Idol Jihen, the truth behind it all

by Politicsisaseriousbusiness

Japan has hit hard times. The stock market is crashing and employment rates are at an all time low. The people are rioting, and the country is plunged into chaos. Left with little choice, the government creates the ultimate plan to sedate the masses and restore the country to its former glory.

Our current government had failed us. That was the undeniable truth. Japan's stock market was crashing, employment rate was at an all time low and the despair of the nation was tangible in the very air. The people's faces were creased with worry, for both their futures and the futures of the next generation. Political unrest was rife. More and more people were taking to the streets, screaming, shouting, hollering for the government to hear their pleas. Riots had already broken out in many areas. Meanwhile we were swamped with work; busy trying to sort out this mess of a country all whilst keeping the people happy.

It seemed impossible at first: they weren't pleased by our usual empty claims and assurances. Nothing seemed to work; that is until some genius working in the legislative branch came up with the idea of distracting people with media. We couldn't understand why we hadn't tried this before. It was so simple. After all, media is the new opiate of the masses! So we came up with the concept of idol diet men and women. Charming young people that could distract the public while we figured everything out from behind the scenes. It was a win-win really: the naive youngsters could feel like they were making a difference, and we could stifle the unrest of the people.

It was due for the next election of the parliamentary representatives. For once, this was an idea that all of us agreed on. There were some dissenters, but money quickly silenced them. Sure, lying to an entire country is never desirable, but you have to understand that we had been backed into a corner.

We created several different parties to make them feel like they had a choice in the matter, then with the help of some easily hushed producers managed to scout enough young talent to have about 10 diet men and women in each party. They were hardly intelligent, but they sure knew how to make people happy. And that was all that mattered.

(If you haven't watched idol jihen, don't worry, you will be able to understand this fanfiction. And no, the rest of the story won't be written in this manner.)