Good evening. I make a protest. Yes, I know it's not a good thing to protest without saying my name first, but I still protest. If you really want, I will even say who I am: I am the Broom Closet. I'm complaining because no one ever washes me, neither Filch nor the guys that "use" me. According to you fanwirters, I contain more body fluids on my walls than the ones in a human being. And no one ever uses some detergent on my walls. I'm complaining because no one ever tidies me up. It's ages that the guys who spend the night in me end up with a broom up their butts. Or sometimes a shelf falls because they are not meant to hold two guys on them. I PROTEST! And no one has ever thought about fixing my door. Every goddamned time someone visits me, my door lock gets stuck. Anm what about my sensitivity? Do you ever think about that?
I DEMAND SYMPATHY! First of all: everyone who gets in never asks "May I go in?", second: I'm full of spiders. I'm freakin' full of spiders. And i'm sick and tired. I could be as clean as the Big Hall whan it's Christmas, but no one ever thinks about washing me!
I OBJECT, YOUR HONOUR! I object to the lack of light in my life. The one and only lightbulb I've got has burned out, and it doesn't even have a chandelier! I am always so kind to you! When I see some guy that goes in twice with two different girls in two different days days I keep quiet, because I'm not a sneak!And what to you do to thank me? NOTHING! Not even a freaking lamp!
Ok, I admit that I've seen a LOT of things. Some of the "games" I've seen -I'm sure - are from some real genius - or pervert... I've seen a hell of a lot people. I think that the few ones I've never seen are geeks, bookworms, nerds or prefer much cleaner places.
I MUTINY! I mutiny because I'm full of plebeian stuff! Why can't you give me a trophy? Not even a very little one? Why do I have to stick with my spiders? I ask for so little...what about a little trinket? Just to get your fanfictions more romantic! Aw, never mind. I already noticed that you're a bunch of ungrateful brats. And I'm so kind hearted...I always keep my mouth shout, like a professional! Unlike the Library, that gossipy jerk.
I SAY "I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" Yes, I've had enough of those rooms who tease me because they feel so superior... And come on, we all know that the most loved room has always been none other than me. For example: that stinking Potion Room, with all her drama queen attitude. As if we don't know that she hides rotten potions in almost every desk! And that wrecked Common Room of Ravenclaw! I hope God will destroy her. Always bragging about her lovely, cute, intelligent students. Aaaaw, and those chewing-gums that are under the table got there on their own? Or it was the Bleeding Baron's fault? Please, shut the heck up. And that snobbish Girl Dormitory of Hufflepuff. "Aren't my girls chaste and pure, la la la". Screw you. I had the chance to see how chaste and pure your girls are. Please! And what about that bleeding Chamber of Secrets? ARGH! Always going like "No one knows where I am, bl bl bl!". PLEASE! If that Potter kid found you out, it means you're not that carefully hidden now, are you?
THEN STOP! You too have to sign this document for "The Broom Closet has to be clean and not discriminated!" Sign, you won't regret it!