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She remains silent and her starry eyes
look down in virgin shyness,
obedient foot steps aside,
seeing the flattering beast:
The sight, on its way down to the floor,
falls upon the precious ring of faithfulness
and the shyness turns into anger;
and the guardian angel that she is becoming,
anytime she casts her sight upon the ring,
rewards her words in such a way
Andrej Sládkovič - Marína
✦✦✦Awakening✦✦✦
Do you know the feeling, when YOU your whole life believe - believe in something and then, YOU with all your curious questions, have the urge to ask, and accidently YOU crush YOUR own dreams?
In a situation like this, you can hear your own heart fall apart like broken glass. Maybe more a mirror than just glass, because your heart is your personal mirror - reflecting all your feeling in your depth. Try to listen to the beat sometimes.
It is not the brain, which memorizes all the external stimuli we get thanks to our five senses. The brain only helps to transform them into feeling which are stored in our hearts.
Look at it like an old bookshelf. Every emotion has its own place on one shelf. Positive feelings and emotions are in the middle, so they are the first we spot. Happiness, excitement, confidence, love…
Feeling proud, bored, annoyed or skeptical is quite normal, still, we rather put these emotions on the bottom shelves so they are easy to reach but still we need to look for them first.
Finally, there are emotions we want to have out of our reach. We cannot bury them, only hide them on the highest shelf so no one can ever spot them. Unfortunately, the upper shelves are weak, weaker than the bottom ones, also they have to carry the weight of depression, confusion, sadness, hate, anger, fear, and rejection… Add one or two more and eventually the shelf will break under the weight.
As the emotions will fall down, they would mix with other emotions from the bottom shelves. This infinite mixture of all kind of emotions creates specific emotion, only for a certain period of time because of its instability.
MADNESS
„No, I honestly don't think you can be a hero without a quirk. If you want to help people, there's plenty of other ways to do it. You can become a police officer. They get crap because the heroes capture most of the villains, but it's a fine profession. "
Despite of all the emotions swirling in Izuku's mind, he couldn't say a word. He was just staring back at All Might. Neither a word, nor a tear, which was uncommon and unexpected. Only the blank gaze.
Izuku wanted to be strong and now, he broke under the pressure of words.
He never wanted to admit that he may be worthless, useless as everyone was saying. Now he had to…
You know if you really want to be a hero that badly, there's actually another way. Just pray that you'll be born with a quirk in your next life and take a swan, dive off the roof of the building.
"Maybe he is right, this may be the only option, only way." – thought Izuku and started walking toward the edge of the roof.
"Young man, what are you doing? Stop there, don't do such a thing you cannot take back! Hey! Can you hear me?!"
No words from the outside world had the power anymore to reach Izuku's inside. Now he was standing on the edge. Buzz in his ears. Fog in front of his eyes. Dry throat.
He wasn't still sure if he wants to do it for real, but his body was preparing for it – projecting the deepest and most intense memories and moments from his life.
"Worthless Deku"
"I'm sorry, Izuku. I wish things were different…"
"Defenseless Izuku"
Quirkless
"I'm sorry Mom. I wish things were different…" – said Izuku aloud as he crossed the railing and jumped.
*Catch*
A hand grabbed Izuku's collar in midair.
"Hey! Young man, that was really reckless. What is the matter? You cannot just do things like that! What would your parents say if they knew!?" – All Might upbraided Izuku still holding him with his hand in air. "Ahh, come here my boy" – All Might continue already pulling Izuku back on the roof ground. "Never try to do such a thing ever again, and do not think that I will not tell your parents. Life is a precious gift you cannot just throw away like that"
As Izuku touched the ground, he finally realized what happened in the past few minutes. Tears started to ran down his cheeks. It was like pure shock, he couldn't say a word (again).
"Sorry my boy, I didn't know that the truth will be so hard to take. I should weigh one's words. Can you forgive me?"
Izuku didn't move a muscle, still sobbing and looking on the ground.
"Young man, I will go with you to the ground floor at least, and promise me that you will get safely home after I leave, fine?"
Izuku quickly nodded his head up and down.
"Fine, now c'mon. You already know my biggest secret and that that I do not have much time left today."
Izuku started to go down the stairs with All Might in the back. Sixth floor, 8 stairs, turn left, 8 stairs, Fifth floor… Between the third and second floor All Might realized that he is missing something – the bottle with the Sludge villain he captured an hour ago. He really wanted to swear, but couldn't while being with the boy. He knew that for today he is out of energy, so he can only report it to the Police Department. Hopefully the Sludge didn't run too far.
All Might made sure that Izuku will go straight home and left. Izuku lost sign of him when he entered the crowd. He turned back and started walking home. All kind of emotions were still swirling inside his whole body like crazy. He felt so empty without his dream of becoming a hero. It was a really hot day, however he felt cold. His body was itching. He couldn't really concentrate on his way home with all the thoughts on his mind.
He felt so different after this messy few hours. He didn't feel tired, but his mind was foggy. Only goal was to get home safely. Shouldn't be hard. Still he felt weird. Like out of norm. Differently. It was probably because of his crushed dreams and hopes. All Might might have saved his life, but he wasn't really a hero for him anymore. Saying something like that to a young boy like him. Reckless. Izuku already planned how he will redecorate his room.
The sun was already setting. The sky changed its colour into reddish orange. City was really crowded by this hour. Everyone wanted to be home already. Izuku checked the time and turned pale. "Mom would be so worried if I miss the dinner! I need to take the shortcut." -Izuku turned into an empty street which led to a small park.
When he was passing by a tall brick wall next to the park, his head started to hurt a bit. The itching was already worrisome and his legs were didn't notice a hole in the pavement and tripped. His uniform soaked the muddy rainwater from the hole. Izuku wasn't able to stand up. His body was trembling so much. He didn't feel cold anymore, he felt hot. Not hot like hot in a summer like this. This heat felt like energy. "Maybe it is some kind of post-trauma syndrome" – muttered Izuku.
He heard only buzz in his ears which changed into dead silence. Everything around him slowed down. A silent splashy noise was coming closer and closer. Izuku knew this sound. He wants to stand up and run, run as quick as he is able to. His body is trembling so much. He can't. He feels only pain gathering in his head. The splashy noise is close. He can hear it right behind him.
"It is no good to run away from unfinished business, don't you think?"
The Sludge villain grabbed Izuku the same way as the first time today, but now Izuku knew how it will end. The world around him went black and white.
This is the end.
This is my destiny.
Third time in one day on the edge of living and death. Third time, well.
Still, I should fight. Fight for my precious life. I got my chance twice today.
Oh, Mom. I've been so reckless.
I don't want to die anymore.
I want to live and maybe also dream again.
Let me go…
Let me go…
"LET ME GOOO!"
-Izuku shouted from the depth of his body and soul, just second before he would lose consciousness. He felt like on a rollercoaster. Everything was swirling around him. He really didn´t expect nothing, but now he felt that the grasp weakened.
He felt like his body is burning from the inside. It felt like millions of tiny needles want to get out. The pain was eating him alive. It was like his entire soul is shattering, breaking into pieces. He saw light. Is this the end? So bright. Emerald green light swirling in the air like sand in the infinite sea.
So beautiful…
He didn't even notice that the Sludge is not holding him anymore, he just wanted to touch the light.
Izuku stretched his air toward the green particles of fading light when he saw it. His whole body was surrounded by them. His hands were glowing green. He immediately realized that something is wrong, really wrong. It felt like waking up from a dream.
The world got back its colors, time was already running normally, he felt no pain, no trembling, he could hear the noise of the streets and laugh of kids playing in the park behind the crumbling brick wall. – Crumbling …
"Waaait a minute, why is it crumbling" – shocked Izuku muttered – "It is a newly built wall, it looked still new yesterday, I am sure about that!"
There was still one question bothering Izuku – The Sludge villain
He knew that something weird and terrible happened just now. He knew that he must turn around and look. He really didn't wanted but he had to. If he wouldn't it would bother him to his death.
"It will be fine Izuku" – talking to himself – "It will be fine, just turn around slowly and then open your eyes"
3…
2…
1…
Nothing
Just a pile of dust, slowly being blown away by the wind with the last sparkles of greenish lights.
"What just happened?"
Disclaimer: I do not own BNHA
Thank you for reading the first part of the story. Hope you enjoy it at least so much as me writing it down :D.
The story is following the drawn version of "Past of the future" on Instagram by Lubkama (yep, my account). Here I can describe the story more deeply :D bwahaha ( and the drawing just takes too much time )
Please leave comment so i can know what to improve
I know that this first part did not say much, just wait for it :).