Author's Note: As a new fan of Downton Abbey, I hated Thomas at first, but seeing him change a little, then fall and love with Edward and lose him was heartbreaking. I wanted something better for him, so I wrote this.
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Edward's Pov:
My hands shook as I slowly took my razor out from under my pillow. I was surprised that no had found it, but in a hospital this large and this busy, I suppose no one would change a patient's bedding every day. I wasn't complaining. That was a good thing; under my pillow like this, I'd have a devil of a time trying to explain the razor's presence.
I tried in vain to suppress thoughts of my family and the shame and pain this would bring them. I loved them, but I just couldn't adjust to this. And then there was Thomas. At least this way my family would never know of my attraction to another man, and I would never have to see Thomas's disgusted expression if I told him how I felt. But would he be disgusted? It was a question I had asked myself over and over for the last two days. While we were talking in my room, he had told me he was different in a way people didn't accept. I took his hand when he went silent to urge him to continue, asking him how he was different, and I heard his breath catch. I felt a moment of connection with him but I was so shocked that I acted slightly cold to disguise it, so he left soon after. I sighed. I would never know.
I brushed away tears, astonished to find myself crying, and tightened my grip on the razor. Right before it made contact with my skin I heard a horrified cry and the razor was yanked away. "What the bloody hell are you doing," Thomas snarled at me. "Don't you ever do something like this again!" I opened my mouth to answer him -how, I don't know- but he cut me off. "How could you do this?" he demanded. I could feel his body shaking around me as he pinned my arms to my sides. I sobbed, slightly relieved yet entirely humiliated that he had found me like this. I heard him set the razor down on the nightstand, and then he lay down on the bed with me, still shaking. He stroked my hair soothingly. "I know its hard, but you'll adjust, I promise. I'll work something out with Dr. Carson, find a way for you to stay here. Maybe he'll let you stay with me. Just don't try this again," he pleaded. I felt a curious shifting in my chest as I realized that I truly hadn't imagined it. Thomas did feel the same way about me that I felt about him. Maybe all wasn't lost…
"This is what you meant about being different, isn't it," I asked him quietly. "You're attracted to men." He stiffened. "And you want me like I want you," I continued. He twisted around to look at me. I felt grateful to have found him in a time when the attraction of men to other men was something to be hidden and feel ashamed of. Whatever he saw in my expression made him tuck me back against him, this time face to face. I could feel his breath on my chin. "I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same way, and didn't want to lose you, even if that was how you felt," he whispered. I reached up to touch his face, feeling a pang of regret as I felt his tears. He took my hand and kissed it. "I don't want to lose you," I told him. "I can't." I listened to the sound of his heartbeat for a moment, letting it soothe me. "You won't," he assured me. Sliding my hands into his hair, I slowly pulled his head down to mine and kissed him. He responded with a groan, his tongue flicking the seam of my lips, and I opened eagerly.
We lay like that until it was nearly morning, just kissing and holding each other, not worried about anyone catching us. Everyone was asleep, and if they hadn't been, we would have heard them before they got close; the only reason I hadn't heard Thomas earlier was because I was so upset. He slipped out of bed with a last kiss. "I love you," he told me tenderly. "I'll see you later. We'll figure something out together." As I heard him go, my heart went with him. "I love you, too," I told the empty room as I fell back to sleep.