A black limo cruised through the streets of the Dublin suburbs. Its windows were blacked and mirrored, and the walls, in addition to being bulletproof and 3 feet thick, were meticulously padded and sealed so that not a single whisper of sound would ever make it to prying ears outside the shining black automobile.

It was the sort of thing that would make almost anyone wonder, unless they were either very boring or very interesting indeed, to be the type of person who no longer even wonders at such things. But, for the rest of humanity, the limo was intriguing, a mystery. Many a traveler had seen that limo pull past, sliding through the air like an alligator on wheels, and wondered what could be going on inside. Many a traveler would have liked very dearly to find out.

Now picture one of those travelers has been granted their wish. Picture our hypothetical traveler floating disembodied, an invisible fly on the wall. And to be inside that limo on that particular day, our theoretical witness would see a scene unfolding, somewhat like… this.

"Slugbug!" Alexa Butler exclaimed gleefully, punching Artemis Fowl on the arm for what felt like the five thousandth time in the past half hour.

"Must you really do this every time you see a Beetle?" Artemis sighed, rubbing his arm where she had punched him.

"Yes," She said, and glanced out the window. "Slugbug!"

"Ow! That's-- the-- same-- one!" Artemis said through gritted teeth. Dear God, how would he survive going on a road trip with this-- this-- caffeinated monstrosity? Not to say that there was anything particularly monstrous about Alexa, at least in appearance. She was tall and slim, with long, frizzy red hair that seemed to get in Artemis's face more often than it got in her own. In facial features, she took after her older cousin Juliet. She had her eldest cousin Domovoi's bottomless blue eyes, around which she wore a hazy frame of shimmering brown-bronze eye shadow. Alexa was a Hollywood stunt double at the age of fourteen, she loved coffee a bit more than was really good for her, she went by "Lexxie" and hit anyone who called her Alexa, hard. And this was who Artemis Fowl was being forced to spend nine hours with, in an enclosed space.

"Really?" The caffeinated monstrosity asked, peering out the window. "Are you sure that's the same one? Oh, maybe you're right, now that you mention it. Oh well."

'Oh well'? thought Artemis. 'Oh well'? Is that all she has to say for herself? The young genius thought back to when Juliet had first proposed the idea of this cross-country road trip. 'It'll be fun,' she said, he recollected bitterly. 'What's the worst that could happen?', she said. Well, I don't know her opinion, but I'd say this is your answer right here.

"Cruiser bruiser!" Lexxie announced, triumphantly adding yet another bruise-to-be to Artemis's fast-growing collection.

"Say what now?"He sighed, rubbing his arm. Again.

"P.T. Cruiser. Black, over there."

"I'd prefer it if you could pick one vehicle and stick with it."

"But that's no fun!"

"Whose opinion of 'fun' are we talking about here?"

"School bus!"

"Ow! You can't just--"

"Well, there was a school bus."

"That's not the point! What I'm saying is, you can't just punch me for every--"

"Oh, look," she commented, punching him. "Car."

-=[a]=-

In the front seat, Butler smiled to himself without relaxing. Relaxing was not something Butlers did. Even looking at Lexxie, you could tell that. He listened to the squabble going on between Master Fowl and her in the back seat, amusement flickering on his face. He would get involved if absolutely necessary, of course, but in the meantime, it was time Artemis learned to fight some of his own battles- at least where females were concerned. He went back to scanning the road, ever on edge. But he kept an ear on the back seat, because things were starting to get interesting.