So that was how it was supposed to be? Was I really doomed to remember him forever? Even after his death, ofcourse he had been like a big brother too all the of us Nordics but I was the only one of the four of us who dreamed about him every night and I could even feel as if he touched me.

His big warm hand as he used to stroke my cheek when I was scared or felt all alone, but ofcourse since the fact that he was dead it felt more like a cold hand but it still creeped me out.

I could wake up in the middle of the night after dreaming of his bright warm smile and all the good times we had together, feeling as if he was in my room. But when I looked around it was only darkness, no one was there. It was only me, all alone in this big room.

And so the tears came once again, and they didn't stop even if I tried, I hadn't even told him how much a loved him. I never believed that he would die beacause he was so strong, he was forever to be my safe place but now he was gone, dead, away.

''Jeg elsker deg'' was what I said everytime that I visited his grave, even though those words only came from me, I fell to my knees and started crying. It was hard for me to understand why someone would've wanted him dead, why he suddenly was so weak that he died?

A friend of mine, Tino was always right there with me as we visited his grave, I always had one of my brothers near me. Eirik lived at my house now, Tino always followed me to his grave while Berwald followed me when I went out shopping and such.

At first I found it all pretty annoying untill Tino told me why they did this, it was beacause they were afraid that something would happen to me, that I would harm myself since I blamed myself for his death.

It all felt like it was my fault since I hadn't been there to protect him when he needed me the most, I had been at my house and even if he had called me and spoken with that half scared voice and said that he wanted me there, I had declined it beacause I thought that he just wanted to annoy me and such ridiculous things as he usually did.

But if I had gotten the message of him being at war just a tad a bit earlier then the day after he had called me then maybe I would've been able to protect his sorry ass.

All I wished for was to see his bright smile, to lie in his strong embrace again, but it was too late for that, way too late.

How many years had it been since he died? Five years if I'm right, no five and a half.

I was walking around in my garden, mostly fixing with my flowers and the other thing was that I was actually looking for a small pass that was in some rose bushes on my backyard. I was tired of waking up, screaming or crying and I wanted to end that. Too bad I knew that I was near imortallity and I couldn't die.

But I could still try, right? None of the Nordics was really watching me today so I could do almost what I wanted and this was what I wanted too do. I finally found the passage and I walked out to the outside of the fence. Now you're asking me why I am taking the backway when I said none of the Nordics were watching me right? Well they weren't BUT there were a lot of guards on the front of my house.

I started running, as quickly as I could torwards some cliffs that were located just a few (norwegian) kilometres from my house, and as I reached the cliffs I was nearly exhausted. So I rested for a moment by sitting down by the cliffs, not too close to the edge though and my breathing was unsteady.

Then after awhile, I stood up again and walked closer to the edge, I took one step at a time, and when I reached the edge I looked down. It was atleast 200 metresdown to the surface of the water and I knew that if I were a human I'd die at the same moment as my body hit the water.

I was about to take my last step when...

''NOR, NO! PLEASE DON'T!'' it was Denmarks voice, tears started welling to my eyes. Was I imaginating things again? It couldn't be him.. He was supposed to be dead. I lifted my foot a little before hearing it again ''Nor please.. Don't kill yourself!'' he sounded heartbroken as he spoke, I turned around, still standing on the edge and I almost jumped back in shock when I could see him.

He looked like he had at the berial, a clean white shirt, a red tie and a black suit. The only thing that made him look different from before was the fact that he was transparent. ''De-Denmark?'' my voice was shaky and not as it should be, and tears started to well from my eyes once again. His voice was still sounding heartbroken when he asked me to step away from the edge, I listened too him.

''What were you thinking? Lukas? Killing yourself doesn't make anything better!'' Even though he was a spirit, his eyes were actually sending tears down his cheeks. ''But-...'' I said but got interupted emidiately. ''No but's! I love you and I want you to stay alive, it doesn't matter if I'm alive or dead! You're not going to hurt, kill or do anything bad to yourself! Understood?''

Denmark was so serious even though all those tears came straming down his cheeks, I fell to my knees with my eyes locked at him. It all felt like a dream but I knew this was reality, my eyes never lied to me and neither did my mind. I decided to nod as an answer.

''You need to forget all about me my love...'' his voice was soft, the tears had stopped coming from his eyes and he tried to smile at me, I looked down when I felt his transparent hand carress my hair carefully. ''I-I can't... I lo-love you too m-much!'' I closed my eyes, and tried to stop the tears but it was impossible.

''I-I love you too.. A lot.. But please, it's been almost six yea-...'' I interupted him sincde I got the feeling I needed to correct what he was saying. ''Five and a half!'' he coughed a little as if saying that it was his turn to talk. ''Okey, Five and a half years then, but you need to forget me. It's not like I want you too but it's for your own good.''