Pop-Ed Corn
A Megamind One Shot
By LillyGirl22
I don't own any of these characters!
Roxanne Ritchi fumbled with the lock to her apartment door as she attempted to not drop her groceries, her purse, her laptop bag, and her sunglasses. The elevator was out this week and she had just trudged up ten flights of stairs. This was not a very good end to what had been a horrible day. Her new cameraman had spent most of the day attempting to teach her how to be a good reporter, as if he knew anything, being straight out of college. Charles was one of those guys who thought the world revolved around him and Roxanne was about ready to give him a piece of her mind. At least he wasn't creepy, like her last cameraman, Hal, who was currently serving a couple hundred life sentences thanks to Megamind.
Megamind. There was a bright spot. Wasn't he supposed to come over tonight? It was Wednesday, which meant it was movie night; a little tradition Roxanne has started to get her rather befuddled blue boyfriend up to speed on all of the pop culture references he had missed out on since childhood. Megamind's sidekick, affectionately called Minion, often joined them. Roxanne was truly enjoying this strange little family they had formed. So what if she was dating a blue alien who's best friend was a fish in a robotic gorilla suit? Stranger things had happened. Well, maybe not.
Movie night also offered another opportunity which she enjoyed a great deal; falling asleep curled up next to her boyfriend.
"I need some cuddling pronto!" Roxanne sighed as her key clicked in the lock. Just as she was about to push the door open she heard several thuds and then the crash of breaking glass.
"Uh, oh" she thought. "Either it's burglars, or someone snooping around for info on me and Megamind." Since their relationship had become public knowledge, Roxanne had been hounded by other reporters and paparazzi! Last week she'd even caught someone digging through her trash. She hadn't thought they'd be bold enough to pick the lock of her apartment, but something was clearly going down in her kitchen. Luckily, Megamind had given her a little gift for just such occasions. She quietly set down her groceries and her laptop bag next to the door, and pulled a rather sleek looking gun from her purse. It was, of course, a slightly smaller replica of Megamind's De-Hydration gun.
"This oughta' scare the bejeebers out of them", she said under her breath. She kicked the door open and yelled, "all right, losers, hands up where I can see them."
The sight that met her was not what she was expecting. Simultaneously, the two people in her kitchen shrieked and spun to face her while flinging their hands sky high. The person nearest her was not a burglar, but Megamind. He was wearing the pink apron Roxanne's mom had given her in hopes that she would at some point learn to cook. The other person was Minion. He was also wearing a pink apron. But he had brought his from the evil lair.
"Gak! Roxanne!," yelled Megamind. "What on Earth are you..." He stopped midsentence, looked her up and down and laughed.
"What? What's so funny? I could have shot both of you! I thought you were burglars!"
"You look AWESOME!" was Megamind's reply. He threw his hands out in melodramatic excitement.
"Wha?" Roxanne blinked and lowered the de-hydration gun. Was it just her imagination, or did Megamind look kind of proud? He certainly had a look of admiration plastered over his face.
"I'm just saying, you looked really bad-ash just now!"
Roxanne giggled. She really couldn't help it. "It's bad-ass, my dear."
"Oh." Megamind looked crestfallen for a split second but quickly recovered. "Minion, write that one down, will you?"
"Sure thing, Sir!" Minion pulled out a small spiral bound notebook from his apron pocket and spelled out the correct pronunciation. "B-A-D-A-S-S."
Roxanne laughed again and shook her head. "Why are you both in my kitchen?" She looked down at the floor, which was scattered with the remains of a bottle of wine and a whole lot of unpopped popcorn kernels. "Correction, why are you destroying my kitchen?"
Both Megamind and Minion looked a little sheepish. Megamind ansered first. "Well, um, I was going to try to make you dinner. Minion was going to assist. And since it's movie night, we thought we'd make something fitting. But we had an accident with the pop-ed corn.
Roxanne let the second mispronunciation of the night slide. "I can see that. It was very sweet of both of you." She carefully crossed over to sidle up to her boyfriend, who was leaning against the kitchen island.
Megamind looked a little alarmed, as he usually did whenever Roxanne got near to him. No, it wasn't quite alarm, more like disbelief. He still hadn't come down from that high of having Roxanne for a girlfriend. And for someone who had been denied normal human contact for most of his life, Roxanne got the impression that he didn't always know what to do with this newfound revelation that was Roxanne Riche, his girlfriend. She stood on her tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Very sweet."
"Uh, ah, well, thanks." Megamind turned slightly more purple and grinned from ear to ear. "We were just looking for a pot."
"Why?" Roxanne looked over to Minion, who was rolling his eyes.
Megamind crossed his arms over his chest and said in a superior tone, "To make pop-ed corn, or course! That's how you make it.
"You're not just going to make the microwave kind?" Roxanne brushed her hair away from her forehead. She was still feeling a bit confused.
Megamind heartily laughed. "Oh ho, ho, nooo. Minion and I make it in a pot. It took years of fine tuning, but we finally found the perfect recipe."
"Okay, so how do you make it?"
"I'm glad you asked! It might seem rather complex, but it is well worth it."
While Roxanne and Megamind had been talking, Minion had found a pot and placed it on the stove. He handed a pair of welding goggles to Roxanne which he also had produced from his apron pocket. "You're going to need these."
Roxanne was instantly nervous. Minion and Megamind cooking up all sorts of experiments wasn't a new occurrence, but they usually performed said experiments in the relative safety of the evil lair. She wasn't so sure that her kitchen was the best place to do anything that involved welding goggles.
"Boys, are you sure this is a good idea?"
"Of, course," said Minion, "we do this all the time."
Uggg, okay." Roxanne put her goggles on and then looked to Megamind. "Well, Chef, what's next?"
"This!" Megamind announced importantly. He held up a tiny glowing yellow orb, about the size of a popcorn hull. "I call it...the Kernel of DOOM!"
"Mmm, this sounds promising." Megamind could be so overly dramatic sometimes. It was a quality she found quite endearing.
"It is indeed, Mizzzz Ritchi." Megamind smiled devilishly. "Contained inside this tiny kernel is enough destructive force to level an entire city block." But I've harnessed it's power to only release enough heat energy to perfectly pop this pot of pop-ed corn.
Minion laughed nervously. "It took us a few tries to get right. My hearing's never been the same since that first attempt a couple of years back."
Before Roxanne had time to voice her growing concern over the apparent recklessness of using such a device, Megamind stepped over to the pot and dropped the kernel in. Minion quickly clamped the lid down with bungee chords (also produced from the apron). A mechanical high pitched buzzing noise emanated from inside the pot for several seconds and then an ear piercing boom shook the entire building.
Roxanne removed her goggles and let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding.
Minion carefully removed the bungees from the pot and Megamind grabbed up the lid with a flourish.
"Voila," he announced proudly. "The most perfect pop-ed corn you will every eat!"
The pot was indeed filled with light and fluffy popcorn. Not a single hull was burnt. And it smelled delicious.
"Wow", said Roxanne with a sigh of relief, "that really worked!"
Megamind looked a bit miffed. "Honestly, Roxanne, you should have a little more faith in me."
"I do, I do. I just generally get concerned when you and Minion are experimenting with heavy explosives." She grabbed up a handful of the popcorn and tossed a few pieces into her mouth. Her eyes lit up. "It's great, much better than microwave!"
"Actually, it's cold few-shun. I think the radioactive exotic particles created by the unstable reaction make it taste better."
Roxanne's expression froze into one of shock. "Is it...safe?"
Megamind gave Minion a sidelong glance and they began to laugh hysterically.
"What, what's so funny?" Roxanne put the remaining popcorn on the island counter and eyed it suspiciously.
"Oh, ho ho, ho, Roxanne, you're so cute. Everyone knows that cold few-shun doesn't create exotic particles."
"Oh, yeah, if everyone means evil geniuses and physics professors!" Roxanne punched her still laughing boyfriend in the arm and began to eat more popcorn. She really was famished.
"Ow" Megamind feigned dramatically. "So violent!"
"Speaking of violence!" Roxanne had forgotten her purse and grocery bag in the hallway. She ran back out to get them. From her purse she pulled out a dvd. "Guess what we're watching tonight?"
She handed the rental to Megamind. He read the title aloud, "Nanny McPhee Returns". You're kidding, right?"
Roxanne smiled gleefully. "Nope!"