Title: A Game, An Outfit, and Some Crack
Pairings: A lot, mostly for crack purposes.
Rating: Probably more T, but M to be safe.
Warnings: Female-Free Zone=many mentions of M/M relationships, language, adult situations, OOCness, mentions of various kinks, large amounts of meaningless crack.
A/N: This is my first shared fan fic, so be gentle. There really is no plot, it's just some crack I wrote for my Creative Writing class, (this is the matured version, of course). By the way, I own nothing, (Except the non-existent plot). Enjoy!
"Truth," Lucifer replied to Crowley, causing the group of a mixture of angels, demons, and humans to giggle uncontrollably. Except Castiel, who didn't understand the concept of the game much less what was so funny about stating one of the options.
Flames flashed in the fallen angel's eyes, "What!"
"The devil isn't dare devil enough to take a dare," Gabriel explained with his signature mocking grin.
"Go to Hell," Lucifer muttered at the circle of imbeciles, he thought.
"A majority of ussssss already have," Azazel chimed in, yellow eyes glowing in the poorly lit room.
Crowley finally came up with a question, "Do your hormones act up once a month, or are you always as emotionally unstable as a human teenager?"
Lucifer exploded to his feet, "That's not a truth question! I should smite you six ways to Sunday!"
Zachariah decided the conversation was now worthy of his joining, "We all know he still cries out for daddy in his sleep before he wets the bed."
"And how would you know?" Michael went defending his brother, flaming sword, or words, in hand, "And he's always like that. Try being in a cage with him." Dean chuckled and elbowed Castiel in the side with a cheeky grin.
"Oh, Michael," Lucifer said, torn between love that bordered on incest and hate that bordered on murder, "You know you love the Cage…and leather." The archangel didn't know whether to be pissed or join in on the foreplay. Luce love dirty talk.
Crowley overlooked what just took place and shrugged, "I can't think of anything else, and you can't smite to Sunday, that's the big guy upstairs' day."
"Just ask someone, Lucifer," Sam attempted to keep the game going without anyone getting hurt. Besides, he wanted to get around to his turn.
"Zachariah!" Lucifer called out enthusiastically in an "announcer-from-Hell" kind of voice.
Zachariah's eyebrows lifted.
"Dare or die?" Everyone gave the devil a weird look.
"Truth."
After a brief pause, Lucifer smiled and began to laugh evilly, "I was prepared for that. Is it true, (which I know it is), that one of your faces is that of a turtle?"
Now Zachariah stood up outraged, "You swore you wouldn't tell!" Everyone erupted in laughter again.
"I am Satan, lying is my forte. Besides, it's a natural sin for me to be vindictive. You should know that," he responded with a wink. Dean chuckled and elbowed Castiel, again.
"Quiet down, you idjits! Alastair and I are trying to play chess. Gotta practice for my big game with the man upstairs!" Bobby yelled from his kitchen at the group in his living room.
Alastair growled, "I'm going to gut your soul, old man!"
Bobby chunked an empty beer can at the demon. It bounced off his skull with a clunk.
"ANYWAYS!" Sam shouted over the commotion, willing everyone to get back to the game. At this rate, he would never get his turn. He had the perfect dare for Gabriel.
"Gabriel, Gabriel, Gabriel," Zachariah said in that patronizing way of his.
"What is up with you saying stuff three times? Do you have impressive-convulsive disorder or something?" Dean cut in, getting annoyed by Zachariah's presence like usual.
Castiel coughed and Sam helped out his brother, "Obsessive-compulsive, Dean."
Everyone ignored each other, "Truth or dare?"
Gabriel flashed his teeth, "Dare."
Lucifer scoffed from his emo corner and mumbled something about spite. Meanwhile, Zachariah looked lost in thought. Sam saw and seized the opportunity. Leaning over, he began to whisper in Zachariah's ear.
Zachariah began to chortle in kiddish excitement, "That's brilliant!"
The archangel's eyebrows lifted.
Sam's eyes brightened. He hadn't been too sure Zachariah would take it well.
"Okay. So Gabriel, I dare you to dress in the traditional archangel attire for the next month. Bed sheet, wreath, horn, wings, and all."
There was a solid thirty seconds of complete silence in which demon looked at angel, angel looked at human, and human looked at demon.
"The sheet has to be wrapped below the torso," Sam piped up, cursing Zachariah for not being specific enough. Gabriel had to be bare-chested, it was a requirement. Dean chuckled and elbowed Castiel.
"Dean, could you please stop inserting your elbow into my side. I think I am developing a bruise. Besides, I don't understand what you are finding so humorous anyway."
Dean gave Castiel a smirk that can only be described as one that takes your innocence, "You know you love it when we mark each other." Castiel blinked.
"Seriously, he gets all hot and heavy every time I touch his shoulder," Sam gestured to Castiel's handprint.
Lucifer gave his brother a thumbs up, "Hey, we aren't the only ones." Michael looked confused as did the Winchesters.
To the general population's shock, Castiel understood what was going on, "Dean, I think Lucifer is insinuating that you and your brother are in an incestuous relationship as he and Michael are."
Michael's nostril's flared, "We are not in such a thing!"
"Neither are we!" The Winchester brothers said in unison.
The devil lit a randomly appearing cigarette, "Whatever you say, kiddos. You can't lie to the King of Lies."
"You've got to be kidding me," Gabriel finally spoke, getting back to the previous matter. When no one replied, he sighed, "I guess it could be worse. Like wetting the bed or having a turtle face." As he snapped his fingers, Lucifer and Zachariah scowled and felt less guilty than not feeling guilty at all for making Gabriel go through with the dare.
Instantly, all of Gabriel's clothes vanished, and were replaced (unfortunately too quickly for Sam to catch a peek,) with nothing but an off-white bed sheet slung loosely around his hips and an evergreen wreath nestled in his curly brown hair. In his hands was the legendary golden Gabriel's Horn, sparkling with heavenliness even in the weak lighting. What was most impressive, however, were the appearance of the archangel's wings. At least, to the humans anyway. Even Bobby stopped his intense game to stare.
There were four of them, presumably because of his rank, two arched upward, the other two, down. They were rather large in size, easily bigger than half his person. Trying to describe their color was a rather doomed effort. At one angle they appeared a violet blue like hydrangeas and night irises, another, a black darker than the deepest abyss of existence. Eventually, Sam gave up because he began to see a mixture of the two, drawing him in until he was lost in the feathers that weren't completely there, their edges fading into a fabric called Reality. When Gabriel stretched as if he hadn't let his wings spread in a millennia, divine essence poured off them like crystals in a waterfall.
Between the wings and Gabriel's exposed toned chest and torso, as deliciously pale and smooth it looked, Sam couldn't tear his eyes away. Gabriel snorted. The sound brought Sam back to earth, his in awe expression turned to that of someone deviously satisfied. Everyone else busted out in unrestrained laughter. Besides Castiel, whose eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration as he tried to figure out what was funny now.
The half naked archangel rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers. At first, no one noticed a thing, too busy keeling over at the hilarity of it all. It wasn't until Dean, gasping for breath, ran his hand through his hair and settled his arm on the couch around Castiel realized he had no hair.
"What the fuck?"
It was Gabriel's turn to laugh, as he took in the six shiny bald heads, and six pairs of angry eyes flaming with hatred. (Poor Castiel was victim to the hair loss too, but he didn't really mind as much as everyone else. He wasn't one to care about looks.) The divine beings attempted to reverse the problem, but since Gabriel either outranked or was of equal rank to them all, their powers didn't work. The only one who could have maybe done it was Lucifer, but since being thrown in the cage, he hadn't been as powerful as he once was. Everyone was at the mercy of the runaway angel turned trickster, and they knew it.
Dean became desperate, Castiel might not want him anymore if he looked like a meaty naked mole rat, "GABRIEL! Give me my fucking hair back right now you son of a bitch, or so help me God I will send you to Purgatory myself."
"Adorned in nothing but a red bowtie," Sam added, irritated and turned on at the same time. He wondered if he was developing a bald kink which lead him to wonder what kinks Gabriel had. Gabriel sure liked candy…
Castiel turned to Dean, "Dean, your hair does not define you. I find you just as attractive as before."
Dean smiled, but before the two could share a quick sweet kiss, Gabriel interrupted, "Okay, girls, just one more thing," there was a sudden flash, sending everyone into temporary blindness, and when their vision cleared, their hair was back to normal.
Gabriel didn't give anyone any time to ask what happened. With another snap, a movie screen appeared on Bobby's wall and shot glasses full of an unknown liquor materialized in front of everyone, "Drinking game anyone?" He would e-mail the picture to everyone later.
"What'ssssss the rulesssss?" Azazel asked, taking the glass in hand with a wicked grin.
The screen began to glow. Abruptly, two figures popped up on the screen. They looked a lot like-, "What the hell? Is that us?" Sam and Dean looked from each other to the screen and back.
Gabriel ignored them, "When the Winchesters say each other's names or close the car doors in sync, Cass says Dean's name, performance of eye-sex, mention of the words, 'sonovabitch', 'idjit', or 'balls', we drink."
"Oh-ho, darling. This should be splendid," Crowley winked at Gabriel after running his eyes over the half-naked angel with piercing lust. Gabriel returned his heated gaze with just as much fire, perhaps the outfit wasn't so bad after all.
Lucifer didn't miss the clear eye sex going on between the archangel and demon king, "Maybe we should start drinking now." Zachariah, Michael, and Azazel nodded in agreement. Sam sulked.
Castiel looked confused, "What is this 'eye-sex'?" Dean wasn't sure either.
"Let the drinking commence," of all people, Michael, stated.
2 Alcohol Filled Hours Later…
A/N2: Oooo, cliffhanger-ish. I do plan on a sequel, with some man smexin', but I have no idea between which couple. ^-^