Gone Fishin'
By Justin -EllieandJoel4ever
Just outside of the walls of Jackson Wyoming, Ellie and Joel are heading somewhere…
"Hey Joel…"
"What Ellie."
"Where the fuck are we going?"
"We're going fishing Kiddo."
"You mean for fish?"
"Well what the hell else would we be fishing for squirt?"
"Trouble knowing us Joel. We ALWAYS catch shitloads of that."
"Cute." Joel said.
"What the hell are we fishing for?"
"We're going to try to catch some Bass and Crappie."
"You're fucking shitting me!"
"No, I ain't Ellie. Why?"
"Those are the names of the fish we're going to try and catch?"
"Yep. Why?"
"Who in the fucking hell would name a fish after someone's ass and a turd Joel!?"
Joel let out a snort and said, "Now how the hell would I know that squirt. Besides, they weren't named after a turd and an ass. That's just how they were named. Now, you got any more questions to bother me with Kiddo?"
"Not at the moment. But I'll figure some out shortly. Gotta keep your dumb old ass on your toes you know."
Joel kept walking and shook his head. 'That little twirp is going to be the death of me. If I don't wring her neck first.' Joel thought and let out a chuckle to himself.
"I got just one thing to say about it though Joel."
"And what would that be squirt?"
"If these ass and turd fish taste like shit…you're ass is mine!" Ellie said and laughed when she realized her surprisingly funny play on words.
"Cute." Joel said. "Besides, I never thought that I'd hear you, of all people, judge a book by its cover! You little book worm."
"You know what? You're right Joel. You look like a dick AND you are a dick." Ellie said and stuck her tongue out at him.
Joel stuck his tongue right back out at her and said, "Let's just keep going squirt. The little pond I picked out earlier this week for us to fish in ain't that far up ahead. It's even got a little row boat on the bank."
"Well thanks be to the Lord for that, you old fart! Knowing you, you'd throw my ass on a pallet, wish me bon voyage! and push me off into the Sunset."
Joel laughed and said, "Holy hell Ellie! You're just FULL of zingers today. Aren't ya."
"What the hell is a zinger Joel?"
"It's another word for a joke or a funny saying."
"Well, better that then full of SHIT like you are, old man!" Ellie said with a wry smile.
Joel just held his hands up in defeat, closed his eyes, reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose with his right hand, shook his head and kept walking.
"Come on squirt. Let's keep going, or this is going to take all damn day."
"Speaking of that…Hey Joel…"
With an exasperated sigh, Joel stopped walking, turned to look her way and said, "What now Ellie?"
"What did one fish say to the other fish when they hit a wall?"
'Fuck me…does it EVER stop?' Joel thought to himself.
"I don't know. What did the fish say?"
"DAM! " Ellie said with a smile and a laugh.
Joel smiled and chuckled a little.
"Ok. I've never actually heard that one before." He said and turned to keep walking.
They both smiled as they walked along in comfortable silence -much to Joel's delight-for the next five minutes it took to reach the little pond that Joel had mentioned earlier. Ellie was actually quite pleased with it when she finally saw it. It looked quaint and picturesque. Sorta like some of the picture postcards she'd seen in the gas stations they'd searched on the long journey from Boston to Jackson. The little pond was clear and calm and surrounded by trees.
After a few minutes of taking it all in, Ellie said "How are we going to catch these ass and turd fish Joel?"
"Ellie…" Joel said.
"Ok, ok. Calm down Joel... Jeez Louis! How are we going to catch these Bass and Crappie-Ellie snickered at the word Crappie-fish Joel?"
"With these fishing poles I brought."
"That what those are? I wondered what the fuck those things were that you were carrying." Ellie said. "How do they work?"
He'd brought two poles, so Joel set one down and proceeded to show Ellie how to cast a fishing rod with the other. Ellie watched him as he cast the little lure to several different spots of varying distances in the pond and reeled it back in until she was sure she understood how to do it.
"Give it here Joel."
Joel hesitantly gave her the rod.
"Careful with that squirt. Those aren't easy to come by in this day and age."
"I got this." Ellie said with determination in her voice.
Ellie clicked the button on the reel to unlock the fishing line inside it just like Joel had shown her, brought the rod back over her head…and proceeded to throw the entire rod and reel about twenty feet out into the pond. KERSPLASH!
"Oh! FUCK ME!" Ellie said with wide, worried eyes. She looked over at Joel and said, "Oh man…I'm really sorry Joel!"
With a look of shock on his face, Joel's shoulders slumped and he slowly started to take his plaid shirt off and roll up his jeans to wade into the pond to retrieve Ellie's fishing rod. 'Shoulda seen THAT coming.' Joel thought.
After about ten minutes of searching and swashing around, Joel had found the rod, walked up out of the pond and started to hand it back to Ellie.
"You wanna try that again squirt? Hopefully without the same result?"
Ellie stuck her tongue out at him again and took the rod from him.
"Ass." she said.
She pushed the button on the reel again to unlock the fishing line inside. She was determined to get it right this time and looked over to Joel and said, "Watch this…"
She brought the rod back up over her head and flung it forward toward the pond. She'd held on to the rod this time and with a triumphant smile, she waited for the lure to hit the water somewhere close in the pond where she was aiming. It didn't happen.
She frowned and squinted her eyes looking frantically for the splash that would signal the lure's arrival in the pond. Nothing.
With a quizzical look on her face, she turned to look at Joel and said "WHAT THE FUCK Joel?!"
Joel was just standing there. He had his right arm folded across his chest. His eyes were closed and his head was slumped forward. He was pinching the bridge of his nose with his left hand and he was shaking his head from side to side.
"What?..." Ellie asked.
Joel pointed his left index finger upward from the bridge of his nose. He didn't even open his eyes.
Ellie slowly followed his finger upward and over her head. The lure was wrapped around a tree branch about twenty feet in the air right above her head.
"Well shit…How the hell did that happen?" Ellie asked Joel with a worried smile on her face and a nervous chuckle.
Joel spent the next fifteen minutes climbing the tree and untangling the fishing line and lure from the highest branch.
"Why the hell am I the one up this damn tree squirt. You're the damn spider monkey in this family!"
"Cause if I fall down and bwake my widdle head, you would never forgive yourself you grumpy old fart!" Ellie said sarcastically.
"Well, what if I fall down and bwake my widdle head squirt?"
"Things happen…and we move on Joel " Ellie said with a shit eating grin on her face.
"Nice. Well that proves where I stand on the ladder of importance in your life Kiddo."
"Top rung Joel. Top rung."
Joel finished climbing down out of the tree and handed the fishing rod back to Ellie.
"You wanna try that again squirt. Hopefully without the.."
"Don't you even DARE finish that sentence Joel!" Ellie said with an exasperated look on her face.
"Pffft…Besides, it's not like I got the lure caught in those trees over there across the pond Joel…Jeez!"
Ten minutes and one cast of the rod by Ellie later, Joel was climbing the trees over there across the pond trying to untangle and retrieve Ellie's lure from the highest branch in the trees…of course. Joel was actually laughing this time as he climbed down out of the trees. If he didn't laugh, he would have shot something.
Ellie was sitting on the bank back on the other side of the pond with her legs crossed Indian stile, leaning over with her elbows propped on her legs, resting her chin on her left palm and throwing rocks into the pond with her right hand.
"Fuck fishing." Ellie said as she plopped another pebble into the lake. PLUNK.
Joel waded back across the pond and climbed back up on her side of the bank.
"Come on squirt. We're gonna give it one more try."
"Oh damnit it Joel! We've been at this for over an hour now and don't have shit to show for it. I admit it ok! You finally found something that I actually suck at. Let's just give up and go hunting instead. Fishing sucks MAJOR ass!"
"Now don't give up so easy squirt. It's not like you at all. We're gonna go out into the middle of the pond in that row boat over there and give it one more shot."
"And if I get the lure caught in another tree?"
"Your ass is going into the pond."
"Jeez Joel! You haven't even taught me how to swim yet Asshole!"
"Reeelax Ellie! It's only waste deep. Besides, I was just kidding."
"Well, if you actually did that, Tommy and Maria would be fishing for your old dead ass out of this damn pond tonight!"
"Cute Ellie."
"Oh…alright. One more try Joel. Just so you can sleep tonight."
So they both went over and Ellie climbed into the little row boat. Joel dropped the fishing rods in and pushed the little boat off the bank and into the water. It rocked in the water a bit when he hopped in.
"Easy Joel!"
"Jesus Ellie…its waist freaking deep."
"Why do you think I take showers when I can Joel? Cause even a bathtub full of water scares the shit outta me!"
"Well, we'll fix that before long Ellie. I promise."
"Damn right you will old man. Or else!"
So Joel GENTLY rowed out into the middle of the waste deep pond and when he stopped, he threw the anchor over the side, KERPLUNK. He handed the fishing rod to Ellie.
"Let's try this again Kiddo. And hopefully withou..."
"DAMNIT JOEL!"
With a rye smile and his hands held up defensively, Joel said "Alright, alright. Just give it another cast. You see that tree stump sticking out of the water over there by the bank?"
"Yes."
"Cast the lure over there by it. I bet there's a nice Bass waiting right under it for something to eat."
Ellie perked up a bit when Joel said Bass cause she still thought it sounded like ass.
"If I catch it and it's a puny little thing, I'm going to name it Crappy Ass in honor of you Joel!"
"Two different kinds of fish Ellie. You know what…never mind. You do that." Joel said with a roll of his eyes.
Ellie smiled at her small victory, turned around to make her cast and with nervousness in her voice, she said "Um….ok. Here goes nothing."
"We can only hope that's not too far from the truth Ellie." Joel said with a rye smile.
Ellie turned and shot him a look that would kill a thousand Clickers. "Fuck you, old man."
"Cute. Go on, give it a whirl Kiddo."
Ellie went from nervous to determined. It wasn't like her to give up without at least a fight. And fuckin fishing was no different!
She pushed the button on the reel to unlock the fishing line in it, brought the rod up and back over her shoulder and flung it forward towards the stump sticking out over by the bank. Nothing. She waited to see and hear the lure splash in the water and it didn't happen…again.
"Um…Ellie?"
"What Joel?" Ellie said while still scanning the water over by the stump.
"Whatever you do, don't yank that rod."
"Why Joel?" Ellie said as she turned frustratingly to look at Joel.
The fishing lure was sitting on top of his left ear with the hook just barely poking out of the soft weather worn skin.
Ellie's eyes widened with fear.
"Holy shit Joel! Don't fucking move!"
Ellie gingerly stood up, trying not to rock the boat, and scooted over to sit beside Joel. She reached up and gently pulled the hook out of the top of Joel's ear as Joel winced a bit from the sharp pain. Luckily, it hadn't gone in deep enough to go past the barb of the hook.
"Oh fuck Joel! I'm soooo sorry about that. I'm trying REALLY hard Joel. Do you forgive me?" Ellie said as she put her left arm around his shoulder.
With a sigh and a smile, Joel said "Of course I forgive you Kiddo. I'm fine."
Relieved, Ellie said "Well, at least today wasn't a total loss old man."
"And how would that be Ellie?"
"I did catch you!" Ellie said with a wry smile and punched him lightly on the shoulder. "You're the biggest 'Ass Turd' I've ever caught! And in that respect…you're a WHOPPER !"
"Cute, Kiddo." Joel said. "And besides…I'm the only thing you've ever caught."
"Bite me old man!" Ellie said and stuck her tongue out at him.
Suddenly, Ellie's eyes spread wide open with excitement as she saw something off to Joel's left and in the water just next to the boat.
"Holy Shit Joel!" Ellie said as she quickly pulled the shorty shotgun from the back of her jeans and fired a round into the water right next to Joel.
BOOOOM! went the gun. KERSPLASH went the water and drenched Joel like someone had jumped off a cliff and cannonballed into the water right next to him. He looked like a wet puppy dog as the pond water rolled off of him like a waterfall.
"Look Joel!" Ellie said triumphantly as she bent over him and pulled the remains of a fish out of the water by the tail to show him. That's about all that was left of the fish. The tail, some back and rib bones with a little meat left and the head. It looked like one of those fish that a cat pulled out of a trash bin in a cartoon.
"We don't even have to gut and clean it!" She said with a smile on her face as she triumphantly showed the pathetic carcass to Joel.
Joel grabbed his forehead with his right hand and dragged it downward over his face to wring out the pond water he was soaked with. Then he grabbed the poor excuse for a fish carcass by the tail from Ellie's hand and tossed it into the boat. He picked Ellie up by the waist and gently moved her back over to the center seat. He grabbed the anchor rope and pulled it in from the water over the side of the boat. Finally, he grabbed both oars with his wet hands and slowly started rowing back toward the bank of the pond.
"Um…where we going Joel?" Ellie said nervously.
"Hunting." Joel said with a sigh of defeat as he rowed.
Ellie replaced the spent shell in the shorty and tucked it back into the back of her jeans. Then she leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees and nervously started twiddling her thumbs.
"Um…Joel…"
"What Ellie."
With worry in her little green eyes, Ellie said "I love you Joel."
Joel suddenly stopped rowing. He set the oars down in the boat and scooted over to sit beside her. With a broad smile on his face, he put his right arm around her shoulders and with his left hand he reached up and ruffled her red hair.
"I love you too Kiddo."
Later that afternoon, Ellie bagged three squirrels and two rabbits while hunting. Joel didn't even have to fire a shot.