Living with your choices
Lizzie dreams of Red sometimes, not in the way she dreams her parents , Sam or other people in her life. She dreams him in wheat fields and dark, deserted streets ;he is pale and he's waiting. And when she wakes up, Red lingers with her. Her girls memories try to find details that have been deleted from her memory time ago Then there is the tone of his voice and the tilt of his smile, the use of his calloused hands. His presence is deposited as heat in her mind, like the early morning sun on her face. In those secret hours when the house is quiet and feels almost at peace with herself, she wonders what it would be without him.
Under the impetus of constant shower she wonders if he is still so muscular and if his hands are still so wide. She longs to those large hands on his body, dragging bruised of passion, through all her damp skin. In the roar of the water, she feels a thousand touches teasing her. Every drop becomes light as a feather to caress the soft skin . In the space of time in which the water falls hot on her body, the air still holds the cold of the night and Lizzie feels her nipples tighten . Drops of water down her chest, continuing through the breasts. Lizzie follows the example of Red 's perfect touch . And when she feel the warmth in her core begins to throb, she press her legs together, the moisture visible between her thighs
Lizzie twists around until the water falls on the shoulders, and the battered bruises on her back. She closes her eyes and let Red soothe where it hurts. It 's funny how the hand of Tom always just got tougher, the softer grew around the waist. While Red, he has never been anything but perfection of sharp angles, and his skin, would be rough from too many hours of tension and handling too many guns, but his touch ... His touch is always nice and warm . Of this, she is sure .He feels home .
And as she stands with her back to the faucet, legs slightly apart , to arching her back and trying to bring friction to her thighs; Lizzie tries to envision Red as younger as she knows. How would he be ? She slides the soap on her hips, feeling the softness where it touches her body curves. When she smooths her palms on her buttocks, she wants Red secretly and desperately behind her. She wonders if he grew up like that kind of man who like a woman on her stomach as much as on the back. She wonders if this is the kind of thing that a man like him could ask to a woman like her. Her fingers are long as Reds but are thinner and are delicate and even more when she slips between her buttocks, she thinks that if he asked, she would be the kind of woman who would say yes. And she is breathing hard, aching ,painting while she reaches her climax ...hard ..deep
While the shower runs cold, Lizzie leans against the wall, waiting for her heart to slow down and stop her legs shaking.
In the kitchen, she hums a melody , barefoot ,her skin still flushed. She's prepared breakfast for him, coffee, scrambled eggs and crispy bacon, trying to fill a hunger for a different kind without knowing how.
Red appears in the kitchen and approaches her never looking away from her eyes as if he knew, he knew what she had done
With the back of his hand on her shoulder the last attempt of composure fades, as the strait summer breeze dissipating in the sweltering heat of Egypt.
Red spends the night under the soft sheets with her, Lizzie does not dream of anything.
She's still awake in the bed . She remembers when she and Tom were just married and she still believed his words: I'm sorry it's true, i did not mean, it was just a mission, it is all. She used to think she had meant something but she does know it isn't true.
She closes her eyes, but sleep is just a wider expanse of solitude, now. Red's soft and loving touches are the promise of a better life that she had so desired. Tom , she thinks, is finally gone and done. He has followed his criminal life because he is a criminal,a liar , a toxic man.
There is still the pain in her head and blood on her nightgown, and the memory of the child she had lost because of Tom's last attempt to her life and the thing that Lizzie hates most is knowing that Red has never left his eyes weeped for that.
Because he loves her and would do anything to keep her safe
Because he knows he has to be strong for her
Because he chose her and she chose him
Fin.