Disclaimer: I do not own Shirokuma Cafe or the characters.

Notes: This idea came from my sister Darkest Passion of Love, who has yet to actually watch the series yet still listens to my constant talk of it. This follows the events of a recent episode, so there is a spoiler warning for that particular storyline. I love Penguin, but this was written for the sake of humor. There is no character bashing at all!

There is also potential OOC, but nothing else to worry about. Enjoy!

It had been a week since Penguin had been dumped by all seven of his girlfriends at the exact same time. He'd made some progress in his recovery of his broken heart. But, he wished he could be with them again. How to do it, though?

He was at the cafe, drinking his usual cafe mocha and talking with whoever cared to listen. That meant he was speaking with Llama, Panda, Sasako and Shirokuma; the latter two weren't busy with customers as it was a quiet time of day. "So, I was thinking it was time I got back with Penko-sans though they dumped me." He had a sip of his beverage. "Are there any suggestions?"

"The best way to get them back, that I can think of, is to show them your finer qualities. It's worked on TV many times, even in reality shows," Sasako commented.

"Well, I may as well try it. But, I'm going to need some help with it." He looked at each of his male friends. "Will you? Please?"

"I will assist you," Llama agreed instantly. He'd seen how hard Penguin had taken the break-ups, so of course he'd help with trying to win them back.

"It sounds amusing! I'm in too!" Panda exclaimed. "But, I don't want to do anything, okay?"

Penguin sweatdropped. "You don't have to help. Just watch if you must."

"I'll help as well," Shirokuma offered.

Sasako looked thoughtful. "Though...would this even work, Penguin-san? You couldn't tell them apart after all..."

Penguin sighed. "That's true, Sasako-san."

"And, you were asking for trouble when you agreed to date all seven of them," Shirokuma added. "Why do it again?"

"That's true too." Another sigh.

"And, they must've had a lot of reasons to dump you," Panda pointed out. "I doubt you'll win them back..."

Another sigh, this time refusing to grace the statement with a response.

Llama swallowed his grass. "Still, you should at least try."

"Alright, we can work it out tomorrow." He finished his cafe mocha and paid for his orders. "I think I'll go home now." He jumped off of his stool and waddled out, bidding everyone good evening.

When he got home, Penguin felt exhausted, so he decided to just go to bed. He switched off his lamp and snuggled under the covers. He let out a yawn and closed his eyes. The next day, the group would plan how to win the girls back.

It was time to put the plan in action. He looked up at Llama. "Okay, get ready to start the fan." He looked up at Shirokuma. "Start the music when I'm in front of the building next door to the bakery."

"Do I have to do anything, Penguin-san?" Panda asked.

"Just sit there."

"Okay!" He brought out some bamboo and started to munch on it.

Llama adjusted the fan. "Today, your demonstration will be for Penno-san."

Penguin nodded. He waddled towards the bakery, and heard the music playing right on cue. He hoped Penno would witness his confident waddle past the bakery.

Llama hit the on switch and got the fan working. Anything in Penguin's path would be blown along, including leaves and flower petals.

Penguin could feel the fan at his back, and just as he neared the large window, he felt something else. His feet were being lifted off the ground, and he was sent flying forward, letting out quite an undignified squawk.

Llama and Shirokuma exchanged glances. "I think this fan might have been too powerful..." Llama commented.

The next day, it was time for the second attempt at showing the girls his cool side. "We have a less powerful fan this time, so it should work on Penma-san," Llama assured.

"My CD player was not working this morning, so we're using Panda-kun's," Shirokuma added.

"Alright. Same plan as yesterday. Let's go," Penguin stated as he waddled to the bakery. He felt the gentle breeze of the fan, so that was fine. But, the music was delayed. Oh well. It should start by the time I'm near the bakery.

It did start and caused everyone to sweatdrop as Twinkle Twinkle Little Starsounded through the speakers. "Oops, I guess Okaa-san borrowed it for my brothers..." Panda murmured.

Penguin's waddle picked up speed. He could not let Penma see him with nursery rhymes as his background music.

Next day, next attempt. "My CD player is functioning well, and I checked the music. It is appropriate," Shirokuma assured.

"That's the same fan, right? Okay, let's do this!" Penguin waddled forward.

"Remember, this is to show Penuelle-san," Llama called as he switched the fan on.

The breeze was blowing. The music was playing. Surely, it would work out this time!

That is...until Penguin felt something crawling up his back, just as he was in front of the window. He jumped up and down and slapped at whatever part of his back he could reach. His cries of "get it off! Get it off me!" didn't help him look very impressive.

"Here's hoping your attempt on Penko-san works," Llama commented.

Penguin nodded and advanced forward. He felt the breeze. He heard the music. This time for sure!

"Ah." Panda had dropped his bamboo in front of the fan. It was light enough to be carried away by the breeze of the fan. "Ah! My bamboo!"

Llama covered his eyes as he saw what was about to happen.

Penguin felt the hard knock on the back of his head, just as he reached the bakery door. He collapsed forward, landing beak-first on the pavement.

"That had to hurt," Shirokuma commented.

Penguin rubbed at his head, a bandage covering it. "This doesn't seem to be working out..."

"I'm sure that this time, you'll impress Penjolina-san," Llama assured.

"I don't want my bamboo to get blown away again, so I'll sit away from the fan," Panda commented.

Penguin sweatdropped. "Shouldn't you be saying I don't want you to get hit in the back of the head again?"

"Huh? Why would I say that?"

"Nevermind." He advanced forward, fan blowing and music playing on cue. He lifted his head, showing how confident he felt. Unfortunately, that was his downfall. Literally.

"I forgot that sewer works were taking place in this street today," Shirokuma murmured calmly as he saw Penguin fall down the uncovered manhole.

"Wow, you're really unlucky, Penguin-san!" Panda exclaimed.

"Could you please not say it as if you're impressed?" Penguin asked.

"Now, now. It should work this time, and Penka-san will see your cool side," Llama stated.

"Right. She will." Breeze at his back and music playing on cue, Penguin marched forward.

Llama spotted something. "Penguin-san! Watch out!"

Penguin turned to Llama as he kept walking. "Huh? What for?" He found his answer as he stepped on a banana peel and slipped down the path, his flippers flailing wildly as he tried to keep himself upright.

Shirokuma clapped his paws. "A banana peel! Such a clever addition to slapstick comedy!"

Panda paused in his munching. "Huh? Has Penguin-san been doing a comedy act this whole time?"

Llama winced as he saw Penguin crash to a halt.

"Okay! This is my last chance!"

"We've done all we can to ensure your demonstration will work on Penmi-san," Llama stated. "The path is clear, the fan isn't too powerful, the music is set...now, give it your all, Penguin-san!"

He nodded with determination and advanced towards his goal. He just had to prove himself, he just had to!

But, fate still seemed to be against him. He was right outside the window when he simply tripped over. He hit the pavement beak-first and lay there for a few seconds. He then forced himself back onto his feet, frustration building in him. Naturally, since it had been building for a whole week, it had to be released. "OKAY, SERIOUSLY?! AFTER EVERYTHING I WENT THROUGH! I WAS BLOWN AWAY, HAD THE WRONG MUSIC, THOUGHT I HAD A SPIDER ON MY BACK, WAS KNOCKED OUT BY BAMBOO, FELL DOWN A MANHOLE AND SLIPPED ON A BANANA PEEL! AND AS THE ICING ON THE CAKE, I TRIP OVER MY OWN FEET?! OF ALL OF THE-!"

As Penguin continued his tirade, Llama started blushing. "He's really doing it now..."

Panda heard quite a few new words, none of which he should ever have heard. "Hey, Shirokuma-kun? What do they mean?"

"I've only ever heard Grizzly-kun let those words slip out whenever he was especially frustrated. I don't advise you ask him, though, nor do I want to hear you say them."

"Okay. I promise."

While that conversation took place, Llama hurried onto the scene, nudged the screaming and cursing Penguin onto his back and hurried away from public eyes and ears.

Penguin had long since calmed down and had flopped against the counter-top. "If I'd wanted to get them back, I certainly blew it with that language..." He sighed. "I may as well re-adapt myself to being a bachelor..."

"At least you tried," Sasako offered.

"Still, what were the chances that you'd have such misfortune for a whole week?" Llama asked.

More sighs from the only present one with a beak. "I guess we just weren't meant to be after all..."

Shirokuma decided it was time to lighten the mood. He held up a picture of water gushing over a cliff and onto rocks below.

"That's a waterfall."

He then brought out a spherical toy.

"That's a ball."

Finally, he held up a picture of a large shopping complex.

"That's a mall. Shirokuma-kun, I said after all, was it really appropriate to make puns with that?"

"You retorted to them, meaning that you're not feeling as troubled anymore. You never do when you're depressed. I wanted to make sure you're alright, and it relieves me that you are."

"Shirokuma-kun..."

"We're not the Penko-sans, but we are still your friends and we love you. No matter what, we'll never leave you," Sasako assured as she patted Penguin's back.

"Even if there's nothing good about you," Panda added.

Penguin sweatdropped. "Was it necessary to say that right now?"

Another normal reaction. It seemed that Penguin really was going to recover from the events of the last couple of weeks, to which everyone was relieved.