Disclaimer: I don't Ember

Disclaimer: I don't Ember. D: That's Jeanne DuPrau. If you're looking for her, she's in California. I'm but a humble hobo named Maddie (or Lin. Or Line. Or Ringo. Whichever you prefer.), living on the streets of Florida. Jeanne, I mean you no insult. I'm just a sucker for comedy.

If you can't handle a joke, don't read this. It will involve some bashing, possibly homosexuality, and maybe, just maybe, some PG13 moments that will forever make the eyes of young virgin children bleed. Tragic. So. Yeah. You've been warned.

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call…-ding ding ding ding ding ding ding- THE CITY OF EMBER FANFICTION ARCHIVE!

Doon, do-do, DOOOOON! (trumpets, confetti, la!)

A City of Ember Parody

…wait. No. One sec, needs a little bling-bling….put this here…add that…Ah! Here we go:

The City of the People of Sparks from Darkhold.

An Ichigoxringo Parody.

By Ichigoxringo.

In association with ichigoxringo

Co-written with ichigoxringo

…

DOON WAS HERE, LAWLS, FTW! ):D

Dammit, Doon, stop writing on my fic! D:

-and so begins the chase-

Chapter 1: The Great Underground City.

Once upon a time there was a small underground city, inhabited by very pale mole people, called Ember. (ooh ahhh!)

As it happens, sometime in the future there will be this giant thing which will come to be known as "T3H Gr3A7 D1ZAZT3R, FTW!!11!!one!!111!!one!!" but that is, unfortunately, a story for another day.

In this city lives a young girl who loves to run named Lina. (Now, as you may recall, I said they were mole people. But that doesn't mean their blind. They just happen to like dirt, is all…)

Now, Lina was a student in the school of Ember, the only place for education in that…err…city.

In Ember, upon the graduation from 8th grade, the government forces all the good little boys and girls into hard labor. Yay!

So.

On the day of the-assigning-of-the-tasks-you-will-be-forced-to-do-for-the-rest-of-your life-whether-you-like-it-or-not, Lina jumped up out of her seat when her name was called and walked to the front of the room, where she greeted the mayor with a bubbly "Hello! Isn't life B-E-A-Utiful?!" to which the mayor responded with a not-so-bubbly grunt and a "Hurry up and pick already. I got spinning classes at three."

Although Doon, a boy who was rather chronically-upset and intelligently curious by nature, snorted quietly to himself at the quick exchange, the entire class looked back at him, shushing him loudly.

"Fine, jeeze," he said, wide-eyed and flabbergasted. Why was everyone so mean to him all the time? He went back to resting her head on his hand and looking upset, as was common Doon fashion.

Lina picked a slip of paper out of the sack—the paper that decided her future.

Lina turned to the class, biting back her lip in excitement. She held the paper in front of her, shut her eyes, and took a deep breath.

In a second, her eyes opened and her cheery expression just deflated.

"…Messenger…"

That's what she had hoped for. Instead, she got "Pipeworks Laborer." In the corner, Fate had scribbled the words "haha, sux 4 u, huh, Line?!" Lina made a sad face. "My name's not 'Line!'" she cried.

She scuttled back to her desk in embarrassment. There was no job worse than Pipeworks Laborer, in her honest opinion. How could she have such terrible luck?!

"Doon," called the teacher. Doon stood up. It felt nice to stretch. Doon was a growing emo boy, though. It wasn't supposed to feel nice to stretch. His world is a bleak inky blackness. No feeling nice! he reminded himself.

By now he had reached the front of the room and stuck his hand in the sack.

Lizzie, one of Lina's friends, had been admiring his rather nice-looking rear-end. Instantly, however, she remembered she had a boyfriend, Looper, and that admiring other people's nice-looking rear-ends was a no-no.

Doon pulled out a slip of paper and read it: "Messenger." On the corner, someone—Fate, he guessed—had written "haha, sux 4 u, huh, Droon?!"

"But…My name's…Doon." The slight misspelling drove Doon into hysterics, crying like the city was about to run out of power forever and he would have to work together with someone he doesn't even talk to—someone cheerful—to save it…oh, wait…!

As Lina walked out of the school later that day with a fake smile poorly plastered on her face, she saw Doon leaning against a wall. She walked passed him slowly, looking at him. "What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy brooding over my dumb luck?" He asked. Lina stopped. Clearly she had been that obvious.

"Isn't there something you want to ask me…?" She hinted. He was forgetting his lines.

"I don't like you like that," Doon responded gruffly.

"No, not about that. About these…" She looked at him, waving her tiny slip of paper. He looked back.

"Oh…OOOOOOOH! Yeah. Hey, wanna trade?!"

"Um. Sure. I'd love to…?"

She had really meant to ask if Fate had spelt his name wrong, too…

TO BE CONTINUED.

Authors Note: . I read ember two years ago and my friends borrowing it right now. If anything is wrong, feel free to correct me, but only about chronological order of the book. This is a parody, it's not supposed to be the same; just have the same character backgrounds and chronological order of events.

Expect the rest of the chapters to be longer.