An: So it begins.
Chapter title taken from Lost by Gorilla Zoe (The version without Lil Wayne)
Italics at the beginning are flashback. Any after that is thoughts.
"I'm proud of you, Logan."
A small groan showed my brother had heard me. I glance over to see Logan sprawled out on the beach mask pulled up so it just covered his hair. Turning my head back to the sky I let a weak smile play on my lips. Logan had scored a major victory not only for the US military but for our family as well. He had killed Gabriel Rorke.
The smile spreads wider at the thought of the bastard literally sleeping with the fishes.
"Keep pressure on that wound Hesh," Logan mumbles.
"Hey let… let me worry about… that," I stutter. A grimace crosses my face as the gunshot wound decides now is a good time to start hurting again, but that is to be expected. I ordered Logan to shoot me, I'll deal with the consequences.
My eyes start to drift close from either blood loss or exhaustion, I'm not entirely sure which at the moment, but right now I just want to take a nap. As the world fades in and out I hear someone walking closer so I slowly turn my head to look in that direction and see Rorke standing over Logan…of fucking course that bastard survived.
There is blood flowing from Logan's nose as he tries to use his knife against Rorke. Logan's tough I'll give him that but his body is too drained to put up much of a fight. Rorke easily avoids the strike and breaks Logan's arm, who to his credit only grimaces.
Rorke walks over to me and looks out to the destruction LOKI has caused. "Look what you did," he says. I try to lunge at him but I can't move fast enough. Rorke turns around and kicks me in the head leaving me dazed. When my vision clears Rorke is crouched next to Logan.
"You're good. You would have been a hell of a Ghost. But that's not going to happen. There ain't gonna be any Ghosts. We're gonna destroy them together," he says before standing up to grab Logan's leg to drag him god knows where.
"Logan!" I scream trying to follow only succeeding in falling over. I can't lose him. Not now. Not after everything we've been through.
"Logan!" I scream again. He's fighting the best he can, using his unbroken arm to try and claw away.
He looks right at me; fear and desperation flowing through his eyes. He knows what's to come and doesn't want it any more than I do.
"LOGAN!" I scream one last time before I blackout. On the very edge of consciousness I hear something I haven't heard in a long time.
"DAVID!"
{Transmission Started… LT. D. Walker}
Hesh bolts awake breathing heavy, it was the same damn nightmare again. For the past six months he has been having the same nightmare… at least this time he managed not to scream. Rubbing a hand over his face, Hesh kicks the sheets off and swings his feet to the floor. Slowly standing with a stretch Hesh walks to the bed on the other side of the room. He grabs a grey shirt from the bag sitting there and scratches the ear of the sole occupant.
"Hey Riley," Hesh say quietly," Wanna go for a walk?" Riley jumps out of the bed to stand beside Hesh. "I'll take that as a yes."
In the early morning hours the base was mostly quiet only a few people moving about and no one bother the lone Walker and his dog. Hesh and Riley walk the same path that they have been going on every morning since Hesh was discharged from the hospital. They slowly added more distance as Hesh got better. Now the route was a circuit of the whole base ending at the gym.
The two reach the gym just as the sun starts to rise. Hesh went straight to the punching bag, wrapping his hands as he walked. Riley trots away to lay down by the wall and seems to doze off as Hesh set to work.
Left,right,left,right,right,left,leftrightleftrightleft….repeat
"I'm pretty sure you've beat that bag to death by now," a new voice said causing Hesh to pause his beatings. He quickly realized that he was covered in sweat, a glance at the clock showed he had been at it for almost an hour.
"So," Hesh replied going back to work leftrightleft ," I need the exercise. You won't send me out, Merrick."
Merrick huffed and walked over to Riley giving the dog a scratch behind the ear. It wasn't an uncommon sight these days, the two had grown close with the time they spent together after everything that had happened.
"How are you feeling Riley?" Merrick asked the dog. The shepherd didn't move his head from his paws. "Hesh do you think Riley is sick?"
"I don't think so, why?"
"He's been acting a little off for a while now. Could be because he doesn't feel well."
Hesh unwrapped his hands as he walked over to check on his dog. He thought back to how long Riley had been in his slump. Had he been too wrapped up in his own problems to notice? Granted he had seen the off way Riley had been acting but never really felt the need to have the shepherd looked at. "Maybe I should get him checked out," He stated.
"There's a vet on base that you could take him to," Merrick says standing up dusting his pants off," But take a shower first you smell horrible."
A little while later Hesh walked through the front door of the base's hospital. He starts to fidget in place as he looks around the small lobby, there is more people here than he's normally comfortable with. No don't do this. It's just a hospital lobby. Riley bumps Hesh's palm with his nose, that little push is the bit of confidence Hesh need to head towards the front desk.
"Hi, Lieutenant David Walker. I need to get my dog checked out by Doctor Juarez," he tells the lady working there. She is older than his dad is… was short hair completely white and kind of heavy set.
The woman looks up from her papers. "Ah you must be the one Captain Merrick mentioned. Room three. Have your dog sit on the table please. Doctor Juarez will be with you shortly," she points to the left and goes back to her work. Hesh followed her instructions muttering about Merrick playing him.
Hesh find the room easily and walks in. The room is sparsely furnished; a metal table, a small cabinet and a chair all pushed against the walls. Riley hops up on the table without command, Hesh takes the chair as the two of them wait for the doctor, and time passes slowly while they wait.
This doctor, like everyone Hesh has ever seen, seems to be take his sweet time in actually coming to check on their patients. Hesh reached over and scratched Riley who had laid down at some point. "I'm sure the doctor will get here soon," he says. Riley lets out a small whine.
The door finally opens and the doctor walks in and Hesh realizes one thing real quick. He was wrong to assume the doctor was a man. The women is looking at a folder so Hesh takes a second to look her over. She's about average height, dark blond, athletic build or so from how the army fatigues fit her under her lab coat and most surprisingly Latina.
The US, ever the land of equality, got real suspicious of anyone with Hispanic or Latino heritage after the Federation attack. Not that anything was ever confirmed but there was suddenly a lack of those Latino background. Those you did see where never…in great places.
"If you are going to stare at me Mister Walker the least you could do is let me introduce myself," the woman said flicking her blue eyes up at him.
"Sorry," Hesh says rising to his feet offering his hand," David Walker"
{LT. D. Walker … signal lost}
{New signal acquired…DR. A. Juarez }
"Ariel Juarez," Ariel says shaking his hand before looking back at the folder in her other hand," You also go by Hesh right? It's one of the names in Riley's file." Hesh nods and returns to his seat. Ariel walks over to Riley and gives him the command to stand. "So what seems to be the problem here?"
"Riley has been a little off lately," Hesh replies.
"Eating well?" Ariel asked.
"Not really. He eats most of his food but takes a while to do it. Come to think of it he's been sorta slow for a while," Hesh answers. Ariel notes the slight wringing he is doing with his hands out of the corner of her eye. Anxiety?
"I see," Ariel said turning her head back to listen to Riley's heartbeat," He's sleeping with you in the barracks?"
"Yeah," Hesh responds," They tried to put him in the kennels with the other dogs but he freaked it. So they let him stay with me so he wouldn't injure himself."
Ariel was checking Riley's teeth when she asked her next question," When was the last time he went out on assignment?"
"His last assignment was the one where he got shot."
"Has he not healed from it?" Ariel asked checking the shepherd's left thigh.
"The wound healed fairly quickly but he refused to go anywhere," Hesh replied.
"Where were you when first he refused?"
Ariel adds the slight look of confusion then apprehension to her running list of observations. Definitely anxiety. "I was just getting out of the hospital," he replied.
"Got it. Well Riley seems to be in perfect health. His teeth, eyes, ears, claws, everything is in optimal condition," Ariel stated sitting on the edge of the table.
"So what's wrong with Riley then?" Hesh asked.
Ariel let out a quiet sigh, she had to play this carefully or Hesh would shut down on her. Leaving her with more questions than answers.
"Hesh are you aware that animals feel the same emotions that we do? Love, sadness and the like?" She asked.
"Yeah."
"Animals also pick up on the emotions of those around and will act accordingly," Ariel explained.
"What does this have to do with Riley?" Hesh questioned. Ariel took note on the stiffness his posture. Fear. She knew she was starting to tread into dangerous territory but continued nonetheless.
"Have you been having any nightmares Lieutenant Walker?" Ariel probed calmly scratching Riley behind the ear.
"I'm sorry what?" Hesh asked. Ariel made another mental note of the slight panicked tone his voice took. Stress.
"Have you been having any nightmares?" Ariel repeated
"One or two," Hesh offered his tone leveling out," but what soldier doesn't."
Ariel dipped her head once before inquiring about something else, "What about Riley?"
"Uhh… How would I tell?" Hesh asked.
"A dog having a nightmare would be like someone having a night terror. Thrashing of limbs, vocalization and sudden awaking are the usual signs," She replied looking back at the folder she had.
"He's whined a little but he's done that since he was a puppy," Hesh replied.
Ariel hummed before reading, "It says here that while you were unconscious Riley stayed with Captain Merrick." Hesh nodded his agreement so she continued," During that time Riley was reported to have been a model canine. That said however, his problem seems to have started after you woke up."
"What are you saying?" Hesh asked.
"I believe that all of Riley's problems are stemming from you," Ariel affirmed. She watched as Hesh's eyes widened then narrowed before he spoke. Aggression.
"I'm fine," Hesh stated. Ariel fixed Hesh with a look that showed she knew he was lying. She picked up the other folder and opened it.
"Mr. Walker," she started," This past June has been extremely… stressful for you. You lost your father, and your brother is a Federation POW. Your teammates are worried about your mental state." She noted the little flinch Hesh made when she mentioned his family.
"I'm fine," Hesh insisted.
"No you're not and it is my job to help you," Ariel affirmed.
"I thought you're a vet?"
"I'm actually a medical doctor by trade but I dabble in veterinary practice from time to time," She said with a small smile.
"Now what I was saying about Riley's problems coming from you is true, but there is a little catch. As you are aware, shepherds are herding dogs, they live to protect their flock. That is what makes them great military dogs," she stated.
What Ariel didn't know was that Hesh knew all this stuff. Elias had explained it to his sons when they got Riley. His dad had the brothers raise Riley through puppyhood till he was old enough to go through training. His plan was for Riley to work with them when he finished training.
"Dogs are pack animals," Ariel continued," They want to be with their pack. Riley is mostly likely aware Captain Walker is gone, but he may not know what has happened to Logan. What were his last words?"
Hesh flinched. Trigger perhaps? "What?" he asked.
"What was the last thing Logan said to Riley?" she clarified, a few seconds passing before Hesh answered.
"He said," Hesh started slowly," Be a good boy Riley I'll be back."
Ariel nodded mumbling under her breath as she reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a dog biscuit. "That is probably the start of Riley's problem," she said feeding pieces of the biscuit to the dog, "Riley followed those order while you were hurt. When you woke up Riley realized that Logan was not with you. This may have lead Riley to think that it is his fault for Logan not returning. Now as to why Riley stays near you; it would be a logical assumption that it is to make sure you do not leave him as well."
Ariel watched as Hesh slowly nodded, hopefully accepting her medical opinion. She could only guess how hard it was to accept that Logan was part of the cause of Riley's mood. "What do you suggest I do?" Hesh asked.
"Well," Ariel said giving Riley the rest of the biscuit. The shepherd happily started to eat it. "The best thing to do is get Riley back out there."
"Riley won't go on assignments."
"He won't go because you are not with him. I'll inform Captain Merrick that both you are cleared for active duty… well probational active duty. Hopefully this will help with Riley's separation anxiety," Ariel said writing a few things down in both folders. "Oh one last thing when you go out on the mission tell Riley to be on the lookout for Logan, it might help. Any other questions? "She asked.
"Did Merrick ask you to do a psych evaluation on me or Riley?" Hesh asked standing up and crossing his arms.
Ariel chuckled. "In all honesty this was for you. I tracked Riley's recovery so I knew he was fine," she stated," Captain Merrick wanted me to see if you were fit to return to the field." She offered a hand for Hesh to shake. "Sorry."
"It's okay," Hesh said shaking her hand," I was wondering when Merrick would have me evaluated."
Ariel gave a small nod and started to walk out the door. She stopped just inside it a said over her shoulder," I'd like to see both of you after your next mission if it possible." She tossed a biscuit over her shoulder and walked out.
Riley jumped off of the table to grab the treat. Hesh waited till Riley was done before leaving. The woman behind the front desk gave him a small wave which he returned as he walked out. He had one destination in mind; the command room to find Merrick.
{DR. A. Juarez…signal lost}
{New signal acquired…CPT T. Merrick}
Merrick found Ariel in her office; headphones in, pencil between her teeth and typing away on her laptop. She looks up when he enters and motions for a minute to finish leaving the captain to take one of the chairs on the other side of the desk.
To pass the time Merrick finds himself looking around the room. Shelves and filing cabinets lined walls, full of medical and notes save for one. . It had four picture frames and a small stuffed wolf as the only adornments
"You know Merrick if you want someone to go to a secret appointment maybe try just telling the doctor and not the front desk. I'm pretty sure Clare tipped Hesh off," Ariel informed taking her headphones off.
"I thought Clare would keep it quiet," Merrick commented
Ariel laughed, "For her age Clare is a huge gossiper. Nothing is safe with her."
"So how's Hesh?"
Ariel paused sitting back against her chair. "Million dollar question right there to which I have as close to an answer as I'm going to have after only one chat." She paused for a moment to turn her chair to grab two files off her desk. "I've two reports here, one that I should submit and one I'm going to submit."
"Why two?" Merrick asks.
"Well the one I'm going to submit to the higher ups clears Hesh for active duty listing that he had stress that has since relived itself," Ariel replied resting her hands in her lap.
"And the other?"
"Does the exact opposite, it labels Hesh unstable with further treatment required. I'm worried about his mental state Merrick. Hesh's outward mask has cracks. In my opinion, I don't think he's handling the events of six months ago as well as he claims to be. There's this little fidget motion he does with his hands that I've seen on ninety percent of my PTSD patients."
"Hesh has PTSD?" Merrick asked leaning forward, forearms on his knees and intertwining his hands
"Not exactly," Ariel responded, "He's…he's on his way. There's this fine line between those who have PTSD and those that don't. Hesh is teetering on that edge."
"What do we do about it?"
"Normally I pull soldiers from the field, put them in a stable low stress job and then determine if there is even the tiniest chance that they can serve active duty. However given the situation I feel it will be counterproductive in helping Hesh."
"How so?"
"Well Hesh's main problem is the fact that he has been stuck on base instead of searching for Logan. It's given him time to think, to question the 'what ifs'. Sometimes your own mind can be your worst tormentor"
"So returning him to active duty will help… because it lets him work towards his goal instead of focusing on the past?"
"Exactly. Word of advice; try to keep his first mission as low stress as possible," Ariel instructed standing up. She walked around to the other side of her desk and offered her hand to help Merrick to his feet.
"Thanks," Merrick said, "Oh I almost forgot, Wolfe should be here by the end of the month."
A smile broke out on Ariel's face, "What'd he do this time?"
Merrick chuckled, "Nothing. Just an evaluation. Thanks again for the favor."
"No problem," Ariel commented as Merrick left. "Hey Merrick!" she called out.
"What?"
"Try not to fuck this up okay. I'm a busy girl I hate having my time wasted," Ariel replied with a smirk. Merrick got a good laugh out of that as he left.
(CPT T. Merrick …signal lost}
{Reacquiring… LT D. Walker}
"Hesh nice to see you," Keegan said as Hesh walked into Command. After what had happened Keegan seemed to always be checking on Hesh any chance he got, Merrick too.
"Merrick around?" Hesh asked scanning the room. Riley walked past him and over to a person leaning over the table in the center of the room. Riley bumped the person's hand with his head.
"Hey Riley," Merrick said turning around to pet the dog," Hey Hesh what brings you around here?"
"Oh just seeing if you've gotten my psych-eval yet," Hesh stated. He had figured out Merrick's play on the way here. He even made a point to take the long way to give Merrick a chance to get back before him
"You wouldn't see anyone and I saw an opportunity and took it."
Hesh rolled his eyes. "Ariel?" Keegan questioned.
"Always," Merrick replied. Hesh looked between the two older Ghosts. There was definitely something he was missing. "Well you're cleared and I think I have the perfect welcome back mission for you."
"And what would that be?" Hesh asked drumming his fingers on the table
"We have intel on an ammunition supply the feds are moving soon and we've been tasked with capturing it mid route," Merrick looked at Hesh to see what his thoughts were, Merrick was the senior officer but he had promised Ariel he'd watch him. "Whatcha you think?"
"Seems a little under our pay grade," Hesh replied.
"Command wants an easy mission to ease us back into working together," Merrick stated, "We haven't been a whole team in months."
"We're not a whole team," Hesh mumbled under his breath.
An: To new readers welcome! Don't Fear the Reaper (DFR) will update every other Saturday.