Author's Note: This is dedicated to my CM gals. It's amazing the amount of plot bunnies that are born from a single conversation! LOL Thanks for the fun times…and the inspiration! ~ Angie

"Kevin, please!" Penelope Garcia yelled as she fumbled to get the tie on her bathrobe done up.

"Don't you please me!" he yelled back, stopping short in the doorway of her bedroom to glare at her. "I certainly wasn't pleasing you!"

"That's not—owww!" she screeched as she hit her big toe on the leg of the bed in her haste. "True!" she finished continuing her chase.

By the time she'd hobbled down the stairs, he already had her front door open. "And you know what really pisses me off?" he asked furiously. "I asked you, Penelope! Before we even started dating, dammitt! I asked if there was anything going on with you and Morgan!"

"There wasn't!" she insisted. "There isn't!"

"You expect me to believe that?" Kevin demanded. "You yelled out his fucking name!"

Penelope flinched at his tone. He'd practically roared at her, and she couldn't even be mad at him for it. She deserved this.

"While I was inside of you!" he went on.

Penelope winced. "I can explain," she said weakly.

He stopped, holding his hands up in a gesture of surrender—one of them was holding his pants and shirt. "Go ahead. I'm all ears."

Fuck. Now that she had the chance to speak, she had no idea what to say. "Kevin," she said softly.

"That's what I thought," he spat, walking out of her front door in his boxers.

Monday morning rolled around, and while Penelope desperately would have liked to have called in sick, she didn't want to spend the day thinking about what had happened with Kevin. He hadn't exactly said the words, but she was pretty sure they were broken up. And while it may not have been the most perfect relationship on the planet, Kevin had cared for her and treated her well. He hadn't been the best lover, but he always tried hard to get the job done. And for those reasons, Penelope was mourning her loss.

She'd made sure to arrive at work early, before Morgan, so she wouldn't have to rush past his desk. He'd notice her red, puffy eyes and immediately order her to explain what was going on. And no way could she tell him why she was upset! He was her best friend—she couldn't lie to him. But for God's sake, she couldn't tell him the truth, either! Not this time.

So she started her day the way she always did—by firing up her system. She was sitting back to, trying to maintain her composure when she heard her office door open.

"Hey, PG."

She spun around and Emily's eyes widened. "Garcia! What's wrong?" her friend asked concerned.

Wow. She must look even worse than she thought. "I…Kevin broke up with me!" she wailed.

"Oh!" Emily said. "I'm so sorry. What happened?"

Penelope sniffled and turned back to her monitor. "I don't want to talk about it," she said flatly.

"OK," Emily said.

Penelope spun back around. "What are you doing?" she demanded. Her friend had given up way to easily.

"I'm texting JJ," Emily said, not looking up.

"Why?"

"Reinforcement."

"What's going on?" JJ asked as she practically flew into Penelope's office.

"Why are you running?" Penelope asked.

"Emily texted me a 911," she explained.

Penelope turned to the brunette and gave her a glare. "You texted her a 911?"

"Kevin broke up with Penelope," Emily said, ignoring Penelope altogether.

JJ gasped. "The jerk!"

Penelope winced. "But…he's not a jerk," she said sadly.

"He broke up with you," JJ reminded her.

Penelope looked away. "I may have inadvertently facilitated the break up," she muttered.

"What…what did you do?" Emily asked as she and JJ exchanged a glance.

"I may have…told him he wasn't a very good lover," she said, still avoiding eye contact.

"You told him he wasn't a good lover?" Prentiss asked in disbelief. "I would have broken up with you, too!"

"I…" Penelope sighed. "I didn't exactly use those words," she admitted.

"Well, what words did you use?" JJ pressed. "Because, really, there are not words that can make it a soft delivery."

Prentiss's lips turned up in a grin at her friend's unintended wording.

"I said…Derek," Penelope whispered.

JJ frowned. "I don't get it."

Penelope didn't say anything, just sat there for a moment, waiting. Nothing got past Emily…and seconds later, her friend gasped. "Oh, sweet Lord in heaven. You yelled out Derek's name while you were having sex with Kevin?"

JJ's jaw dropped, but Penelope had to give her props. It didn't quite hit the floor. "You…oh, my."

"Does Derek know?" Emily asked.

"Of course he doesn't know!" Penelope hissed. "And he never will," she said pointedly.

"Well, maybe he should," Emily replied.

"Are you crazy?" Penelope asked in a shrill voice.

"A little," Emily conceded. "Come on. You and Morgan have chemistry that would put Julia Roberts and Richard Gere to shame!"

"We do not have chemistry," Penelope argued.

Emily gave her a piercing look. "I know you're not that stupid," she said. "Derek Morgan has been waiting for you to make a move on him for a long time."

"That's not true," Penelope said.

JJ wrinkled her nose. "It kind of is," she said, ganging up with Emily.

"What…he is not waiting for me," she persisted.

Both women lifted their eyebrows at her.

"Fine," Penelope said peevishly. "I'll prove it with two words: Tamara. Barnes."

Emily shrugged. "What about her?"

Penelope rolled her eyes. "Derek dated her. Dating is not waiting."

"Umm, no. He felt sorry for Tamara," JJ corrected. "That's what that was."

Prentiss nodded her agreement. "And maybe, after years of walking away from every conversation he has with you with a woody, he was looking to ease the pain. You can hardly blame him for that."

"Dammitt," JJ said as she looked at the screen on her phone. "Hotch needs to see me. I so do not want to miss this conversation," she muttered on her way out of the room.

"A woody?" Penelope asked skeptically. "Really Em? What are we? In junior high?"

Emily laughed, her eyes dancing. "No. But if we were, Derek would be asking Reid to get your phone number for him."

"You're so—"

"Penelope?"

Penelope looked up, and Derek was by her side in an instant, running his thumbs gently beneath her eyes.

"Have you been crying?" he asked.

"No," she lied. Dammitt. Were her eyes still swollen?

"Baby girl, what's wrong?" he pressed.

Prentiss cleared her throat on the way out of her friend's office, a huge grin on her face. "Good luck with this one."

Penelope felt her cheeks heat immediately.

Derek frowned. "Good luck with what?" he asked innocently.