Warnings: Some Swearing
Disclaimer: Want. Can't Have. Pout.
Written for phoenixandtiger with the challenge to write a BryKa using only emails and IMs. I cheated a little and threw in facebook XD I hope you all enjoy
XxThe BeginningxX
Kai Hiwatari is in a relationship with Bryan Kuznetsov
Monday at 19:38 3 people like this
Comments
Tyson Granger Congrats. But if you become one of those loved up couples posting a million times a day about each other I will have to kill you.
Monday at 20:34 2 people like this
Tala Ivanov If they become like that I'm pretty sure we can safely assume they've been abducted and have been replaced by evil clones bent on taking over the world
Monday at 21:02
Kai Hiwatari I'm already bent on taking over the world. I think those clones would be bent on ruining my reputation
Monday at 21:04
Rei Kon Not that that would be hard
Monday at 21:34
Tala Ivanov Does this mean you have stories, ReiRei?
Monday at 22:21
Kai Hiwatari No he doesn't.
Monday at 22:35
Rei Kon None I can share without reciprocation anyways
Tuesday at 07:12
Tala Ivanov Guess I'll just have to beat it out of him then
Tuesday at 08:49
Bryan Kuznetsov Good luck.
Tuesday at 10:00
-o-
To: Kai Hiwatari
From: WingsofAwesome
Subject: Tala's birthday present
I'm thinking a parrot. Maybe we can train it to tell him to shut the hell up.
I've been trying to call you but you're not picking up. When are you coming home?
-Bry
To: WingsofAwesome
From: Kai Hiwatari
Subject: RE Tala's birthday present
What? You trust him with another living thing? He'll either kill it within the hour or, worse, he'll decide he's a pirate. Can't we just get him more hair stuff? He loved that last year.
Stupid conference call. I'm typing as quietly as possible so they don't guess I'm not paying attention. I'll be home soon.
Kai Hiwatari
CEO
Hiwatari Enterprises
To: Kai Hiwatari
From: WingsofAwesome
Subject: You're a terrible boss
And apparently terrible at buying presents as well. Stop paying attention to me and start doing your job. Who knows? You could be listening to the next genius idea that'll make you even richer. Then maybe you can buy your best friend a decent present.
Besides, if you pay attention maybe you can wrap up the call faster and get home. I'm waiting and I seem to have a nasty case of losing all my clothes.
-Bry
To: WingsofAwesome
From: Kai Hiwatari
Subject: RE You're a terrible boss
Because THAT'S going to help me pay attention.
Kai Hiwatari
CEO
Hiwatari Enterprises
To: Kai Hiwatari
From: IceColdCool
Subject: I don't know if you know...
They can totally hear you typing, they're just too afraid to tell you.
—Your beloved secretary (Who'd like to go home soon and thinks he deserves a raise... and also a parrot)
P.s. You should change your password to something that's a little bit of a challenge. Your boyfriend's name is not only incredibly easy to guess but also made me throw up in my mouth a little.
-o-
Logging in...
Better Than You has joined the room.
(22:30) Living Your Dream says:
Hey, Where are you now?
(22:32) Better Than You says:
I'm not even sure anymore... I asked Tala what country we were in and he just mumbled some curses at me. I know I'm in an airport...
(22:32) Living Your Dream says:
Starting to regret having such a large organisation?
(22:33) Better Than You says:
Starting to regret not giving up your day job and having 'fucked by Kai' being both your job title and description? You could have come with
(22:34) Living Your Dream says:
And miss the daily joys of working as a bouncer? Only today a drunk guy -almost- scored a hit. Exciting times were had.
(22:34) Better Than You says:
Are you okay?
(22:35) Living Your Dream says:
Of course. That guy's left nut probably isn't going to be on speaking terms with him for a while though...
(22:36) Better Than You says:
You've been fooling around with some other guy's junk?
(22:37) Living Your Dream says:
Only on a purely work-related basis. Don't worry. I still prefer yours. Speaking of— when are you coming home?
(22:37) Better Than You says:
As soon as I can.
(22:39) Living Your Dream says:
I miss you.
(22:40) Better Than You says:
Yeah, me too
(22:41)Better Than You says:
Gotta go. Tala's woken up and the guy behind me in the queue looks like he either wants to murder or rape me.
(22:41) Living Your Dream says:
And you're worried about me messing with other guys' junk. Stay safe.
(22:41) Better Than You says:
Love you
Better Than You has left the room.
Logging out...
-o-
Kai Hiwatari is bored shitless
12 minutes ago Tala Ivanov likes this
Comments
Bryan Kuznetsov Does that mean you can't even take a toilet break?
6 minutes ago 2 people like this
Kai Hiwatari You're hilarious. Rescue Me.
3 minutes ago
-o-
Logging in...
Looks Good in a Suit has joined the room
(08:42) Looks Good in a Suit says:
You'll never guess what happened to me.
(08:43) Fuck off and Die says:
What?
(08:43) Looks Good in a Suit says:
Some hysterical lady called the office and demanded to speak to me. Said she had news about my long dead mother.
(08:44) Fuck off and Die says:
No!
(08:44) Looks Good in a Suit says:
But unfortunately she hung up before I could get to the phone.
(08:46) Fuck off and Die says:
The nerve of some people
(08:47) Looks Good in a Suit says:
I know! Unfortunately, my meeting was so disrupted we had to reschedule
(08:47) Fuck off and Die says:
At least some good came of it then
(08:51) Looks Good in a Suit says:
Thank you
(08:53) Fuck off and Die says:
Come home soon.
(08:54) Looks Good in a Suit says:
I'm doing my best. Only a week to go.
(08:54) Fuck off and Die says:
I'll have a surprise waiting for you
(08:56) Looks Good in a Suit says:
I'm intrigued. Hints?
(08:56) Fuck off and Die says:
Starts with S and rhymes with Grurprise
(08:57)Looks Good in a Suit says:
Could have just said no...
(08:58) Looks Good in a Suit says:
The hellhole is calling.
(09:01)Fuck off and Die says:
Love you
(09:02) Looks Good in a Suit says:
Be on standby for old lady calling again (I'm told your voice was very convincing)
Looks Good in a Suit has left the room
Logging out...
-o-
To WingsofAwesome
From Kai Hiwatari
Subject Reports
Could I get you to email me those reports we were discussing yesterday? I'm going into a meeting at 3pm (my time) and they would be useful for evidentiary support.
Kai Hiwatari
CEO
Hiwatari Enterprises
To WingsofAwesome
From Kai Hiwatari
Subject Ignore my last email
So it turns out that when I go for Tyson's email (known conveniently by my computer as Stupidface) it's actually quite easy to click on yours (filed under StudlyMcStudmuffin). Who knew?
Kai Hiwatari
CEO
Hiwatari Enterprises
To Kai Hiwatari
From WingsofAwesome
Subject RE Ignore my last email
Hope that hasn't gone the other way before. I'd hate for Tyson to read some of the stuff you send me.
How goes the constant meetings? Have you given up listening and started answering any requests with a karate kick to the face? Because that would be great.
Miss you
Bry
To WingsofAwesome
From Kai Hiwatari
Subject RE RE Ignore my last email
It would, wouldn't it? I'll have to get you to teach me how to do that. Guess what? We're having a break for the next few days so I'm catching a plane tonight (After my meeting. Hopefully if Tyson gets back to me about those reports I'll get out early)
Kai Hiwatari
CEO
Hiwatari Enterprises
-o-
Kai Hiwatari has forgotten how his legs work
2 minutes ago Bryan Kuznetsov likes this
xX The Middle Xx
Logging in...
Inconceivable! has joined the room
(11:42) StudlyMcStudMuffin says:
Back to work?
(11:42) StudlyMcStudMuffin says:
... Did you change my username by any chance?
(11:44) Inconceivable! says:
I'm offended you'd even ask that. Of course I did.
(11:45) Incurable badass says:
Much better
(11:45) Inconceivable! says:
Party pooper.
(11:47) Incurable badass says:
Sorry— I have a reputation to uphold.
(11:48) Incurable badass says:
Where are you now?
(11:50) Inconceivable! says:
Um... Spain. Tomorrow's Italy for three days and then I'm back home for a week.
(11:51) Incurable badass says:
Don't you get tired?
(11:53) Inconceivable! says:
That's what the week at home is for
(11:53) Incurable badass says:
Not if I have anything to say about it
(11:54) Inconceivable! says:
Is that a promise?
(11:55) Incurable badass says:
Why don't you come home to find out?
(11:57) Inconceivable! says:
Offer accepted... in four days.
(12:00) Incurable badass says:
I hate this. Why do you need to go everywhere personally?
(12:04) Inconceivable! says:
People aren't afraid of a telephone call. When I show up in person they tend to listen just that little bit harder. It means I only have to have contact with them about once a year instead of having to put a phone call through every week.
(12:05) Incurable badass says:
Trust me, you're plenty frightening on the phone. You don't need to do this.
(12:06) Inconceivable! says:
I'm going to hope that was a compliment and say thank you?
(12:06) Incurable badass says:
Probably for the best. Look, if flying around all the time is supposed to reduce the amount of contact you make with these people then why are you away –all the time-?
(12:07) Inconceivable! says:
You're exaggerating, I'm not away all the time. I'm just busy.
(12:08) Incurable badass says:
Yeah, whatever.
(12:09) Inconceivable! says:
Look, we'll talk when I get home after Italy, okay?
(12:13) Incurable badass says:
Fine, whatever. I've got to go.
Incurable badass has left the room
(12:13) Inconceivable! says:
Wait—
(12:15) Inconceivable! says:
Love you.
Logging out...
-o-
Kai Hiwatari hates plane food
Saturday at 12:23 Tala Ivanov Likes this
Bryan Kuznetsov went from being "in a relationship" to "It's complicated"
Monday at 15.54
-o-
To WingsofAwesome
From IceColdCool
Subject Get on a plane now
Whatever you said to him the last time you saw each other has turned Kai into a moody(er) little bitch intent on bringing the whole world down into his dark depression. You need to fix this.
-Tala
To IceColdCool
From WingsofAwesome
Subject No.
Tell him to snap out of it and to stop being a bitch. He knows how to fix this.
-Bryan
To WingsofAwesome
From IceColdCool
Subject For fuck's sake
I'm not your relationship counsellor. I don't care who said what to whom. But I need Kai to be himself. He's my boss and my best friend but I can't talk to him the way you can. Get your arse over here please.
-Tala
To IceColdCool
From WingsofAwesome
Subject RE For fuck's sake
I already gave you your answer. Tell Kai to stop being such a workaholic and maybe spend more than three seconds at home at a time and maybe he might not feel like shit anymore.
-Bryan
-o-
Bryan Kuznetsov went from "it's complicated" to being "single"
Friday at 09:32
-o-
Kai Hiwatari Sometimes, when I'm alone, I look up at the stars and think "Well fuck you too"
Friday at 19:01
-o-
To WingsofAwesome
From Kai Hiwatari
Subject Is this what it feels like?
Please just talk to me. I keep calling but you refuse to pick up the phone
Kai Hiwatari
CEO
Hiwatari Enterprises
To Kai Hiwatari
From WingsofAwesome
Subject There's nothing to say
We talked, Kai. We talked and it's not going to work out. I want someone who's actually going to be at home when I need him. Hell, I want someone who doesn't need to rely on email to stay in contact with me.
Move on.
-Bryan
To WingsofAwesome
From Kai Hiwatari
Subject What if
What if I came home right now? I'll cancel everything for the next month and I'll spend all my time just with you. I promise.
Kai Hiwatari
CEO
Hiwatari Enterprises
To Kai Hiwatari
From WingsofAwesome
Subject Don't
Then what happens the month after that? You'll go back to your normal routine and I'll be lucky to see you every third weekend or so? That's not fair.
I've started seeing other people. Maybe you should too?
-Bryan
To Kai Hiwatari
From IceColdCool
Subject RE FWD Don't
He's got a point.
Maybe it might be for the best if you tried moving on? I know a few people who might be interested...
-Tala
To IceColdCool
From Kai Hiwatari
Subject I'd rather eat Tyson's cooking
NEVER even suggest I go out on a blind date you've arranged. Just the thought sends shivers down my spine... and not in a good way.
And I can't. As girly and pathetic as it sounds— I love Bryan. I don't think I can move past him. And the idea of him seeing other people makes me physically sick
Kai Hiwatari
CEO
Hiwatari Enterprises
To Kai Hiwatari
From IceColdCool
Subject What have you done with Kai?
Then go get him back
There's nothing stopping you. Seriously, where's the Kai I used to know? Why haven't you found every single one of these potential suitors for Bryan and punched them all squarely in the jaw? Why are you still here?
-Tala
To IceColdCool
From Kai Hiwatari
Subject I can't
I can't just up and leave and you more than anyone else know that.
Kai Hiwatari
CEO
Hiwatari Enterprises
To Kai Hiwatari
From IceColdCool
Subject I can understand why he left you
You're pathetic. You're giving up on the guy you love to sign a few business deals.
-Tala
To IceColdCool
From Kai Hiwatari
Subject None
And what happens if I'm not here to "sign a few business deals" and this branch of the company goes under? What about the people who rely on their jobs to put food on their tables? I can't just abandon my responsibilities, Tala.
Kai Hiwatari
CEO
Hiwatari Enterprises
To Kai Hiwatari
From IceColdCool
Subject RE None
You're being selfish and pretending to be a martyr while doing it. Get over yourself.
-Tala
xX An Ending Xx
Kai Hiwatari Just celebrated his 30th in a room full of people he's never seen before
Saturday at 22:38
Comments
Bryan Kuznetsov That's one of the most depressing things I've ever heard. You're in Moscow, aren't you? Come and have a drink with me.
Saturday at 22:41
Kai Hiwatari Seriously?
Saturday at 22:47
Bryan Kuznetsov Sure. It's been a few years and I'd love to catch up. I'm still at the same place.
Saturday at 22:52
-o-
To Brylicious
From AshestoArmour
Subject I'm bored
What's doing?
-Kai
To AshestoArmour
From Brylicious
Subject How did you get this email?
And, for that matter, what's with the new email you're sporting?
-Bryan
To Brylicious
From AshestoArmour
Subject Tala
I tried your old email and it said it was inactive so I asked Tala and he gave me your new one. As for my new email address— you changed yours, why can't I?
-Kai
To AshestoArmour
From Brylicious
Subject Touche
You have a point. So how are you? It was good catching up on the weekend.
-Bryan
To Brylicious
From AshestoArmour
Subject RE Touche
It was, wasn't it? I can't believe how long it's been since we saw each other.
...Would you like to come to dinner with me some time this week?
-Kai
To AshestoArmour
From Brylicious
Subject It depends
How long are you in town for?
I'd love to have dinner with you Kai but you know that it won't be any more than that, right? I've moved on and (hopefully) so have you. And I still need the same things I needed back then —which you've already proven you can't give me. So if we have dinner it'll be as friends only.
-Bry
To Brylicious
From AshestoArmour
Subject I can always do with more friends
I'm in town indefinitely. Last year sometime (My brain wants to tell you April 24th at 3:09pm but I'm afraid you'll be scared off) I appointed Tala in my place. I realised that I was sick of hotel colour schemes and smarmy bell boys. So now Tala gets to go jetsetting around the world and I'm... retired, I guess? Doesn't feel like it. I've been keeping myself busy.
Friends then? How about a friendly Mexican feast? I feel as though my arteries haven't been clogged enough in this lifetime.
-Kai
To AshestoArmour
From Brylicious
Subject You're on
You're right, you know. I want something that's more cheese than food. Tomorrow night?
-Bry
P.s. I'm glad to hear that you've given up the job. How's Tala coping with it? I know he went with you most of the time but now he's by himself, isn't he?
To Brylicious
From AshestoArmour
Subject Tomorrow it is
Tala's having the time of his life. He's got his parrot (Did you know those things can live for up to 60 years? Mr Widdlesworth will probably still be here long after we're gone) and I think even if he didn't have the job he'd be constantly moving anyway. You know how he never liked to stay in one place too long.
Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow
-Kai
-o-
Logging on...
Hold on, We're going Down has joined the room
(14:31) Tin Can Soul says:
Hey, Kai. How's things?
(14:34) Hold on, We're going Down says:
Busy, as always. I'm supposed to be helping this charity to get their shit together but the head seems more concerned with exploiting my connections than making any changes.
(14:34) Tin Can Soul says:
Sounds... interesting?
(14:35) Hold on, We're going Down says:
That's just my great storytelling skill at work. It's not, really, but it gives me something to do and sometimes I get to go to charity balls wearing funny hats (Just my luck I mostly support children's charities. Dignity doesn't seem to matter to them)
(14:36) Tin Can Soul says:
No, I don't suppose it does. I had a good time yesterday. Are you up for a repeat performance?
(14:38) Hold on, We're going Down says:
Always. Where/When?
(14:41) Tin Can Soul says:
It's a surprise/Tonight
(14:42) Hold on, We're going Down says:
As friends?
(14:43) Tin Can Soul says:
As friends.
-o-
Kai Hiwatari has once again forgotten how his legs work.
Wednesday at 23:45
-o-
Bryan Kuznetsov is in a relationship with Kai Hiwatari
Friday at 10:00
Comments
Tala Ivanov What? Why have I heard about none of this?
Saturday at 01:17
Bryan Kuznetsov Kai's been too busy using his hands for other things :)
Saturday at 07:32
Tyson Granger TMI! TMI!
Saturday at 08:28 4 people like this
-o-
Kai Hiwatari thinks novelty ties are beneath him
Friday at 16:07
Comments
Bryan Kuznetsov Which one are you wearing this time?
Friday at 16:10
Kai Hiwatari Promise not to laugh?
Friday at 16:11
Tala Ivanov No.
Friday at 16:12
Rei Kon No.
Friday at 16:12
Bryan Kuznetsov No- tell us anyway
Friday at 16:12
Kai Hiwatari ...Captain Planet ... And I've got you a matching Planeteers one, Bry
Friday at 16:14 2 people like this
Bryan Kuznetsov Oh goodbye dignity. When are you coming home to bring me the monstrosity?
Friday at 16:16
Kai Hiwatari I'm on my way now
Friday at 16:18
Tala Ivanov I want photos!
Friday at 18:35
-o-
Bryan Kuznetsov thinks if he can survive ridiculous matching ties he can survive anything
Friday at 19:42
Please Tell me what you think