Title: Tea Anyone?
Rating: M
Word Count: 923
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Spoilers: None
Warning: This is my first Torchwood fic so please excuse any OOC as I am still trying to get a firm understanding of everyone's characterizations.
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood and am poor. Please don't sue me.
Author's Note: I blame a few people for this one. I lurk a lot and somehow lurked my way to Torchwood through a great Fake author, Totally4Ryo. So thank you for your amazing Fake stories and hooking me onto Torchwood! Also I blame my friend J-chan who came up with this idea after we watched the episode where Owen called Ianto Tea-boy for the first time.
"Owen, are you incapable of doing any real work?" Tosh asked from her workstation when she noticed the doctor playing solitaire again.
"Not incapable just completely unmotivated, Owen replied, disinterested in the piles of paperwork that littered his desk. Owen knew Ianto was expecting most of the reports done by the afternoon so the welsh man could file them but at this point he really didn't care.
"You're just caffeine deprived," Tosh countered, knowing Owen barely got any work done when he was full of caffeine and absolutely none done when he hadn't had a coffee for a good 2 hours.
"That could also be true. Ianto coffee now!" Owen yelled across hub even though he could have just as easily turned on his comm.
"Of course your holiness," Ianto muttered darkly across the comm. Ianto quickly put together coffee for the whole team and 10 minutes later he was placing hot mugs on everyone's desk. Well for everyone but except Owen, where he almost slammed down the mug, allowing a bit of the coffee to slosh over the brim and onto a few scattered pieces of paperwork.
"Oi! Haven't you ever heard of service with a smile Tea-boy?"
"Only for those polite enough to deserve it!" The other man snapped back, throwing Owen a small hand towel to clean up the mess.
"Don't you have somewhere else to be like playing fuck buddies with the boss?" Ianto only gave Owen a dirty look in reply, choosing not to resort to petty insults Owen wouldn't even care about.
"Alright boys, play nice or I might have to call the principal," Tosh joked, trying to break some of the tension between the two men.
"Too late," Jack interrupted, smoothly removing his mug from Ianto's tray.
Owen lifted his hands in surrender. "I'll play nice, wouldn't want the Tea-boy to wet himself in frustration. Choir boy's promise." Owen smartly replied.
"Funny how I don't believe you!" Jack frowned. "And on top of that I doubt you were ever allowed to be a choir boy."
"Why not?" Owen asked, trying to put on the most innocent look he could manage.
"The fact that shagging is the only thing on your mind," Gwen said with a snort.
"I used the confession booth for more than admitting my sins." Owen winked at the girls and went back to slurping his coffee.
"Ewww!! Gwen and Tosh squealed while Ianto only rolled his eyes.
"I am going to do some actual work, Ianto said, heading off to the archives.
"You do that Tea-boy," Owen called at the retreating man's back.
"Why do you call him Tea-boy?" Gwen asked. "I don't think I have ever seen him serve a cuppa ever, only coffee."
"Don't right know," Owen answered. "Heard Jack call him it once and it seemed to piss him off more than office-boy."
Gwen looked at Jack clearly expecting some sort of an answer.
"I guess the good doctor didn't hear the full nick name. Let's just say Ianto can make great tea when the mood hits him."
"What ya mean?" Gwen was still unsure of what Jack's cryptic answer was supposed to mean.
Instead of an response Jack just gave her one of his famous shit eating grins, looking entirely too smug. Suddenly Gwen's eyes widened and she let out a small gasp. Jack knew she had figured it out, gave a small laugh and then went back to his office.
"What! I still don't get it!" Owen snarled.
"If you don't get it I am not explaining it! That is your mother's job," Gwen said, going beat red from her neck to the tips of her ears.
"Tosh?" Gwen gave Tosh a poignant look and it only took the Asian woman another moment before she got it too.
"You're on your own for this one Owen," Tosh said trying to go back to her work but failing as she fell into a fit of giggles.
"Fine be that way," Owen grumbled, still peeved that he wasn't in on a joke that would defiantly embarrass Ianto beyond belief.
"Owen slammed his cup down and decided to take his rage out on a Weevil corpse they has found earlier that week. Just as Owen was about go to the autopsy bay Ianto popped back up from the archives.
"What, are you still pissy about me getting coffee on your paperwork," Ianto said, noticing the sour look on the doctor's face. "It's not like you were going to fill them out anyway.
"Mind your own business Tea-boy!" Owen was about to bugger off for a second time when Jack called Ianto from the staircase leading to his office.
"Ianto, can I get a cup of tea up here?" Jack called with his eyes sparkling with mischief.
"Of course Sir." Instead of heading to the small kitchen, Ianto went directly to Jack's office.
"But the tea is that way." Owen pointed towards the kitchen, watching in bewilderment as Ianto disappeared into Jack's office.
Both women burst our laughing again at Owen's total lack of understanding.
"Jack doesn't want that kind of tea," Gwen chortled.
"They're not?" Owen suddenly said, looking like he had been punched in the gut. The only answer he got was the women's continuing snickers.
"Oh God… Oh god!" Owen cried loudly. "That's just… Oh fuck. I can never look at Ianto the same. EVER AGAIN! Tea-boy my balls!"
"No Jack's," Tosh barely gasped out between a snort and a deep laugh.
"TOSH!!" Owen screamed.
THE END.
Note: If you don't get what the girls are laughing about ask your mother or follow this link to urban dictionary that explains what teabagging is.
http: / www . urbandictionary . com / define . php?term teabagging (remove spaces)