Author's note: This fic came after a long conversation on MSN with Earisu many months ago. It's been a long time in the making, and well as with most of my stories, it too got long. It was supposed to be a one shot, but that isn't going to be possible! I will finish it when I can.
I also wouldn't normally do this kind of fic either. I like to keep the universes separate, but Earisu and I cracked up so much with this idea I had to try. I hope it doesn't turned out too silly or far fetched as well!
But OMG! This is also another first for me! The majority of this fic plays at the suggestion of Ashe/Balthier! (Have I gone crazy? Have I flipped??! ;) ) Well there's hints of flirting etc, but I shall probably change my mind again. Who knows?!
Anyhoo! Enjoy this story as it is supposed to be a humorous one!
A MINI ADVENTURE
Vaan opened his eyes and beheld the magnificent beauty of the rolling plains before him. The grass was so vibrantly green, glorious and ripe from the week's previous rain storm that it was difficult to believe that just beyond the cliffs behind him was Giza. Giza was nothing much more than mud and swamps, but here, Ozmone shone its beauty. The Field Of Fallen Wings stretched as far as the eye could see.
The sky was blue and so clear and the sun was beating down pleasing warmth over Ozmone and the travellers preparing to cross it. This was now the beginning of the spring and the fresh smell after the storm made Vaan feel so elated. He stood at the top of the slope, peering out at the vastness before him and already he could see the faint moving blobs of the grazing Mesmenirs and the Chocobo running in the distance.
"It's beautiful….isn't it?"
Vaan felt a hand slip round his arm and then the familiar scent of Penelo's golden hair drifted up his nostrils. She had rested her head on his shoulder and was taking in the beautiful sights of Ozmone as well.
"The air is so fresh!" Penelo took in a deep inhalation and held it before releasing her breath through her nose. "This is amazing!"
"The mist is strange here." Fran walked to the front of the group and her small nose wrinkled. It seemed to her the air was not as fresh as Penelo thought it was. "I can sense a new magic."
"Is it dangerous?" asked Ashe lingering by her side. The Viera frowned and took another long sniff at the air. She shook her head.
"You have not been round here before?" Balthier asked Penelo as he took off his waistcoat. He folded it gently up so he could put it in his pack, but when he looked up from his kneeling position, he saw that both she and Vaan had almost despondent looks upon their faces.
"Never had the chance to." she said, quite sadly and Vaan offered her a gentle reassuring squeeze. Such support from him brought her cheery smile back to her face. "But we've seen so much of Ivalice these past months! We're so pleased! "
"We need to be cautious though." said Basch, helping Penelo put back on her rucksack. She stumbled a little under the weight, but Basch steadied her with a firm grip on the shoulder straps. "The storm will have made plenty of hiding spaces for vipers. They can attack with out warning."
"Offering to take up the lead, again Captain?" asked Balthier, smirking slightly as he checked his guns. Basch only responded with a nod of his head. "I can live up to my title of leading man, you know!"
"You do not carry weapons that are best suited for an advanced….."
"Are you saying that I'm not equipped to be the party leader?"
"Your guns are more effective when used from the back of the party."
Vaan was about to say why couldn't he be party leader, but when Basch and Balthier both argued about such things, he thought it best to keep quiet. Besides, it looked as if neither of them would be the party leader, for Ashe had stormed off down the slope, holding her sword out at the ready. Fran was immediately behind her and so Vaan thought he would follow as well.
"A bullet at close blank range is devastating and more likely to kill."
"And you are more likely to injure yourself from the backfire." Basch shook his head. "Nay…a sword or axe is vital for a first strike."
Penelo coughed.
"An axe? Really? Such a heavy weapon is slow and requires time for the swing, whereas I just pull the trigger and….oh look the beast is dead."
"A good weapon is well balanced for the wielder. I can strike you down with any axe, before your gun is in your hand."
"You would attack me?"
"I was being rhetorical, Balthier."
"You know I'm right!"
"If you so insist."
Penelo tugged on Basch's shirt and coughed once more.
"Basch…Ashe has already gone on ahead." Penelo pointed down the slope where Ashe, Fran and Vaan were getting quite a distance away. Basch cussed himself for being distracted and hitched his own pack onto his back. Without even finishing the argument, he rushed off towards his charge. There was no way he was going to let her vanish from his sight.
"Shall we go then?" asked Balthier, holding out his arm for the young girl. Penelo nodded and slipped her arm around his. The ground was very slippery and Balthier was making sure she didn't lose her footing.
He noticed that already the rest of their party had encountered some of the vipers Basch warned about. It seemed that Ashe was more than capable of hacking a couple of those things into pieces. Fran was certainly a good help as well and Balthier was quite content to watch his partner fight with her bow.
In fact he was mesmerized when she fought the fiends. If he wasn't too busy fighting himself, he would admire just how composed and strong she was. Her stance was always perfect and her aim never missed. The Viera was so ethereal and heavenly, but why was it that his eyes were now looking down at her buttocks and admiring the way they clenched as she fought?
Balthier's foot slipped.
He went down to the ground and unfortunately he dragged Penelo down with him. Both of them landed on the wet grass with a thump, feeling the dampness soaking through on their clothes.
"Balthier!" Penelo scrunched her face up at the coldness on her bottom.
"My sincere apologies." Balthier snarled, as he was angry at himself for such clumsiness. "I was merely distracted by the beauty of the…"
"Of Fran's bottom?" Penelo shoved a hand against Balthier's shoulder and she then began to rock backwards and forwards to give her the momentum so she could get to her feet. "Next time, make sure you're not holding on to me! Now let's go before…."
Penelo couldn't quite get up, so the weight of her pack slumped her down on to her back. Balthier wasn't listening. Nor was he even looking at Fran and the way she was extracting her arrows from a viper's carcass.
Something had caught his eye. It wasn't that far off, but when the sun caught it, it made the sky pirate go into a trance. For whatever it was, it glinted, it shone and sparkled and it called out to him.
Still sitting on his soaking rump, Balthier took off his pack and rummaged around inside. Penelo was curious as to what had caught his attention and looked in the same direction. When she too observed the amazing sparkle, her mouth opened.
"What is it?" she gasped.
"I have no idea." Balthier pulled out a telescope and angled the long piece up to his eye. He adjusted the focus, but still he couldn't make out what it was. "Well, whatever it is, I'm going to find out."
After several attempts, both Balthier and Penelo got to their feet. Balthier managed to get his telescope back into his pack and then he placed his fingers in his mouth and let out the shrillest whistle that Penelo had ever heard. It was so sharp in her ears that she felt them throb with protest.
The whistle had caught the other's attention. Whilst Ashe looked impatient, Basch looked around a couple of times before realising that it was Balthier. Fran knew exactly what that whistle meant. She did not seem happy about it.
"Is something wrong Fran?" asked Vaan, when he saw the others coming down towards them.
"He's found something." replied the Viera as she counted her arrows.
"Oh cool."
"Could it be something useful?" said Basch. "Or could it be related to the strange sense of mist you experienced?"
Vaan watched every aspect of Fran's face as she considered the possibility. Her ears bobbed slightly, her eyebrow rose, then suddenly the ears drooped and her angelic face crumpled into a frown.
"I do not think it is." she said in that silky exotic voice. "But we would be fools to not investigate. If…that is all right with you princess?"
Ashe was about to say that this diversion was not what she wanted to do, but when Balthier approached her rubbing his hands gleefully, she hesitated in her reply.
"I er…"
"This could be good, majesty." he said gently taking hold of her elbow and whispering close. "A new and rare treasure…something magical…could certainly help us in our little jaunt across Ivalice?"
"Well…." Ashe felt a momentary dizziness as his breath wisped against her skin. Her arm jolted suddenly out of his hold and she reasserted herself for this brief lapse in control. A frown creased across the young princess' face, directed more at herself for allowing her to be swayed by the pirate's flirting.
"We do not have the time." Basch's gruff voice interrupted and when she jerked back, she impacted hard against the tall knight, nearly dropping her sword.
She scrambled away instinctively from him and, to Basch's discontent, back towards Balthier. The younger man's hand caught hers to steady her and that smile on his face only made Ashe's stomach jump and flutter with a startling excitement.
"We have plenty of time." said Balthier, his fingers stroking at her palms, his eyes looking with intense seduction at the princess. "It won't hurt to take a look."
"You would put Dalmasca's future on hold for a mere traipse after treasure, Balthier?" Basch's face shadowed with anger and his voice growled deep. "Her majesty would not allow it."
"It's a little detour, Basch. I'm sure she wouldn't mind." Balthier took hold of Ashe's hands with both of his. "It could be of immense help to us, majesty."
"Very well." said Ashe, as she tried to conceal the flattered flush Balthier had caused to rise on her face. She stood straight and tall and sheathed her sword, keeping her hand on the hilt, but her fingers would not stop twitching. "We cannot be long."
"We will be there and on to Jahara in a jiffy, princess!"
Balthier half blocked Ashe's path, but he held out his hand in the direction of this "mysterious glint" gesturing for her to lead the way. To get past Balthier, Ashe had to brush against him and that caused her to flinch but that startled look quickly turned to a sly smile for Balthier. Basch was not impressed.
As the sky pirate went to follow, Basch grabbed his shoulder and waited for the others to walk past before lowering his voice in a deep growl.
"You would be wise to mind your manners around the princess, pirate." he said. "She is a lady in grief for her husband. Your advances will not be tolerated."
"By her or you?"
When Basch could not respond, his silence provoked a triumphant smirk across Balthier's face. As he walked past, he patted Basch on the arm and he began to whistle. Basch watched as the pirate took up a stride beside Ashe and something inside him riled sickenly.
"Do not worry, knight of Dalmasca." said Fran, edging back to him. They walked together, their strides in perfect unison, their faces ever looking forward to the rest of the party in front. "Balthier has his schemes to get what he wants. He is well known for the words which drip from his silver tongue. Do not let his behaviour towards your charge dampen your spirits, Princess Ashe will not lose focus of what needs to be done for her country and for herself. Besides I know of Balthier's plans and right now, all he is focused on is this new treasure."
"Your words put me at ease, Fran." said Basch, bowing with gratitude.
"I am pleased they have."
Yet as they progressed on through the Ozmone plains, Basch felt anything but at ease with Balthier's closeness to the princess. He didn't know exactly why.
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Balthier looked extremely disappointed.
Fran stood perplexed.
Penelo's eyes were wide with excitement, her hands clasping her at chest.
Vaan face was mixed with astonishment and eagerness. He was itching to step out of line and inspect it. His fingers wouldn't stop flexing.
Ashe was just as confused as Fran was.
Basch was cautious, his sword already in his hand.
None of them had any idea what it was before them. It was nothing they had ever seen before, and in Ivalice there were many strange and bizarre creatures. Nothing at all like this.
Vaan was the first to step out of the line. Basch caught his arm and gave him a look which said "Be careful." Vaan responded with a "Don't worry Basch…I will." and edged forward, small steps at a time. Basch took a position behind Vaan and in front of Ashe, his sword held in both hands and prepared for battle.
Vaan crept closer and closer to the object and even the wind in the air seemed silent for such a tense moment. When he was mere inches away, his fingertips almost brushing against its polished surface, he was suddenly startled.
"It's not alive, Vaan!" said Penelo, her breaking of the silence caused Vaan to jump back.
"Yeah! I know that!" Vaan breathed anxiously for a moment and finally touched the surface. It was cold.
"Strange indeed." Fran cautiously approached the thing, sniffing it as she circled round. "This metal is not like any in Ivalice. The smell of mist is different as well, but I do not know if it bodes well."
"I can smell something too." said Ashe waving her hand in front of her nose. "It's not pleasant."
"Then let's go." said Balthier, who was the only person not at all intrigued by this thing. "We should make our way to Jahara, should we not?"
No one was heeding him now. They all wanted to know what this thing was.
It was indeed made of metal, but the colour of its body was blacker than black and on top of the device, were strange markings of red, blue and white. Also on top was a metal rig of some sort, the purpose of which was also a complete mystery. Vaan placed his palms flat on the top and looked intently at the coloured markings. It seemed important. A symbol? A warning?
"I would say it was some form of transport." said Ashe, walking up with Penelo and peering through the glass windows. Both of them could make out black (leather?) seats and at the front was a very confusing display of various switches and levers and one large wheel with red fur lining. On the front glass window, there was a small mirror, from which dangled two red fuzzy cubes with black spots.
"This is transport?" Vaan's eyes lit up as if it was his birthday. "Like an airship?"
Balthier scoffed at such a ridiculous notion.
"It is far too small and I doubt it can fly."
"But it's got wheels, so it must transport something! It doesn't have to fly!" Vaan was getting jumpy and when he did, so did Penelo who had gone to the front of this metal beast and crouched down looking at two glass eyes. They were staring blankly at her, but she then wiped off some of the grime that caked them.
"I wonder what powers It." she said rubbing each of the glass eyes again with her sleeve.
"The mist?" asked Basch, who still remained sceptical about it. His blade pointed downward, but it was prepared to whip up and take a swipe in an instant. Fran shook her head in response.
"Though mist surrounds it, I cannot sense it within this device….this….?"
Basch walked round the back of the black beast and saw on it some words in silver plating. He crouched down and squinted as he read the alien language. He tried to sound it out.
"Min-I, Coop-Er?"
"Is that what it's called?" asked Penelo, poking her head round the side. Basch shrugged his shoulders. "It doesn't sound scary, or dangerous."
"It does not mean that it isn't." Basch then noticed a little black handle on the back and very very carefully, he grabbed hold of it.
There was a clunk and a large section of black metal shot out at him. Basch jumped back and the sword in his hand took a swing at it. The blade caught a section and it broke one side of the metal off. Everyone else had rushed round to see what had startled the knight but instead of meeting with any foe, there was nothing.
Only a small compartment lined with red and filled with strange objects met their stares.
"Oh that is very dangerous." said Balthier, trying hard not to smile. "Keep back everyone, I think it might attack us at any minute! Thank faram we have the good Captain to defend us!"
"I was merely…startled." said Basch, obviously angry at himself for reacting without thinking. He then poked at what was now so evident to be a metal door, but the broken side would not fix back, so it stayed slumped on the ground.
Vaan knelt down and gazed into the small compartment.
"It's a little storage trunk!" he said, reaching in and picking up a green bottle. It had markings on it that were beyond him, with the exception of one. "Oil? Is that oil?"
Balthier looked over his shoulder and for the first time since discovering this machine, he became very intrigued.
"The language is strange…very…" he said. "But it bares some resemblance to ancient Archadian."
Vaan unscrewed the black cap and took a sniff of the contents. It smelt like oil, but it was nothing like the ones he knew of. It didn't have the scent of mist and he didn't like it, so he put the cap back on, his face scrunching up with disgust due to the oil residue that slickened his fingers.
He wiped his hands on his clothes and then began to investigate the rest of the contents of the compartment. He saw a strange plastic bag, which had nothing inside except a piece of screwed up paper and a faint odour of alcohol emanating from the bottom of it.
Along with the bag, there a large bottle of water, a green box with a white cross on it, some black and red cables with clips on the ends and a pair of muddy boots.
"Curious." Fran also picked out a book, which had a picture of the machine (only in blue), and had the word "Haines" on the cover "Can you read any of this?"
"I could try." said Balthier. "My ancient Archadian is very rusty."
Vaan sighed. He wasn't going to wait around for someone to try and read. He wanted to get this thing moving. So he grabbed Penelo's hand and took her to the side, where there were some more black handles. He took hold of one and pulled. The door was larger than the one at the back, but it allowed easy access to the interior. A huge beaming smile crept across Vaan's face.
"This is totally awesome!"
Vaan got inside, seating himself on the black seat positioned behind the red wheel. He was overjoyed and immediately he began to flick at the numerous switches displayed on the front console. Nothing happened, so he gazed at the dials behind the wheel. There were some numbers on them, but he had no idea what they intended. There were some others which also had symbols next to them, again Vaan not quite fathoming what the strange symbols depicted. The gauges of the first two had a needle pointing over to the far left, but the third had a small needle over to the right.
"Penny! Get in the passenger seat!" he cried, indicating with an excited finger to chair next to him. Penelo rushed round to the other side, and soon she was next to him, squirming with excitement as the seat squeaked beneath her.
"It's so comfy!!"
"I wonder how it starts."
"Have you tried all the buttons?" she asked. "Does it have voice command?"
Vaan shrugged his shoulders.
"But there's these pedals on the floor by my feet. Three of them."
Penelo looked down by her feet and was a little disappointed to see that she didn't have any. But then Vaan was in the pilot's seat and that was more than fine for her. Penelo was content to watch her friend and his numerous attempts to start the device but after a few moments, she looked round and saw a second handle on the door. She tried to pull it, nothing happened. She tried to push it…again nothing happened. Then she figured that it turned in a circular motion. Penelo began to turn the stiff handle and the glass window squeaked and lowered down. Eventually, after quite a lot of turning, the window was open.
That's a lot of effort to open a window! she gasped, clutching at her shoulder, which ached slightly. What kind of a machine would make things so awkward?
Penelo wriggled in the leather chair and then she leaned out of the window. She briefly saw herself in the mirror on the outside, allowing her to check her hair and then she turned round to call to Balthier.
"What is this?!" she exclaimed, leaning out so far that she had to rest her stomach on the door frame and that sent her feet kicking up off the floor. Her thick clompy boots nearly hit Vaan in the face, but he was still too busy trying to find the ignition sequence, to notice.
"It's called a car." Balthier called out, as he tried to make sense of the strange ancient writing in the book. He flicked through some pages, noting the pictures more than the words. "This is an operating manual, it has diagrams of how it's built, so it should mention how to start it."
"I thought it was called a Min-I Coop-Her?" said Ashe, standing right next to Balthier. She clutched her hand against his arm so she could pull it down a bit and get a better view of the pictures.
"It's a model name." he replied, his voice lowered just for the princess to hear.
"Oh."
"It looks simple enough." Balthier smiled at Ashe' light touches on his arm. "The mechanics and engineering is rudimentary at best. Nothing at all compared to our airships. These diagrams should be able to tell us how to start it. If…its even worth the bother."
"I do not trust it. Please your highness, do not get too close." Basch tried to get the princess away from the metal device, but it was mainly to get her away from Balthier. Ashe shrugged the knight's hand away from her and leant in closer to the pirate.
"If you do not trust it, Basch." said Ashe. "Then it would make sense to find out what this car is capable of doing."
At that very same moment, Vaan had found a new lever. It was one on the floor in between the two seats. He took a hold on the grip and his thumb squeezed the button. The lever lowered. There was a creak and squeak and the "car" then began roll forward. Quite fast.
Penelo let out a squeal, still leaning out of the window as the mini rolled down the bumpy ground of Ozmone. Vaan let out a whoop of joy and clutched at the steering wheel.
"It moves!" he cried, bouncing enthusiastically in the chair.
The others were just as startled. Fran had somehow taken her bow off her back and applied an arrow ready for shooting. Ashe and Balthier also readied their weapons, but Basch lunged forward to grab at the moving vehicle. He was quick and only managed to grab the silver shiny metal around the bottom of the car, but it was quite rusted and worn, so the whole curved section snapped off and he fell headlong into the mud.
The car, Vaan and Penelo still rolled away. It moved slightly to the left and then to right as Vaan turned on the wheel and all that could be heard was Penelo and Vaan's excited cries.
"How do you stop this?!" roared Vaan, even though he didn't exactly want to. He was totally ecstatic when out of no where, the mini ran over a disturbed viper. "Aw this is so much better than my sword!"
Running behind them, Ashe and Balthier tried to catch up, but it wasn't long before they stopped the chase. For when the ground levelled out, the moving car slowed down. Then it crawled to a halt, just mere inches from hitting a Mesmenir. The creature reared up onto it's hind legs and let out an unearthly scream.
"Oh holy cr…" Penelo fell back inside the mini and both she and Vaan glared in stunned shock through the front window at the fiend about to crash down upon them. Penelo covered her eyes and she prayed that this car could withstand the blow of the Mesmenir. But she didn't notice several arrows firing in quick succession, all of them impacting directly to the underbelly of the creature. Fortunately it fell backwards and missed the car completely, but it was good long while before Penelo could look.
"It's all right…"
Ashe's voice sounding in her ear, finally made Penelo open her eyes. She turned and saw the princess looking quite concerned through the window. Ashe reached in with a hand and rested her fingers lightly on Penelo's shoulder.
"Are you all right?"
"I….I….uh think so." Penelo composed herself with some gentle breaths and then turned to Vaan. "Are you all right, Vaan?"
Her friend wasn't quite listening. He was pulling at the lever (which had started everything rolling) hoping to get it moving again. When it didn't do anything, he sighed. Vaan looked so disappointed.
"Vaan?"
He snapped out of his trance and turned to Penelo.
"I'm fine. Are you? You're not injured are you…nothing's broken, you're okay??!?"
Vaan's hands frantically patted at Penelo's body, checking that she hadn't been hurt and nothing was bleeding or cut. Penelo smiled and when he stopped his worried fondles, she gripped his face with her own hands, forcing him to look at her.
"I'm fine! Honestly. It was just a close call."
"It was fun though…wasn't it?"
She smiled and their foreheads rested together. It was.
Now, if only they could get this thing going again. It made a change from riding a Chocobo, but Penelo didn't think it could surpass the true bonding a person could have with a fine vibrant bird.
Vaan gave her a big squeezing hug and then went to turn back to the wheel. But his eyes caught a look in the mirror, from which the two cubes bobbed and swung from side to side. He still hadn't the faintest idea of why those cubes where there. All he was interested in right now, was the rather muddy and grass stained figure walking towards them from the rear, still clutching a long piece of twisted metal.
"Is that Basch?"
Vaan and Penelo got out of the mini and they watched, along with the others as the knight approached. They tried not to giggle. Green grass smeared across his face and his clothes, but he didn't seem upset in the slightest. He stopped just in front of the two youngsters.
"You both are uninjured?" he asked sincerely.
Vaan and Penelo nodded.
"Good."
Basch then began to inspect the mini, his eye scrutinizing every part of it. He had unfortunately ripped the back bumper off in his attempt to stop the car, and the contents of the little boot had emptied out as well. Yet this strange and alien contraption was a great mystery. Where had it come from? How had it gotten here to Ivalice and remained untouched in the middle of Ozmone plains? Basch was pondering as to how such a thing could be of any use or benefit to Princess Ashelia's quest.
"So…what is to be our next course of action, highness?" he asked Ashe.
The princess looked to Basch (suppressing a smile at his state) then to the car. Her eyes flicked over the black creature and a look of melancholy came over her as, no doubt, the question of its importance dawned upon her. They didn't have time to be messing around with this, it wasn't vital to defeating Vayne, or stopping this war.
"We should get on to Jahara." she said, after a few moments of silent pondering. "I need to know more about the nethicite and this Min-I car is not going to help me achieve this."
"Jahara is still a good six hours away on foot." Fran said. Ashe looked up at the Viera, who was starring off in to the distance. "We should get to Jahara before nightfall."
"Then let's go." said Balthier, slamming the Haines manual book closed and tossing it into the back of the car. He then held out his arm towards the princess. "Shall I accompany you, my lady?"
Ashe's saddened face brightened up at a kind gesture and she linked her hand into the crook of his arm. He then lead her away from the car and in the direction of the ancient Garif village.
"Six hours?" asked Vaan, smirking. "It doesn't have to take six hours! We can take the car!"
It made the pirate and princess stop dead in their tracks, both of them with the same look of foreboding on their faces.
"That's a great idea Vaan!" Penelo rushed up to Balthier and tugged on his shirt. "If we can actually get it moving properly, we could reach Jahara in plenty of time!"
Balthier shook his head.
"We would waste time trying to figure out to start that contraption."
Basch chuckled, a sound that caught the attention of everyone. He stepped up behind Vaan and Penelo and folded his arms across his muddy chest.
"It appears such a rudimentary device is simple enough to figure out, Balthier." he said. "Did you not say such a thing? Can the great and notorious sky pirate of Ivalice not start an inferior machine?"
Vaan chuckled and nudged Basch in the arm, showing the older man his appreciation for the discomfort he had caused Balthier. He was thinking of doing a hi-five, but Vaan concluded quite a while back that Basch wasn't the kind of man to partake in that. So instead, Penelo had her hand up ready. They slapped palms together.
"I thought you didn't trust this this, Basch?" asked Balthier. "You're rather keen to use it aren't you?"
"If it will aid us to get to Jahara quicker than by foot….I shall endure it."
"Common, Balthier!" Penelo cried running to the mini and opening the door. "Let's get this moving and make our way to Jahara!"
"Very well, but there is one problem."
Balthier stood next to the young girl and pointed at the small interior. Penelo wasn't quite sure what could be setting them back now. She looked puzzled at the mini and then at Balthier.
"What?"
"There are three of us who are over six foot tall. How are we all supposed to fit into this?"
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Vaan clung on the headrest of the leather seat in front of him, Balthier ignoring him as he and Ashe flicked through the manual. The pirate had located certain switches and levers and even figured out what they did, but he was now reading about the little thing called "The Gearstick."
"Why do we have to sit in the back?" asked Vaan, leaning more over Balthier's shoulder "Can't I drive this thing?"
"You know how?"
Vaan shook his head and then eventually sunk back down on to the backseat.
Penelo was just so comfortable, for even sitting in the rear of the vehicle was a new adventure for her. She watched with fascination as Balthier quickly found the sequence to start the beast. Yet he did not bring it to life straight away.
He looked very awkward in the pilot's chair, his knees were rubbing up against the wheel and he had to actually keep his head tilted forward so it wouldn't touch the ceiling.
"The seat must move back some how!" he muttered under his breath. He was looking through the book and soon Ashe found the picture he was looking for. According to the diagram there was another lever to help push back the chair. Just underneath.
Balthier fumbled below the seat to try and locate the lever, but his hands couldn't seem to get a hold. After a few minutes, Balthier was starting to get a little bit frustrated.
"I can help if you'd like?" asked Ashe as Balthier failed to find what he needed. The princess leaned over him and attempted to reach her arm and hand down in between his legs and under his chair.
Oh no….keep your centre good man…don't do anything foolish or else her majesty will no doubt do something extremely nasty to your happy sack area! Which is where her hand is quite dangerously close to touching! Just relax!
"Keep still!" Ashelia barked as she leaned her body against his lap.
Vaan and Penelo gasped in shock as the young royal squirmed and wriggled in between the pirate's legs, but Balthier couldn't help but smile. It was certainly arousing and enjoyable to have one of Lady Ashe's stature doing such a thing, but he knew that it would take only one false move and he would be in the most excruciating pain known to male kind.
Though his eyes were unable to stop looking up and down Ashe's long slender legs, they bore with a strange new craving at her thighs and the shortness of her skirt. Balthier felt perspiration forming on his forehead, his hands were trembling, but he didn't realise that one of those hands was now reaching up and was inches away from the hem of Ashe's skirt. Luckily for him Penelo slapped his shoulder.
"Stoppit!" she hissed. "What do you think you're doing?!"
"Young lady, you have no inkling as to what I'm going through right now. It's extremely taxing."
Balthier carefully turned his head to face the young blonde girl. Upon her face was a very disapproving look, with a tint of disappointment as well. He simply smiled and held his hands back away from Ashe as she still struggled upon him. Vaan sniggered which provoked Balthier to smile as well. Penelo was not impressed and folded her arms across her chest.
"What would Basch say if he saw all this?"
"I'm not doing anything." said Balthier, his eyes fleeting back to the princess. He sighed a heavy sigh which only made Ashe squirm even more on his lap. Such an action made him a little more…uncomfortable.
"I've almost got it!" cried Ashe, oblivious to what was really going on and how her unladylike wriggling was making the pirate feel.
"Just don't try anything!" said Penelo to Balthier.
"I wouldn't dream of it, my lady."
Balthier put on his most sincerest smile he could muster, in the hopes of Penelo's anger softening. She did indeed blush and the corner of her mouth curled up in a shy smirk.
"My lady?" she asked. "I don't get called that. Vaan? You don't call me that."
"I uh…." Vaan was now feeling a little uncomfortable. He was feeling just a tiny bit angry. More than that actually.
Vaan was about pound on the roof with his fists, but instead he got the brunt of a moving chair in his face. He was knocked back into his own seat and his neck twinged from the impact.
"Hey watch it! That nearly knocked my head off!"
"Don't sit so close to me then." Balthier shook his head in slight dismay, but his sly grin came back onto his face when he could finally stretch his legs a little more. "That's better, thank you, princess."
Balthier was now in the right position to start the ignition sequence on the car. He was still quite cramped but he had a bit more room than when he first sat in that chair. Ashe wriggled and struggled a bit to sit up and when she did, she looked quite red in the face.
"Well…that was certainly undignified!" she said, straightening out her coat and hair. "I do not wish to do that again!"
"If you say so." Balthier winked at her and at first Ashe looked extremely offended. The princess seemed as if she was about to snap harshly at him, but instead she took several deep and heavy breaths and turned her head away. Balthier saw her smile from the wing mirror and the way her hand rested against her face, trying to hide her amusement.
"Well then folks, shall we make a move?" Balthier knocked a couple of times up on the roof of the mini. "Are you two quite comfortable up there?"
A pair of long Viera ears came down from above, though Fran's face couldn't be seen completely through the window. She and Basch (as the two tallest and therefore unable to fit into the car) had to make do with sitting on the roof. The metal creaked a little under their weight, but it was the only way to get them to go along.
"We are prepared. Are we ready to go?" came Fran's voice.
"Let the adventure begin." Balthier cracked his knuckles and rubbed his hands together.
He then began to speak out the procedure he had deciphered from the Haines manual.
"Pull out the choake." His hand grabbed one of the devices and pulled it as far out as possible. "Apply the accelerator and turn the key."
"I tried that!" said Vaan, scooching to the middle of the back seat to get a better view of the front. "It didn't work!"
There was an almighty roar as the mini came to life. It made everyone jump and Vaan heard Basch and Fran do the same. The noise was unbelievable, it coughed and spluttered several times before settling down to a soothing purr. The six members of the party were entranced by this strange sound, but not all of them were pleased about the smell and the smoke chucking out from the back of it.
"What is this thing emitting??!" asked Ashe pinching her nose in disgust. "Is it safe? We're not going to be poisoned are we?"
"I don't know." Balthier revved up the engine a bit more, which made him and Vaan smile like school boys. This was a powerful sound, a sound that fuelled the men's need for thrills and adventure. "Right…foot on the clutch….first gear."
There was a horrible grinding sound that made them all cringe.
"It's supposed to make that noise?" asked Penelo.
"My dear…I know what I'm doing." Balthier then consulted the book once again. "Release the hand brake and press firmly on the accelerator."
The moment his boot pressed the pedal to the floor, the whole mini shot forward with such speed. There was another crunch as Balthier changed up to the next gear, but there was resistance, the engine coughed and spluttered before stalling.
"Oh…was that it?" asked Penelo, sarcasm slightly oozing from her lips. "That was fun."
"We could have just walked…we would be there by now." said Ashe, crossing her legs and folding her arms across her chest. Even Vaan seemed disappointed by it now. However, things had changed, for Balthier was extremely excited about this little car.
"Ahh! It's just like the Glider bike!" he said tapping his hands lovingly on the red furry steering wheel. "I need to make sure I change up a gear at the right revs and give enough acceleration to prevent stalling! Right! Let's start again! Brace yourselves people….this is going to be different."
And what a difference it was.
Balthier took this to alien contraption as if he had owned it for years.
It leapt forward, the gear changes were smooth and effortless and so the mini picked up more speed. The car bounded over the plains, every dip and bump was caught, jolting the mini with fierce rocks. Vaan and Penelo were thrown about in the back, their limbs becoming entangled and their bottoms sliding up and down the leather seats. Yet their laughs never stopped.
Balthier was having the time of his life. All decorum and gentlemanly manners vanished as he became as excitable as a ten year old who had just been given their first Glider bike. He steered the car with gusto and joy, purposely heading for the vipers that sprouted from the ground.
"At this rate, we shall be in Jahara in just under two hours!" he cried, as a viper's head splattered on the window. The blood and guts smeared everywhere, it obscured the view through the glass screen and now Balthier had no idea where they were going.
"Oh that is disgusting." Ashe looked away from the viper remains. "Is there some way of getting rid of it?"
"I think there's something about washer wipers in there." said Balthier, turning sharply to the left. There was another thud as more viper guts covered the car. Ashe opened the book, but she had no idea what the words were saying or what the diagrams meant.
"I do not speak ancient Archadian…why would I know what this…"
The mini jolted again as it went over another bump.
"VAAAN!" Penelo screamed with laughter as Vaan slipped and fell over her body. His face pushed against her stomach and his hands tried to move him off her, but the rate at which Balthier swerved the mini, it was impossible to get up. He just giggled in to her belly, the muffles of his mouth only made her laugh even more. "Vaaaan!!"
"Try that one!" Ashe flicked a another lever that was right by the steering wheel, and she smiled in triumph and pride when the wipers came on, ridding the blood and guts just enough to see. Though Ashe didn't like what she did see.
"LOOK OUT!" Ashe cried.
Balthier was just a little bit too late.
Part of Ozmone dipped, a lot more than usual. It was a drop, significant enough to make the mini plummet and then crunch quite hard on the rocky surface. The impact was harsh, Balthier felt his head hit with the roof. Ashe did the same and she cussed in a startling response at the pain on her head.
Balthier cried out with a very uncharacteristic, excitable laugh, which caused an infectious response from the others as well. But that was short lived.
Such a ruckus may have been enjoyable for those inside, it was not so for the two poor souls who had to sit on the roof rack. As the mini crashed down onto the ground, the hume knight and Viera immediately came flying off. As a very delightful and pert bottom impacted with the windscreen, Balthier slammed on the brakes. Ashe watched with astonishment as Fran made her fall a graceful roll and she landed neatly on her feet in front of the mini. Basch was not quite so lucky. He rolled off and fell flat in the mud.
"Are you alright my dear?" asked Balthier as he wound down the window. Fran strode up to him and even Ashe could see that the unfortunate impacts with the vipers hadn't only doused the front of the car. She was covered as well. Fran casually flicked some snake scales off her shoulder. Her ears assisting with some spots her fingers had missed.
"I am well. Though, the knight and I would appreciate it if you did not steer this thing so recklessly."
"This from a woman who drives a Glider bike in a way that would scare even the most dangerous of dare-devils!" Balthier sighed. "Of course, Fran. I shall be more careful for you."
"That is most appreciated. Thank you."
Fran flicked off a few more pieces of viper from her body and then approached the fallen Basch. She held out her hand, offering to aid him in getting to his feet. Basch accepted most gracefully, the fall not having shamed him, nor did he appear embarrassed as the youngest two of the party stifled their laughs.
But then he saw Balthier and Ashe talking together. From the beginning, she had viewed both of the men with distrust and caution. Ashe was a typical princess, determined that nothing would distract her from regaining Dalmasca and saving her subjects. But she had softened to the pirate's charms and his gentle spoken words. She had even smiled at some of his witticisms. It seemed that this sky pirate could say anything and that ice cold expression would melt.
But Basch? It seemed that she distrusted him, even after all this time. He had known her from birth, protected her and was ever loyal. But she still thought him a murderer and a traitor, why should she trust him?
He wished that Dalmasca would be restored, he wished that she would speak a kind word to him after what he had done in her name. Hadn't he shown her how he still remained by her side…fighting, struggling and risking his life for her? Did the princess see how dedicated and devoted he was to her and Dalmasca?
Ashe wasn't making things easier for him.
Did he really deserve it after he held so much shame for his actions or lack of? He had been through too much, he had suffered greatly.
Now he stank and was covered in viper guts.
Basch desperately needed a shower. He longed for a refreshing cascade of soothing water to wash away the stench from him. To cleanse his aching sins and failures.
Regrets. So many regrets. So many feelings he could not control.
"Basch! Come on!" cried Penelo, waving from the car and snapping the knight from his aching thoughts. "We've still got a long way to go!"
Basch looked up at the dreaded uncomfortable and slimy roof rack and he despaired. It seemed his life was destined for discomfort. Two years in a prison cell covered in filth, and now this.
Where did this thing come from?!
0000000000
It took just over a couple of hours to reach Jahara. The speed of vehicle knocked a lot of hours off from the journey and it lifted Ashe's sorrowful mood.
However, it would have taken less time, if everyone else hadn't insisted they'd drive the mini.
Balthier had been at the wheel, confident and skilled in the strange "alien" device but after Penelo continued to whisper "pleeeeeeease!!" so seductively in his ear, Balthier got so fed up that he gave in. Penelo winked at Ashe when her convincing worked and seated herself behind the wheel. She had to move the chair forward a bit more, but she was so excited and she proved to be a very quick learner..
Penelo could drive the car quite happily, with Balthier sitting next to her. It was also Penelo who found out where the "horn" was placed. As her hand had pressed against the button there came a loud "honking" sound that scared everyone. They all heard the clomping bashes of the two on the roof, but Penelo just found it all wonderful and so kept using the horn again and again.
So too did Vaan, who was just as excitable as Balthier was at this handy and nippy little piece of machinery.
"Get out of the way!" Vaan would cry laughing at the Vipers, pressing the horn and ignoring the complaints from Basch and Fran up on the roof. "Move out the way!"
SPLAT
"Oh too late!"
He cackled with fiendish laughing, revving up the mini and he drove with such passion that he ended up doing most of the journey.
He was even more thrilled when the fiends actually came to attack them whilst in motion. Fran had issued some directions, so whilst the car was speeding, she and Basch could tackle the fiends from the top. Their movements on the roof could be heard and Vaan saw Fran's arrows flying in all directions. Though he did worry that Basch's thumps and movements might break the roof, but luckily no such thing happened. The two of them did a very good job of defending everyone and Vaan could have sworn that he heard Basch laughing during the fast speed fights.
It was only when the Mesminir's head rolled away from the mini, (Penelo pointed out how the head bounced down the hill beside them) the young man heard a very deep bellow, almost like a war cry of some kind. A victorious strike against the fiend, especially when Vaan was driving so fast, must have been a difficult manoeuvre. Yet when questioned about it, Basch shook his head. Fran also denied that he was laughing, but Vaan knew better.
Princess Ashe herself even had a go and when she sat in the driving seat, Balthier gave her the lessons on how to keep it going. From up on the roof, it was Basch who could hear the young woman's laughing and squeals of excitement and his heart was lifted. He had longed to hear that sound again and even as he was now hacking up another Mesmenir, the creature's howls of despair and anger were drowned out by his princess' laughter. Ashelia's driving was a little stuttery and cautious but once she got the hang of it, there were no problems.
"I see the Sogoht!" Fran cried out after an uneventful drive. "Princess, you will need to follow the sand path round to your right!"
"Thank you Fran!"
Everyone in the car smiled as Ashe stuck her arm out of the window and gave the Viera the thumbs up. It wasn't a gesture someone like Ashe would give, but this mini had brought out the other side to Ashe. She didn't seem so troubled, her stern worried face was now beaming with smiles and light relief. For a brief moment, Ashelia was happy. She was more than happy, she was free.
Ashe pressed her foot harder against the pedal and when the car sped, the ground beneath the wheels changed from wet springy earth and grass, to that of sand. It was damp and compact and so even the heavy weight of the mini and it occupants didn't make it completely sink down into the sand.
"I would suggest slowing down, Highness!" Basch called. "We would not wish to run down any Garif in our…."
Ashe let out a scream. So too did Penelo.
The group of Garif walking in their path appeared out of nowhere and all that the princess could do was swerve to avoid hitting them. The mini skidded, Ashe saw a blur of the Garif warriors as they jumped and leapt out of the way, yet she never saw how quickly the banks of the river were approaching.
"Brake!" Balthier said firmly but calmly. "Brake princess!"
Her foot slammed down with such force that the mini stopped dead still, yet the poor two in the back were thrown against the seats. Balthier nearly went through the window, but as his face smooched against the windscreen he could only watch as the passengers on the roof both flew off in a startling blur. He heard Ashe cry out in horror, followed by the sound of an almighty splash.
Balthier was momentarily dazed from the impact, but eventually he threw open the door of the mini and fell out, clambering on his hands and knees before pulling himself up. His head was spinning and he could hear the Garif's deep voices as if they were pounding drums in his ears. When everything began to focus he looked towards the river, where Ashe was already standing at the edge of.
His eyes followed in the direction of the river and there, drenched from head to toe, was Basch and Fran. Their hair draped over their faces, their clothes were sodden and clinging and none of them looked particularly pleased. Fran's ears were shivering, attempting to shake the water off her fur, whereas Basch was picking off bits of river weed and trying to unblock his water clogged ears.
Balthier had to smile, but he would have thought differently if he had heard Fran's Viera mutterings. Not many people understood the Viera language, but Balthier would have gotten the gist of her rare angry profanities.
"I am so sorry!!"
Ashe stood on the banks of the river, looking absolutely distraught, even though the Garif found it just as hilarious as Balthier did. Their laughter was a deafening thing to hear, if a person could call it that, but the masked youths all stood by Ashe's side, staring at the two still sitting in the river, with their hands crossed over their large burly chests. They too were conversing in their own bizarre tongue, its meaning known to none of the new visitors.
"Do you need help getting out?!" asked Ashe, as she briefly checked the sides of the river for easier and safer access to it. Fran shook her head.
"That is not necessary, princess." she said, as her claw pulled one of her ears down and scratched it.
Basch was about to say that he needed no help either, but it was too late. Ashe in her guilt had scrambled down towards them, a little too quickly. Her foot slipped on the sand, then it tripped on a rock sending her falling forwards, making her perform a truly perfect belly flop into the waters.
Balthier was in hysterics.
To be continued…..