DC Legends of Tomorrow – Bit Late For That
Time jumping takes its toll on Dr. Stein
Alright, so maybe Rip Hunter, runaway Time Master, wasn't completely truthful or straight with his little band of misfits on the possible side effects of constant time and space traveling. To be fair, they hit the ground running and the list of side effects was rather long (as in, it usually took a Time Master some two years to learn them all, never mind being able to recite them all from heart) for him to tell his team all of them.
(he didn't think any of them would've come with him if they had an inkling that it involved more than temporary blindness and/or hearing loss)
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M PREGNANT?!" – Dr. Martin Stein, usually the most level headed, cool and collected member of the team screamed out of the top of his lungs, making Mick Rory raise his eyebrows in approval, and Jefferson Jackson snort.
"Er, you see, Dr. Stein... There are... Rather several possible side effects to time traveling, most of which are extremely rare, so I did not think you all needed to know about them"
"IT WOULD HAVE BEEN HELPFUL TO KNOW I COULD GET PREGNANT, MR. TIME LORD!"
"Time... Master, but that's not the point"
"NO, IT IS NOT!"
"Just when you think you've seen it all" – Snart commented lightly – "A man gets knocked up. So, who's the father? Raymond?"
"Hey! Don't look at me!" – Dr. Ray Palmer exclaimed, blushing wildly. Sara Lance and Kendra Saunders hid their chuckles as Stein turned and viciously grabbed a handful of Rip's coat.
"You listen to me, you two bit asshole, you are going to fix me or so help me, but I will make sure your last moments on Earth are so unpleasant even the Devil would be proud of my handiwork" – he gave Rip the coldest, angriest look known to man before letting the Capt. go.
"Right. Right! Well, er, Gideon... Please proceed with... With... With Dr. Stein's... Er..."
"Is this an abortion?" – Kendra questioned – "I mean, he's pregnant, but is he carrying an actual child?"
"It is not a child per say, Ms. Saunders, it is rather a residue of time and space matter–"
"Who cares about the details!" – Stein exploded – "Just get RID OF IT, or I will get rid of your balls, Captain!"
"... If you'll excuse me, everyone... Gideon... Please start with the, er, procedure on Dr. Stein"
The rest of the team left the medical bay, Sara and Jax finally losing it as soon as the doors closed, with Mick chuckling, Ray giggling a little, Kendra shaking her head and Snart sighing.
"I don't know why you are all so mirthful about this" – he commented.
"What? Why shouldn't we be? I mean, it's a little funny" – Ray answered.
"I literally feel for Grey" – Jax managed to say – "but seriously"
"Yes, this is all fun and giggles, but was I the only person who understood what the good Captain meant?"
"When?" – Mick questioned.
"This is only one of a severely long list of possible side effects of time traveling" – he paused as his companions widened their eyes – "And this may be a rare one, but clearly not impossible"
"Oh hell no" – Sara grumbled as they all dashed to the control room – "I did not come on this mission just to get time and space knocked up, that shit's not happening!"
By the time Stein was well and about (and minus a bizarre mass that mercifully was not actually a child or anything resembling an actual human being), he accompanied a harried Rip to the control room, where they were met with their mission companions, each more irate than the next. Stein sat on one of the many chairs, a little tired but unwilling to miss the show.
"So... Good to know we could all morph into a single entity, as Gideon put it" – Sara snarled.
"And trade sexes!" – Jax pointed out.
"Grow extra limbs" – Snart said with narrowed eyes.
"Extra organs altogether!" – Ray exclaimed.
"Become animals" – Mick grumbled.
"Get cloned. Become old. Become young. Tiny, huge" – Kendra added.
"Er... I can explain?"
"A pretty long list there, mate" – Snart said, his expression so icy it out his gun's powers to shame.
"You never would've come if I told you! Besides, those effects are quite rare–"
"Like a man getting pregnant?!" – Jax freaked out.
"... Gideon?"
"I'm sorry, sir, but you did not ban the list of time traveling side effects from the team's search parameters"
"... Bugger"
"Lots to explain, Cap" – Mick growled.
"Better run for now" – Stein advised.
"Fuck" – with that, Sara and Kendra ran after a surprisingly fast Rip.
"
Because why not.