Author's Note: Hi guys

Call Me Bella, by gotbooks93

Author's Note: Hi guys. This is my first fan fiction. Here's a summary:

AU story. The Denali coven goes to Forks to get to know Bella while Edward is gone. After Eclipse, before Breaking Dawn. Throw in some Emmett and Alice insanity and you have a recipe for hilarity! Fluffy goodness!

I wrote this a while ago, but when Breaking Dawn came out, everything was wrong, so I had to change it…

Disclaimer: I own lots of stuff! Just not the Twilight books. Sob

Chapter 1- Unsurprising Surprises and Musical Torture

BPOV

Someone was poking me in the neck.

As I slid one groggy eye open, I was met with a chipper "Oh good! You're up!" A pixy sat on the bed next to me, looking gorgeous and innocent. Too innocent. Her tone was surprised, as if it was a delightful coincidence we happened to be in the same room, at the same time, in the same bed. As if she wasn't the one jabbing me in the jugular.

"How was your sleep?" she asked, still polite, despite my murderous gaze.

"Great, before you got here. Now Alice," I said, my voice tired. "Can you please explain to me why you are in my room at," I paused to take a look at my bedside clock, "six thirty in the morning?"

"Well I thought you would want to know we're expecting an unexpected visit today." I must have looked confused, because when she continued, the voice was slower, as if talking to a dim-witted child… or Jessica Stanley. "The Denali family is coming down for a surprise visit today," she paused looking thoughtful. "Of course, it's not really a surprise if I have a vision of it. To their credit, though, they did try to hide it." She smiled sweetly.

She had my attention now. "What?" I sat bolt upright, not making any effort to keep my voice down.

Charlie had left to Seattle for a police training conference yesterday, and wouldn't be back for a few days. Unfortunately, he wasn't the only one that was out of town. Edward had gone on a hunting trip with Rosalie, Esme, and Carlisle, and wouldn't be back until tomorrow morning. An eternity.

"Why the heck are they coming now?" I asked, biting my lip.

"My guess? They wanted to see the beautiful blushing bride without the groom's interference." She grinned, knowing I hated to think of Edward and me as bride and groom "I happen to know Edward wanted to be with you when you finally met the infamous Denali sisters."

I gulped. I didn't know much about the Denali sisters, but what I did know wasn't good. Tanya, the eldest and leader of the coven, was a strawberry blonde vampire who made her interests known to Edward. Although he had declined her offer and told me he 'preferred brunettes' I was still worried. How was I, human and plain, supposed to compete with a gorgeous vampire like her?

"So…what do we do now?" I asked, hoping Alice had a plan. My grumpiness was now gone, replaced by nervousness and anticipation.

"Now," Alice said grandly, putting one finger in the air, "we go to the Alice Mobile!" and with that, she scooped me up, and ran me downstairs. Apparently the fact that I hadn't showered, eaten, or dressed didn't matter. We were outside my house, the door locked, and ready in a matter of seconds.

The weather was very pleasant, at about eighty degrees, a rarity for Forks. Dark clouds covered the sky, but it wasn't raining…yet. Alice set me down next to her stupidly expensive Porsche 911 Turbo, and zipped around to the driver's side. Of course, kidnapping your brother's significant other came with a price. Alice's price, apparently, was a nice car. I was pulled from my thoughts of holding people hostage as the window went down, and Alice ordered me inside the car.

As soon as my seatbelt was fastened, we were speeding down the street. I reached over and turned on the music. To my amusement, Smash Mouth's 'Sister Psychic' came blaring through the speakers.

Sister Psychic won't you tell me

Does it ever get better?

Can you really see the future?

Or just predict the weather

Are we in our finest hour or

Headed for disaster

Use your super powers

And rescue me…

I looked at Alice, who was happily singing along to the song. She caught my gaze, and turned down the music for a second, and said "It's my theme song." Before turning it back up. So as we made our way to the big white house in the woods, we listened to Alice's music. After 'Sister Psychic' 'Material Girl' came on, causing me to cringe and Alice to squeal in delight. She sang along to that one, too, her perfect voice weaving in and out of the lyrics.

Living in a material world

and I am a material girl
you know that we are living in a material world
and I am a material girl

The song finally ended and I sighed in relief, at least until the next song came on.

I want fabulous,
That is my simple request,
All things fabulous,
Bigger and better and best,
I need something inspiring to help me get along,
I need a little fabulous is that so wrong?

I desperately looked for the turn off to the house, eager to escape 'Fabulous' from High School Musical as Alice danced in her seat. There it was! Alice drove up to the house, and I jumped out of the car, and promptly tripped. It was a wonder my klutziness hadn't caught up with me so far, and of course it wasn't enough for me to fall flat on my face. Emmett burst from the front door, shaking the widows as his laughter boomed from his mouth. I looked up from the ground to see Emmett holding up a large white piece of cardboard, with a 9 printed on the front. Jasper wandered lazily out behind him, holding an 8 on his piece of cardboard. It took me a minute to figure it out. Then it hit me. They were scoring my clumsiness!

"Your overall performance was quite good, but your dismount didn't meet expectations." Emmett said in a snobby voice. He desperately pressed his lips together, trying to hold in his laughter, before dissolving into mirth again.

It seemed his laughter was contagious, because Jasper started laughing too, taking Alice and I along for the ride. Alice burst into giggles, and as I picked myself up, I started laughing, too. Jasper's chuckles became more pronounced, and Emmett dropped to the ground, rolling in the dirt as he clutched his sides. Alice's eyes widened as we both were overcome with laughter. This was getting out of hand. I gasped for air and it was a good thing Emmett didn't need to breathe because he didn't seem to be able to.

"Jazz! Calm down please!" she pleaded with him between her hyperactive giggles.

Jasper quickly concentrated on lowering his amusement, and the aching in my sides subsided. Emmett gasped for breath on the ground before gracefully– if someone his size could be graceful- jumping back up. Jasper smiled apologetically at me. I smiled back.

Emmett chuckled again. "Bella, you are too dang funny for your own good. Now, are we having a sleepover?" he glanced down at my bedtime attire. I blushed before turning to Alice and raising my eyebrows.

"Bella you know I'm doing this to get you ready for the Denali girls, right? It's for your own good." She was walking slowly towards me, measuring her steps. I know she meant to be reassuring, but it was just freaking me out.

"Hold on. What?" I asked, backing up, and almost tripping before I caught myself. Emmett looked disappointed. Alice seemed to realize the little dance we were doing wasn't helping and she stopped. I did too.

"When Edward first told you about Tanya, you got jealous, right?" she asked, raising her brows. I frowned, and crossed my arms stubbornly. I didn't want to admit to it. She smiled briefly, and continued. "I'll doll you up so you have more confidence when they get here. Which is in a few hours, so let's get going, okay?"

I sighed. It looked like this was the only way I could look half decent in front of the beautiful, smart, single sisters. I think I could finally see how Edward felt whenever we were with Jake or in school and one of my admirers came by. I nodded, and Alice beamed before rushing me upstairs. Let the torture begin.

As Alice played 'Barbie Bella', I kept glancing at the clock. The Denali family was supposed to arrive at nine, and each minute seemed to make me more nervous. Alice kept calling Jasper in to calm me down, and eventually he decided to just stay in the bathroom with us. Emmett was downstairs playing HALO 3 and every once in a while you'd hear him roar "You just got owned!" or "What the crap?" except he didn't say crap. Jasper and Alice probably heard a lot more of it than I did because of their hearing, and I was thankful for once I wasn't a vampire…yet.

As Alice played with my hair, trying to figure out how she wanted it, we went over wedding plans. Of course, when I say 'went over' I mean her babbling on about flowers, food, and dresses. Endlessly dresses. I would just say 'that sounds nice' and 'I trust you on this, Alice' and she chattered on happily. And I did trust her…to make the wedding over the top and cost enough to fund the food and clothing of a small country.

At last, it was over. I'd been plucked, pinched, and stuffed, but the result was quite satisfying. It had taken all Alice's self restraint to 'keep it true to Bella' I was prettier, of course, but it still looked like me. I wore a white sundress with a navy blue ribbon that went around my chest. Alice had applied a little makeup, but not enough to drive me crazy. I wore simple black sandals. Knowing Alice this simple outfit cost more than my house, so I didn't ask.

I stood up and stretched. I was stiff from sitting in Alice's hairdresser chair, and my stomach was about to eat itself. I escaped the room I had named 'The Bathroom of Many Horrors' and headed downstairs. Emmett looked up at me from the couch, and smiled.

"You look nice." He said, and I blushed. He chuckled, and turned back to his game.

I walked into the kitchen, ready to scarf the first thing I came in contact with. There was a note on the counter, in Esme's writing. Ignoring my protesting stomach, I picked it up.

Dear Bella, she had written, I'm sure you will be over before we come home, so I left some meals in the fridge. They can all go in the microwave, and I expect them all to be gone by the time I get home. You skip far too many meals as it is. I hope you enjoy them. Love, Esme.

I smiled at her motherly concern for me before I noticed the darkness on the bottom of the paper. I flipped it over to see a quickly scribbled note.

Bella, the note read, in writing I would recognize anywhere; you don't have to eat all of them, but please don't skip any meals. Esme tends to go a little overboard where her mothering instincts are concerned .Be safe, Danger Magnet. I love you. Edward.

He was so sweet. I guessed he had written the note behind Esme's back though, so better destroy the evidence. I turned and threw the paper into the trash. Turning towards the fridge, I gasped. Stocked from top to bottom, was food. Small Tupperware containers held sauces. There were several bottles of soda. There was pizza and sandwiches, cakes and veggies, fruit salad and pasta. I was grateful for Edward's note. I couldn't eat half of this if I tried. After standing in front of the fridge for a while, I cautiously removed a container of tomato soup. I was afraid I might cause an avalanche of food, but Esme had stocked it carefully so that another container simply dropped down to fill its place. I removed the lid to the Tupperware container, and was about to put it in the microwave several things happened at once. The doorbell rang out around the house.

Alice's cry of "Emmett, NO!" came from upstairs. Then, the very sky seamed to shatter.

"RRROOOOOAAAAARRRRR!" an explosive sound came from directly behind me.

If my heart ever truly stopped, it was then. I screamed in terror, dropping the container of thick, red soup in fright, right onto the counter in front of me. The container bounced slightly, catapulting its contents all over anything within five feet. Including me.

I stood there in shock, clutching the countertop and listening to my heart restart. It took a while for its normal beat to come back. My hands were shaking and I could feel my eyes were as wide as dinner plates. I shakily turned around to find Emmett rolling on the floor laughing. Alice stood in the door, fuming. Jasper stood beside her, desperately trying to calm her rage. And there, in the doorway to the kitchen, stood an outrageously beautiful vampire with strawberry blonde hair.

Love it? Hate it? Please leave a review, and I will love you FOREVER! I'm going to reply to my reviewers for as long as I can, so you'll feel appreciated!

The songs in this chapter are "Sister Psychic" by Smash mouth, "Material Girl" by Madonna, and "Fabulous" by Sharpay from High School Musical 2. Anyone who likes the songs I bashed, I hope you don't take offence. They're just not my thing.

I'll update as soon as I can, I PROMISE!

-Gotbooks93 (September 13, 2008)