Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.
Hey guys, thank you for your support with 'Mistakes'. I will get part 2 up and do the other two ideas but I think I have a better idea aswell… one that explains or redeems Jay leaving. We all feel they ruined his character right? Jay would never leave Erin who believes everyone leaves her, someone who always pushes people away when she's hurt – yet she reached out to Jay and he walked out– in what world… AM I RIGHT?!
I can't fix the married in Vegas part, we don't know who he was back then. We know Erin is different than she was. So I guess we can't say it's unlike Jay. Remember his comment about being an angry kid… plus war, he must have been in a bad place… we can forgive that.
Jay not telling Erin, well I'm still mad about that – but Erin seems to have let it go for the most part. Not angry, more hurt and insecure.
But leaving? I struggle with that. So this is my attempt.
Although it annoys me he was telling Abby it was good to see her… dude it literally bought up all this stuff that you left the woman you love… not good.
Also, he was laughing and joking around and less than an hour later the baggage was so much he had to walk out on Erin?! Anyway, like I said. This is my attempt at explaining/ fixing that lol
Come Home, Jay
"Hey." My voice is husky from lack of sleep, Jay barely turns to me.
We're alone in the break room, no one else at work yet. I take in Jay's tired face and can see the tensions in his posture.
"Jay, I'm here for you. You were there for me through everything so I'm here when you're ready."
"What? Erin I can't do this now." Jay sighs.
"You don't have to speak. Just listen." He nods at me once.
"Just do me a favor and think back to the conversation we had here once… where you said you'd like to think you could handle everything in my past. You now know it all, the good, the bad and the illegal. I'm not saying I couldn't be more open with you but you have pushed me to let you in, and I have. So it's my turn, I'm not letting you go. You were patient with me. I can be with you too."
"Erin." His lips quiver and I shake my head.
"I'm hurt and insecure Jay, but I'm not angry. I wish you told me, I wish you didn't hide everything from me all this time. I couldn't know it wasn't all behind you… you never let on any different. The old me would have pushed you away, but not anymore. I can put your needs above mine like you always have for me. The Jay I'm most familiar with wouldn't have left or walked out, so something serious is going through your head. When you're ready, I'm right here." I squeeze his arm gently, pleading at him with my eyes.
"I'm sick of being hurt Jay, I'm tired of people I love always leaving me. I believed you wouldn't… so I just need to know this is temporary. That you'll come home to me."
"I will." He promises and I nod once, blinking back tears before leaving him alone in the break room.
I'm staring at my pizza, no interest in consuming it when I hear a knock at the door.
My feet take me over slowly, and I'm shocked to see Jay when I open up.
"Jay… you don't have to knock. This is still your place too." He nods slowly before I step back to allow him inside.
"Did you mean it?"
"What?" I ask, still shocked he's here.
"That I could come home, that it's not the end."
"You can come home at anytime Jay." Jay breaks down before my eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks and sobs racking his chest.
My arms wrap around his neck pulling him close, we stand there hugging as I run my hands through his hair soothingly.
I feel my shoulder become soaked through with his tears as a hand slips down to run up and down his back, my eyes close as I try and hold back the tears from the sound of his pain.
My back is aching by the time his sobs stop and he finally pulls back, my fingers wipe his tears before I lead him over to the couch.
"Come home, Jay." I whisper, hands reaching out for his.
"I can't."
"Why?" I whisper curious.
"When I got back from my last tour, I was bad. I was diagnosed with PTSD; I would react to the smallest thing… wake up from nightmares that felt so real. I turned to alcohol to try and dull the pain. Seeing Abby, it brought literally everything back. She stirred up all these bad memories that I never really dealt with, and I'm terrified the PTSD will come back."
Tears slip down my cheeks at the pain in his tone.
"I know leaving was wrong, I'm in a committed relationship. I shouldn't run from you, all you want to do is help. But I'm scared what will happen if the PTSD comes back Erin. I could react in the worst way and I might scare you."
"You could never scare me."
"I don't know how to share all this baggage Erin. I love you… and I know I fucked up. I get you want to work through this, that I'm your first serious relationship."
"Only. I don't plan on having another."
"But if I hurt you I could never forgive myself, could never move on from that. I wouldn't be able to live with it." Jay's shaking his head firmly.
"What are you trying to protect me from?"
"From me."
"From who you were? Jay, I'm not proud of my younger self. If you did things, I can handle it. Trust that."
"That's only part of it."
"Then tell me, help me understand."
"I don't know how you think I was back then, or when I returned… but I was bad. I tend to take it out on those I love most, those that don't deserve it. I'm worried I'll lose it and scare you… more importantly I'm scared of having a dream that's so real and I wake up thinking I'm right back there… and hurt you."
"Jay, I don't think you could scare me or hurt me. But either way, I can handle myself."
"No. Not risking it." His voice is harsh.
"Why are you opening up? What changed?"
"Will, he pushed me back here to you. He said your intentions are good and you really care for me… want nothing but the best. You just want to help. He said I need to turn to you, not away from you."
"I do. Come home, Jay." I plead again.
"I can't, I might hurt you in my sleep."
"If you are really worried about hurting me… I trust you won't but if you are worried, we have a spare room. Come home. Lets get through this together, and be stronger for it."
"You want me back?" His blue eyes search mine.
"I never wanted you to leave. You belong here with me."
"Okay." He finally agrees.
"Okay, let's grab your stuff from Will's. You can decide where you want to sleep. I'm not kicking you out of our bed."
"Erin I want to sleep with you, but I need to sleep in the spare room."
"Okay, I'll make the bed in there when we get back." We are almost at the door when he pulls me back, his hand resting on my cheek.
"Walking out on you was the hardest thing in my life. The look on your face…" His eyes show conflicting feelings, shame and regret prominent.
"I never thought you would leave me… everyone has but not you."
"I came back."
"I know."
"You good?" I ask Jay as he walks into the spare room, finished with putting his things away in the master, I'm almost done with the bed as Jay sits on the edge with his head in hands.
"Jay, baby." I walk over and bring his head up, my hands on his cheeks.
"I'm afraid I'll have nightmares." He admits quietly and my hands move soothingly over his cheeks.
"What can I do?"
"Nothing. I'm okay."
"Let me stay with you, just until you fall asleep."
"No, I can't sleep knowing you're here."
"Okay… but I'm in the room next door." He nods and I lean down slowly, unsure of where we stand with our intimacy.
My lips meet his softly and he sighs against my lips, the kiss is short and sweet as I savor the feeling.
"Goodnight Jay." I pull away, wishing I could stay.
"Night." His eyes look haunted as I turn out the light.
My eyes fly open at the sound of Jay's screams filling the apartment, I sit up blinking away sleep before racing down the hallway and into the spare room.
I flick the light on, the image of Jay crying out and thrashing around greeting me with dread.
"Jay." I call out approaching him, taking in his body and clothes soaked in sweat.
"Jay." I reach out to touch him, gasping as his hand wraps around my wrist harshly.
His eyes open, taking in the room with blind panic as he pulls me down on the bed and flips us over so he's hovering over me. His blue eyes are angry and his arm resting against my throat.
"Jay." I whisper as best I can with his arm across my neck, I reach my hands up to cup his cheeks.
I see the moment his eyes lose the anger, replaced with sadness and fear.
His eyes widen when he realizes our position and he rolls off me quickly. I look over to see his back sliding down the wall, his head in his hands.
"Jay, babe." I get up and approach him slowly this time.
"Don't." I freeze, adhering to his wishes.
"Jay."
"I should have stayed at Will's. I knew it… I knew it." He's shaking his head, rocking back and forward and my heart shatters.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." His repetition of the words have tears welling in my eyes.
"Jay, I'm fine." My hands softly cover his hands and pull them away from his face.
"I'm sorry I never realized you were in so much pain." His eyes finally meet mine upon my apology.
I coax him back into bed, our bodies pressed together and his head resting on my chest.
I place a kiss to his forehead as I run my fingers through his hair.
"I'm sorry, so sorry."
"Shh. I'm fine. I'm here… Jay you didn't hurt me."
"I'm sorry, I didn't see him, I'm sorry." I pause, wondering if his nightmare was reliving a death of a friend and fellow soldier.
"Jay." I reach for his chin and tilt his head back to look at me, bringing him back to the present.
"You're not there anymore. You're here… with me." I whisper and he nods slowly.
He drops his head back down and we lay there silently.
"Thank you." He finally whispers.
"I'm here for you Jay. Whatever you need."
"I'm sorry I left, I know I screwed up… I should have told you I have all this fucking baggage. I should have told you I married someone."
"I can't say I ever pictured Jay Halstead as the married in Vegas type but I didn't know you back then… I know you now. I'm hurt you didn't tell me though, but I sense you need me more. My anger would only add to your pain."
"I don't want you insecure Erin. I didn't leave because Abby showed up, or because she's my… I don't know what to call her. It was twenty four hours so she doesn't feel like my wife. I left because of what you saw tonight, I realized I finally have to deal with it. Pushing it down isn't healthy."
"Just know that I'm always looking out for you Jay."
"I love you. Only you. I promise I've never felt like this before, I have no romantic feelings for her, none whatsoever. I love you, please know that." He's pleading with me, his face desperate.
"I love you too Jay. Thank you for coming home to me. I won't lie, I'm hurt you lied… but what you're going through is real and painful and we will deal with it together."
He brings his face up to mine, our eyes staring into each other's with love shining brightly.
He leans forward and presses his lips against mine; I'm hesitant letting him dictate the pace.
His body rolls to hover over me, careful to hold all his weight off me.
"Jay." I pull away to whisper, encouraging him to drop down noticing the difference from usual.
His body slowly sinks down and I smile up at him softly when our bodies are resting against each other's.
His forehead rests against mine, his red-rimmed eyes pleading with me.
I nod at him slowly, giving him the permission he's seeking.
Our lips touch again, his tongue slipping into my mouth and my legs tangling with his.
Our kisses are slowly and full of longing as my hands reach up to cup his face.
"I love you." I whisper against his lips, feeling his smile.
"I love you too." His hands reach down to pull at my shirt.
"Since when do you sleep in my shirts?" He asks softly.
"Since I needed your scent to help me sleep." I shrug softly at him and sorrow fills his eyes.
"It's okay… for a moment the other night I thought I wouldn't get to inhale your scent again. I'm just glad you're back."
His hands slide under the shirt I'm wearing and over my smooth body, his lips finding mine again.
My hands pull his shirt over his head, enjoying running my hands along his back.
I tug on his pants and he helps me slip them down, releasing his manhood.
His hands play with me through my panties, my throbbing pussy making me squirm.
Our tongues are battling, both needing to feel the love and to experience the pleasure of joining our bodies.
His fingers bring my panties down, slipping two fingers in see how wet I am.
My legs move from tangling with his to rest around his hips, encouraging Jay to push into me.
He pulls his lips away to join our gazes as he pushes in, once he's in, he stills and leans down to kiss me softly.
"You're beautiful." He whispers as he begins moving in me.
I'm panting as his lips find mine again, his moves are slow and meaningful as he pushes into me again and again driving me crazy.
His lips trail down my jaw before he buries his head in my neck, my own tilting back as I close my eyes in pleasure.
My legs wrap tighter encouraging him to send me over the edge, his breathing is heavy and I know he's close.
He picks up his speed as his face comes back to mine, his mouth swallowing my gasps of pleasure as my orgasm hits.
His penis is still pushing into my pulsating pussy when he finally explodes.
We lay there silently, content with each others company.
Jay pulls out and rolls to the side, my head falls to his chest and my hand comes up to trail over his chest.
He catches my left hand in his and traces my ring finger.
"I didn't know how to tell you… didn't want to see the look on your face. You never use to imagine yourself getting married, I didn't think you would want to be wife number two."
I'm silent, sensing he wants to get his feelings out.
"But as much as I didn't want to tell you I knew I would have to before we ever got married. I was just living in denial. About a lot of things."
"Well once we get through all of this, if you ever ask. I'll say yes." I can feel his sigh of relief as his lips find my hair.
"You should go back to bed." He whispers, his tone implying he wishes I could stay.
"I will, when you're asleep." I can sense his hesitation.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I promise."
"Okay… can you leave the light on?"
"Of course." I kiss his chest as I lay there waiting for him to drift off.
When he finally does I don't move a muscle, laying in his arms all night ensuring I don't close my eyes for more than a few minutes.
"You're still here." His voice is muffled by sleep, but frustration is shining through.
"I didn't sleep." I tilt my head back to look him in the eyes.
"Erin. You need sleep."
"I know, I just wanted to make sure you didn't have another nightmare. If you did I wanted to be here when you woke up."
"That's the problem."
"I won't do it again, I just missed your arms."
"Okay… please promise me."
"I promise."
A/N: I actually think I like this a little more than my last... hmmm. Anyway leave a review. I do want to do another part where they talk about Abby and their plan of attack with what he's going through. I'll get my ideas typed up :)