Hey! It's me. I wrote this around two years ago, and I suddenly had the urge to post. Forgive the bad writing and slow start up (I was a much younger, much less cool version of myself). I'd love any sort of criticism that you have for me, it would certainly help my writing out a lot. I hope you enjoy it! If not, feel free to drop a flame in the review box on your way out as compensation for my waste of your precious time. Alright then, plunge on in!
If I was a mind reader I think my life would be a hell of a lot easier. Instead of spending hours trying to decipher the expression on Sasuke's face, all I would have to do is plunge into the dark and mysterious recesses of his brain. Imagine that "Sasuke Uchiha: The secret unveiled". I really would have to write a novel or something. Oh well, I guess it's never going to happen.
How many more minutes would it take for him to stop staring off into space and explain to me what he was thinking? Twirling my kunai around my finger, I smiled bitterly. Minutes? More like years. It would take decades for Sasuke to open up to me, most likely. Why had Naruto dragged him out of his shell in less than a few months? Not for the first time in my life I envied Naruto immensely, and with that same fire and passion I envied Sasuke as well.
Most of all I was jealous of the love they felt for each other that I wasn't a part of. When together, the two seemed inseparable. Two halves of the same whole, Naruto and Sasuke were always like brothers, twins, and when we were growing up I had stood outside and looked in on the unrelenting prism of their friendship.
It was my fault, I realize now, but it was Naruto's fault too. Idolizing Sasuke kept me apart from him, and Naruto idolizing me kept him from me. Ugh! The irony! That love so strong and passionate could wreck the best friendship of a century before it even began. Is this how Tsunade felt? Angry and spiteful at being pushed away because she was a woman? Even now, as the Hokage, was it hard to see Jiraiya come and go as he pleased, never bound to her by any constraining bond?
I was being cynical though. After Sasuke left everything changed. Naruto and I had to lean on each other for support. We only had each other to confide in…and yet Naruto still protected me all those years with Sasuke gone.
What was I to him? Some precious piece of porcelain he had to keep from breaking? Did he really love me at all?
Not for the first time, I wished with an all devouring hatred that used to make me shiver to the core of my bones, that instead of Sasuke in front of me was Naruto. Everything about the boy before me seemed to mock and taunt me, to tease and cajole me for missing my blond friend with a tearing ache in my chest. All of Sasuke's person intensified Naruto's absence: his dark hair and pale skin, his silence, his cold manner, the languidness with which he moved…. How did this angry, vengeful creature deserve Naruto's love?
Sasuke, the only thing he cared about was revenge and killing. He didn't give a damn about Naruto, who loved him with all his heart and soul. No, I didn't want to read Sasuke's mind, I already knew what I would find there: ITACHI!! ITACHI!! LET ME KILL YOU! YOU BASTARD!! Did I want to feel that, to hear that? All that overwhelming hate and inner anguish? Of course not. Why would I want a second set of my own emotions?
How would Naruto see me now, with my hair wild and bloody, dressed in the black of mourning? Who was I mourning for? I laughed, and the brittle sound came out sounding hysterical to my own ears. Oh yeah, I was mourning for all the people I was going to kill. In the end, it didn't matter which road I took. If I was "good" and became a shinobi, I would take just as many lives as if I left and became an avenger. Of course, as an avenger I would kill only for myself. I guess, there really never was a choice then, huh? The answer has always been obvious.
Without further adieu I straddled Sasuke on the ground and pulled his head up by his hair so he was facing me. A strange thrill went through me as I realized this was the closest I had ever been to Sasuke. I laughed at his ravaged face and empty vacant stare. Taunting him with my eyes, I pulled him forward so his lips were a millimeter away from mine. I pushed against him roughly, it was a kiss that never should have been, full of my rage and fury, so violent and self-serving that I could almost feel myself bruising his skin. Blood was surfacing in his mouth, and I tasted it fervently with my tongue. Its metallic flavor stung the inside of my mouth as our bodies entwined together. But something was wrong; my lips no longer seemed to move on their own. It was as if there was someone answering me in reply, answering with a gentleness that I failed to show him... As soon as I realized that Sasuke had responded, I pulled away and threw him forcefully on the ground. As he hit the hard cement his head banged against the wall, spewing fresh blood on the already crimson colored floor.
"What the fuck was that?!" I demanded angrily as I disjointedly tried to wipe his blood off my mouth. He stared at me with the same emotionless expression as he had before, it looked numb, but at the same time sad, like by cutting himself off from all feeling he knew that he was losing the only point in living. It was hard to see him like that, sprawled on the ground looking vulnerable and pathetic. I needed to kill him, and to stay sane while doing that, I needed to hate him. I closed my eyes for a moment and imagined all the suffering he had wreaked on my life. When I opened them again, they were as cold as steel.
"I hate you!!" I was losing my control, my voice shook when I used it, and that made me even madder.
"Then kill me." He didn't think I could do it…well I'd show that bastard once and for all. I was a new Sakura, and this one had even less of a heart than the bastard that took hers.
I said nothing, just advanced upon him with his own blade, until I had its cold sliver of silver pressed against his neck. One drop slid gracefully down the blade until I shook it off violently. His eyes widened when he realized that I was going to do it.
Truth be told, this isn't finished. It's been two years so...I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out exactly what was going on in my mind at the time. Even so, if you would like, I'll give it a go and make this oneshot a twoshot! Please review, preferably with mercy, since you should understand the delicate age I was when I wrote this (a mere preteen truly) or with passionate anger, so that I can hear your cries of protest echoing raucously in my ears long after they have left your (probably gorgeous) mouth. My humble thanks to anyway who managed to read this far. May the rest of your life hold the joy this story does not!