Chapter One: In Which Lil' Bob Is Born
"My god! What an ugly baby!" the woman scream.
"Aw! Looks just like me!" the proud father said.
The woman scowled. "This is the last time I'm having a baby with an Orc!"
"Goo," the baby giggled.
"What's his name gonna be?" the baby's uncle, Bert the Orc, asked.
"Bob," the father, Frank the Orc, replied. "After Grandpa Bob."
"Excellent choice," Bert said, his naturally rough voice making the woman, Penelope,
wince.
"Well, this sucks," Penelope announced, rolling her eyes.
"Goo," Bob agreed.
The woman sighed. "Why did I marry you in the first place, Frank?"
"I dunno," Frank said. "My good looks?"
"Not bloody likely," Penelope muttered. She crossed her arms. "Humph!"
Penelope was a human, as you can probably guess. But, she was very, very ugly. So,
when it came time for her to get married, the best she could do was an ugly, old Orc.
Fangs and all, baby!
"My boy'll make me proud!" Frank rambled on. "He'll be the leader of the Uruk-Hai, I bet!"
Penelopesnorted. The little, ugly baby stuck his tongue out. Bert E-mailed the rest of the family about the birth of Bob.
"SexyOrc123: Hey, ya'll! Frank's Orcling was born today. Real cute looking kid. Well, for an Orc, that is. Let's face it, we're butt ugly. Anyways, the kid's name is Bob. He already has his first fangs! Unfortunately, he smells really bad."
"BigMamaOrc: OMG! I can't believe I'm a Granny! He was named after my first husband, wasn't he? Sometimes, I regret killing him and feeding him to the Nazgul. But,
what's done is done."
"LilOrcBro: I'm an uncle! Dude, this rocks! Great hearing from you, Bert. Tell Frank and Penny I said yo."
"OrcPotato: Ya'll should've named him Taters. We could've called him Tate."
"SuperSexySaruman: Ah, now I will have even more minions to do my evil deeds!
Mwahaha!"
As you can see, the entire family was very excited.
Bob spat up on Penelope. "Yuck," Penelope said. "This blows."
Little did any of them know what would become of Lil' Bob.