..
KENSHIN: ...and I'm Kenshin. Our first dish for today is the Hot Beef Pot, Akabeko Style! Now let's start. First we wash the vegetables...
KAORU: What do I get to do Kenshin?*with puppy eyes*
KENSHIN: ...aah, just a moment Kaoru dono, now we chop the vegetables...
KAORU: Eh, Kenshin, shall I start shredding the cabbages?
KENSHIN: Ieya, Kaoru dono, I have to show the audience how to chop the cabbages in a special way...
So as we chop the cabbages...
KAORU: We boil the stock right?
KENSHIN: Hai, but let me do that, this step needs to be attended in a special way...so now…
KAORU: Then what shall I do then, Kenshin?!*starts boiling again*
KENSHIN: Aah, you cover the pan just as the stock reaches its boiling point...
KAORU: That's it?........*clenching her fist, veins popping out*
KENSHIN: Hai, that's it Kaoru dono, you cover the pan...as I was saying when you boil this make sure that...
~Kaoru punches Kenshin, Kenshin flies to the other side of the studio wall~
KENSHIN: OROOOOO!!!!!
KAORU: Baka!!!!!!!
why won't you let me help!!!!
KENSHIN: *silent, still shaking, half buried in the studio wall*
KAORU:...and you won't even answer huh? *covers face, starts to cry* huhuhu....'sniff ' ...huhuhuhu...
YAHIKO: Oi Kaoru, the network company said they would cancel the show if this kind of violence continues!
KAORU: Whoops! I guess I got carried away back there ahahahahaha! *stops crying, transforms to chibi in a split second*
Well, since my ASSISTANT can't continue doing the show for...uh...certain reasons I guess I'll do the rest of the cooking for today eh?
~Live studio audience seen with sweat drops~
~Sano, STILL buried, a sweat drop forms~
YAHIKO: Nani?! Ano..Kaoru you can't do thi...
KAORU: *Batousai eyes flaring at Yahiko's direction*
YAHIKO: *looks at Sano, buried.*
*looks at Kenshin, buried.*
*gulps*
..uhh..demo... forget I said anything! ahehehe...
KAORU: *goes chibi again, very VERY excited* So let's go on with the show! Now let me see, ah yes! The hot beef pot! Well now that my apprentice has chopped the vegetables a while ago and now that the stock is ready...uhm, well...we dump all the vegetables in the cauldron of boiling stock!!!
~Dumps the veggies carelessly~
~SPLASH!!!!FHOOOMMM!!!~
*Looks at a paper with the recipe written on it, mumbles...*It says hear to add 1 tbsp of salt and 1 tbsp of pepper...how do you put salt and pepper in a tablespoon from a shaker?..My,my this is hard...
ONE OF THE STUDIO AUDIENCE: Hey, what comes next!!!!
KAORU: Oh! Ahahaha....ah yes, we add a tbsp of salt...
~Shakes the saltshaker violently in the cauldron, shaker cover falls off, all of the salt from the shaker falls in the soup...~
Uh...Ahahaha...that is ok everyone....ok...ahehe, a LITTLE extra salt won't really affect this soup ahahaha..*swiftly gets a ladle and stirs vigorously* now lets mix all these together to uh...haha...incorporate the salt...haha....
~Live studio audience sweat drops~
YAHIKO: *slaps forehead with the palm of his hand*
KAORU: Now...*looks at the recipe, written in it are the words "sauté beef"*
*mumbles again* ....What in the world does sauté mean?saute..saute..sau..
*The oven catches her eye* Aha!
Ok, um, the next step is to BAKE the beef in the oven at, uh, 600 degrees celsius!
~ Sano, regaining consciousness ~
SANO: Bake?...ow my head....
*Kaoru places firewood in the oven, oven fumes violently and dangerously*
KAORU: Ah, I think the temperature is just right. Demo, we have to make sure that this is the right cooking temperature so we have to test it...let's see…what could I place in here to test if it is hot enough?
~Live studio audience's eyes swells~
KAORU: Oh! Now there's a good sampler!
~Kaoru spots Shishio Makoto with Yumi in the live studio audience~
KAORU: *runs towards Shishio* Hi, I need a studio volunteer! *grabs Shishio in the arm, holding very tight, drags his helpless body to the kitchen*
SHISHIO: Na-nani? What are you doing?
YUMI: *startled* What are you doing to my Shishio Sama!
KAORU: *does a throwing stance*
It's called, Combustion!
~throws Shishio, helpless and confused , in the hearth~
~oven fumes and shakes even more violently~
SHISHIO: aaaaahhhh!!!
YUMI: aaaaahhhh!!!
KAORU: yosha!!!
~Live studio audience's eyes bulge even more, horrified with what just happened~
SANO: ba..bake?
YAHIKO: *shocked*
KENSHIN: *unconscious*
KAORU: Shishio, are you burning inside?
SHISHIO: *dead*
YUMI: aaaaaaccckkkkk!!!!
SANO: Bake?
KAORU: He's not answering, well I guess the temperature is just right! Now, I'll place the beef inside the oven
AUDIENCE: urk!!!
~some of the studio audience vomits~
YUMI: *fumes with fury* Yu...yurosinai! shiinneee!!!
~grabs a kitchen knife, runs toward Kaoru~
KAORU: aahhhhh!!!!
KENSHIN: Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, Doryuseennn!!!!
~strikes Yumi~
YUMI: aaaahhh!!! *collapses in the floor*
KAORU: *goes chibi again* oh Kenshin!! Kenshin!!!
KENSHIN: Kaoru dono, daijobu ka?
KAORU: oh Kenshin!..............Kenshin...............Kenshin................. Baka no Kenshin! (grips Kenshin in the neck)
KENSHIN: oroooooooo!
KAORU: You should have let me help you a while ago!
KENSHIN: Gomen, gomen, Kaoru dono…
KAORU: Ok, I forgive you! I am almost finished with the beef pot!
~Oven fumes, black smoke bursts in the oven door~
KAORU: Oh, my beef!
*Gets the very black beef out*
KAORU: It looks great! No Kenshin?
KENSHIN: A..ano....
SANO: YOU BAKED THE BEEF!!!! DOUSHITE!!!DOUSHITE!!!!
KAORU: *ignores sano* Well it looks, and smells wonderful!
YAHIKO: It looks and smells horrible.
~ explosion, Yahiko's face covered with kitchen utensils~
KAORU: And look! A very crispy part of the beef is sticking out!
*pulls that part of the beef, and takes a bite*
Wow!!! Tastes really great!!! Very crispy!!
SANO: Jo chan, I don't think that's cow's meat…
KAORU: *chewing, holding the half of the part of the beef on one hand* Nani?
SANO: ..looks like a crispy, burnt, finger. to me..
KAORU: Aaaaccckkkk!!!! *stops chewing, eyes bulge*
*cough, cough*
SANO: Who, in her right mind, would put a human inside an oven to test it! Bakaaa!
KAORU: You criticize my cooking!!!!!!
*punches Sano again, Sano flies in the studio wall*
YUMI: Shishio Sama.... Shishio Sama....
~everyone looks at Yumi~
YUMI: I'll go wherever you go Shishio Sama!!! Let me join you!!! My heart burns for you!!!
*runs toward the oven, goes inside the oven*
~everyone's eyes bulge~
YUMI: Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!
KENSHIN: Orooroooo!!!
YUMI: *dead*
YAHIKO: Poor Yumi, got killed for Shishio for the second time...
SANO: *rises from the wall, two bumps swell in his head*
No!! Poor Shishio! Got burned for the THIRD time....
HOUJI: *appears out of nowhere*
Shishio sama!!! I can't accept this, they turned you into...into...into a garnish?!!!!!
KENSHIN: Uh, oh!!!
HOUJI: Ahahahhahahahaha!!!ahahahahaha!!!ahahahahaha!!!! *runs inside the oven*
ahahahaha!!!
*everyone shocked*
KENSHIN: 3 people in one day! That oven sure is durable de gozaru...
YAHIKO: Hai, and considering that it is Kaoru who used that oven, it's a miracle that it could still stand...
KAORU: *clenched fist* Shut your mouth Yahiko!
KENSHIN: Maa, maa minna! Let's go on with the show now....
KAORU: Oh right! I'll just place this beef in our soup, and it's done!
SANO: Uhahaha, noooo, no way I'm going to eat that beef pot! No!
YAHIKO: I told you it was a bad idea to let Kaoru join this show! Now look what happened!
SANO: Ah, don't blame me, it was Kenshin who forced me to let Kaoru host this show!
YAHIKO: ...and you didn't even refuse? Tori Atama!!!
SANO: Don't call me rooster head!!!
YAHIKO:..Oh ur just scared of Kenshin coz he beat the living daylights of your ass once eh?!
SANO: Nani!!!!!!
YAHIKO: hahahaha!!!!
SANO: I'm not scared with anybody!
YAHIKO: Oh yeah?!
SANO: Oh yeah!!!
KENSHIN: Maa, maa! *hands raised*
SANO: I didn't refuse coz he said I get to eat the finished products after the show!!
YAHIKO: Baka!!! Pig!!! Didn't you even foresee that if Kaoru gets to cook the finished products would be inedible!!!
SANO: What can I do!!! I was blinded by different images of food playing in my mind at that time!!!
KAORU: Huhuhuhu *sniff* ju..just tell me you don't want me in this show!!
KENSHIN: O..orooo, ah...ano...Kaoru dono...
KAORU: Huhuhu... *sniff* huhuhu.... you won't even appreciate the things that I do for you...
~Yahiko, Sano, Kenshin sweat drops~
SANO: Ano...Jo chan...
KAORU: I guess a..I'm *sniff* not needed anymore!!! Huhuhu! There's only one thing left for me to do....
~Kaoru walks toward the oven~
KENSHIN, SANO, YAHIKO: Kaoru!!!
YAHIKO: Go ahead, kill yourself! I bet when you're dead Kenshin would be free and be able to find a new lover!
SANO: a new lover?! *grins*
YAHIKO: that's right! a new lover! hotter, prettier, SEXIER!!!!!!!!
SANO: ...and a better cook too!!
YAHIKO: better than you, or the T girl....
SANO: the T girl?
YAHIKO: Hai, the T girl! I can't quite remember her full name though....
KENSHIN: A..ano, how did you kno....
YAHIKO: whoops! Gomenasai!! It's just that I bought the OVA last week ahehehe...
SANO: ova? *puzzled* what in the world is an...ova?
KAORU: *raises her head, eyes bulge in a split second, turns chibi*
Demo, like what Kenshin always say to suicidals, it takes true courage to live! ahahahaha!!
ahahah..a..I'm just kidding can't you guys take a joke?! looks like I got you there!ahahahaha!(punches own face lightly) baka, baka, baka no Kaoru! ahahaha!!!!
~sweat drop forms at everyone~
KAORU: aherm...um...what an exciting show we had today! so educational!!!
AUDIENCE: boo!!
KAORU: so, see you next time where we get to cook even more special dishes, same Oro time, same Oro
network!! right Kenshin?
KENSHIN: aa..ano...Hai, de gozaru!
* END ^__^x ' *
notes:
dono – Kenshin's trademark.
Sama – equivalent to "great one" when tagged at the end of a person's name
Ano – that.
Honto – really?
Ieya – no
Hai – of course all of you guys no this right? Yes!
Baka – stupid or idiot
Jo-chan – Sano's pet name to Kaoru.
Nani – what
Yurosinai – I'm not sure with the spelling of this one, but it means "unforgivable".
Shi-ne – it means "kill" or "die"
Gomen – sorry.
Demo – but
Yosha- "yes!" or "alright!"
Oro – need I say more? ^__^x!