My Stolen Life.
He couldn't believe that he had actually given in to her advances. He wasn't sure why he'd been avoiding her for at least two years, but in a mad moment of weakness, he had given in. And like a coward, he had run away afterwards, unable to watch her wake up and see the hope and expectation in her eyes. One moment of weakness and comfort was all he could give her, he'd never be able to give her what she wanted, what she dreamed of. It wasn't fair to put her through all the taunts and the treats for something that probably wouldn't even work. It wasn't worth the pain.
So here he was, sat on the old ragged sofa in Grimmauld Place, a glass of Firewhiskey in his hand the rest of the bottle waiting to be drunk at his feet. He needed its unique comfort in that moment, as he tried to keep the demons of his location at bay. It was the first time he had been back here since that fateful day in the Ministry. The day he was once again left all alone.
The last Marauder.
How he wished he could talk to Sirius in that moment. To get reassurance that he had done the right thing, or at least to join him as he drowned his sorrows and emotions. But he couldn't help but smile as he realised that Sirius would rather hit him over the head and tell him he was an idiot than to try and make him feel better.
"Stop being so stupid Moony, we're not teenagers anymore. You don't have to hide who you are; Tonks already knows pretty much everything about you. Yeah, she asked about you, and I couldn't deny my little cousin the chance to know the real you now could I? She even knows about Macdonald! Now stop being a big baby, strap on a pair and accept and revel in the happiness that's yours for the taking." Sirius told him one night after he's moaned about Tonks' advances one again. "And if you don't, I'm going to tell her about your seven minutes with Meadows, and don't think that I won't!" he added with a sly grin.
He let out a bitter laugh at Sirius' threat ringing in his head, not at all comforted by the knowledge that his cupboard adventure with his classmate would now never be revealed by anyone but himself. But as he drained the rest of his drink, he knew he'd give up all his secrets and more to have his best friend back. Unable to hold it all in any longer, he threw his glass against the wall with a gut-wrenching scream, watching it shatter before collapsing on the ground as he body shook with heart-wrenching tears. His very best friend; his brother was dead and like the glass littering the floor, Remus was just broken.
Of all the people Remus thought would attempt to make him see sense in regards to Nymphadora, Severus Snape was not one of them. Dumbledore; McGonagall; Molly, yes. Snape, no.
"Stop being a pathetic imbecile Lupin. Of all your irritating, moronic friends I thought you had a modicum of intelligence and common sense," Snape remarked one night when he visited Hogwarts to collect his Wolfsbane potion, the only thing that held off Moony from ripping himself to pieces no he was without Padfoot.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Remus said quietly, hoping to grab his potion and leave quickly.
"Your constant pussy-footing around Tonks," Snape said. "While it was highly amusing to witness to begin with, now you've reached new levels of pathetic hiding and running away from everyone and everything. It's no wonder you've continued to survive when all your friends have di-," Snape was abruptly cut off as Remus grabbed the front of his robes, shoving his against the wall, the force of it causing Snape's head to smash against the stone.
"Don't," he hissed at the potion's master, his eyes hard as he held his former classmate off the ground. "Don't you dare mention them!" he yelled, smashing Snape against the wall again, surprisingly, making the other man smirk in apparent amusement.
"It feels good, doesn't it? To let it out, all that anger and sadness. It's what makes you feel alive. But there's something better than smashing my skull to pieces against the wall. And while it would undoubtedly bring us both some long awaited peace, I suggest you put me down and go and find Tonks and try shoving her up against the wall instead, " Snape told him before pushing the shocked man away from him, shoving his potion in his hand and leaving a gobsmacked Remus alone in the empty classroom.
Of all the things he expected to happen today, his school yard rival giving him relationship advice was not one of them.
He was a coward, plain and simple. Even now, stood outside her door, Remus knew he was still being a coward. He was still running, but now he was running away from his responsibilities and towards the comfort he'd denied himself before.
"Are you going to stand there all night?" Dora asked when she opened the door, tired of watching and waiting for him to knock. "Come in" she called out behind her as she made her way back into the house, the door open for Remus to follow if chose to. She's barely reached the end of the hallway when Remus grabbed her hand, spun her around and kissed her: hard. "You can't do this shite again Remus," she told him when they finally pulled away.
"I won't. I won't I promise," Remus said, holding her face between his hands staring into her eyes, her beautiful chocolate coloured eyes, which seemed to sparkle with renewed hope and love as she gazed back up at him. "You're too young for me, too beautiful. Your future is too bright and full of promise to be associated with someone like me," Remus told her, quickly carrying on when he saw her open her mouth to argue. "But I want to be selfish, just this once. I want the life that was supposed to be someone else's, and I want to make it mine I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours," Remus told her, the two smiling happily at each other before finally, happily and completely getting lost in each other's arms.
All his life he thought he'd never be able to have what he held in his arms. A tiny baby, his son. He recalled holding Harry when he was a baby and being so unbelievably jealous that his best friend got to be a father, that he's never have the chance to share his love and impart his wisdom. He never thought he's get that opportunity, but here he was.
Edward Remus Lupin. His son. His Teddy.
He'd never felt love or fear like it as he held the tiny blue-haired baby in his arms. He was a father. And he was terrified, he wished he could talk to James, to get even a word of reassurance that he was going to be okay.
"Aren't you scared?" Sirius asked James as he watched Remus nervously hold baby Harry in his stiff, unmoving arms.
"Of what?" James asked taking his son back in his own arms and settling down to feed him.
"I don't know, dropping him on his head and Lily killing you. That he won't grow out of his hair? That he'll turn out just like you," Sirius joked.
"Sirius!"
"Nope," James said simply "I'm scared that I won't see him grow up, but not about any of that stuff. I'm just going to do my best, take each day as it comes and be immeasurably proud of him no matter what," James told his best friends, a smile of pure unadulterated love on his face as he looked down at his son, his little Harry.
"What did Harry say? Will he be godfather?" Dora asked as she joined her husband and son on the sofa in her mothers' house.
"Yes, he accepted. I don't even think Sirius was that excited when James asked him to be Harry's godfather. He sort of just sat there all gormless until Lily hit with a cushion," Remus told his wife with a chuckle, finally able to talk about his best friends without having to resort to alcohol to lubricate his mouth.
"Well he would be happy, Teddy's our little ray of sunshine, our hope for the future," she said before kissing Remus' cheek and picking up the sleepy infant to take him to bed, leaving Remus to his thoughts of what the future held. And despite the darkness of the days ahead of them, the future was looking light-blue and bright.
This was it. This was the moment he's been waiting for, for twenty-one years, dreading for the last three. It was all nearly at an end. And despite his best efforts to protect those he'd loved from harm, he'd done all he could, and he honestly couldn't say he regretted anything.
Not Harry, nor Dora. Especially not his little Teddy.
He'd met two of the most brilliant and amazing and loyal people in the world and had the honour and pleasure to call them his best friends: his brothers. He'd gotten to know and nurture his honorary nephew and had the chance to watch him grow into the amazing young man he was today. He'd loved and been loved and extraordinary woman, one who had given him a gift greater than all the gold in the world, their son.
And as the sky lit up with spells, he stood on the battlements of Hogwarts, his friend Kingsley on one side, his wife on the other, Remus was glad he was selfish all those months ago and made someone else's life his own. He'd certainly made it all his.
I hope you enjoyed this little one shot, Tonks and Remus are probably the only canon pair that I really like, and this popped into my head and wouldn't let go so I thought it was only fair to share.