"Excuse me dear, but do you know what you want?"

Stan Marsh stood at the front of the cafeteria line confused. He was snapped out of his reverie by the cafeteria lady's voice; he was about to answer her question with a name, until he realized. Oh.

She meant what I want to eat.

"Uh, I'll have fishsticks and fries please."

The cafeteria lady (Her name was Georgiana he found out last year at a PTA meeting) smiled happily as she piled the food onto his plate. Stan took the opportunity to observe. Georgiana wasn't all that bad looking to be a Mom. She had bright red hair tied up in a bun but you could still tell it would be flowing if she had it down. Her complexion was nice too, fair and even. Her figure was never a point of concern since Georgiana was about 5"9 and as fit as a Supermodel during fashion week. He wondered why she chose South Park of all places to live, raise a family and even work. She could be doing shows in New York right now, modeling for all the biggest names and making a fortune. Instead, she was dealing with pots and pans full of lunch for public school kids. Some things just didn't make sense.

"Here you go Darling." Georgiana called back Stan's attention again as she handed him his plate over the silver counter, still smiling as bright as ever.

"Thanks." Stan tried to match her smile but gave up almost instantly. Georgiana's happiness was already to the level of radiating, he knew he couldn't compete with that. Especially since his level of happiness was on the borderline of certified unhappiness.

He walked across the lunch room quickly glancing over the tables.

The Popular Girls Table was more to the far left of the room, with Wendy, Bebe and about 3 other girls they had recruited back in 8th grade. Kenny called them "Bagholders" since pretty much all they did was hold Wendy and Bebe's bags when they were out shopping or doing anything really. They also dragged them around to listen to pointless babble and gossip Bebe had picked up around the school. Stan never understood why those girls were so willing; I mean what were they getting out of it? Perks of being considered popular, maybe. The only reason Stan could think of was mind control that had to be why they hadn't completely gone insane, yet.

Right next to The Popular Girls Table was The Popular Guys Table. There Token, Craig, Clyde and Tweek reigned. They didn't do much besides flirt with The Popular Girls Table. The monotony of their table annoyed Stan and rightly so, it had been going on for years. Although Craig and Tweek didn't flirt so much these days…except with each other. Stan's thoughts were once again interrupted, although this time by a much more favorable redhead.

"Fun fact! In some places people actually sit down to eat lunch! It's crazy!" Kyle stood in front of Stan in all his Kyle-like glory; a worn bright green Ushanka on his head and a pale orange jacket that he had been identified by for years. Kyle was smirking as he reached over and stole a fishstick off of Stan's plate. Stan gasped in surprise.

"Are you allowed to eat that?"

Kyle raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Hey Stan. Hey abandoner." Kenny chimed into the conversation while casually stealing a fishstick from Stan's plate as well. Kenny had on a rather new-looking orange parka with the hood completely not drawn.

"Abandoner?" Kyle turned to look at Kenny.

"Yep, it's what you call someone who abandons others. "

"Kenny, that's ridiculous. I left the table to go get Stan. If anything I should be called The Lunch Uniter." Stan laughed at Kyle's self-proclaimed title.

"No dude, you didn't just leave. You left me alone with Cartman." Kenny shuddered as if the mere mention of his name sent shivers down his spine.

"Oh, oops. Sorry dude. I thought he was really "over" our lunch group. He called us socially inept like 50 times last week, it seemed real."

"Cartman used the term socially inept?" Stan stared past Kenny at the table behind them where Cartman in his red sweater was reading a book called "The Devouring".

"Nah, he actually just called us and I quote "losers who will never get girlfriends because they're too busy fondling themselves in train station bathrooms"".

Kenny immediately burst into a fit of laughter when Kyle had finished the quote.

"Only Cartman." Stan smiled and shook his head as he pushed Kenny aside gently so he could walk up to the table and put down his tray.

"I'm glad you came alone Stan. There's something I need to talk to you about." Cartman set his book down on the table and eyed Stan cheerfully. Something was wrong, Cartman was never cheery.

"What is it?" Stan sat down next to Cartman and leaned in closer to Cartman's side interested to hear the horrible news. It had to be horrible; horrible was the only kind of news that made Cartman happy in any way, shape or form. He had been that way as long as Stan had known him.

"Well, there are two things actually. The first being about your fishsticks." Cartman reached out to Stan's plate and grabbed a fishstick, promptly stuffing it into his mouth. Stan was positive he didn't chew.

"And the second being about your crush."

Stan was taken aback.

"My crush?" Stan tried to play off his hesitation by a façade of surprise.

"Yes Stan, it's taken me a while but I finally got it. I know who you like." Cartman simpered.

"Yeah right Cartman." Stan scoffed and then picked up a fishstick for himself.

"Yeah, right." Cartman's eyes shot into a different direction and his hands slowly pointed towards his right side. Stan followed Cartman's hands and his gaze, they both led directly to Kyle, as he sat down heavily next to Cartman and besides Kenny.

Stan froze and dropped his last fishstick on the table.