Hello potential reader, you really should read this before you start.
This is probably most silly FF you would ever read. I wrote it like 3 years ago in CZECH so I'm only translating it to English (so sorry about grammar). It's already finished so if anyone likes it (which would be a miracle), just review and let me know to continue translating.
As I said it's most ridiculous FF. It's really full time comedy. Not romance, not drama, just crazy comedy It's about my OC Jacqueline Grey. No, she is not just some normal boring OC, she is like girl loser version of PJATO version of Deadpool. You can't really see it in first chapter, but trust me, she is insane.
So this story is about her crazy little adventures around the PJATO world. It includes lots of Zeus, Hera, Jason and Hazel bashing, so if you like those characters, you probably should not read this. I make fun of them a lot.
Yeah and I haven't read PJATO in English so I dunno if Rick uses some shorter version for saying "Son of_", "Daughter of _" or "Children of _". So I made my own terminology.
Hadeses – children of Hades
Poseidones – children of Poseidon
Aresers – children of Ares
Aphrodities – children of Aphrodite
Disclaimer: I'm very obviously not Rick Riordan so I own very much nothing except for storyline.
"Daaad… and do we REALLY have to go there?" I asked for like billionth time. I was sitting by the end of our insanely long dark table and I was staring at my father with my best puppy face on, while he was on table's other end (which was like 100 meters away from me).
"How many times do I have to repeat myself Jack? Nico understood, Hazel haven't even complained, but with you I have to dispute for TWO WEEKS" Hades was trying painfully much to keep his pokerface. Well, he wasn't really good at it. I was actually surprised his hair haven't started to burn by now, like in the Disney version. Damn. I wanted to take a shot and put it on my blog.
"But… we are the villains. We should stay at home and throw a party so big, that all the gods would attend and no one would attend Zeus's lameass birthday party."
"I tried it last time. Nobody came and as a reward he sent Demeter to stay here whole winter."
I smiled sweetly "Zeus is a massive jerk, he is totally blackmailing them."
"Yeah, like he is not blackmailing us!" Nico said. He and Hazel sat somewhere in the middle of our glorious family table for like 100 people. He had his legs on the table and it made Hazel move like ten chairs away, so she wouldn't have to smell his foots. Hadeses are just not masters of personal hygiene.
"Well…", Hades started. He didn't get a chance to finish. My beloved younger brother interrupted him.
"Well here goes nothing. We just have to go, or he will send Demeter back again."
"Hell to the no. She is making me eat like damn tree hugger." I sighed
"Honestly, you would use that. You are just supporting prejudices about Hadeses being evil." protested Hazel.
"And you are ruining them! Hadeses have to be at least a little bit evil. If not us, then who? Look at Nico. He is basically a good guy, but he is annoying people and lying so often, that some people even want to kill himm"
"Hey!" Nico yelled.
"Shut it dwarf! You are just too good sis. If it continues this was, it won't take long and Poseidonses will come to steal our land for them to have more space. They won't respect us, they will make fun of us! Even more than now!" I was so taken by my own monologue, I haven't even realized I was standing and almost screaming.
Nico used this opportunity to show us his imaginary intellect: "Technically speaking, Hazel is not from Hades, but from Pluto, so it works differently for her. And I'm not short, I'm as tall as you. Hobbit."
"Blah, blah, blah… and I can fly and dad invented zombie movies."
"But dad invented zombie movies."
"Shut up HazelNut." That made Nico unintentionally burst out laughing.
"See, even dwarf has fun of your stupidity."
"What?" Hazel stared at me confused. I used this opportunity to start one of my legendary monologues.
"Well, I dunno, but normal person wouldn't fall in love with Areser. They are only after Afrodities." It may be bad theory, but I came up with it. It's like footballers and cheerleaders. Prettiest and dumbest belong together.
"I'm gonna kill you." Hazel said with very not nice Dart Wader(ish) tone. I wanted to intellectually ad, that it's just plainly stupid to kill someone when you're already in the Underworld. Before I got chance, first diamante was already flying in my direction.
I felt on my tummy, covering my head with my hands. You may think: "Hey Jack, why don't you use your cool demigod superpowers?" Spoiler alert, I don't have any. It's like the good genes just skipped me. I's practically the most incompetent brat of Hades in like last two thousand years. All good powers were taken by Nico, Bianca and Hazel and I was left with death reviving, ghost chatting, very accidental Shadow travelling and very unstoppable mouth.
My greatest and most valuable skill Is pissing literally everyone off. That's the only thing I do better than my three younger siblings. But don't tell them. I'm so good at it, that my list of enemies is even longer than Percy Jackson's (and believe me, he is like a overlord at making enemies).
And I'm also good at destroying everything I touch. But it doesn't have to be connected with my lineage.
"Time out kids!" dad said. He said it quietly, but it probably resonated in the whole underworld. Good ol daddy.
Nico was so freaked out, he felt of his chair. Hazel stopped trying to kill me for a moment and turned to our father. I got up and leaned on the table, to stop myself from falling. Hades was staring at us and it was impossible to read if he was mad or happy, since he has the same killer glare all the time.
"What now?" I asked, when the silence started to eat my damn brain.
"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about how much you remind me of my family."
"We are your family." I replied confused.
"He meant his godly family, idiot." Hazel said. I rolled my eyes.
"Oh thank you very much miss brilliant. I haven't figured that one." I responded acidly. It looked like we were going to fight again. (Not) Thank gods that we never had the chance, since Bianca came in (appeared in). It may had something to do with her being practically a ghost, or maybe she was just so good at it, but I haven't noticed her, until I heard Nico squeal and fall of his chair since she was like meter away from him. I can't really blame him. Bianca in her ghostly-corpsy form looks like hybrid of zombie and vampire. She did this to me once. I was standing on top of the stairs and I was so frightened, I have fallen like two floors down. I had to stay in my bed for a week, I was lucky I haven't broken anything.
"For Zeus's ass! Can't you stop this!" cursed my little demigod bro, while lying on the floor and counting his bones.
"What? Oh, that's you little brother. Sorry. I'll apparate beside Jack next time. It's a lot more fun." Bianca said with most sinister giggle you can possibly imagine.
As Lemony Snicket would say, first impressions are often entirely wrong. Bianca may look like godsdamn angel on the first look, but under the façade her idea of fun is other people's suffering. Maybe years of being dead made her forget how unpleasant broken bones are.
My devilish sister stopped laughing for a sec and idly announced: "Yeah and by the way, Hermes is in the lobby. He says you better hurry. Zeus is getting pissed you are late AGAIN."
"Say we are not here." dad said quickly.
"Too bad. I already said you'll be there in a moment." Bianca replied in very fake regret. Our little Bianca (Thanks to the dying and not aging, she was even younger than her "younger" bro. What an irony.) became very sneaky little bastard. And I loved her for it. Evil Hadeses rule.
"And I was sooo looking forward to harassing Hitler and Stalin. Well… I'll have to stick with Jason." I complained.
Dad made something I dare to call "face that causes worlds destruction", though I mostly just caused something really bad to some god/human/demigod he hated. And then out whole family would laugh like a lunatics we are.