A/N: This is the first of a series of five chapters, each written to a different prompt for a challenge. The prompt for this chapter is "watched". I hope you'll enjoy :)
1. Truth Or Dare
Izzie knows this isn't right.
This is actually so far from right, that right is just a tiny little dot in the distance. And she's Izzie, the sweet girl. She's sweet, and she's caring, and she doesn't do this. She does the right thing. Or the technically not so right thing, but always with an unarguably right reason behind that action. Because she is Izzie, and she does the right thing. But, this? This thing she's doing? Definitely not right.
It's not right to be insanely jealous. Jealousy is not a nice feeling to have, and Izzie doesn't like it one bit. Not that she's never been jealous before. Of course she has, she's only human, after all. But this is not like being jealous of Cristina's surgeries, or being jealous of Meredith's seemingly perfect relationship with McDreamy. That's just healthy jealousy. The kind that makes her try to be a rock star at work and look forward to finding love again. But this is different. This is wrong.
It's wrong to want to rip Alex Karev's face off for the way he's looking at Dr. Montgomery over the operating table. For undressing her with his eyes. For the way she doesn't seem to mind. And she knows – she really, really does – that no one could blame her for being jealous. If she told her friends, they wouldn't think it's wrong. Meredith would nod in sympathy and tell her she knows what it's like to see the man you want looking at Addison. Cristina would make an inappropriate remark about Izzie missing doing the nasty-nasty with Alex. And George would blush and babble something about too much information, or nightmares, or both. But they wouldn't think it's wrong, and they would be right, except they wouldn't. Because that's not it. That would be the normal thing to assume, but that's not it.
She's not jealous of Dr. Motgomery for being the new object of Alex's lustful looks. No. She's jealous because somehow, for some unthinkable reason, she wishes she was the one looking at her like that. The one undressing Dr. Montgomery with her eyes. And that's ten different kinds of wrong. And she wishes she could stop, but she can't – she really, really can't – and the wrongness of it all is making her slightly dizzy.
It all started that night – that dreadful, dreadful night – at Joe's. The night McDreamy and Preston had late surgeries and the interns decided to have some drinks to unwind before going home. It was nice, being all together outside the hospital. It didn't happen too often, and Izzie really loved hanging out with her friends. But that's not the point. The point is, they got drunk. Of course they would, with Meredith and Cristina in the picture. And one of them – she's pretty sure it was Alex – suggested a game of truth or dare because, apparently, if you mix alcohol and interns? You get instant twelve year olds. And Cristina said yes, because she's Cristina and she can't say no to a game, and Meredith was far too drunk and giggly to say no, and George accepted because he's never been good at resisting peer pressure. And Izzie? Izzie just liked the idea of some old-school fun with her four best friends.
And so the game started, and Izzie almost passed out from laughing when George asked Meredith to tell McDreamy's most embarrassing secret, and she said he uses her lavender conditioner when he stays at her place. And she laughed even harder at George's impersonation of Bailey, that he had to do because he refused to answer when Cristina asked him about his worst sexual experience. And really, it was stupid, because they all knew it had to be the time when Meredith started crying in the middle of sex. But George didn't speak, and Izzie was glad, because the Bailey impersonation was just priceless.
And then it was Cristina's turn to answer a question, and that's when the trouble started. Because Alex asked her which female co-worker she'd screw, and Cristina said she'd do Montgomery. But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that no one seemed to be shocked, and Meredith – with that honesty tequila provided – even agreed with her. And Izzie couldn't believe what she was hearing, and she couldn't believe the conversation had somehow turned into the Ten Reasons Why Everyone Wants To Bed Dr. Montgomery. So Izzie said the worst thing she could have said. She asked if they were serious. And they, of course, felt the need to elaborate. Izzie wishes they hadn't.
Because Cristina mentioned the long, long legs and the shiny red hair, and that bitchy attitude that could only mean she was good in bed. And Izzie was ready to interrupt the murmurs of agreement to ask exactly what kind of twisted connection there was between sex and bitchiness, but Meredith spoke before she could. And she said that, if Addison was the one who taught McDreamy all the things he knew how to do, she had to be amazing in bed. And, seriously, who even says that? Drunken interns, that's who. Luckily for Izzie, Derek and Burke appeared right in the middle of the conversation and took their girlfriends home while the rest decided to call it a night. But, that night, when she got home? That night Izzie Dreamed of long, long legs and shiny red hair, and the Dr. Montgomery in her dream certainly was amazing in bed.
And here she is now, one week and four inappropriate dreams later, trying not to beat Alex to death with the retractor she's holding. For looking at Dr. Montgomery like that. And it isn't right. For a number of reasons. Like the fact that she still hates her for the thing with the quint. Or the fact that she's Meredith's McDreamy's ex-wife. Or the fact that she is a woman, and so is Izzie, and they're both straight women, at that. And, seriously, she's never bought that theory about everyone being bisexual, but if Addison looks at her and asks her to pay attention just once more, she may have to re-think that.
Because her beast is awake again – thanks to the inappropriate dreams – and Izzie has never wanted to feed it as much as she does right now. Right now, Izzie wants to grab her and pin her against the wall of the scrub room, and kiss her until those long, long legs of hers are so shaky she can't stand on her feet. And she wants to rip off her scrubs and grab fistfuls of that shiny red hair of hers while Dr. Montgomery does what she did in her dreams. And, that? That is just wrong.
And it's not just the way he looks at her. It's that nagging feeling on the back of her mind that tells her that Alex may have experienced in real life what she can only dream about. And she hates it. She hates to think that he's had the long, long legs wrapped around him, and that he's had the shiny red hair between his fingers. She hates it because – as wrong as it is – she doesn't think he'd appreciate it as much as she would. But it is wrong and ridiculous, and of course she doesn't seriously want to have sex with Dr. Montgomery. Of course she doesn't. She just hopes Alex isn't doing it either. Because she doesn't think he's good enough for her.
Izzie sighs relieved when Addison finally finishes suturing the patient. Finally she can leave and stop seeing them having sex with their eyes. Finally she can stop thinking about Dr. Montgomery and all the – very wrong – things she wants to do with her. Not that she's stopped thinking about it at all in the past week, but at least she won't have to add jealousy to the mix of emotions she's been feeling as of late. And that is a very good thing.
When they walked out of the scrub room, Izzie wanted to run away. Leave and stay as far away as possible from the Lustful Twosome. And yet, the idea of them using the alone time she'd be giving them for more eye sex or even real sex is enough to make her walk with them along the corridor. At least this way she knows they're not having sex right now. And she knows – she really, really does – how ridiculous it is. If they want to have sex, they will find a way to ditch her and go at it in an on-call room, or her office, or wherever it is that the hot spot for intern/attending sex is in this hospital. But that doesn't stop her for wanting to make sure that sex won't happen right now.
The three doctors stop walking in front of the board, and a quick glance tells Izzie there's a c-section scheduled for later today. And she knows it's a routine procedure, but she also knows Dr. Montgomery will be the one doing it, and she has to admit she misses working with her. And the possibility of Alex using the surgery for another round of eye sex with the attending has nothing to do with her wanting to scrub in. Of course it hasn't. She has legitimate reasons. She wants to learn. The fact that she's seen enough c-sections already to have the procedure drilled into her brain is hardly the point.
"Dr. Montgomery, I see you have a c-section later. Can I scrub in with you, please?"
Addison gives her a look that tells her the attending's happy to see her show interest in her specialty again, and nods before replying. "If Dr. Karev doesn't mind helping Dr. Sloan instead, I'll be happy to have you in there with me." And Izzie feels the proverbial butterflies in her stomach that make her feel stupid and ridiculous at the same time, but the smile falls from her face when Alex speaks. "No. I want in, Dr. Montgomery. She's my patient."
Addison nods and gives Izzie a reassuring smile that makes her wonder how on earth was she stupid enough to get mad at her. "I'm sorry, Dr. Stevens, but I don't need two interns for a c-section. I'll page you if I need you." ASnd the logical part of her brain tells Izzie that's a legitimate reason to say no, but the non-logical part takes over and all she can see is an attending favoring the intern she's sleeping with. And it's that part of the brain that makes her roll her eyes and let out a sarcastic half-laugh. "Yeah, of course you will." And Addison, displaying that attitude Cristina thinks means she's a firecracker in bed, gives her her best no-nonsense look as she speaks with a stern voice. "Dr you have a problem, Dr. Stevens?" Izzie wishes she hadn't used that voice. That voice that – thanks to Cristina – made her think of the best dream sex she's ever had.
"Of course not. I'm apparently the only intern in this hospital that doesn't have a problem with an attending."
As she walks – briskly and furiously – away from them, Izzie can't believe what she just did. She can't believe she just disrespected an attending and clearly implied said attending is having sex with Alex. And she decides to blame Cristina, and Meredith, and the tequila. And the long legs and the red hair and the inappropriate dreams that are – clearly – eating her brain. And what she just did was wrong, almost as wrong as what she can't stop thinking about doing, and she blames Alex for suggesting they played Truth or Dare. She blames him for looking at Dr. Montgomery. She blames him for making her forget she's supposed to do the right thing, and she even blames him for her slamming the door shut when she walks into the on-call room.
"Care to explain what just happened out there, Stevens?"
Izzie didn't know Addison had followed her into the on-call room. And here she is now, a few short steps away from her, closing the door to the on-call room and asking for an explanation. An explanation she can't give, because it involves jealousy, long legs, half-eaten brains, red hair and – oh, God – inappropriate dreams. So she stays silent, counting how many different kinds of wrong it is that Dr. Montgomery's furious look Is sending chills down her spine. The good kind of chills. Which is actually the wrong kid, given the circumstances.
"I don't know what happened. I don't care what happened. But if you think you can question my authority like that and get away with it, you can think again." And Izzie tries to look down and act remorseful – because it's the right thing to do when an attending is giving you a lecture – but she can't. She can't tear her eyes away from Dr. Montgomery's. And, as Izzie adds the piercing blue eyes to the list of thing that make Dr. Montgomery the token attending interns of both sexes fantasize about, the attending goes on with her lecture, getting angrier by the second.
"Karev has every right to scrub in on his patient's surgery. I am not favoring him in any way, and for you to imply otherwise is inappropriate and unfair. Karev is working in my service, he's most certainly not doing anything else with me, and…" But that was all Izzie needed to hear. And the wrong, inappropriate part of her brain takes over, and she takes a step forward and cuts Dr. Montgomery's speech short with a kiss. She's kissing her. And this is not right.
It's not right to be kissing Dr. Montgomery. It's not right to be kissing a woman, an attending, and Meredith's McDreamy's ex-wife. And – most of all – it's not right that she's not kissing her back. But she's not pushing her away, either, and she refuses to let go of the lips she's been kissing in her dreams for a week. Because Dr. Montgomery's lips are soft and sweet, and Izzie would have to be stupid to pull away now. And then it happens. Addison's lips part under hers, and Izzie's knees go weak, because Dr. Montgomery is kissing her back. And, seriously, it's wrong of her to kiss an intern. Everything about this is wrong. And two wrongs may not make a right, but – judging by the way she feels – the ridiculous amount of wrongs in this situation makes one impossibly right.
She's kissing Dr. Montgomery. Actually, they're both doing the kissing. And it really shouldn't feel so right, but it does. It feels right when Addison's tongue slides between her lips, and it feels right when Addison's back meets the door with a quiet thud. And it feels so right it's almost perfect when Izzie moves her hand up and finally feels long strands of silky red hair sliding between her fingers. This can't be wrong. And yet, she knows it is. But she's not going to stop. Not when she feels Dr. Montgomery's hands gripping her scrub top, and her body pressed against Izzie's. She's not going to stop.
But Addison's pager goes off and they pull away, startled. And the moment's gone. All the rights are gone. And Addison mutters an apology and something about an emergency and rushes out of the room without looking back, leaving Izzie alone with her thoughts. Her thoughts and the feeling of Dr. Montgomery's lips against hers still fresh in her mind.
And this? This isn't right.