8 AM
New York City
August 24th, 2014
In a modest apartment, a phone rang off the hook. A man with reddish hair and a scraggly beard answered the phone.
"Wolf residence, Bigby speaking…..Say what? Okay, okay. Slow down. What is the matter exactly? …..Okay, okay. I'll be there shortly. Goodbye."
"Work?" Came a voice.
Bigby turned to face the voice. He saw his beautiful wife, clad in in night gown and robe.
"Yeah. Woody lost his axe again and is on a tangent down at the Trip Trap bar. Holly called it in. She said he reeks of booze, but she swore she didn't give him any."
"So he was already loaded before he got there. Wonderful. I'm telling you, Bigby, we should get him some help. It's plain to see he's an alcoholic."
"Yeah. I keep telling him he should go to the F.A.A but he won't listen. Every time it's the same deal. 'Shut your mangy trap. You aren't the boss of me, wolf. Now leave me alone before I carve you up again.'"
"Oh Woody. What are we going to do with him?"
"I don't know, Snow. All I know is that I can only keep sitting him on his ass so many times before it becomes a chore."
"Do you have to fight him every time?"
"Hey, I'm merely defending myself. He's the one who always comes after me. Old habits die hard, I guess."
"Yeah, I guess. Well, I'm going to fix breakfast and get ready for work."
"Alright. I'll catch a quick shower and get dressed."
"Please remember to hang up your towel when you're done. I almost slipped on it yesterday."
"Okay, honey." Bigby said as he walked away.
"He's lucky I love him. Cause I should smack him for being so non-chalant like that."
Just then, Snow's cell phone rang. Snow checked the number before answering.
"Hello, Beauty. Oh, no. I was already awake. So what seems to be the problem this morning? Oh, I see. Okay. I'll be there soon. Okay, bye."
Moments later, Bigby emerged from the shower, fully dressed and ready to go. He found Snow standing outside the shower.
"Oh, good. You're done. I need to hurry."
"What's the deal, Snow?"
"Beauty called. They need me at the office. Something serious has come up."
"Jeez, you too? Weren't we supposed to be retired?"
"We were. But, Fabletown needs us. And you know what they say. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Now, go get'em, Sheriff."
"Aye aye, Director. 'sigh' I wish Beast was sheriff again."
"No complaining. He's doing important work in Japan."
"But what is he doing exactly?"
"He's helping rebuild. The Japanese equivalent to Fabletown was rocked by an earthquake a while back. It was a total disaster. A large part of the town was nearly leveled. So, they needed help to rebuild and Beast volunteered to go when we got the call. I hear he's acting as a security official over there."
"I think he was tired of all the hoopla we deal with here."
"That may be. After all, Mayor Cole did come to us first when his old deputy mayor and sheriff left to become ambassadors. As you know, we turned him down, because we were still busy raising the kids. So, he went to Beauty and Beast because they had done the jobs before too. But now, Beast is in Japan and Fabletown needs a sheriff. And, I might be biased as your wife but, I don't think anyone could do the job better. As for me, I'm once again the assistant to the deputy mayor, but at least it isn't that slime bucket Crane. Whatever happened to him anyway?"
"Ah, who knows? Probably hiding out in some random town overseas, praying that we'll never find him."
"Well, he better pray hard. Because, God help me, if I ever see him again…"
"I know, honey. I know. Well, I guess I better get out of here."
"Alright. I'll see you later." Snow said, kissing her husband's cheek.
"Oh, don't forget. Ambrose and Lake's anniversary is this coming Wensday. We still haven't gotten them a gift. I placed an order at the usual shop. Can you pick it up?"
"Sure thing. Now, I'd better get going."
"Alright. See you later."
An hour later, Bigby arrived at the Trip Trap. As soon as he opened the door, he had to narrowly avoid a flying barstool. As the wooden seat smashed against the wall, Bigby lit up a cigarette and walked over to the bar.
"How long's he been like this?" Bigby asked the bartender.
"About an hour and fifteen. Showed up drunker than ten skunks, while ranting about his axe. I called you as soon as Gren was able to get him to stay in one corner long enough for me to reach the phone." Holly the bartender said.
Bigby noticed a black haired man near Woody. He was trying to keep the larger and far drunker man from smashing anything too expensive in his favorite bar.
"Got it. I'll take care of this."
"Bigby, please, don't hurt him, okay? I don't know what's wrong with him besides the axe thing but, well, I just feel like something bigger is going on."
"Please, don't say things like that, Holly. Every time someone says something like that in this town, it means a whole crock of fresh shit is about to hit the fan."
"I know, I just….'sigh' you know."
"Yeah, I know. We can't help sensing things from time to time. Don't worry, Holly. I have no intention of fighting him. I'll make sure your bar doesn't take any more damage."
"Thanks, Bigby. By the way, uh, we're having a memorial for my sister in a few days. It's a troll tradition. Once every few decades we have a memorial for the dead in our family. And, since you were influential in bringing Lily's killers to justice, I'd like for you to be there. You can bring Snow White too."
"I'd be honored, Holly. But you see, it's kinda busy right now for Snow and me. So I can't make any promises. But, if we can make it at all, we'll be there."
"I understand. Thank you, Sheriff. Now, can you deal with him?"
"Yeah, of course. Hey, Gren, I got him now. Go get yourself a drink." Bigby said, walking over to the two men.
"By your orders, Sheriff. Let me know if you wanna tag team the lard bucket." Gren said and headed to the bar.
"Woody, it's me, Bigby. You need to calm down here. I've heard about your axe. It's not here and you know it's not here. Holly would've given it to you if it was. She still cares that much about you."
"Shut up, you damn monster! Whether she's got it or not, she could at least offer to help find it!"
"Woody, please. It's damn early on a Sunday morning. I've been awake for a glorious hour and a half. Plus, your drunk enough to floor about ten people. Neither of us needs a fight and I damn sure don't want one. So please, let's just go back to my office and file a report. Soon as that's done, I will help you find your axe."
"You…you really mean that? I mean, you know what I did to ya with it."
"Yes, but, I'm letting old hatreds and problems die. Cause after all, I'm a father of seven. I gotta try to be a good example, no matter how old they get. Especially since two of them could be listening right now and nobody would know it. Anyway, come on. Let's go fill out that report. I'll even spring for coffee. Help sober ya up."
"Well, okay. I just need it, you know? It's one of the few things I have left. And it keeps getting taken from me by one thing or another."
"I know, Woody. It's okay. Now come on."
"Right. Uh, sorry about all this, Holly. I'll make it up to you."
"Just go with the sheriff, Woody. You don't need to worry about this." Holly said.
"Okay. Let's go, Bigby."
"Right. My car's outside."
"Snow finally made you get one, huh?" Gren said.
"Just enjoy your drink, Gren. I don't need comments from the peanut gallery right now."
"Fine. Excuse the hell out of me for trying to inject comedy in this."
Bigby shook his head and walked Woody out to his car. True to his word, Bigby sprung coffee and took Woody back to the Woodlands building. As they walked to Bigby's office, Woody sipped on the coffee.
"This coffee's doing the trick, Wolf. Tastes like shit though."
"That's because that café is run by fables and they have a potion designed to sober up drunken fables in a hurry. I found out about it by accident one night. Any that stuff is bitter as all hell."
"And you had them put it in my coffee."
"Yup. And don't worry, there are no side effects. It just tastes like crap."
"I see. I'll have remember that."
"Woody, I know you don't wanna hear this but, you really should consider getting some help for your drinking problem. You know I can help you get into the F.A.A."
"Oh, Bigby, I don't wanna go through some flippin' twelve step program."
"Well, I'm not gonna make you, but I really think you should at least think about it."
"Well, thanks for the advice. And for looking out for me."
"No problem. Now, let's go find those papers and get started looking for your….."
Bigby trailed off. He could hear voices coming from his office just down the hall.
"What's the matter?" Woody asked.
"I can hear voices in my office. No one's supposed to be in there right now."
"Who do you hear?"
"Well, there are three and one if definitely Snow. Another is Beauty. But, the third I can't quite place. It's definitely male and…it sounds strangely familiar. I just can't place why. Just stay behind me, Woody. I don't know for sure what's going on here."
"Okay, I'll stay behind you."
"Okay, let's go."
Bigby opened the door. Inside he saw Snow, Beauty and a young man with black hair.
"Oh, Bigby. I'm glad your back. I told you he'd come straight back here, Beauty." Snow said.
"Okay, you were right about coming here to wait for him. There, I said it. Happy?"
"Anyways, Bigby, do you recognize our guest?" Snow asked.
"I think so. But, it can't be. He was so much smaller when I last saw him. But, I think it's Connor."
"And you'd be right, dad." Connor said.
"Oh, Connor. I'm happy to see you. It's been a long time. Come here. Give your old man a hug."
"Dad, people are watching."
"Who cares? Now come on."
"Oh, alright." Connor said and obliged his father's request.
"It's good to see you, son. You must've been working out. You've put on a lot of muscle."
"I've eaten some pretty big things too. Kinda like you did in old days."
"Oh really? Trying to be the new big bad?"
"Well, maybe a little. I recently cracked seven feet tall in my full wolf form."
"Wow, he's a foot short of you now, Bigby." Snow said, evidently proud of her son.
"Yeah, it's quite the accomplishment. But, why did you suddenly start trying to get big, son?"
"Well, as you know, I followed in your footsteps and became a private eye. And knowing that I could be dealing who knows what kind of large scale fables that have gotten themselves into crime, I started training…and eating. And then I got curious to see if I could crack record, dad."
"Well, you're welcome to try. Now, if I'm not mistaken, you moved to Columbus, Ohio to set up your firm."
"I'm sure the fables of Columbus are lucky to have you, son." Snow said.
"Well, they were. See, somebody torched my office. Burned the whole place out."
"Oh, that's terrible. Why?" Beauty asked.
"I think it's because of this case I've been working on for a while. You see, magically artifacts have been disappearing all over the place. Anything with any kind of spell, incantation or mystical blessing has been taken a mystery thief. I was contacted by the leader of the Columbus Fabletown colony to try to get to the bottom of this. I guess I looked a little too deep and whoever this is sent me a message by burning my firm…which doubled as my home."
"Oh, dear. So, your homeless." Beauty said.
"Yeah. And the Columbus colony is poor, so they couldn't afford to help me get a new place and I can't afford one on my own."
"Well, you can always move back in with us, dear. We still have several extra rooms." Snow said.
"Thanks, mom. I was kind of hoping you'd say that. It's one reason why I came here. Yup, that definitely solves one problem. The other is why I needed to see dad right away, like I told you earlier."
"What is it, Connor?" Bigby asked.
"Well, you see, before I left Columbus, I trained a group of fables to take my place as the colony's law bringers."
"Who exactly?" Bigby asked.
"The scarecrow, the tin man and the fearsome lion."
"Wait, I thought they were all dead. In fact, I know for certain that the tin man and the lion died in the golden boroughs incident." Beauty said.
"Yeah, but you know how it is. If a fable's story is popular enough with the mundies, they can come back. And the wizard of Oz story is a timeless classic to them. So, they all revived that way. They reconnected shortly after and decided to find a quiet place to live. They eventually settled in Columbus. Eventually, they came to want to help their new home and I was about to leave, so you can figure out what happened. Anyway, as I was training them, their extra eyes helped discover some evidence that suggested that whoever our thief was, they had fled Columbus and were headed for the next big stash of magical goods. And anyone with half a brain can figure out that the next place go would be here. And so, I now had two reasons to move back here. So here's the deal, dad. Somebody is stealing magical artifacts. Why, I don't know yet. But I do have a solid hunch that they're here in Fabletown now and they will start going after artifacts here as well. I need you to help me track this asshole down, dad."
"Of course, Connor. Whatever you need."
"Uh, hey, I just had a brilliant idea." Beauty said.
"What is it, Beauty?" Snow asked.
"Well, you know how they say that two heads are better than one? Well, maybe two lawmen are better for Fabletown than one. I'm thinking that maybe it's time for our sheriff to have a deputy. And what better candidate than his own son?"
"Do you really mean that, Beauty?" Snow asked.
"Of course. We can have all the proper paperwork done by the end of the day."
"Well, let's get cracking on it then."
"Right, and while you do that, Connor and I will get to work on this case. Let's do this, son." Bigby said.
"I'm right with ya, dad."
"Uh, did everyone forget about me?" Woody asked.
"Oh, right. Sorry, Woody. Please, step into my…our office. Hmm, I guess I'm going to have change the sign on the door."