A Glimpse

A GLIMPSE through an interstice caught,

Of a crowd of workmen and drivers in a bar-room around

the stove late of a winter night, and I unremark'd seated

in a corner,

Of a youth who loves me and whom I love, silently,

approaching and seating himself near, that he may hold

me by the hand,

A long while amid the noises of coming and going, of

drinking and oath and smutty jest,

There we two, content, happy in being together, speaking

little, perhaps not a word.

-Walt Whitman

June 15, 2017

Nathan stepped out of the Staples Center in Los Angeles and of course it was raining. 5 years ago, rain was something that he would've prayed for and now it always came on the worst of days. He sat in his Range Rover and immediately ran his hands through his soaking wet hair. He couldn't believe a word that his coach and the general manager of the Lakers just told him – he was being traded back to the New York Knicks. At that thought he slammed his fists repeatedly in the steering wheel while yelling out in frustration.

The drive to his penthouse apartment took longer today than normal, but he needed it to think. As he stepped inside, he sighed with a little relief to finally be back home. His relief was short lived when he saw his red-headed late night booty call sitting in his living room in his button down shirt.

"Rachel, I told you to return my key not to make yourself at home in my apartment." Nathan really didn't have time to deal with her, not after being told he was returning to New York City sometime soon.

She stood and began slowly approaching Nathan. "Come on Nate, I figured we could have a little bit of fun. It's been a long time since you've called and I know that we both miss how great the sex is." Rachel purred while unbuttoning the top button of her shirt.

He met Rachel through mutual friends in L.A. about a half a year ago. Nathan was lonely, needed a girl to distract him and Rachel had a hot body – it worked. She understood that it was strictly sex between them. Then he got bored and she got clingy, he stopped calling her late at night to fill a void. After all, Rachel would never be Haley.

Rachel pressed herself against him and starting kissing his neck and running her hands over his chest. "Sorry Rach, you don't really do it for me anymore." He knew that was harsh, but it was the truth. She stepped back scoffing and started putting her own clothes back on.

"You're a real dick you know that? I mean god forbid the 'great Nathan Scott' let someone past that hard exterior wall," She threw him his key and his shirt, "She's never going to love you again – I mean who could love someone that does the things that you have." And with that she was out the door and he was alone with the silence. Rachel didn't know anything about it, except that sometimes he was moaning out someone else's name while they were fucking.

He spent the last 5 years avoiding everything that he left behind… or was he pushed away. It was such a blur, that Nathan didn't even understand what really happened sometimes. He tried everything to make that feeling in his heart go away – basketball, drinking, sleeping with women – but a piece of his heart would always remain there with Haley.

He had one week to pack up his life and move it across the country to a place that he knew would feel foreign. Hours later, Nathan was 12 boxes of packing deep when he decided to call Lucas. A few rings and then he heard Lucas' voice.

"Hey Nate! It's been a while little brother what are you up to?" Lucas was in the middle of working on a new story, but if Nathan was calling late at night then it must have been important.

"Packing up my apartment. I actually just found the first copy of Unkindness of Ravens, un-edited. How much do you think I could sell that for, considering it might be a one-hit-wonder?" Nathan laughed. He knew Lucas was having a hard time writing a new novel.

"Well you know I am the husband of a very successful label owner so… wait a second did you say packing up your apartment? You love that place!" Their initial conversation was no longer important, Nathan was trying to distract Lucas from his first statement.

"Yeah I did Luke…because I'm not a Laker anymore." That was the first time he said it out loud and it stung a little. Basketball was his life. He would have played for any team anywhere but he had grown to love being a Laker. The atmosphere at the Staples Arena and playing with his team was like a dream come true… well one of his dreams.

"What happened, Nate? Where are you going now?" Lucas was worried for his brother. Change usually brought on a very dark, narcissistic Nathan. It was his way of coping; it always had been. Lucas just didn't want to see him head down that same path.

"That's actually why I called. They traded me back to the Knicks." A short silence fell on the other end of the line. Nathan knew Lucas was trying to gage the situation the best he could.

"You're moving back home?" Except it wasn't Lucas that broke the silence, it was definitely Peyton, Nathan was always a culprit of speaker phone. "Lucas give me the phone!... Nathan Scott tell me more" She was a very impatient woman.

"I mean I don't really have much of a choice. The Lakers told me today that they were sending me back. Mind putting me up for a while?" Nathan questioned. He knew they would agree to letting him stay at their house because that's the kind of people they were.

"Are you kidding? Of course you can stay here. With the baby coming soon it'll actually be nice having a helping hand around the house. Sawyer is quite the handful now a day… okay well I guess you can finish talking to Luke now. Bye!" Nathan laughed, Peyton always talked fast. He was grateful for them sticking by his side even though he might not have deserved it.

"Well I guess you're moving in little brother. We are really happy you're coming back, and I know Sawyer will be more than thrilled to see you. Prepare for tea parties."

Nathan smiled. He had a soft spot for Sawyer. She was Peyton wrapped up into a 4 year-old. "Okay, man. I've got to get back to packing. The movers are coming in a few days for my stuff. I'll text you my flight details later. Thanks Luke… for everything"

"Anytime, Nate." ~~~ "Bye Luke"

He kept flipping through his old box of stuff – mostly from high school when he came across a picture he hadn't seen in years. It was crinkled at the edges and worn, it was 10 years old – a whole different world for Nathan Scott. In the picture, Nathan was swinging Haley in his arms at the river court. Peyton snapped the picture in a candid moment that captured the essence of their relationship and feelings towards one another. It was a little blurry but it had always been his favorite. You could see the joy in her deep brown eyes and the adoration in his blue ones – they were totally in love. He put the picture back in the box and sighed. On that note, he was gonna go to bed. Tonight was not the night that he wanted to walk down memory lane.

June 18, 2017

Sunday had always been Haley's favorite day. She would wake up in the morning, make some coffee (with just a little milk and one sugar), grab the newspaper, her guitar and sit on the patio of her brownstone. She would be there for hours doing the daily crossword, sometimes dabbling in new songs or just playing ones she already knew. Today would be no different. She was a struggling singer/café waitress who played at local dive bars and on the street but that was okay with her – she didn't want the recording contract or anything that came with it.

The sun was shining today in New York and she was going to soak up every minute of it. Haley was happy, finally. After therapy and finding Blake she was happy. He was a 31-year old oncologist at the Brooklyn Methodist Hospital, they had met through her sister Quinn at the opening of her photography gallery. He was tall, skinny and had brown hair. He was intelligent and kind. The last 2 years between them were great and she loved him.

Her sliding glass door broke her out of her reverie. "Hi Hales, I brought you lunch." She turned around to see Blake holding a bag from her favorite sandwich place.

"It's lunch time already? I totally lost track of time. Thank you so much." She had been playing songs on her guitar for hours. Haley stood up to grab the bag and kissed him on the cheek. "You just get off work?"

Blake smiled at his gorgeous, barefoot girlfriend, "Yes. Night shifts are always long and grueling but this one turned out okay." He sat at a table on Haley's patio and started eating lunch with her. "You write anything new this morning?"

"Oh no. I have had a lack of inspiration lately. Just been enjoying the weather and playing some old stuff."

"A typical Haley James Sunday." He laughed at her, she had been doing this since she'd known him. They carried on in light, easy conversation until their lunch was finished.

"I don't mean to skip out on you Haley but I'm exhausted. I'm gonna head home and catch some sleep." He kissed her goodbye and told her that he loved her, which she always happily returned.

Haley walked into her Brooklyn brownstone and started tidying up. She couldn't believe that she lived here for almost 6 years. She looked around. It was huge but thanks to Brooke's decorating skills it felt like home. She ran her hands over her collection of "A Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley that sat on the fire place and smiled. From her personal library to the painting by Peyton above the fireplace – she loved every square inch of this place but it would always be missing something. Blake used to question how she could afford a place like this and she chalked it up to loving, helpful parents. She didn't know if she could ever tell him the truth.

2011

"Okay Hales. Keep your eyes closed okay. It's a surprise." Nathan gently led Haley down the street, while covering her eyes. Nathan had been waiting for this moment since he met her.

"Nathan seriously, this is NOT funny. If you're taking me somewhere to be murdered Lucas and Peyton will figure it out!" Haley could not figure out where Nathan was taking her to in Brooklyn that had to be a surprise.

"Like I could ever live without you Haley James. Okay babe, you ready? One. Two. Three." Nathan removed his hands. Haley blinked her eyes a few time as she stood in front of a brownstone.

"Nathan, what is this?" Haley's heart was racing, she had a feeling about what he was going to say but was trying so hard not to get her hopes up. Nathan didn't say a word while he dragged Haley up some stairs and inside.

He began to explain what their lives would be like here. "An old Brooklyn brownstone. Right near Peyton and Lucas, also very close to Brooke. There's a room in the back where I thought you could put all your books and a piano – so you can sing to me. A small yard outside that's still big enough for a basketball hoop," He pulled her flush against him and lowered his voice, "and lots of bedrooms upstairs to fill with lots of kids." He kissed her hard. "I think we could have fun practicing that part."

Haley had to pull away before she got lost in all that was Nathan Scott. "Sounds nice …especially the lots of kids." Nathan smirked, he would never get over the thought of having babies with her, something that was a piece of both of them – he couldn't wait for that day.

"What if I told you that I just bought this place. What do you say, fiancé? Live here with me, make it our home." Nathan kissed her again. He looked at her and the smile she had on her face reached her eyes, and he knew that his mirrored hers. He would do anything to keep that smile there forever."

"I have so many dreams wrapped up in you Nathan Scott. Yes. I love it. And I love you."

June 19, 2017

Nathan couldn't believe that he was here. As soon as he stepped off of that plane he felt a weight in his heart that he tried to rid himself of a long time ago – honestly, until this very moment he thought he had. But I guess that's what this city – New York City – would always do to him.

Nathan looked up to see Peyton waiting outside the terminal. It felt good to see a familiar face. She ran and hugged him. It had felt like forever since they last saw each other.

"Wow Peyton, you're a lot bigger than the last time I saw you. Can you even fit behind a steering wheel?" Nathan laughed while pointing to Peyton's now 6-month pregnant belly.

"Nathan Royal Scott I will kick your ass. But it is so good to see you. How've you been buddy?"

"Considering being back here for good it seems… I guess I'm okay," That was a pretty honest answer, it hadn't fully hit him how he was going to exactly deal with being back. Peyton raised her eyebrows, giving him a pointed look. She could read his mind; she knew what happened last time he was here. "I promise I will tell you if things get bad, okay? Now where is Lucas?" He was surprised to see Lucas not with Peyton, they practically haven't left each other's sides since they were 17 years old.

"He's at home with Sawyer – I insisted that I come pick you up myself. Is that a problem?" She answered and elbowed him in the ribs.

"Geez. No Peyton, you're always such a joy to be around." Nathan retorted.

Nathan and Peyton were friends long before either of them had a relationship with Lucas. Peyton lost her mom at a young age and strangely found herself looking to Nathan for comfort. They grew up in a small town in North Carolina… Tree Hill. Lucas and Nathan shared the same dad – biologically – however, Nathan grew up with him and Lucas didn't. Dan wasn't always the greatest dad but since he had a heart attack their senior year of high school, things had changed – he made and effort to form a relationship with Lucas and fix the one he had with Nathan. He and Lucas had always hated each other, mainly because they never had the chance to know each other. Once Lucas had joined the basketball team Junior year, Nathan had gone after Haley, for revenge. That idea didn't turn out like he planned because he found himself falling for Haley in a real, sometimes scary way, and Lucas in turn made a connection with Peyton. Peyton and Haley had given both Lucas and Nathan a brother. Through all the years Peyton had remained loyal to Nathan's friendship, no matter the circumstances. He would always be grateful to her… and to Lucas. He would've lost his way years ago if it wasn't for them.

By the time they got to Peyton and Lucas's house it was nearly midnight. He wasn't surprised to see that nothing had changed about their home. It was big, nice but still filled with records, pictures and toys. Some may call it a little chaotic but it was nice – it described their family well and felt like a home should feel.

"You know Lucas and Sawyer are probably hogging up the whole bed right now, I might not even fit in it. She breaks out the puppy dog eyes and Lucas is like putty in her hands." Peyton laughed and shook her head.

Nathan cracked a smile at the thought, his brother was a sucker for both women in his life. "I can't wait to see her tomorrow. Go to bed and be with your family Peyton. God knows I would give anything to have that." At that, Peyton gave him a sad smile and hugged him again.

"I'm sorry Nathan. I know that being back is hard for you but it will get better with time. And Luke and I are always here to talk. You know you can tell me anything." She let go and gave him one last, warm look.

"I know, thanks for that. Goodnight Peyton" She went upstairs. Nathan stood in his place for a while and took it all in, it was finally sinking in that he was here. The place where his whole world fell apart. He didn't' want to think about it. About how happy they were then. He was happy then. Things were so different now… he was angry and she was happy. He didn't come here to ruin that for her. He spent nearly 5 years trying to move on because as long as she was okay then so was he. Except he wasn't okay, he didn't know if he would ever be.

He ran upstairs and splashed some cold water on his face. How was he going to face her face her after all these years? He was still so angry about the past sometimes; she probably was too. The thought of her could somehow still ease the anger and hurt he felt, even if she had caused some of it. He started to panic, he couldn't breathe, every memory came flooding back to him and then Nathan Scott did something that he hadn't done in years. He started crying, and he couldn't stop. Tears were streaming uncontrollably down his face as he clutched the sides of the sink. He dropped to the floor and cried for what he had lost here and prayed to God that he could find the strength to fix what was broken within him.