This story has been revised. When I first started out here, writing for Futurama (Futurama was actually my lure to this site) I really didn't know what I was doing. I admit it now, my spelling/grammar/everything was way off. I have since improved. I'll never be perfect, I will still make mistakes, but they aren't as bad. My strengths in writing have grown since, as well as my confidence in writing comedy/fluff/romance.. you get it. But never mind all that. I have revised this fic some. Re-edited it. I still don't own Futurama or nothing else parodied here. I'm not making any profit. First, this is SLASH! MB/M (ManBot/Man) Bender/Fry (b/c I still love them) with hints of a Fry/Leela (very very little) later and Fry/OC (some annoying chick named Suzie that I created- I even hate her myself) Um, there's some sexual content, violence, scary stuff, language, & poking fun at stereotypes, & sarcasm towards those stereotypes or even stuff from the show.. This fic is a parody, nothing is to be taken seriously. While visiting a planet obsessed w/ French Culture Fry is bitten by a strange hairy creature.. He thinks he's losing his mind when weird things start to happen.. that is until he finds himself changing into a werewolf.
Don't Fry Wolf!;
Chapter one/ 'An Earthican Werewolf on Planet de Paris'.
Rated; M/ L, V
Opening sequence: Best read while listening to 'Werewolves of London'.
(-Planet Express building, Conference room-)
The group were siting at the table, in attendance; Captain Turanga Leela, delivery boy first class Philip J. Fry, Bender Bending Rodriguez, intern Amy Wong, Dr. John Zoidberg, and bureaucrat grade 36 Hermes Conrad, who was conducting a long boring meeting regarding long boring meetings. Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth walked in.
"Good news, everyone," Greeted the company's owner cheerfully. "You'll be delivering a giant crate of moldy, smelly cheese to Planet de Paris."
"Wait a minute, isn't that the giant planet that Paris Milton's head purchased in 2909?" Leela asked.
"Yeah, I hear the whole planet is made up of shopping malls and night clubs!" Amy chimed in excitedly.
"No, you're thinking of Tinkerbell 8." Professor corrected.
Fry raised his hand as if he were in school. "I thought that was a Disney planet."
"Wrong again, idiot. No, Planet de Paris was formed in 2889 by some British people obsessed with the French culture, mainly Paris France. It was to commemorate the thousand year anniversary of the Eiffel Tower." Professor explained.
Fry raised his hand again, waving it around in the air. "When are we going to the Disney planet? They opened up a new ride, Space Boy Mountain."
Leela rolled her eye at the question. "You're thinking of Six Flags, it's here on Earth. There is no Disney planet."
The phone rang and Farnsworth answered. "Yes, I see." He said before hanging up.
"Who was that, Professor?" Leela asked.
"Terrible news. I have just been informed that if the writer doesn't stop using the word 'Disney', then she will be most likely sued. Oh my, yes. No matter, off you go." The Professor then motioned them away with his hand as he made his exit.
-xx-
(-On the ship-)
Leela was at the helm. Fry in his usual seat. Bender laying back with his metal feet propped up and a cigar in his hand. The automaton took a long puff and blew the gray smoke in the air.
"I don't get it. I thought French was a dead language." Fry inquired, scratching at his red hair.
"Something you don't get. Wow, that's unusual." Bender scoffed, sarcasm in his voice.
"Well, we've actually never been clear on that. French is a dead language on Earth, but French people still exist and so does the Eiffel Tower and Paris." Leela said.
Fry looked at the cyclops confused for a moment. "Well, as long as there aren't any werewolves like I watched in that movie."
"Fry, werewolves aren't real." Leela said seriously.
"But mutants and aliens and robots are real." The delivery boy insisted, folding his arms.
"True, but vampires and werewolves are not." Leela stated, slightly frustrated by Fry's persistence.
"What about that one planet we visited?" Fry asked. "It had vampires."
"Those were a breed of alien vampires. If they bit you, you'd just die. None of that turning into one crap." Leela explained.
"Zombies and Bigfoot exist." Fry huffed stubbornly.
Leela sighed at Fry's continued persistence. Bender got up and put his hands on Fry's shoulders.
"Aw, don't worry, Fry. I'll protect you from the big bad wolf." He assured. Fry looked up at the robot and smiled.
-xx-
As the ship approached Planet de Paris, the dark matter signal just had to come on. Like it always does, at the worst of times.
"Oh no, we're out of dark matter." Leela looked back at her crew. "Fry! I thought I told you to tell Bender to make sure the ship had enough fuel."
Fry slapped his head with his hand. "Ohh, I knew I forgot something."
Bender and Leela exchanged a look that told Fry they weren't surprised by his incompetence.
"Nibbler's not with us. Engines are failing. We're gonna CRASH!" Leela yelled frantically.
Fry and Bender gasped as the one-eyed captain was desperately trying everything in her power to prevent it.
"Prepare for impact." Leela buckled herself in as did Fry.
Bender scoffed at the idea as usual. "Those things cost more lives then they save."
"Ohh, no. You buckle up. I don't want another incident like we had in Roswell." Leela commanded.
Bender rolled his eyes and strapped himself in. All three members of the terrified crew screamed as the ship crashed into the ground.
"Is everybody alright?" Leela asked as she gazed around.
"Yeah, I guess so." Fry coughed.
"No, I'm suing the Professor for damages." The robot complained as he held his metal head.
"But you look fine." Leela observed, dusting herself off.
"I'm not on the inside." Bender whined, opening his chest cabinet door to reveal some beer bottles broken. The liquid had soaked his cigars and was now spilling out onto the floor of the ship.
"Fry, go check and see if we have any dark matter left over." Leela said, pointing to the back of the ship.
Fry put his hand up to his forehead in a salute. "Can do." He exclaimed, making his exit.
"I'll see if the phones are working." Leela began fumbling with the phone, but got static on the screen. "Oh crud, we have no phones."
"Captain, I have good news and bad news." Fry saluted again upon entering.
"What's the bad news?" Leela asked apathetically.
"We have no dark matter."
"What's the good news?" Leela sighed.
"I found a can of Slurm on the way." Fry chugged down the day old Slurm, then burped loudly.
-xx-
"We're in the middle of nowhere. It's nightfall and we'll have to stay here until morning." Leela informed on the obvious.
"What about booze? We're all cleaned out." Bender pointed out his only concern.
"There's a tavern about a mile from here." Leela informed.
"Wait a second.." Fry cut in. "Wouldn't they have dark matter?"
"Hey, yeah?" Bender cut in.
"No, this is a very old fashioned part of the planet. They still drive horse and buggy. Without the hovers." Leela explained.
"So primitive." Fry shuddered.
"Whelp. I'm going to the tavern. Wanna come, Fry? All alone in the dark and scary woods." Bender looked over at the easily coaxed delivery boy.
"Sure, okay." Fry agreed with a shrug. They started to leave when Leela stopped them.
"Be careful you two. Here, take a laser gun." She handed Bender the weapon.
-xx-
Fry and Bender walked through the darkened woods. The only light was that of a full moon, hung low in the sky. The yellowish orb stalked them as they made their way to the tavern. A chill swept up around them as leaves and branches crunched underneath their feet, owls could be heard hooting. It was almost like it was a stern 'you're not welcome here' from the filthy creatures.
"Bender, I don't think this was such a great idea." The human's eyes darted anxiously around the wooded area.
"Fry, you know I need liquor. Besides we have a gun, nothing's gonna bother us. Also, hello, I'm a robot." Bender reassured.
"Yeah, I guess you're..." Fry paused as he heard a noise. "What's that?"
An owl flew away from a branch it was perched on above them, rustling the leaves of the tree as it did so.
"Aww, you're so cute when you're scared." Bender wrapped his arm around the nervous redhead's waist, leading him on their path to the tavern.
-xx-
(-At Le Loup Garou tavern )
Bender walked in, followed by an anxious Fry. Instantly the tavern patrons took notice of the newcomers. All went silent and watched them as they made their way to the bar. Fry could literally feel their eyes burning holes in him. There was an aura that hung in the air like the stench of that moldy cheese they were delivering. They weren't welcome there. Of course, Fry was the only one who could feel this.
Bender casually sat down on a stool. "Bonjour, barkeep. I'll have four Olde Fortrans and- Fry?"
Fry struggled to keep his voice steady. "I'll have a LoBrau, please."
The bartender nodded and got them their liquor. A typical looking stereotype of a French guy sat down on Bender's left side. Fry, who was on Bender's right, cautiously looked over at him. He had dark hair and wore a white and black striped long-sleeved shirt with black pants, a dark blue scarf was tied around his neck, and a red beret sat atop his head. He had a thin mustache that wiggled when his nose did. He looked like he did pop out of a cartoon of a stereotypical Frenchman.
"Earthicans I see, and not just Earthicans, Americans." The guy stated in a real thick French accent. "What are you doing here, smelly Americans?"
"Hey, my shower's broken." Fry defended, instantly thinking the smelly comment was aimed at him. It usually was anyhow.
"Our ship broke down." Bender replied, busy drinking what the bartender brought and not bothering to look at the guy, who he considered to be a jerk. But Bender considered most people to be jerks.
"Well, you are, how you say, far from nowhere." The French guy went on.
"Yeah, we know. Now can't you see I'm trying to drink?" Bender took another sip, irritated at the guy who was insisting on bothering them.
Various species inside the tavern had begun to whisper, still staring holes through them. This still being totally undetected by Bender who continued to guzzle bottle after bottle.
"Shouldn't that hold you until tomorrow, Bender? I wanna leave." Fry tugged on the robot's arm, beginning to sound desperate.
"Quit your whining, Fry. You know I have to power up."
"We don't like your type around here, Earthicans. You're, how you say, cursed." The guy insulted.
Bender scoffed, not amused. "We've only been told that eleven times this week."
"You need to get away from this place, Earthicans. You're not welcome here." The guy warned sternly, wary of the new comers. His tone managing to get more frightening.
"We'll leave when I'm done." Bender looked over at him finally, his eyes narrowed.
"B-Bender. Let's go, please." Fry pleaded nervously. Bender turned a softer gaze to Fry, then sighed.
"Oh, alright." Bender threw some money down and they walked toward the door.
Bender took his last drink, sat the bottle down on someone's table then burped. Patrons gasped at the flames from the robot's mouth.
"Oh, like your manners are any better. Sheesh!" Bender glared the best he could.
The eyes followed the two as they exited the tavern.
"Wow, Bender. You actually paid for something and kept your cool when that guy was hounding us. I have to admit, I'm very proud." Fry patted him on the shoulder.
"Eh, I could've told that jerkwad to bite my shiny metal ass. But that would of alerted him to the fact that I stole his wallet. Drinks were on Frenchie." Bender tossed the wallet in his chest cabinet.
-xx-
Halfway through the woods, Fry was latched onto Bender and the conversation hadn't turned from the bar incident not one time.
"I don't know what you're worried about. So they didn't like Eathicans, who the hell does?" And what did Bender care what they thought.
"Those people seemed weird." Fry contested.
"Eh, they're from a backwards French planet that doesn't even have its fact straight. What do you expect?" But basically, all humans were inept as far as Bender was concerned. It didn't matter where they were from or what they were as far as culture. This wasn't anything new.
"Not that. I just didn't like the way they were staring at us." Fry continued.
"Well, I don't know why they were staring at you. But me, hehe, let's just say Bender draws a crowd of admirers wherever he goes." Bender said arrogantly.
Fry stared at the cocky robot. "Yeah yeah, whatever."
The light-hearted fun was interrupted when a low growl rose from behind a bush causing Fry to yelp and jump behind Bender.
"Te-te-tell me you he-heard that?" Fry stammered.
Bender opened his chest door and pulled out a flashlight. He turned it on causing it make a soft click as he held the button down. He shined the not-too-bright beam towards the bush that the noise had come from. The bush rustled then shook a bit violently as if something had moved from behind it very quickly.
"It's probably just another owl." Bender assured.
Then out of the silence they heard a long menacing howl.
"That was no owl!" Fry yelled, voice full of fear.
The two took off running, screaming their terror.. until Bender tripped over a branch, and Fry- who was looking back to see if they were being followed- tripped over Bender. The human landed face first, and quite hard, in the dirt with a thud and an agonized groan.
"Fry? If I didn't know that you had nothing, I'd sue you." Bender said sourly, then changed his tune. "I.. mean, are you okay?"
"Oww.. I'm okay." Fry touched his fingertips to the scrap on his face. He winced at the stinging pain it caused.
Bender stood up and looked around. "I don't see the ship. I think we're lost."
"Oh, no! The flashlight's dead!" Fry smacked the light then started beating it on the ground. The futuristic flashlight busted and the batteries spilled out onto the cold ground.
"Great, now we're in the dark." Bender said sarcastically as he helped Fry up.
They heard another growl, this time it was very close. The terrified delivery boy held on to Bender, whimpering in fear. The couple stood frozen in fright. Two red eyes were unnoticed behind them, watching them. Slowly, Fry opened Bender's chest door and felt around for the laser gun Leela had gave Bender to take with them. He found the gun and pulled it out, his hands shaking too badly to really use it. Plus, he had forgotten how to work it in his time of fear. It was quiet for a while, until suddenly they heard a snarl. It was hungry and demonic and right behind the cowering couple.
"Fry..." The robot cleared his throat, or at least it sounded that way based on unintentional habit.
"Ye-yes, Be-Bender." Fry whimpered.
"If that, uh.. wasn't your stomach. Then we're boned."
Fry gulped and the two began to slowly turn around to the sound. They screamed as their eyes met a horrific creature. It loomed over them, standing about seven feet in height. Its blood red eyes glaring at what was sure to be its next meal, or at least in Fry's case. The beast was covered with thick, coarse brown fur that was mangy and unkempt. It had the snout of a wolf and bared its razor sharp teeth. The beast was drooling.
Suddenly, Bender found himself flung against a tree by its massive arm. The impact shut the robot down. Fry tried to steady the gun to shoot, but the creature swiped at him, leaving four long, deep gashes on his chest. Fry cried out in pain as the strength of the blow threw him backwards. He landed with an "umph" and began firing aimlessly at the monstrous being. Luckily, he hit it twice and the thing ran off yeowling into the night. Fry looked around, still terrified he wasn't alone. Then out of the corner of his eye, he saw the moonlight reflect off of a metallic object. He had located Bender. Slowly, and very much in pain, he crawled over to the lifeless automaton. Fry patted the robot weakly.
"Bender.. wake.." Fry passed out with one arm across Bender, languished.
-xx-
The next morning, Bender found himself re-booted. "I'm back, baby!"
"Fry?" Leela's voice drifted into Fry's sleep.
Fry groaned as she shook him awake. Instantly the light hurt his eyes and he heard ringing in his head.
"Oh, my god. Where am..?" Fry stopped and opened his eyes wide. 'I survived the attack.' He thought, his mind traveling back to last night.
"Fry, what happened?" Leela asked.
"The creature.. it.. last night.." Fry stammered.
"You're not making any sense." Leela looked down at Fry, who was sitting against the tree. His hair was disheveled, the right side of his face red and his clothes stained with dirt and grass. Dried leaves stuck all over him and four large slashes were in his shirt.
"Fry, not making any sense? Whenever is that unusual?" Bender said as Leela helped him up.
"Bender, do you remember anything?"
"Nope. We walked to the bar and then there's this missing gap in my memory." Bender double checked his memory files, finding nothing.
"Let's get you two back to the ship." Leela sighed.
She and Bender helped Fry up and to the ship. They weren't that far from it, but they had gone significantly off course. Once inside, Fry told Leela the story the best he could remember.
"Oh, please.." The cyclops rolled her eye. "You probably just got a little drunk and had a wild time in the woods."
"I do like to get a little rough." Bender proclaimed proudly.
"No no no.. Something attacked us. See?" Fry stated in frustration as he lifted up his shirt.
"Fry, I don't see anything." Leela informed, checking him over.
Fry looked down, the claw marks were gone. There wasn't even any blood on his shirt. He stared at his chest confused, running his fingers over where the supposed flesh wound should have been. "But but but.. I..?"
"You just have a hangover." Leela assured.
"I only had one beer." Fry contested.
"Now go lie down, I got some dark matter from town, we'll be home soon." Leela said as she took her seat.
"What about the smelly cheese?" Bender reminded.
The cyclops blinked. "Oh, right. We'll deliver the crate then go home." Leela stood back up.
-xx-
(-In a little village on the planet-)
Leela pushed the crate. Stamped on it were the words 'Le Pu's cheese, Nothing ever smelled this bad, ever.' A picture of what appeared to be a bad rendition of the Looney Tunes cartoon skunk Pepe Le Pew was underneath it. Fry walked along side with the clipboard to be signed. Bender clomped behind them, smoking a cigar, looking for 'souvenirs'.
Villagers who saw the approaching trio began to stare and whisper. Among the stereotypically French dressed villagers were a mix of aliens, humans, and even robots. Some began to hastily leave the streets and go into their respective buildings and stores, pulling down blinds and putting up "We're closed, go away"signs.
"I swear I've seen this before." Leela thought, having the feeling of deja vu.
"Leave here, Earthicans, leave this planet at once." A wide-eyed old man spat as he ran up to the crew. Leela thought he may be the town crazy. She looked at him strangely as he pointed an accusing finger at Fry. "He is cursed." He warned.
"Yeah yeah, cursed. That's only the thirteenth time he's been told that this week. What is that like an omen?" Bender pondered.
The crazy went inside his store mumbling something in French. Bender took this opportunity to shove some jewelry off of a street cart into his chest cabinet.
"Well, that certainly was odd.. Now, come on, we have a crate to deliver." Leela started moving onward.
Fry stopped her. "Didn't you hear him, Leela?"
Bender had made his way to another cart, snatching various valuables and humming while he did so.
"He said I was cursed." Fry continued.
"Look, Fry, this town is full of crazies. They left their vendors unattended for god sakes. Plus they eat moldy cheese." Leela contested.
Fry raised an eyebrow at the unimpressed mutant. "But, how do you explain what I saw in the woods?"
"Simple, you dreamed it." She shrugged. "Now let's get going so we can get home and Hermes can dock our pay."
-xx-
(-Planet Express building, Employee Lounge and Gripping Chamber-)
"I'm docking your pay." Hermes said.
"But, Hermes, our ship was low on dark matter and we had to spend the night in the woods." Leela argued. "Plus, you sent us off at a time when it was dark on that backwards planet."
"I'm sorry, but you should have been back around by noon today." Hermes said.
"But it's only 3 pm." Leela said, looking at her wrist communicator.
"Dat's no excuse." The anal retentive accountant left and went to his office.
"Hard ass." Leela muttered, voicing her opinion when he was out of ear shot.
Fry flopped down on the couch. His skin had turned a pale greenish color. His eyes were blood-shot and slightly puffy, like he had slept too hard.
"Fry, you look terrible. You didn't eat any of that cheese did you?" Leela asked.
Fry shook his head no.
"How about any of the other bad cuisine?"
Fry shook his head no.
"Maybe you should see Dr. Zoidberg." She insisted.
Fry shook his head no.
"I'll be fine, Leela. As soon as I start turning into a monstrous beast." Fry said, still insulted no one ever believed him.
Leela looked down at him with her hands on her hips, frustrated. "Fry, you're not turning into a werewolf. Now if you aren't going to see the doctor and since Hermes is already docking your pay, I suggest you go home and get some rest. You could have gotten alcohol poisoning from that wretched planet for all you know."
Bender walked in whistling, he stopped when he saw Fry, whose head was laying on one of the cushions, his butt in the other and feet on the ground.
"Fry, are you okay?" He asked.
"Bender, take Fry home."
"Yay, a half a day off." Bender replied with his arms up in triumph.
"No, I want you back here to help clean the ship." Leela folded her arms.
Bender brought down his arms. "But, Leela, I can't leave Fry by himself while he's like this. He could get worse."
Leela rolled her eye and sighed. "Alright, call me if he does."
Bender held his arms up in triumph again. "Yay, a half a day off." Bender picked Fry up and carried him out the door.
"Amy, time to scrub the ship." Leela called.
"I'll get my bikini!" Amy yelled back from another room.
-xx-
The robot's footcups could be heard thumping as he walked toward the Robot Arms Apartments. The very weak human's arms wrapped loosely around what could be considered the robot's shoulders.
"You doing okay, Fry?" Bender asked.
Fry nodded.
"Good. Just don't puke on me."
They arrived at the apartment complex. Bender put Fry in bed and covered him up.
"If you need anything just yell. Oh, I forgot. I picked you up something." By that he meant he stole it. He opened his chest door and started searching around. "Let me see.. no.. no.. aha, here it is."
He pulled out a sterling silver watch.
"Aww, it's lovely Bender. I love when you steal gifts for me." Fry replied taking the watch weakly. He kissed the robot on the cheek and laid the watch on the bedside table. "I'll wear it when I'm feeling better." The delivery boy added.
Bender left to go watch television. Fry finally got a break from the pounding in his head when he fell asleep.
I don't know much about French language so if something is a miss, I apologize for that. Loup garou means werewolf in French, I know that much. This is sorta a parody of werewolf movies, I have been obsessed with werewolves since I was 5. I got the idea from 'The Honking', where in Bender is transformed into a werecar. The episode parodies werewolf and some other horror movies. I wanted this fic to be a sarcastic tribute to werewolves and not really a parody of werewolf movies. Some scenes will sound like they were tore from movies like, 'An American werewolf in Paris'. This is intentional, but I didn't want it to be a copy. I'm not apologizing if this story sucks to you. I am proud of this one, so if you hate it I don't care. And as a last note; this story has Bender/Fry, its not really fluff or a romance, they just are together. Why? Because I want them to be. Paris Milton is not a typo. Just won't mention anyone real anymore. That's probably not safe enough.
7-7-13; I got a review that kinda got under my skin. I hate anonymous reviews for one. It said "Hopefuly this just a fiction, otherwise I would really have tought you were a racist" Why? Cuz the people/aliens/robots of a fictional planet base their culture on the stereotype of French culture & got their facts misconstrued? Or that I have the characters be rude about it? It's a PARODY. I'm not being racist- I am not racist whatsoever- I am being sarcastic & poking at the cartoonish stereotypes that you can find in a lot of cartoons; Futurama, Family Guy, American Dad, Robot Chicken, South Park, even Fairly Odd Parents & Looney Tunes. If it offends you- & I am sorry if it does, offending or being racist was never my intention with this story- then maybe you just didn't get it.. & should stay away from those cartoons or fanfic of them, eh? I am not saying all French people are like the characters in this fic- which is fiction, duh- & I have nothing against French people or culture. I care not for stereotypes. & it is really not nice to even insinuate someone is racist- especially over something as small as characters in a story. Nasty thing to be called. I did delete the review.