Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter
Written for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry (Challenges & Assignments): Herbology (Assignment 2)
Prompt: Write about teenagers maturing
Word Count: 600 (ish)
Wow growing up sucks...
Sometimes I look at my friends and wonder what is wrong with me.
Marlene is probably the sexiest witch in our year. All the guys love her and she's dated loads of boys and everyone thinks she's awesome. She plays quidditch and she's so kind to everyone. No one could think badly of her and everyone treats her like she's special because she's so hot and because she's wonderfully lovely all the time.
Lily's so pretty and smart. She's a prefect this year and she'll probably end up Head Girl. James worships the ground on whuch she walks and he would do anything for her. Now that they're going out they're practically inseparable. They're always holding hands and kissing.
Even Alice- timid, shy, quiet little Alice has Frank. They're adorable together and everyone makes their relationship such a huge deal. People teasee her about it and she blushes but she loves being the centre of attention because she's so proud that she has such a perfect boyfriend.
I am unbearably jealous.
All my friends are mature young adults, finding their ways through life with people they love while I mess around, stumbling through life's obstacles and making a fool of myself.
No guy would look twice at me. I'm plainish and I snap at everyone. I fall desperately in love with anyone who talks to me, or even smiles in my direction.
I'm sixteen and I've never been kissed. I've never been asked out, never had anyone have a crush on me.
All I want is for people to treat me like everyone else.. I can't help acting immature-it covers up my permanent feelings of jealousy and rejection. I have to make a joke out of my inability to find someone who loves me because otherwise they'd all pity me. If I act like I don't care then maybe they won't see how pathetic I am.
I hate growing up. There's so much expectation, so many milestones that I failed to pass.
I'm doing all right academically, not as well as Lily but not badly. I've never been interested in sport and I can't sing or do anything musical. I'm just a very bland person. As we get older it's just made more and more obvious. Everyone else is achieving things- quidditch captain, prefect, first boyfriend- and I'm still stuck.
It seems stupid to be do hung up about a boyfriend- it makes me seem shallow and vain, but it's so harf, when everyone else always has a partner. It used to be the four of us and we would always do everything together. Now it's the three of them, their boyfriends, and me. Sometimes they make a token effort to let me join in with them-lending me their boyfriend but I know its just a salve on their consciences. They feel sorry for me.
I hate this jealousy, this vanity and self loathing, but I don't know how to make it stop.
Every day I have a new guy to fixate on, a new dream to keep me going at night, but it can't last forever.
Eventually I'm going to have to grow up. Eventually I'll find someone and I'll get over this desperate need to conform but for now I'm stuck between child and adult and I don't know how to change.