Will watched the two figures walk towards him across the grass, his foot tapping nervously. The phone call had come out of the blue but it was a meeting he'd been thinking about for the longest time. He stood up as she approached.
"Hi, Will," Emma said shyly.
"Hi," he smiled, looking from one set of brown eyes to the other.
"This is Zac," said Emma.
"Hi, Zac," Will said looking down at the little boy.
"Say hi to Will," she prompted as her son twisted at the end of her arm, grinning at her, but looking shyly away from the curly-haired stranger.
Zac looked up, his brown eyes almost overwhelming in his small face,"Hi."
"Hi," Will said, grinning back. One small word for a huge moment.
"He's amazing, Em."
"He is. He really is," said Emma ruffling his hair.
"And, I mean, he looks so much like you," Will shook his head at the sight of the two of them, their red hair, pale skin, big eyes. He could see Emma's earnestness and sweetness in the boy too
Emma nodded. It was what everyone said, though it wasn't what she saw when she looked at her son.
"Do you want to sit?" Will asked uncertain once more of how this meeting should go. Did she really want to sit and chat about old times? "Or, um, we could go over to the play area?"
"We've just been having a run around, haven't we, Zac?" The small head nodded. "So why don't we sit for a bit, okay honey?" Emma took a seat at the end of the bench, lifting her son to sit next to her. "We should talk, Will. It's been a long time."
She was starting to look as nervous as Will felt. It had been a long time. Too long. Will took a deep breath.
"We're going to meet my daddy," announced the toddler with a grin as he wriggled out from his mother's embrace.
"Sure, well, I mean, don't go yet though, Zac. It's great to see you," he spoke to the child though the words were meant for his mother, "we could catch up some more. Or I could come with you." He turned to face her then. "I mean I'd love to see the guy who's made you this happy, Em-ma," he added the second syllable, speaking of her husband just reminded him that he no longer had the right to call her that, "I mean you look happy."
"I am, Will. But," she paused, stretched her hands wide, "there is no guy...I mean no one other than this little guy."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I just thought, well,..." Will was embarrassed. He'd just assumed. It just was so unexpected. Emma was always careful about relationships ...deliberate about them and everything that surrounded them. He looked away, trying to process that information, when he heard her speak again.
"He's yours, Will. He's your son."
She looked directly at him. Her brown eyes clouded, waiting for his response
Her words were clear but he didn't think he could have heard her right. He had no idea what to say.
"Zac, this is your daddy."
Will sat down.
"Oh." Zac looked up at him quizzically. "Do you like cars? I like cars."
Will felt like he'd been hit by a truck. He wasn't sure he could get any words out. "Yes. Yes, I do."
"Red ones are the best," the little boy beamed at him, unfazed. "Mommy says my first word was car."
"It was, sweetie. It was. Will, please say something."
"How? No, I mean when...I don't know... It's just a lot to take in..."
Emma watched Will carefully. She didn't know what she'd really expected from him. It was going to be a huge shock.
"How old is he?" he realized that was a dumb question. He was his father. He should know how old he was.
"He's nearly three, Will. He's starting pre-school soon."
Will rubbed his forehead. He didn't think he looked three. He was sure he looked younger. But then maybe he didn't know what a three year old looked like. But he was the father of a three year old. Of an almost three year old he corrected.
She wanted to keep talking. To tell him all about how wonderful his son, their son, was. But she didn't know if giving Will more information now would help. He didn't look like he could take anything more in.
"Do you want to know anything else, Will?" she asked cautiously. Waiting. Breathing.
"When did you know?"
And there it was. The question she'd been expecting. The answer she didn't want to give.
The night I left, Will.
The words couldn't stay unspoken.