AN: THIS FIC IS NOT MINE. I AM POSTING IT FOR A FRIEND! Enjoy!

Cats Don't Bite

Lonliness.

To the Mad Hatter, locally known as Undertaker, it was a formidable enemy. He sat at the table, resting his head on the cloth as he stared boredly at his friend the March Hare, who was reading a book and not paying a scrap of attention to him. The silverette drummed his nails on the table as he waited for something - anything - to break the silence, and finally, he was granted a reward for his impatience.

"William~!" came a wail through the trees as the Dormouse, Ronald Knox, leaped over the table and ran behind the March Hare's chair. A blur of red came after him, and Undertaker only saw a glimpse of a red tail as the creature landed on the table and started running down it, towards the mouse. But a flash of the March Hare's pruning hook, and the creature slid to a stop, knocking down all sorts of dishes as he did so.

"Give me that little morsel or I'll eat you, too," hissed the red-haired being who Undertaker now saw was a cat. The hatter stood, and stepped up on to the table, watching as a cute, pink tail swept enticingly back and forth from the cat's lower back.

"Give it up, you damn Cheshire Cat," William snarled, his ears flicking dangerously as he protected the mouse behind him. "You won't be eating either of us today. You forget the Queen's orders to leave us alone, Grell Sutcliff?"

"I was never under the Queen's rule to begin with," this supposed 'Grell' purred, leaping down from the table and circling the two. "I'd been living in the Duchess's palace for so long I don't believe the Queen matters to me." The Dormouse crawled up into William's lap, and the hare groaned, before standing, holding the smaller male in his arms.

"Back off," he growled. Suddenly, the Cheshire Cat froze, and Undertaker did, too, upon seeing the emerald gaze. And then, the hatter broke into a wide grin, and Grell did, as well.

"Who~ are you~?" the cat asked, stalking towards the silverette. "I don't believe we've met before."

"My name is Undertaker," the hatter said, standing so that he could bow. "And I must say, you've rather made a mess of my party. If you wanted tea, you could have just said so, m'dear."

"Undertaker, stop, that cat can't be trusted," William said, holding Ronald protectively close as he stepped away from the table.

"What are you talking about, hare? He's so cute!" Undertaker giggled, taking a bone-shaped cookie from his cloak. The redhead's stomach growled, and Undertaker held it out. "See? The poor dear's just hungry." The cat leaned in and snipped a piece of cookie out from Undertaker's hand with his sharp fangs, before quickly chewing and swallowing it. William and Ronald left at the sight, disappearing into the woods, leaving the hatter alone with the cat.

"I appreciate the gesture," the Cheshire Cat said, taking the scarf from around his own neck and holding it with his tail as he came in. Undertaker sat still and chuckled as the cat began to undress him, taking his hat and setting it on the table before he began to unbutton his coat. "But as much as I appreciate it, I'll have you know that a woman such as myself is greedy, and wants much more than a mere cookie, darling Undertaker." The red-haired cat leaned in, and dragged his tongue up the hatter's neck, smirking when the other gave a small gasp and excited squirm. "Heehee~ Such a sensitive man. I love that," the Cheshire Cat purred, sliding a hand beneath the hatter's partially-unbuttoned shirt.

"Hehehe~ Well, Miss Grell, you're just full of surprises," Undertaker answered, but when he looked up again, the cat was gone. He felt a twinge of fear at having possibly scared the poor thing away, and he stood, calling, "Miss Grell? Where've you gone?"

Suddenly, he was grabbed behind and pulled back down into the chair, but this time, he landed on something - rather, someone. He felt hands roaming his body, and he sighed, realizing that said hands were completely invisible. Hot breath blew against his ear before he heard, "You forget I'm a Cheshire Cat, Undertaker dearest. How adorable."

Undertaker grinned. "You're a strange one, Miss Grell. I like that about you." He looked back down, to watch as the hands alone became visible as they traversed his body. "And a very affectionate one, too, it would seem."

"Once I have something in mind, it's hard for me to let go," Grell whispered into his ear. "And when I see a man I like, I just can't keep my paws to myself, you know? Fufu... Me~ow~!"

Undertaker wrapped an arm around an invisible neck and turned his head until he was certain that he was facing the cat. He leaned in, and was only slightly surprised when his lips were met in a kiss. The cat's arms draped around his waist, and the hatter sighed contentedly when he was abruptly picked up, and plopped down into the chair again. Regardless of the past incident, another pang of worry hit him when he couldn't see nor feel or hear Grell with him.

"Miss Grell?" he murmured.

"Stay there, you," came the voice, thankfully enough. "I'll just be a moment, darling."

"Mind giving me something to look at?" Undertaker sighed, boredly resting his chin on his hand. His attention perked again when that striped, pink tail appeared before him, dancing in the air and almost encouraging him to grab it. But he resisted, hard as it was, and soon, he found a weight settling down in his lap.

"There we are...," whispered the cat. Suddenly, Grell revealed himself to Undertaker completely, and the hatter gasped to see that the other had stripped down completely for him, save for the scarf, which had once been an innocent accessory about the cat's shoulders, but was now wrapped around the other's waist in a manner that was just... sexy. "Tada!" the cat giggled. "Fufu, surprised, darling? Don't be, I think I made it quite obvious where this whole scene was headed." The cat purred, leaning in and capturing the silverette's lips once more. Undertaker snaked his hands about the other's hips, and ran his black nails slowly up the other's back, while also leaning in to nibble on a pink cat ear. Grell giggled at the advances, but suddenly grabbed Undertaker's arms and held them over his head. The scarf around his waist was drawn down, and instead used to bind Undertaker's wrists above his head. "There's a reason I wear that thing in summer, you know," Grell said with a wink. "You see, my darling, I like to take charge in situations like this. But no worries. I'll be gentle."

The cat unbuttoned Undertaker's trousers, and slipped his hand into them, rubbing the half-hard member within them as he adjusted his position a little. "So, darling, tell me, have you ever come across a cat like myself before?" Grell asked.

"I've encountered maybe one or two other Cheshire Cats," Undertaker answered. "However, none of them are quite as remarkable as you, m'dear."

Grell grinned. "That's all I needed to hear," he said, moving forward slightly. "Lean back a bit, darling." As Undertaker complied, Grell began to lower himself on the silverette's arousal, mewling in an affectionate way as the member slid into him. "Gods- Undertaker, you're one good man," the cat snickered, his hands on the silverette's shoulders as he continued, "and I pray you know how to treat a cat..."

The hatter laughed, but he continued to hold his hands obediently over his head as the other started to move at a slow pace, his hips rolling in to meet the older's as he took more of the length. "My my~," Undertaker snickered as the other began to pant and whine. "You call me sensitive? Look at yourself, m'dear - a fine mess!"

The cat reached forward, wrapping his hand around the other's throat and smirking when the hatter blinked in honest shock. "Don't screw with me," Grell hissed in a sweetly poisonous voice, before leaning in and pecking the other's lips. "I want to be gentle for you - since you're so pretty - but I'm not sure how long I can be patient."

"That's all right, dearie, I can take a hit, rather I can take quite a few," Undertaker said. "Although, while the memory would be sweet here, it would be painful in the future, as memories are so ephemeral and tend to scar from the slightest damage."

"Mm~ Quite the wise one, too," Grell noted. "I've been searching long and hard for a man like you. A man who is not only handsome and intelligent, but one who also treats me like the beautiful woman I am."

"Ehehe~! Who would ever mistreat a lovely lady like yourself?" Undertaker wondered aloud. "With that gorgeous red hair and luscious, pale skin, it's clear that you're a jewel like no other, miss Grell."

"Oh~ So you're going to flatter me now, too?" Grell giggled. "You're just Mr. Perfect now, aren't you?"

"Hehe, I wouldn't say that...," Undertaker giggled. He moved his hips then, giving a tiny buck into Grell's warmth, and the cat mewled hotly,? his tail swiping around and hugging the other's thigh.

"Mmf, you sexy beast," Grell hissed, starting to move himself faster, his tail supporting himself as he leaned back against the table to move himself harder. "Ahn~! So good!" he purred. "Come on, Undertaker, put in some effort for me~!"

"Y-yes, Miss, I think I'll do just that," Undertaker groaned, starting to rock himself back into the other. "Could you untie me, though, dearie? My wrists are going numb..."

"Sure, whatever, you're worth it," the other sighed, leaning in and drawing the scarf off from around the hatter's wrists. The moment he was free, Undertaker stood and gripped Grell's hips, shoving him on to the table as he pounded himself into the yelping cat. "Oh, yes, Undertaker! I'm getting so close, baby! So- c-close!" In his heat, the hatter couldn't respond quickly, only moving himself harder, giving a faint smile as the striped tail curled around his waist as if to encourage him further.

"Miss Grell, if I let you find release," he panted into a striped cat ear, "will you stay here and be my little kitten?"

"Absolutely, darling," Grell mewled, wrapping his arms around the other's torso. "I'll stay as long as you want me~!"

"Hehehe~ In that case...," Undertaker giggled, reaching down and wrapping a hand around the other's neglected member. The cat squealed excitedly as the hatter started to jerk him hard, bringing him closer and closer until he at last found ecstacy.

"Yes-! Undertaker...!" Grell cried, his vision whiting out as he hit his climax. Undertaker gave a low groan as he lost himself within the Cheshire Cat, and he gave a few more thrusts as he rode the pleasure out, his nails digging into the other's shoulder's. "Mm!" Grell moaned as he started to calm down again. "You're so good..."

"Hehe... thanks, dear...," Undertaker murmured. The cat slowly slid off of the table, and took the immediate opportunity to curl up in Undertaker's lap when it was given, just as he had before with the Duchess. He teasingly stroked the other's chin with his tail, all the while purring and meowing happily.

"So...," Undertaker said, taking a cup from the table and pouring tea into it until the liquid spilled over into the saucer. He then placed it on the arm of the chair, in front of Grell. "Might I offer you a cup of tea, m'dear?"

"Heehee~ Absolutely, darling," Grell giggled. "That would be wonderful."

And, since this is a story of Wonderland...

They lived happily ever after.

~~~

Anonymous A/N: Ha, until William and Ronald find out. Whoo-boy! XD There won't be a continuation to this, but it sure was fun! Hehe~