Final Fantasy VII Presents: Final Fantasy Shiitake Mushrooms
(This story has nothing at all to do with Shiitake Mushrooms)
By: N.A.K.E.R.A.S
Tis IN.A.K.E.R.A.S! And this is my vert first FFVII fic! It was not meant to be serious, it's a humourous fic that I wrote in my free time. Oh and note this...if you read my Kingdom Hearts fic I'm sending in a few weeks, note this, I still have not yet beat the game but I heard from a friend of mine that Cloud falls in love with Aeris...but in that story you must know that he DOES NOT fall in love with her...he falls in love with my character Nakera. But in my sequel to it he does for an amount of time. But THEN he's gets back with my char. Understand that, I love Cloud, my char is based on me. Cloud semi-uses Aeris to get back to "me". Thanks for your patience about my KH story. Now enjoy FFSM!
[Cloud is sitting by the marshes throwing pebbles at the marsh serpent, while Cid is trying to fix the Highwind, since apparently Cait Sith had used part of it as a scratching post. Tifa is punching a tree on the accounts that she's pissed off since the moment the Highwind broke she was using the john, and she still has to go. Barret is shooting rocks, trying to make them explode even though the won't, Red XIII is stretched out on the grass trying to sleep but unfortunately everyone is keeping him up, Vincent having an argument with Yuffie over who gets the last ham sandwich, and of course Cait Sith is repeatingly apologizing to Cid. Cloud then stands up and pulls out his sword]
Cloud: ...IF ALL OF YOU DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP I'M GOING TO TURN THIS SWORD HERE INTO A RHINOCEROUS AND I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL! [pant]
Yuffie: I guess I'll sing a song now. I'm a cowgirl! Bang bi doo bang...People say that I'm a bad girl...and I enjoy it all the time...I'm living in a sad world...But I know what's on my mind...I am free as a bird...Even though you tell me I can't fly...I ain't easy to hurt...I have the perfect life...And I'm tellin you whyyyyyyy! I'm cowgirl, and I'm ridin on horse, bang bi doo bang...and shootin all around-[Cloud cuts her off]
Cloud: SHUT UP! [pants and whack her with his sword which is now a large styrofoam pole] DIE WHY DON'T YOU! [Pole breaks on Yuffies head]
Yuffie: [to everyone but Cloud] He's finally gone insane... [Cait Sith hops up to Cloud]
Cait Sith: [Through megaphone] Cait Sith calling Cloud! If the real you has gone to Lifestream, tell Aeris I say hi! Oh and umm, tell me what it's like being spirity stuff!
Cloud: I'M HERE DAMMIT! YOU ALL ARE JUST PISSING ME OFF! THE ONLY THING TO MAKE THIS EVEN WORSE IS IF SEPHIROTH JUST POPPED UP WEARING A DRESS AND DOING BALLET! [Just the very thing happens, except in a tutu, and Cloud falls over anime style and starts to twitch] MY LIFE IS NOW OVER! [Aeris then pops up in solid form]
Aeris: Is it? Or is mine?
Cloud: [Eyes widen] Okay, my life isn't over. [Spots Sephiroth still dancing] Well it could be...
Aeris: Come over here Tifa...[Tifa then snaps out of her state of shock]
Tifa: Oh, of course. [runs over to Aeris and she whispers something, and Tifa just keeps nodding and smiling] Oh I like that. Yeah that's good...And that! Are you honest!
Aeris: Mhm. ^.^ [Tifa and Aeris grab Cloud and drag him very far away]
Cloud: [shouting] HELP!
Barret: Should we help him?
Red XIII: What has he done for us lately?
Cid: He let Cait Sith use the interior of the Highwind as a scratching post.
Everyone but Cait Sith: ...............
Cait Sith: He let me get my claws sharper!
Sephiroth: [Still in tutu] He let me summon meteor and he gave me the Black Materia.
Vincent: Good enough for me. [ Everyone starts talking amongst themselves and they go to where Tifa and Aeris took Cloud]
Cloud: [tied to a tree, his shirt torn off and a large bucket of applesauce is above him.] GUYS! IF I MOVE MY ARMS OR LEGS IT'LL FALL! I CAN'T STAND BEING COVERED IN APPLESAUCE...BARRET!
Barret: It's true, when he first joined Avalanche Biggs, Wedge, Jesse and me dropped a bucket off applesauce on him. [Everyone runs up to Cloud, but then Tifa and Aeris start throwing applesauce filled balloons at them, except Yuffie who isn't there. Then Yuffie comes over them in a big air balloon and jumps out.]
Yuffie: Now you see what we've been planning since I heard about the time that Cloud, Barret and Red XIII went with each other and left Tifa and Aeris to fend for themselves! [Pushes a button on a remote control, the basket for the balloon blows away and the balloon falls on Barret, Cid, Vincent, Red XIII, Cait Sith and yes Sephiroth who is still in a tutu. Then only God knows how many buckets of applesauce cover Cloud]
Cloud: Malice! Pure F*cking malice!
Barret: Shi't
Red XIII: I never knew I tasted this good.
Vincent: This is applesauce...Nasty...
Cait Sith: YAY! YUMMINESS! [Cait Sith starts eating]
Cid: Applesauce...[hugs the applie goodness] Such memories...
Sephiroth: Hmmm...[Stuffs some in the top of the tutu] I look like a girl now...
Cloud: MY LIFE IS NOW FINALLY OVER!
Vincent: ...............APPLESAUCE WAR! [Throws applie goodness at Aeris]
Aeris: Hey! [Throws some at Tifa]
Tifa: No one can defeat metal apples! You hear me no one!!!!!!!!!!!! [Starts laughing like a maniac and everyone stops throwing applesauce.] Forget I said anything...
Red XIII: Solid Applesauce! [Red XIII whips applesauce at everyone with his tail]
Sephiroth: [Dancing around again, looking like a woman since he put applesauce it the top of the tutu] Oh applesauce, oh applesauce, how lovely are thy mushed apples. It looks like globs of crap right now...etc
Barret: We need snow coats, hats, and gloves! [Suddenly everyone is wearing snow clothing except Sephiroth who is still in the tutu]
Vincent: Jingle sauce, jingle sauce, squishy stuff everywhere! Oh what fun it is to sing, dressed like an applesauce bear!! nOn [Everyone stares at him.] Dressed like and applesauce beaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!! Cha...
Yuffie: Yay! [Yuffie claps]
Vincent: [Vincent bows] Thank you, thank you, no really, thank you...
Cait Sith: [speaking to the mog] Well Vincent's lost it. Or he's high on applesauce.
Aeris: ..............[cheers] Yay Vincent! [Then everyone, even if they weren't trying to clap or cheer, start anyways.]
Cid: [To Sephiroth] What are we clapping about?
Sephiroth: My prettiness! [Starting to act like a woman.]
Cid: [Now calling over to Cloud] Cloud! Your arch enemy has turned into a woman!
Cloud: Yeah! I've been aware of it for a long time!
Cid: But did you know he had boobs!?
Cloud: No, when'd you find that out!
Cid: Just now!
Cloud: Oh, well could you come over here and untie me from this tree?
Cid: Untie yourself!
Cloud: [mumbling to himself] Phht, and I thought you were my friend. [thinking] Why the f*ck did my sword have to turn to styrofoam and break on Yuffie's head of all people????? Wait, I think I have Ultima Weapon with me...score! [squirms a bit and then pulls out Ultima Weapon and cuts himself loose.] FREEDOM! [laughs insanely, and everyone stares] What? I'M FREE!
Tifa: Okay, Cait Sith, I agree that normal Cloud has died, gone into Lifestream and an evil new Cloud has taken over.
Cait Sith: I told ya.
Cid: [Sneaks away so he can finish fixing the Highwind, so they can leave and never have to deal with this applie goodness ever again] I know what I'll do now, I make an evil plan, targeting the applesauce, so then they will know what it's like to have something squishy up your nose! [Looks at the applie goodness war, then starts to laugh insanely and then goes to his work.]
Look for Cid's Plot of Applie Goodness coming to a theater near you next week!
Final Fantasy Theatres Presents! Cid's Plot of the Applie Goodness (This story has nothing to do with Applie Goodness, via applesauce) By: N.A.K.E.R.A.S
Cid: [Filling balloons up with jello and pudding and laughing like a maniac] Wait until they all see this! [Flies up in the newly enhanced Highwind, which is now a humongous hummingbird with moose antlers. Cid is now flying over everyone who is still fighting with applie goodness. Scene transfers down to them]
Vincent: [sipping applie goodness through a straw] I don't even like this stuff...
Tifa: I still have to piss...
Tis IN.A.K.E.R.A.S! And this is my vert first FFVII fic! It was not meant to be serious, it's a humourous fic that I wrote in my free time. Oh and note this...if you read my Kingdom Hearts fic I'm sending in a few weeks, note this, I still have not yet beat the game but I heard from a friend of mine that Cloud falls in love with Aeris...but in that story you must know that he DOES NOT fall in love with her...he falls in love with my character Nakera. But in my sequel to it he does for an amount of time. But THEN he's gets back with my char. Understand that, I love Cloud, my char is based on me. Cloud semi-uses Aeris to get back to "me". Thanks for your patience about my KH story. Now enjoy FFSM!
[Cloud is sitting by the marshes throwing pebbles at the marsh serpent, while Cid is trying to fix the Highwind, since apparently Cait Sith had used part of it as a scratching post. Tifa is punching a tree on the accounts that she's pissed off since the moment the Highwind broke she was using the john, and she still has to go. Barret is shooting rocks, trying to make them explode even though the won't, Red XIII is stretched out on the grass trying to sleep but unfortunately everyone is keeping him up, Vincent having an argument with Yuffie over who gets the last ham sandwich, and of course Cait Sith is repeatingly apologizing to Cid. Cloud then stands up and pulls out his sword]
Cloud: ...IF ALL OF YOU DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP I'M GOING TO TURN THIS SWORD HERE INTO A RHINOCEROUS AND I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL! [pant]
Yuffie: I guess I'll sing a song now. I'm a cowgirl! Bang bi doo bang...People say that I'm a bad girl...and I enjoy it all the time...I'm living in a sad world...But I know what's on my mind...I am free as a bird...Even though you tell me I can't fly...I ain't easy to hurt...I have the perfect life...And I'm tellin you whyyyyyyy! I'm cowgirl, and I'm ridin on horse, bang bi doo bang...and shootin all around-[Cloud cuts her off]
Cloud: SHUT UP! [pants and whack her with his sword which is now a large styrofoam pole] DIE WHY DON'T YOU! [Pole breaks on Yuffies head]
Yuffie: [to everyone but Cloud] He's finally gone insane... [Cait Sith hops up to Cloud]
Cait Sith: [Through megaphone] Cait Sith calling Cloud! If the real you has gone to Lifestream, tell Aeris I say hi! Oh and umm, tell me what it's like being spirity stuff!
Cloud: I'M HERE DAMMIT! YOU ALL ARE JUST PISSING ME OFF! THE ONLY THING TO MAKE THIS EVEN WORSE IS IF SEPHIROTH JUST POPPED UP WEARING A DRESS AND DOING BALLET! [Just the very thing happens, except in a tutu, and Cloud falls over anime style and starts to twitch] MY LIFE IS NOW OVER! [Aeris then pops up in solid form]
Aeris: Is it? Or is mine?
Cloud: [Eyes widen] Okay, my life isn't over. [Spots Sephiroth still dancing] Well it could be...
Aeris: Come over here Tifa...[Tifa then snaps out of her state of shock]
Tifa: Oh, of course. [runs over to Aeris and she whispers something, and Tifa just keeps nodding and smiling] Oh I like that. Yeah that's good...And that! Are you honest!
Aeris: Mhm. ^.^ [Tifa and Aeris grab Cloud and drag him very far away]
Cloud: [shouting] HELP!
Barret: Should we help him?
Red XIII: What has he done for us lately?
Cid: He let Cait Sith use the interior of the Highwind as a scratching post.
Everyone but Cait Sith: ...............
Cait Sith: He let me get my claws sharper!
Sephiroth: [Still in tutu] He let me summon meteor and he gave me the Black Materia.
Vincent: Good enough for me. [ Everyone starts talking amongst themselves and they go to where Tifa and Aeris took Cloud]
Cloud: [tied to a tree, his shirt torn off and a large bucket of applesauce is above him.] GUYS! IF I MOVE MY ARMS OR LEGS IT'LL FALL! I CAN'T STAND BEING COVERED IN APPLESAUCE...BARRET!
Barret: It's true, when he first joined Avalanche Biggs, Wedge, Jesse and me dropped a bucket off applesauce on him. [Everyone runs up to Cloud, but then Tifa and Aeris start throwing applesauce filled balloons at them, except Yuffie who isn't there. Then Yuffie comes over them in a big air balloon and jumps out.]
Yuffie: Now you see what we've been planning since I heard about the time that Cloud, Barret and Red XIII went with each other and left Tifa and Aeris to fend for themselves! [Pushes a button on a remote control, the basket for the balloon blows away and the balloon falls on Barret, Cid, Vincent, Red XIII, Cait Sith and yes Sephiroth who is still in a tutu. Then only God knows how many buckets of applesauce cover Cloud]
Cloud: Malice! Pure F*cking malice!
Barret: Shi't
Red XIII: I never knew I tasted this good.
Vincent: This is applesauce...Nasty...
Cait Sith: YAY! YUMMINESS! [Cait Sith starts eating]
Cid: Applesauce...[hugs the applie goodness] Such memories...
Sephiroth: Hmmm...[Stuffs some in the top of the tutu] I look like a girl now...
Cloud: MY LIFE IS NOW FINALLY OVER!
Vincent: ...............APPLESAUCE WAR! [Throws applie goodness at Aeris]
Aeris: Hey! [Throws some at Tifa]
Tifa: No one can defeat metal apples! You hear me no one!!!!!!!!!!!! [Starts laughing like a maniac and everyone stops throwing applesauce.] Forget I said anything...
Red XIII: Solid Applesauce! [Red XIII whips applesauce at everyone with his tail]
Sephiroth: [Dancing around again, looking like a woman since he put applesauce it the top of the tutu] Oh applesauce, oh applesauce, how lovely are thy mushed apples. It looks like globs of crap right now...etc
Barret: We need snow coats, hats, and gloves! [Suddenly everyone is wearing snow clothing except Sephiroth who is still in the tutu]
Vincent: Jingle sauce, jingle sauce, squishy stuff everywhere! Oh what fun it is to sing, dressed like an applesauce bear!! nOn [Everyone stares at him.] Dressed like and applesauce beaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!! Cha...
Yuffie: Yay! [Yuffie claps]
Vincent: [Vincent bows] Thank you, thank you, no really, thank you...
Cait Sith: [speaking to the mog] Well Vincent's lost it. Or he's high on applesauce.
Aeris: ..............[cheers] Yay Vincent! [Then everyone, even if they weren't trying to clap or cheer, start anyways.]
Cid: [To Sephiroth] What are we clapping about?
Sephiroth: My prettiness! [Starting to act like a woman.]
Cid: [Now calling over to Cloud] Cloud! Your arch enemy has turned into a woman!
Cloud: Yeah! I've been aware of it for a long time!
Cid: But did you know he had boobs!?
Cloud: No, when'd you find that out!
Cid: Just now!
Cloud: Oh, well could you come over here and untie me from this tree?
Cid: Untie yourself!
Cloud: [mumbling to himself] Phht, and I thought you were my friend. [thinking] Why the f*ck did my sword have to turn to styrofoam and break on Yuffie's head of all people????? Wait, I think I have Ultima Weapon with me...score! [squirms a bit and then pulls out Ultima Weapon and cuts himself loose.] FREEDOM! [laughs insanely, and everyone stares] What? I'M FREE!
Tifa: Okay, Cait Sith, I agree that normal Cloud has died, gone into Lifestream and an evil new Cloud has taken over.
Cait Sith: I told ya.
Cid: [Sneaks away so he can finish fixing the Highwind, so they can leave and never have to deal with this applie goodness ever again] I know what I'll do now, I make an evil plan, targeting the applesauce, so then they will know what it's like to have something squishy up your nose! [Looks at the applie goodness war, then starts to laugh insanely and then goes to his work.]
Look for Cid's Plot of Applie Goodness coming to a theater near you next week!
Final Fantasy Theatres Presents! Cid's Plot of the Applie Goodness (This story has nothing to do with Applie Goodness, via applesauce) By: N.A.K.E.R.A.S
Cid: [Filling balloons up with jello and pudding and laughing like a maniac] Wait until they all see this! [Flies up in the newly enhanced Highwind, which is now a humongous hummingbird with moose antlers. Cid is now flying over everyone who is still fighting with applie goodness. Scene transfers down to them]
Vincent: [sipping applie goodness through a straw] I don't even like this stuff...
Tifa: I still have to piss...