Jupiter, Kiza, and the Little Umbrella Syndrome
Jupiter Jones encounters an old friend – and a new opportunity. Sort of.
"Wow!" squealed Jupiter Jones, toilet cleaner and True Royal Owner of Planet Earth as she skimmed around a trio of Chicago skyscrapers. "I mean, WOW! Gravity boots are just so cool!"
"Watch out!" shouted another voice. "Coming through, right of way!"
"Uh, what?"
Another person zipped by her, going in the opposite direction, missing her by inches. Jupiter, still new to the boots, lost her concentration and suddenly found herself plummeting earthwards. She struggled to turn herself, to get the boots in the right position. Caine's words suddenly made sense: down is easy, up is hard.
But then a hand reached out of mid-air, pulled her upright. The boots kicked in again. But just to be sure Jupiter grabbed the hand. To find that it belonged to a young, blond woman. The two of them hovered in the air.
"Holy ... !" said Jupiter. "Hey, I know you, don't I?"
The young woman did a mid-air curtsy – not an easy thing to do, when you think about it. "Your Majesty," she murmured. "Sorry for ... almost running into you. I guess Royals always have right of way. Don't they?"
"I have no idea," said Jupiter. "I'm still getting used to the whole Royal thing. And the flying thing. You're pretty good."
"Well, I should be, I'm one-quarter bee."
Then Jupiter realised who the young woman was. She shook the hand that she was still holding. "It's good to see you again, Kiza Stinger," she said. "Yeah, I get it, your dad is half-bee splice, so that makes you quarter. Uh, you don't have to curtsy. Or do the majesty thing. Call me Jupe. Still got that really bad cough?"
"What, the Bug? No, my dad got me some medicine. I don't know how, because it's really hard to get, but it worked. And he gave me his boots, although I've been using them for years. Hey, you want to go to Saturni Bar? I've got some business to do there. And since Dad and Caine are off doing Aegis paperwork." She pointed to her backpack.
"I've never heard of Saturni Bar."
"It's ... invisible. Unless you know where it is."
So they set off, zooming past the tall buildings and down onto the streets. Night was falling when they zipped into an alley off an alley off another alley. They landed in front of a brick wall and turned off their boots.
"Now what?" said Jupiter.
"Well, as a Royal you can just walk straight in, but I have to enter a code." She pressed one brick, and then another, and then another. The brick wall gave a little shimmer – and then they both stepped through.
"Huh," said Jupiter. "I'm still getting used to things like that." She looked around. It was a bar/nightclub place, with a band of strange creatures on a little stage playing something that might, if you were feeling generous, be called music. There was a host of creatures drinking, talking, and possibly dancing. Or maybe they were fighting, Jupiter couldn't tell.
Kiza found them a table and a green-skinned waiter came over.
"Are you buying the drinks?" said Kiza to Jupiter.
"Uh, no, I don't have any money, and even if I did they might not take dollars. Would they?"
Kiza pointed to the shining silver circle on Jupiter's arm. "With this," she said, "you can buy anything you want, up to and including mid-sized solar systems. And it also means you can get into anywhere, which is I why I said you could walk in here without a code."
The waiter saw the sign on Jupiter's arm and immediately fell to his knees. "Your Majesty," he said. "Please forgive me for not recognising you."
"Huh," said Jupiter again. "Well, in that case, we'll have two of your most expensive drinks. Do you have any with those little umbrellas?"
The waiter looked confused. "Umbrellas?" he said. "In drinks? You mean, actual umbrellas?"
"No, those little ones. They make them just to put in drinks, I think."
"It sounds like a splendid idea, Your Majesty. I will get right on it."
As he trotted away, Jupiter said: "Somehow, I have a bad feeling about that."
Then a huge, purple-tinged person with a streak of reptile in them sat down at the table, and gave a growl.
"Stay cool, Karrack," said Kiza. "I've brought you your goods." She opened her pack and pulled out several packs ... of sanitary pads.
"Uh, what?" said Jupiter.
Karrack gave another growl, but this sounded like one of satisfaction.
"First, the money," said Kiza.
Karrack put a stack of gold coins onto the table. Kiza swept them into her backpack. "A pleasure doing business with you," she said, as Karrack picked up the pads and departed.
"I ... don't ... believe ... it," said Jupiter.
"You remember sticking that one on Caine when he was wounded?" said Kiza. "He didn't know what it was. Then I realised that they were unknown in the rest of the galaxy. So I started up a business selling them. I needed to do something, since Dad has gone back to the Legion. I see no reason to tell anyone that you can buy a wide variety of feminine hygiene products in any supermarket. No doubt Karrack sells them for a huge profit off-world."
"So they don't have them? What do they do – "
"I don't know, and I don't want to know."
The waiter returned. He put down two glasses of blue liquid, each glass with a fair approximation of a little umbrella. "Are these to your satisfaction, Your Majesty?" he said.
"Not too bad at all," said Jupiter. She took a sip of the drink, and coughed. It tasted like a cross between turpentine, and a different type of turpentine. Her eyes watered.
Two large bear-splice people passed. "I want one of those," said one, pointing.
"You don't," said Jupiter. "You really don't."
"Not the drink. One of those ... little things."
"An umbrella?" said the waiter. "But we just made them. And we only made those ones. It's really hard."
"I said," said the bear-splice, "that I want one."
"So do I," said the other bear-splice.
"If they're getting some, I want one too," said another customer.
"And me," said someone else. "Now."
Suddenly, everyone in the bar was wanting a little umbrella. It was starting to turn ugly.
Someone punched someone who thought that the punchee had an umbrella. The punchee punched back, on the basis that they did not in fact have an umbrella. The fighting spread – and then a large body came flying out of the ruck, straight for Jupiter and Kiza.
"I was right," said Jupiter.
And then the flying body was caught by Karrack, jumping in front of Jupiter and Kiza.
"Us girls have got to stick together, right?" she said to Jupiter and Kiza, as she hurled it back into the fray. Then she saw Jupiter's mark."Your Majesty," she said, bowing.
Someone came up behind her with a huge club. Together, Jupiter and Kiza leaped up, and smashed their chairs over the attacker's head. Karrack finished him off with a massive punch to his stomach. "Perhaps," she said to Kiza and Jupiter, "you should go. You are both far too small for this fight."
"Good idea," said Jupiter. "But Karrack, please take this. As a sign of my high regard." She handed her the little umbrella.
"Your ... Your Majesty ... thank you ... thank you ... " Tears began to roll down her face.
"Uh, I think we should run now," said Kiza.
The two of them ran for the door as Karrack charged back into the fight. They made it, and leaped into the air. Eventually, they came down on a deserted street.
"Well, that was ... actually, I don't know what it was," said Jupiter.
"Who would have guessed that cocktail umbrellas were so addictively popular?" said Kiza.
They came to a little store, closed. It was a restaurant and bar supplies store, with a big display in the window. They stopped.
"You know, I don't really like the idea of the rest of the universe calling my planet a backwater," said Jupiter. "Earth makes plenty of interesting things. And you have obviously established yourself in the sales field, Kiza."
"Uh-huh," said Kiza. They looked in the store window. There were little umbrellas, neatly folded, in boxes. Ten for two dollars. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
Jupiter smiled. "Oh yeah," she said.
END