Won't you talk to me

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the characters therein. Unfortunately.

Summary: This story is based on the song "Alone on Valentine's Day" by The Remus Lupins. Remus feels more for Lily than he should and doesn't know how to handle it.

Feedback: Yes, please. As much as possible. Don't flame, though.

Rating: Rated M, just to be safe.

Well, James isn't the only one who loved her
Lily had her share of suitors, too
When you're falling for your best friend's girl,
there really isn't much you can do.

So I'm sorry that I'm not a perfect romance
Do us a favour and save the last dance
So I'm sorry I don't fit your concept of romance
Do us a favour and save the last dance for me

More than once I caught her stealing glances
We've more in common than they ever did
Oh no, there's chemistry and we tried to deny it
I wish I kissed you before that Potter kid

I played the good kid while Prongs managed mischief
A lot of good it did, yeah, you had eyes only for him
And I know I should've seen this coming
Your silver bullet-tongue is what did my heart in

Alone on Valentine's Day, The Remus Lupins

„What's wrong with Lupin?" asked James. Sirius shrugged. "No idea. Can't be his furry little problem, can it?" James frowned and shook his head. "No, it's too early for that."

Remus had just left the Common Room unusually early and retreated to the dormitory the fourth night in a row. He knew his friends would be talking about him, but he did not care. At least not too much. He lay down on his bed and stared at the curtains overhead. This was better, being alone. The common Room had seemed smaller and much more crowded lately. Those last few nights Remus couldn't stand to be in there and had fled to the dormitory instead. He couldn't say why he suddenly felt like this but he just had to get out of there.

Someone knocked on the door. Remus sighed and sat up. "Come in!" It was Wormtail who carefully peeked into the room.

"I… uh… are you okay?" Peter wanted to know.

"Did Prongs send you after me?" –Got you- he thought when he saw the wave of guilt on Wormtail's face.

"No, I just thought…" Remus waved his hand dismissively. "I'm good, really," he assured his friend. "I've not been sleeping too well so I wanted to go to bed early." –That didn't sound convincing at all, Moony- he thought to himself. But Peter accepted this excuse. He nodded, smiled at Lupin and said "Well, goodnight then. See you in the morning."

When he had closed the door, Lupin curled his hand into a fist and hit the mattress. –Damn, why did Prongs always send Peter after him when he assumed that something was wrong? Why did none of his other fine friends come after him? Perhaps it was because they thought Wormtail would understand him better, could relate to him more. After all, they were both outsiders, although they were friends with two of the most popular boys of the whole school. Time and time again, even after six years, he was astonished that Sirius and James, of all people, had chosen him, the shy, insecure kid, to be their friend. Sometimes he was still expecting this to be some kind of prank, was waiting for them to reveal that it had been all good fun and that he should go and get some real friends.- "Stop it, Moony!" he told himself firmly. These kinds of thought would only drag him further down the black hole. Lupin reluctantly got off the bed, changed into his pajamas and grabbed a book to read.

In the Common Room, Wormtail was dutifully reporting what Remus had said. "And you believed him?" James asked doubtfully, one eyebrow raised. "You should know better than to swallow this bad excuse."

"If you know him so well, why'd you send me then, Prongs?" retorted Peter. This shut James up. "Stop bickering, you two!" Lily chided. She was sitting on the floor in front of the sofa, her back resting against James' legs. "If you want to, I can go and talk to him." Sirius gave a short, humourless laugh. "Why would he talk to you when he didn't want to talk to Wormtail?" She got up, giving Sirius a stern look.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because I'm not sending anyone after him because I can't deal with feelings?" James looked guilty. "It's not… I just…"

"Oh, shut up, Prongs!" Sirius interrupted and gave him a slap on the back of his head. "That's right. Shut up and save us your poor attempt at an explanation." A small smile stole onto Lily's face. "I'll go up and talk to him."

Remus had hardly opened the book when it knocked again. "What do you want this time?" he demanded impatiently. He was cut short, however, when Lily appeared in the door. "Can I come in?" He merely shrugged and gave a non-committal jerk with the head. Lily closed the door and sat down on the chair beside his four-poster.

"Spill it out, Remus: what's wrong?"

He shook his head. "Nothing's wrong. What's up with you guys that you're expecting something extraordinary? I'm just tired, that's all."

Lily didn't seem to believe him. "I dunno, but I had the impression that you're avoiding your friends for quite some time now. Have I done anything? Is it me?"

Remus looked at her, trying to keep his face blank. "Why would it be?"

"Maybe… I was wondering if it was because of James and me… Perhaps you're thinking , well, I'm taking James away from you?"

Remus's face hardened. "It's not as if everything is always about you guys, you know. I'm having a life, too." Lily looked hurt, and he immediately felt a stab of remorse.

"I know. I've known you for some time now, if you remember. All I'm saying is that things are changing, and that can…"

"That's right, things are changing, and maybe so am I. Ever thought of that?"

"What's that for? Why're you getting on me? I just wanted to…"

Lupin interrupted her again. "I'm sorry, all right? Maybe I just want to be alone for a bit, okay?"

Lily looked him in the eyes. He blushed a little but met her gaze. "Okay. But if there's anything you'd like to talk about… you know where we are." Remus forced a smile on his face and nodded. "Sure. Tell them I'm all right, will you? Perhaps they believe you…" With a smile, Lily stood up and left the room.

The next days, Remus carefully tried to give the impression that everything was indeed all right. He laughed at James and Sirius' stupid jokes, and pretended not to notice that James and Lily seemed to be glued to each other.

It was her, after all, who was the reason for his changed behaviour. No, not exclusively her. It was his life, too. Nothing was as he had wanted it to be. But all of that he kept to himself, not wanting to admit it to himself, or to anybody else, for that matter. He also didn't exactly know what was wrong – perhaps he was just generally discontent with his life, some sort of an early quarter life crisis. The part about Lily, however – that he could feel very well. Remus knew that what he felt was plain, pure jealousy. Very easy to detect and very hard to ignore. He did his best and to be sure that he was never alone with Lily.

"You're looking at her as if she was some sort of exotic animal, Moony", Sirius whispered to him several days later. Startled, Remus turned to him and made to reply, but Sirius shook his head and winked at him. "I know what you're thinking – same as anyone else, really: why him? I can tell you, mate, took me long enough to make up my mind not to try and get her free of Prong's grasp." It was plain that Sirius had never once thought of such a thing. Not when it was about his best friend. But Lily was not exactly to be easily overlooked, with her dark red hair and her brilliant green eyes. The boys had almost been queuing up to go out with her, but only a few had been granted this honor.

As if she had sensed that they were talking about her, Lily looked up at Lupin and Sirius and smiled. Sirius winked at her, patted Remus's shoulder and went over to the next armchair. Remus looked away quickly, not returning her smile. He was afraid he might give himself away.

"I forgot to check out a book from the library," he mumbled as he hastily got up. "Be right back." James frowned at the sight of his friend laving the Common Room so hurriedly.

"What did you tell him, Padfoot?"

"Nothing, just that he shouldn't feel guilty for being jealous of you. We all are." The whimsical smile on his face and his joking tone could not take the edge his words held for Lily.

"I told you he was having a problem with you and me!" She looked reproachfully at James. She had told him repeatedly that his friends, whom he was so close with, might see their relationship as an intrusion. But James obviously didn't have the same impression.

"That's the way he is, Lily. He's really moody sometimes but he'll brighten up soon enough." Although Lily did not quite believe him, she let the matter rest and made a mental note to herself to talk to Remus soon.

The possibility to talk to him in private came a week later. A week in which Remus had tried to act as normal as possible while secretly cursing himself for being so careless. When Padfoot had picked up on his secret crush, Lily or James might just as easily do so. Or had Sirius just been teasing him? It didn't matter, he had to be more careful. That evening he had not gone to the library but had taken a long, lonely walk on lakeshore, firmly telling himself to act less suspiciously.

So seven days later when he was the last in the Arithmancy classroom, he was more than surprised to find the way out blocked by Lily.

"Talk to me," she demanded.

Lupin was confused. "About what?"

"Your strange behaviour towards me. Last week you suddenly left the Common Room and didn't come back for over three hours. What happened? And don't tell me it's nothing, James keeps trying to feed me that same lie."

This was beginning to get uncomfortable. "But… it is nothing. I just, you know, took a walk and forgot about the time."

Lily put her hands to her hips. "Remus John Lupin, I told you, don't – lie – to – me."

With each of her last words she prodded his chest with her index finger. Remus couldn't help and smile. "See? That's the Remus I want to have back. I know it's kind of awkward for you, the thing with James and me. I've seen Sirius and Peter giving us very strange stares, and you did that too last week. But let me just tell you that I want nothing to get between James and his friends. Or between me and my friends, and that includes you."

So this was not about him, after all. It was all about stupid James, Remus thought. Envy welled up inside him. "Well, don't worry, we have no problem with James." His words came out harsher than he intended to. "But you have a problem with me, right, Remus? Is that why you've been acting like this for the last weeks? Are you afraid you might need to choose sides if this was ever over? Or that we would forget about you? Is that what this is about?"

Remus didn't know what to say. She was not even close to guessing what was 'wrong' with him. Or was she? She looked him into the eyes. Remus tried to return her look but turned his head away quickly. Those green eyes, he feared, could look right into his soul. And maybe they could, for the next thing Lily said was filling him with fear.

"Or is it me? Wait, Remus, you're not… you don't have a crush on me, do you?" She wanted to laugh at her stupid guess, but her laugh was caught in her throat when Remus pushed her aside with an unknown force and stormed out of the classroom without a word.

A/N: So, what do you think? I have more chapters prepared but won't post until I know what you think about this one. Is it any good? Does it look promising, or does it put you off? If it does put you off, why is that? Help me improve! :)