Oh look, a SatsuNon fic. You all know the deal: middle of the night, some IRL-inspired setting, super fluff ensues. I hope the girls don't seem OOC to you, but we'll see.
Enjoy~
The roof of the three-story flat was usually vacated for many reasons: Inumuta complained that it was out of WiFi range; Uzu was disappointed with its lack of room for training; and Gamagoori, who moved in with Mako right after they got together, couldn't fit through the small door that led up there anyway. Satsuki didn't bother with it either; she had the full top floor beautifully furnished with a great view, so the roof offered her nothing new.
Only Nonon found use in it. She was on the second floor with Inumuta; Uzu had taken Gamagoori's room on the first floor and left the blue-haired wiz to appropriate the now-vacant room for computer use. Honestly though, her room was only good for sleeping. Something about its acoustic properties made it horrible for playing music, and she quickly got tired of the concrete wall that the window looked out on. Once she found that none of her roommates went up to the roof, it became her prime spot for practice and, on occasion, being alone.
Lately it had been used for the latter reason. After the Life Fibers menace had been dealt with and she no longer had to worry about her status as a Deva, she devoted her spare time to practice. The roof became her stage, originally playing for the birds during the day and the stars at night, but slowly gaining some neighborhood fans that never spoke to her but who she saw swaying to her music out of the corner of her eye.
Slowly, that began to change. Something lodged itself in her mind; a thought that she couldn't avoid. As the months after the events at Honnouji Academy passed, Nonon noticed the quality of life increase for everyone. Mako and Gamagoori became a couple and found happiness in that. Like her, Uzu and Inumuta became increasingly dedicated to their interests, but so much more so than she herself. And, of course, Ryuuko and Satsuki had gained a sister in each other, adding the missing "family" piece to their life.
The only one that wasn't basking in happiness was her.
And she knew very well why.
That's why she went up to the roof that night. Being on the second floor and closest to the stairs meant she didn't bother the males of the household, and Satsuki's actual bedroom was far enough away from the stairwell that it seemed she never bothered her either. This made it easy to sneak up there in the middle of the night without any unneeded inquiry as to why. The roof was her domain; she could go up and do whatever she wanted without bothering or being bothered.
By now, she had grown very fond of the stars. Sure, the birds she played for during the day flew around her and sung to her melody, but it was the way the stars seemed to twinkle at her that made them her favorite audience. They watched her play, standing by silently but approvingly. Perhaps that's what won her over. Those traits were strikingly similar to someone she knew.
The same someone that she was agonizing over now.
As she sat there, her knees tucked against her chest and her eyes gazing at the shinning sky above, her mind couldn't focus on anyone else. She thought she had solved this a long time ago. She thought she had buried these feelings when she had become a Deva. She thought she wouldn't think about this ever again.
Memories rushed past her mind's eye like the scenery of a train. Locks of thick black hair, a sharp gaze that had pierced her heart long ago – and a hand. A small hand, barely larger than hers, gripped in between her own.
"I'll be the one to hold your hand forever!"
Nonon groaned at the childish voice. How many times had she played that line in her head, and how many times had she swooned over the small smile she received after it? She wasn't so much upset at the event as she was the fact that she had kept so true to those words all these years. It was a promise that she kept close to her heart. Too close, however, because it soon transformed into the seed of her current feelings – and her current problem.
She dropped her head into her arms. I held her hand this whole time, and yet…
Somewhere along the line, her original intentions had changed. She found that holding that hand – that strong, firm hand – wasn't enough.
I want her to hold my hand, too.
Nonon's chest tightened. How cliché was that? Really? How had she become such a sap? How had she let her guard down like that?
How had she fallen so deeply in love with the owner of that hand, to the point where she held it so desperately in an attempt to convey her feelings to the girl?
She groaned and looked up at the sky. Not that it matters, she bemoaned. That's not the problem.
As far as she knew, her feelings never got through, no matter how tightly she held that hand. She always continued to move forward with powerful strides, her gaze set ahead and away from Nonon. Even now that she was free from the wrath she had built her life around, her smile only fell upon her occasionally. More often than not, it was directed at her new little sister.
But that wasn't the gaze that the small girl wanted. She didn't want to be her little sister. No…she wanted a different gaze, a different bond. A stronger, more passionate bond. One that, as of yet, the woman had yet to forge with anyone.
Unfortunately, it seemed she wasn't interested in such things. The topic often came up when speaking of Mako and Gamagoori, and each time the woman chuckled and dismissed it. She would say "I'm not interested in such things" or "That's not for me", or something to that effect. She always seemed so sure about it, too, like it wasn't even on her list of goals. Like she wouldn't even consider it if it came along.
Like she'd even reject someone who tried to forge that bond.
Yup, I'm screwed, the small girl groaned, flopping back on the hard ground, and not even in the good way.
Suddenly there was a giggle from nearby – a giggle she usually only heard in her dreams. She shot up from the ground and turned to the door to the roof. Sure enough, the source was just who she expected it to be, but she was utterly unprepared for the sight she saw.
The once rigid queen of Honnouji Academy stood before her dawned in a pair of long-sleeved blue bunny pajamas. A few months ago, Nonon would have vehemently argued that it betrayed the woman's character, but that was no longer true. The sharp edges of her personality had been softened, polished away to refine her into the beautiful gem she was now. Even Nonon had to admit she liked how much she smiled and giggled these days, even if they were never directed towards her.
"S-Satsuki," she blurted, casually adjusting the skirt of her outfit in an attempt to calm her racing heart. "What's so funny?"
"You." She lowered her hand from her face to motion to the area next to the pink-haired girl. "Would you mind if I joined you?"
Nonon could barely hear over the pounding in her chest, and she definitely couldn't hear herself over it when she agreed. The corner of Satsuki's mouth twitched as she came over, mumbling a small "thank you" as the smaller girl scooted over to make enough room for her on the blanket covering the ground. It took all of her willpower to lower her heart rate enough to actually be able to hear.
"S-So, um," she stuttered (Damn it Nonon, don't look like a total dork! she bemoaned), "what brings you up here? I know it's not the view."
Satsuki nodded and paused before she spoke. "I heard you come up here but didn't hear you go back down, so I came to see what was wrong."
Nonon's inner voice was yelling at her about a hundred reasons why she should be alerted by this statement, but she quickly shushed it when she saw Satsuki's smile falter a bit.
"It seems something is bothering you."
She knows! The voice was yelling again. That's it! Game over! Just jump off the roof! The edge is right there! Go go go!
Despite her raging emotions inside, she kept her composure and managed to make the well-needed deep breath seem like a defeated sigh. That helped, for she was able to let out a small chuckle. "You noticed, huh?" She looked away. "You've always been able to see right through me."
"That's not true," the black-haired girl quickly answered, her tone flat and her face serious. She hadn't worn an expression like that in quite some time. "I can tell something's wrong, but I don't know what." Then she also sighed. "If I could, I would have confronted you a lot sooner."
"Huh?" Nonon cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean 'sooner'?"
Satsuki also cocked her head. "Whatever's bothering you, it's the same thing that's been bothering you for awhile now, isn't it?"
Huh?! Inner Nonon started panicking again. She noticed?! B-But I thought I covered it up so well!
"You were never hard to read, Nonon. I noticed awhile ago." She huffed. "But, even though I've been watching you for awhile, I can't seem to figure out what it is."
Several questions passed her mind, but the most prominent, although not the most important, was She's been watching me for awhile? Really, there was no way she could get out of this, but she tried anyway. "Ah, it's not that big of a deal, really," she lied.
As expected, Satsuki didn't buy it. "Then why have you looked so distraught lately?"
She chuckled nervously. "Well, uh…I just…" Can't get over the fact that I'll never be with you. She resisted the urge to shake her head and just ignored the voice. "…can't seem to find a solution." Or don't want to, because the solution is not being with you.
"Oh." Her expression softened. "Can I help you find one?"
"No!" She blurted so loud and suddenly that she startled even herself. "I-I mean, uh…" You're part of the problem. Damn, that voice was persistent! "There's really nothing you can do, so…" Except accept my love, which you'll never do. "Don't worry, I'll be alright on my own."
The look on Satsuki's face made her think she could hear all the thoughts betraying her words. Her façade was beginning to weaken, and she felt Inner Nonon too powerful to ignore. At this point, I've made enough of a fool of myself that I might as well just spill the beans.
"Really, I'm okay," she reassured her. "I'll…I'll be okay."
Her inner voice took over.
No I won't. I'll probably never be okay.
Satsuki still looked unsure, but there was something else in her expression that made her think she might give up. Nonon wasn't all that good at throwing people off her trail like this, but thus far the woman had never pried farther than she needed to.
Then again, when had Satsuki Kiryuuin ever given up on anything?
Suddenly her look turned unnaturally concerned and she looked up at the sky. "It must be very serious if you're lying to me like that."
Nonon panicked. "I'm not lying!" She didn't notice that she had leaned a little closer to the other woman. "This just…This isn't something you can help me with." Something in her chest made her pull back, shying away from her companion. Her voice lowered to a soft melancholy tone. "You don't have the answers I need."
Satsuki didn't speak and stayed focused on the stars. Nonon's chest was starting to hurt, so much so that she couldn't bear to turn her gaze up to her sparkling audience. All of her feelings – anxiety, insecurity, desperation, frustration – were suddenly crashing down over her. She didn't want the stars that always saw her in such high spirits to see how low she had sunk into the depths of depression.
Look at me. I can't even face a bunch of gas balls that are millions of miles away in space. How could I ever hope to even ask the question? How could I ever hope to hold her hand again?
This sudden pain was crippling. She squeezed her knees to her chest again, hoping that the pressure would relieve some of it. It was starting to cloud her mind, meshing thoughts together into one single lament:
"I'll never get what I'm looking for…"
It was supposed to be a thought but it came out as a whisper. She didn't even notice she had said it; her mind was so mucked up with darkness that she barely remembered that there was still someone next to her.
That is, until she spoke again.
"Nonon, look!"
A single clear spot appeared in the cloud covering her mind and allowed her to obey. She saw Satsuki, her arm lifted and pointing at something. Her eyes followed the line to the sky. It was small at first – just a speck slightly larger than the stars around it. Slowly it became larger as it moved across the sky. A tail formed, and finally Nonon realized what it was.
"A shooting star?" she mumbled.
Satsuki lowered her arm. "Amazing. I've never seen one before."
The small light wasn't quite enough to clear her mind completely. The cloudiness still weighted on her mood. "Make sure to make a wish," she mumbled.
"A wish?" Satsuki looked to her. "Why?"
That took Nonon by surprise. Why's she asking that? Doesn't she know about shooting stars? She looked to her as well. "Why what?"
"Why make a wish?"
"Because they're good luck!"
Satsuki cocked her head. "They are?"
"Yes! So you make a wish on them." She shook her head. "Everyone knows that."
"Oh." She looked back to the sky. The star was still moving across it, now clearly visible amongst its smaller cousins. "I see…It's lucky, so if you wish on it, your wish might come true?"
"That's the idea." Despite the dark cloud still in her mind, she found herself smiling. I forget there are some things she doesn't know. That's the daughter of the Kiryuuin family for ya, I guess.
Satsuki was focusing intently on the star. Nonon looked at it again, and it seemed it would disappear soon. What a dumb myth though, she thought. Thinking a star would share its luck with a human. Her smile faded. Especially someone like me…
But she couldn't take her eyes away. Despite her absolute resignation the worst outcome, despite the dark cloud that seemed to be making itself at home in her mind, there was still a glimmer of hope in her heart. Then again, maybe…Just maybe…
Her eyes followed the ball across the sky, and just as it began to shrink away, she closed her eyes.
I wish she'd hold my hand, too.
When she opened her eyes again, it was gone. Satsuki sighed and relaxed, leaning back on the blanket. "Amazing," she mumbled. Her face still held wonder.
Nonon managed a small chuckle and leaned forward so she could look up into the woman's face. "Did you make a wish?"
Satsuki tensed a bit at the question. Hm, what's up with that? Slowly a smile spread across her face. "Yes. Just a small one."
"Oh?" A small spark of curiosity lit in her mind. It's probably something adorable, she thought.
The other woman looked to her. "What about you? Did you wish for something?"
Oh. That. Immediately the cloud engulfed her being. It was painful to keep the smile on her face. "Yeah, but…I don't think it'll be granted."
That made her frown. "What did you wish for?"
Nonon shook her head. "I can't tell you."
"Why not?"
"If you tell someone what you wished for, then it definitely won't come true."
She pouted, which the smaller girl would have swooned over under normal circumstances. "That's ridiculous."
"Well it's the rules." She chuckled. "Don't wanna goof it up. Even if mine is an impossible wish."
Satsuki was obviously not satisfied. She paused for a moment, thinking. The silence was giving the cloud time to take over again, and by now Nonon was getting tired of it. Maybe if she just gave in for awhile it'd get bored and clear up, but she definitely didn't want to do that in front of Satsuki. She tried to come up with an excuse to leave before the cloud started to break down her façade. Unfortunately she didn't have enough time before Satsuki turned to her, another serious look on her face. A strange feeling washed over her, like something amazing was about to happen, but the abyssal darkness that hung behind it made her very nervous.
"If I show you what I wished for, will you tell me?"
Man, this girl was being awfully confusing today. Show me? What does that mean? But she pushed her curiosity away. "Satsuki, you're gonna mess up the wishes." She made to stand up, adding, "Besides, I'm not feeling all that well, so I really should be-"
A firm hand on her shoulder pushed her back down into place. "I take back my question," she said firmly. "I'm going to give my wish a chance to be granted."
Now Nonon was confused and uncomfortable. This isn't good. I'm gonna lose it if I don't get out of here. She shifted under her firm hold. "Satsuki, please, let me-"
"Be quiet, Nonon. This won't take long."
There was no way Nonon could disobey a direct order from Satsuki like that, so she stayed put. Panic was starting to bubble up inside her, though, and her stomach started to churn. I don't know what's going on. Satsuki hasn't been like this- well, ever. She watched with anticipation racking every fiber of her being as the woman situated herself so she was completely facing Nonon, her legs tucked under her and her hands fisted on her knees. She took a deep breath and looked the smaller girl firmly in the eyes.
"Nonon, You've been by my side for as long as I can remember. All of the Devas are important to me, and Ryuuko is very important to me, but you outweigh everyone. You've shown me an undying loyalty the likes of which no one else has ever come close to. You've stood by me, offering your very soul to me and my efforts. For that, I am eternally grateful."
With every word, the smaller girl felt the cloud feeding on it and stretching across her mind. No. It was reaching the small glimmer of hope in her heart. This isn't what I want to hear. This isn't the answer I wanted. Her vision blurred with the onset of tears. This isn't the ending I wanted.
"But I can't take it. I can't live with you merely being my closest friend."
The cloud stopped.
…Wha?
Satsuki took a deep breath. "It started with whatever has been bothering you. The more uncomfortable you appeared, the more uncomfortable I felt. Whatever was bothering you was bothering me as well. I felt restless, and I soon realized it was because I couldn't help you. I knew you were upset, but I couldn't fix it because I didn't know what was wrong. You also wouldn't come to me for help. I wondered why, but for that, I didn't find an answer. The only thing I could think of was that you felt you couldn't come to me, perhaps because…"
Her voice trailed off and she looked down for a moment. It seemed she was choosing her words carefully, or rather, working up the courage to say them. Soon she looked up again.
"Nonon, you've kept your promise. You've held my hand this entire time."
She reached out and, with a tenderness never seen in a Kiryuuin, took Nonon's hand in both of hers.
The look she gave her was soft, tender, and, most importantly, loving.
"Now, I'd like to hold your hand, too."
Everything had frozen. Her mouth would not make words. Her mind would not make thoughts. The cloud hadn't moved in some time. All she did was stare at the woman who was, finally, holding her hand.
"But not as a friend. As…as something more."
The tears that had welled up what felt like an eternity ago suddenly burst forward. Nonon choked on the first breath of air she had taken since Satsuki started talking and gave into the tears, slowly coughing out the dark cloud.
Satsuki panicked. "Was that too much?" She leaned forward to try to see her face through her hair. "Perhaps I'm moving too fast? If you'd like some time, I'll-"
"No!" Her voice was so racked with emotion that the other woman leaned back and waited, too shocked to say any more at the moment. She slowly shook her head. "No…I…"
After a bit more crying, Satsuki tried to speak again. "If you need time…"
But Nonon shook her head again. Slowly, her coughing subsided. She had gotten rid of the cloud, and in its place, she felt the warmth from the light that had grown engulf her heart. With a clear mind and shinning heart, she looked up and slowly put her other hand over Satsuki's. Her smile was surprisingly beautiful on her tear-stained face.
Slowly, firmly, she nodded.
"That's all I ever wanted."
Satsuki furrowed her eyebrows and watched as Nonon slowly lifted their hands to eye level.
"This is all I wished for."
She pressed their hands to her cheek, and realization spread across Satsuki's face. It seemed she had put the pieces together.
"This is what was bothering you, wasn't it?" She nodded as if answering her own question. "I remember now. I asked the others if they thought you were acting strange, but they didn't see anything different. You weren't acting different because I wasn't around."
Nonon nodded, rubbing her cheek against her hands. Satsuki's expression faltered and she pulled her hands away. The smaller girl seemed disappointed until the hands returned to cup her face.
"You've…wanted me to hold your hand this whole time, haven't you?"
She smiled and nodded again. "All I could do was hold on tightly, hoping you'd notice one day." She laughed with a bit of sadness still in her voice. "I couldn't really confess, you know? You seemed so uninterested in love and all that."
Satsuki huffed. "I only said that because I didn't want anyone trying to set me up with someone. You know how Ryuuko is." Her smile returned in an instant. "I wanted to find it on my own. Sure enough, I didn't find the path to someone new, but a path back to you."
The aftermath of her crying had worn off and she found herself grinning. "Geez Satsuki, that was awfully cliché, you know."
She also chuckled and let her hands drop, leaning forward to rest her forehead against Nonon's. The contact was soothing, clearing her mind and warming her body. They rested like that for a bit, but soon Nonon found herself pulling away. Before Satsuki could answer, she had laid a small kiss on her cheek. Both of them were blushing when they locked eyes again.
"Thank you," Nonon said shyly, "for returning my feelings."
Satsuki could only smile shyly back. "I should be thanking you. You stayed true to your feelings long enough for me to return them."
"Just long enough. I was actually going to give up just before you confessed, you know?"
"Ah." Her look turned somewhat pensive. "I'm very glad I made that wish."
"What was your wish, anyway?"
Satsuki chuckled. "To have the courage to tell you how I felt."
Nonon gasped dramatically. "No. Satsuki Kiryuuin wished for courage?" She puffed out her cheeks. "Have you gotten soft or what?"
"I'm being serious!" She pouted as Nonon laughed. "This isn't anything I've faced before! It was very concerning!"
The smaller girl's laughter died down. "Ah, I know. I know it very well."
They locked gazes again, small, happy smiles gracing their features. As they lost themselves in it, Nonon found her hand creeping towards Satsuki's. To her surprise, her fingers bumped into their target sooner than expected. They both looked down to realize that they had both been reaching for each other's hand. They looked up again, giggled, and turned to face each other properly. Nonon took Satsuki's hand, and Satsuki took Nonon's free hand.
"Nonon," Satsuki spoke softly, "will you still hold my hand forever?"
The girl nodded. "Only if you hold mine forever, too."
Satsuki only smiled. Slowly, they leaned forward, coming together in a long-awaited kiss. Nonon felt her heart soar with the squeeze Satsuki gave her hand, and she was happy to return it. She never let go of that hand that she had always held so tightly, and never would again.
And she was pretty sure Satsuki would be holding hers just the same.
I nearly cried like seven times while writing this. Nonon is my waifu for laifu and this kind of Nonon is my favorite headcanon. Also there is so much cliche and sap in this that I considered throwing it out, but I decided to stick with it because NONON DESERVES A HAPPY ENDING OKAY I LOVE HER UGH. / gross sobbing
Also never enough of any of my favorite couples in the world, so I had to take up the chance to contribute. c:
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! As usual, forgive any spelling or strange grammatical flaws because it's 3 AM. My usual readers will know that I write this all the time, so you newcomers should stick around like they did if you liked it! Also, there is a just as cliche and super punny SatsuNon smut fic underway if that interests anyone enough to stick around.
(Side note: As I was finishing this up, "Serah's Theme -Memories-" from the Final Fantasy XIII-2 Soundtrack came onto my iTunes, and I felt it was very fitting. Please feel free to look it up online, you'll see what I mean~)
[[ TO THOSE READING FORGOTTEN EMOTIONS: Don't worry, the chapter is underway and should be done...eventually. It's not forgotten (huehue). But SPOILERS there's another guest appearance (that's not as important to the plot but still needed)! Look forward to that! ]]