Wolfwood is one of the two people I affectionately call my "bishies". He's a good man under that whole "Thou shalt not kill, but I do anyway," thing. He even belongs to the most well-planned organization of hit-men (and -woman; don't forget Dominique), and he has an orphanage.
I was thinking about episode twenty-three, and the song "Youth of a Nation" came on the radio. And you can guess where the inspiration came from.
Eh, the first bit's about Wolfwood, and then he thinks of his precious orphans for a bit, then back to Mr. Priest for a few more lamentations.
I don't own Trigun or "Youth of a Nation," by POD. (Oh, god, there's a death factor in everything here…the Wolfie spoiler, Payable on Death, the song…augh!) I've included my nice, yummy, Wolfwood spoiler. I'm warning you, if you haven't seen episode 23, you better go back and find some other story. I do not want people telling me I've ruined it for them!
Thoughts Before the Cross
I staggered into the church. How is it, in all my years of being God's servant, I had never actually made a confession?
*Last day of the rest of my life
I wish I woulda known
'Cause I'da kissed
My mama good-bye*
I realized I didn't tell Milly good-bye. I just ran out, ordering her to wait for me to come back. She was going to be waiting an awful long time. I didn't even tell her I loved her. I hope she knew.
*Didn't tell her
That I loved her
How much I care
Thank my pops
For all the talks
All the wisdom
He shared*
Why hadn't I understood Vash sooner? There must be a way in everything, to let everyone live, even if it isn't obvious at first.
At least I saved him before Caine blew his brains out with a well place sniper shot. I knew it was coming, so I guarded him.
*I just did the same thing
That I always do
Every day the same routine
Before I skate off to school
But who knew this day
Wasn't like the rest
Instead of taking the test
I took two to the chest*
Even though Vash was right, and I did let Chapel live, I wish I'd have killed him. Then I wouldn't have to leave everyone like this. I had left a trail of blood. I wondered if Vash had noticed it when I left him, after telling him where Knives was.
"How do you know about Knives?"
Oh, Vash, I know so many things that you'll never know.
*Call me blind
But I didn't see it coming
Everybody was running
But I couldn't hear nothing
Except gun blasts
It happened so fast
Didn't really know this kid
Was the bottom of the class*
I also wondered if Milly even had some vague idea that I wouldn't be coming back to her. Last night was so perfect, even though it was much to short. All of my insecurities flew away for a few hours of passion. I'm sure hers did as well.
And, what about Meryl? I never really felt anything for her as I did for Milly or Vash. She would probably spend her time trying to cheer Milly up, being the strong and loud leader, as usual.
*Maybe this kid
Was reaching out for love
Or maybe for a moment
He forgot who he was
Or maybe this kid
Just wanted to be hugged*
I picked up my first gun at seven, and shot. I remember it being surprisingly easy to pull the trigger.
It silenced my guardian, at least. He didn't care about me, made me forget that I was Nicholas D. Wolfwood. I never got any attention at all from him. He was, as Knives would have aptly put it, garbage.
*Whatever it was
I know it's because*
I couldn't die. Not just because of Meryl, Vash, and Milly, but my orphans. I was out here making money for them! I needed to live, to support them. What kind of a person starts an orphanage, then dies while funding it?
A rotten person, that's what. And that's what I was.
*We are, we are
The youth of a nation
We are, we are
The youth of a nation
Little Suzy, she was only twelve
She was given the world
With every chance to excel
She'd hear the boys
Hear the stories they tell
She might act kinda proper
But no respect for herself*
I took them all. The abused, the unloved. Some, like Neil, I didn't want to take them. But, I just didn't want kids to grow up like I did, to grow up and be just like me.
"Play with us, Mr. Wolfwood!"
*She finds love
In all the wrong places
The same situations
Just different faces
Been this way
Since her daddy left her
Too bad he never told her
She deserved much better*
I wondered about all the children who weren't real orphans, but runaways, that I had taken in. I'd even found one girl whose parents were alive, but the life she was leading was horrible.
Then, there were the head cases, the depressed ones, who worried me the most. They were the ones I really didn't want, though, I took anyway. They needed me, and I liked feeling needed.
*Little Johnny boy always
Played the fool
Broke all the rules
So you would think he was cool
He was never really
One of the guys
No matter how hard he tried
To hide the thought of suicide
It's kinda hard
When you ain't got no friends
He put his life to an end
They might remember him then
He crossed the line
And there's no turning back
Told the world how he felt
With the sound of a gad*
Something I admired about Vash was his stance on suicide. He clearly didn't approve.
There were so many times I considered it, but stopped, because Knives would have just tortured me posthumously. My soul would have been tortured. Besides, the big guy himself doesn't approve either.
"Believers will be redeemed in the end."
I stopped thinking about the orphans. They were making me feel guilty, worse than before. This hurt so badly.
*We are, we are
The youth of a nation
We are, we are
The youth of a nation
We are, we are
The youth of a nation
We are, we are
The youth of a nation*
I'd be forgotten in a year or so. Just a face pushed back in the memories of those whom I loved and held in the highest respect.
Another reason I really couldn't kill Vash, no matter what Knives wanted. I respected him too much. All my talk just veiled the fact that this may have been the closest thing to a family I'd ever had, or ever would have.
*Who's to blame
For the life tragedies claim
No matter what they say
It don't take away the pain*
I needed my Eden, with the orphans, Meryl, Vash, and Milly. Oh, my Eden would be perfect just with Milly there, and no one else. I had never loved anyone so much in my life.
All this time, I had been talking, confessing, and none of the words I said I could hear within me. I was playing it by ear.
*That I
Feel inside
I'm tired of all the lies
Don't nobody know why
It's the blind
Leading the blind*
I lied so much, my sins so heavy. I never got to say all the things I wanted to. I needed more time.
*That's the way
That the story goes
If it makes sense
Somebody's gotta know
There's got to be
More to life than this
There's got to be
More to everything
I thought exists*
"I did not want to die this way!" I yelled, heaving my last breaths.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't flame me if I messed up the words. I just put in what made sense. And, I didn't finish it, I know. But, it's just repeating the chorus a zillion times until the end.
Ecaep dna evol, Sunny.