Heartache 22222222
Lt Craig Garrison sat on a bench at the riverside and watched as the water rippled over the stones and flowed gently towards the village pond. He felt at peace for the first time in a long time ,but he knew that the feeling wouldn't last . That the guilt would return as it always did when he thought of Sarah. She had been a beautiful loving child that had made his life complete . Even though she had been his brothers child , not having children of his own, she had been so special to him . He could not have loved her more if she had been his own daughter. With her death came feelings of loss and despair that he could not have believed possible. It was a death he felt responsible for, a death that had hurt more than losing David, his at least had been a soldiers' death, a death in battle. But Sarah's death had been so unnecessary . He had been with her when she died , holding her in his arms, he should have been able to save her , but it had all happened so quickly, and now she was dead and he was alive and the guilt he felt ate away at him every day.
The sound of children's laughter brought him out of his daydream.
He watched as they threw bread into the water and laughed as the ducks scuttled towards it fighting to see who would get there first and get the prize. He remembered he had done the same thing with Sarah when he had been on leave .Catherine and David had sat on this bench then holding hands and smiling at each other ,glad of each others company, so much in love, happy to let him play with their daughter while they spent time together . They had been a family then, so close. He still could not believe how lucky he had been when David had married Catherine. She had taken him into her family without question, knowing that he would be alone without them . If he was on leave she would make sure he had a place to stay, a place to call home. He was always made to feel welcome . Never an intruder, she told him their home was his home until he found the right girl to settle down with and start a family of his own. Whenever he had been injured she was always their when he woke up from his surgery, always at his bedside when he needed her , when he was afraid, . She had always manage to persuade the doctor to release him early , promising that she would take care of him , knowing that having to stay in hospital when he was starting to feel better was his worst nightmare. They had been so close then , the three of them and then when Sarah was born it felt as if their family was complete. Catherine said that sometimes she didn't know which of then was the proudest of her daughter, and that it was hard to tell the father from the uncle , they both loved Sarah so much. He spoiled her, taking her on outings and returning with presents that he had been told specifically not to buy . They smiled at him and scolded him like they would a naughty child , and then laughed at him. Shaking their heads knowing that nothing they said would change him, and he in turn just loved them more for letting him belong.
He tried to open his eyes , tried to work our where he was ,his mouth was so dry and his head hurt so much . He could hear a voice saying a name , maybe his name , he didn't know , and then the fear hit him. He didn't know, he tried to sit up and the nausea hit him and he threw up into the bowl that she held for him.
`it's alright Craig it's just the effects of the anaesthetic, here take another drink and wash your mouth out`. He did as he was told and then fell back onto the pillow, feeling completely washed out.
`Where am I?` he asked her
`You're in hospital in London , you've just been shipped back from North Africa , you were caught in an explosion, and have a severe concussion you've been out of it for quite a while ,but other that a few cuts and bruises and a broken wrist . you're all right. The doctors have just reset you're wrist , something to do with the bones not setting properly , but they tell me everything is fine now, but that's why you're feeling a little sick right now.
`You called me Craig, is that my name? I don't remember,
She looked at him and smiled,
`You probably won't remember anything for a while , you took quite a hit in the explosion , the doctor says that you were very lucky , it could have been much worse, but he says your memory should return in time and until then I'll be here to answer all your questions and help all I can. Your name is Craig Garrison and you are in the U. S .army and right now I think that is about all you need to know until you start to think clearer all right ?
He looked at the hand holding his and saw the wedding band. `Are you my wife? He asked
He saw the pain in her eyes ,`No , not your wife,` she said `I was your brothers wife, my name is Catherine `.
`Was ? He asked
`Your brother died , there's just you and me now , oh and Sarah , she's your niece and she's three years old and looks just like the two of you,
`I don't understand ? The two of us?
She took a photograph from her purse and held it up for him to see, it was of two men and a little girl and as he looked at the photo his eyes filled with tears,
`Which one is me ? He asked
She pointed to the man on the left and said,
`That's you and that's David , you were identical to everyone but me , some how even from the first I could always tell the two of you apart.`
Tears slid down his face,
`I don't remember, I look at him and I don't remember, he moved his head and the pain hit him again.
`Don't try , not just yet, let's get you better first , you are exhausted and you need to sleep`. She held his hand with one of hers and stroked his face with the other.
`All you have to remember right now is that I will be here whenever you need me, that you are my brother and I love you ,and that you are not alone, we will get through this together as we always have .now try and get some sleep ,because the sooner you get well the sooner I can get you home.`
`Thank you `, he said and closed his eyes,
She kept stroking his face until finally the exhaustion overtook him and he fell asleep, still holding tightly to her hand and not letting go when she tried to pull away. She settled herself in the chair , knowing that this was going to be a long uncomfortable night. The tears flowed silently then, both from the knowledge that Craig in time and with her help would be alright , but also that she had to grieve alone for the man who had been the love of her life. She looked at Craig and wished he didn't look quite so much like David, for looking at him was just a constant reminder that David wasn't coming home. She knew she should be grateful, that at least one of them had come back alive , and she hated herself for a part of her wished that it had been David, but that was something that she would learn to live with and something that Craig would never know.
When the doctor looked in a few minutes later he found her sitting with her head on the bed , holding Craig's hand , both of them fast asleep.
When he awoke the next day she was gone and for one terrible moment he thought she had been a dream , and that he was alone. The doctor came in and looked at him. `.How are you feeling today Lt?
Better I hope ? Craig looked at him
`Where's Catherine? He asked `She said she would be here`.
`Catherine's just headed back to my place to freshen up , she needed to get out of here for a while, it's not good for her to spend all her time here, and at least I know that she'll get a good breakfast, my wife will see to that My names Peter Roberts by the way I'm your doctor. Now back to you ,Nausea gone I hope?, how's the headache?`
`I feel better doc. Still a little woozy but things don't look quite so blurred today ,I just wish I could remember something , anything but I don't even know my name, don't know anything that Catherine hasn't told me. When will she be back? I feel better when she's here .`
`I know this is a lot to ask Lt. but please try not to rely on her too much, she's had a hard time these past few days and you being here isn't
helping her ,has she told you anything yet?
`Like what ?asked Craig
`The army screwed up Lt. and sent both you and you brother to the same place , and when you were hurt , he ran to help you and you were both caught in the second explosion, David died saving your life, but you lost your dog tags and he …well he was so badly injured that they couldn't tell which one of you they were shipping back until they ran some tests here.
Craig stared at him. `I don't remember any of that, nothing, why didn't she tell me?
The doctor looked at him.
` Catherine didn't know which one of you was coming home until you actually arrived here, and she hasn't left your side since. She hasn't had time to grieve Lt. she is so intent on helping you that she is not grieving for David and that is not a good thing if you can you need to help her do that , you need to grieve together you both loved him you know.`
`That's just the point doc ,I don't know , how do I grieve for someone that I don't even remember?
`Well then encourage her to talk about him be there for her ,because I promise you Lt . there will come a time when she will need you , just to hold her , tell her that you will be there for her. Never let her feel alone Lt. please, I know it will be hard for both of you , especially when your memory returns and you realize that you are hurting too. But please , help her all you can, she loves you very much, and you are all the family she has left now.`
Craig looked at him ,`I don't know what I can do to help her doc , but I promise to try,
`That's all I can ask Lt, call me if either of you need anything , Now lets get you tidied up a little and washed and shaved shall we?, at least then you'll look a little more respectable , and I'm sure you'll feel better for it.`
Craig didn't argue , he just did whatever he was told , and hoped that it would not be too long before she came back .
He was lying with his eyes closed when he sensed her presence , she stood next to his bed and he could feel her looking at him. He opened his eyes and found her staring at him. She jumped a little ,
`Sorry , didn't mean to startle you `, he said. He pulled himself up and got out of the bed and went to sit in the chair they had put by the window for him.
`Thought you were asleep , I was trying not to wake you, didn't do a very good job did I? she told him. She sat in the chair next to his,
`Are you sure that it's all right for you to be out of bed so soon? You feeling ok? she asked him.
`Doc says so long as I take it easy it'll be all right , but if I start to feel dizzy it's straight back to bed`.
`You always were the stubborn one , never could stay still long when you started to feel better .`she gave him a sad smile.
`Why didn't you tell me about David? about him being there with me and saving my life.
`Who told you ? She asked, and sighed .
I thought it would be better kept until later when you remembered him a little more, I'm sorry , you shouldn't have heard it from someone else I should have been the one to tell you.`
`I am the one who should be sorry `, he said,` It must have been so hard for you to see me come home and not him , I wish things could have been different for you , I wish it could have been him that came back instead of me , at least then you would have been able to keep your family together`. He said
She felt the tears start to flow and couldn't stop them, he took hold of her hand and tried to pull her towards him,
`Don't , please don't , `she said as she stood up and pulled away from him.
He walked up behind her ,`If there is ever anything that I can do for you please tell me `, he said, `God I wish I could remember ! He said angrily.
I wish I knew what to do to help you , but I don't remember you or him , my own brother and I don't remember , can't even grieve for him , just have to stand here and know that all the pain you feel is because of me.
He sat back down in the chair and put his head in his hands, `Maybe it would be better if you left,` he said `It would be easier if you didn't have to look at me , all I am doing is hurting you. You should just go.`
He stood up and looked out of the window, keeping his back to her.
Neither one of them said anything ,
She turned and looked at him , his head was down and there were tears rolling down his cheeks , tears for a brother he did not know, and she knew then that she could not leave him,
`It hurts so much`, she said in between sobs , `So very much , I don't think I can go on without him , `
As the sobs engulfed her he walked quickly to her and, wrapped her in his arms and she held on to him , all the grief that she had kept hidden away to try and help him rose to the surface ,and she cried for the love she had lost
`It will get better I promise , I will be there for you as long as you want me , need me , we will get through this together , we have to for Sarah's sake ,
`I know , she said , Oh Craig , I need you so much , you are all that I have left. And I love you , you may not remember but you have always been a part of our family, and believe me , losing you would have hurt just as much as losing David , I am so grateful that at least I have one of you home.`
She held him tightly ,`I love you Craig , never forget that , you are my brother and I love you `.
He kissed the top of her head and walked her to the chair , sat her down and then sat opposite her.
There were tears in his eyes as he looked at her and said
`I wish I could tell you that I feel the same , but I look at you and there is just nothing , but I promise you I will be there whenever you need me , no matter what ,and I pray that one day I will be able to look at you and know how much I love you .We will get through this , I promise together we will survive.
There was a knock at the door and they both looked as the doctor arrived with a tray of tea. He smiled at them both,
`Thought the two of you might need this, a remedy for all that ails you , a cup of hot sweet tea.`
She smiled at him , `Thanks Doc, much appreciated`
`If you need anything , either of you, all you need to do is ask. `he said
`Thanks `, said Craig , I'll remember that .
`Right 'I have rounds to do , I will see you both later , you take care now ok.
`Thanks again Doc `, Craig said and turned to her and smiled ,
`How's about I be mum then , that be all right ?
She smiled at him ,`That would be just fine Craig , just fine.`
They decided that he could go home the next day so long as he stayed with Catherine and took things easy. He was a little wary of going to the cottage but she told him that's where he should be right now and he was learning it was better not to argue with her. Sarah had been sent to stay with her best friend Timmy for a few days to allow Craig to settle in without having to try and explain to Sarah why he didn't remember her. They sat and talked a lot during those days , she showed him photo's of their family and then one day he remembered one thing , one small thing, and from then on in in bits and pieces his memory slowly started to return. It had taken almost three weeks for that first small piece to slot into place, weeks spent with Catherine and Sarah and he began to realize why he had loved this woman . She would spend the nights crying in her room, he could hear her , knowing that she grieved for David, but in the morning , he would never have known the sadness she was feeling until he looked into her eyes and could see the hurt and the loss that she felt but tried o hide.
He still had a months sick leave and she insisted that he stay with them even though he knew that looking at him hurt her so much, but he also knew he was getting better each day because of her .
He had been in London when his memory had returned , they had been to the hospital for his check up and had decided to have dinner before going home and then the air raid had started. Suddenly he was frozen to the spot ,not seeing the chaos around him just the guns that he had heard last in combat. He felt her pull him away and then he was sitting in a church ,in the corner , on the floor with her arms around him, holding him so tightly , telling him he was going to be all right , He could hear her calling his name but she seemed to be getting further and further away until he couldn't hear her any more and he slipped into unconsciousness.
He awoke with a start , shouting David's name, sitting up in bed shaking and feeling so afraid. She was at his side in an instant
He was not seeing her or the hospital walls ,she could see the terror ,as he relived the nightmare of the last battle ,she could see the fear and the pain on his face and knew she had to bring him back.
`Craig, ` she held his face in both her hands and made him look at her.
`Craig look at me , it's all right , Craig honey you need to breath ,you're safe now , you're in hospital , Craig honey it's all right,`
She pulled him into her arms and held him tightly and gradually the shaking stopped and he wrapped his arms round her , and she felt the anguish as the sobs started and he dealt with the memory of his brothers death , and the loss and grief that had hit him all at once
She held him until she felt him relax against her and then gently laid him back down on the bed He laid with his eyes closed for a while and she sat beside him holding his hand so he would know he wasn't alone, stroking his face and wiping away the tears . Gradually he regained control and opened his eyes.
`What happened ?` he asked `the last thing I remember was the air raid and us heading for the shelter` he said
`You froze, when the bombing started I managed to get you into the church and them you passed out on me ,I finally got you back to the hospital ,Doc says the noise of the raid was enough like the mortar attack you went through before you got hurt to send you into shock, says you should be alright now might even help with the memory loss but he can't promise anything .`she said
`I remember you , I remember everything except what happened when the mortar hit , don't remember David coming after me, everything before that is fine , I remember , Catherine I remember.
She smiled at him,
`Oh Craig I'm so glad , if that's the only memory you've lost then that's great,`
`When can I go home ?,he asked
`Just as soon as you can stand up, there's really nothing wrong with you that can't be dealt with at home, and the doc says he needs the bed, so you are free to leave.`
` Catherine can I come back to the cottage with you ?,I really don't want to go back to being alone , not for a while yet, please`,
She looked at him ,
`Craig Garrison if you think for one minute you are getting out of my house before your sick leave is finished you have another think coming, you are my family , and whether you like it or not I am going to take care of you , do I make myself clear? she asked
He managed to smile at her ,`Why do you put yourself through this , why go to all this trouble for me , I'm not even you're real brother , why not just leave me to get on with things on my own, it would be so much easier for you , now wouldn't it ,` he asked her.
Sadly she looked at him, `Is that what you want me to do ?
`I was just thinking what would be easiest for you , that's all, I'm being so much trouble to you.`
I asked you if that was what you wanted , do you want to be left on your own, would you be better if we weren't here? Tell me truthfully, is that what you want?
`No` he said quietly `Truthfully what I really want is to stay with you , I want that more than anything , I don't want to feel alone again . You let me into your life because of David , and I grew to love you and think of you as my family , and I don't want to lose that now , it's far to special to me.`.
`Then that 's settled then ,and just so you know you are our family now too and we love you , and our lives would be empty without you , so this is your last chance to leave , a one time offer , because if you decide to stay than it's for good, no more talk about you managing on your own , or staying away , so make your choice, go, or stay and get stuck with the two of us for the rest of your life , you choose` she said.
He smiled at her ,`I would very much like to stay , and if it's all right I would like to get dressed and go home now.` he said
`She bent down and kissed his forehead, I'll get your clothes little brother,` she said smiling, `Don't go away, and don't ever forget again that you are family, my family , screwed up as you obviously are some times , I will always love you , ok?`
He held her hand. `Thank you , for everything, and I love you too, both of you. Now where are those clothes you promised me?
`Well if you behave I'll get them for you ,` she said laughing
`Well if you don't I swear I'll walk out of here as I am, and don't think for one minute I won't do it, anything's better than just lying here.
Catherine turned round and stopped, `Well go on then , might just be worth seeing. ` she said
`He started to pull the bed clothes back and swung his legs over the side of the bed,
`Oh enough , you just stop right there I'll be back in two minutes .` and she turned and walked away
`He laid back on the bed , it was good to feel loved ,good not to feel alone , she was his family now and he was going to be there for her as long as they needed him, and in that thought he found peace.
He spent the last two weeks of his sick leave with Catherine at the cottage and felt better every day. When he finally did get orders through for his new assignment it was a shock to both of them to learn he was to be shipped back to the States . The Army , he felt , had finally lost it. He was to go to every prison he could find , and go through countless files to find convicts to work for the Army, teach them to be soldiers ,and use the same skills that put them in prison to fight the Germans, he had to find men that could steal, kill and con their way through Germany without putting a bullet in his back the minute he wasn't watching them It was a crazy idea , but the more he thought about it , the more he thought that with the right cons , it just might work , He was given a date to leave and they decided that it should be a special day for Sarah and that she should choose what she wanted them to do for their last day together. She chose a picnic and so duly loaded down with blankets and food baskets they set off to the park .Sarah laughed and screamed as the swung her between them and when they finally sat down to eat she was nearly asleep.
`I think we are going to have to call it a day `Angel said , `My daughter is just about ready to drop,
Craig laughed, `Well I just want to go down to the store and get a few things , so I'll meet you back home if that's ok ? Maybe we can just have supper and sit and talk tonight if that's ok with you? he asked her
`I'd like that a lot`, she said
As he started to leave a small hand gripped his , and Sarah turned and looked at her
`Is it all right if I take her with me ?` He asked .
She smiled at them `Didn't doubt for one second it would be any other way`, she said and she watched them walk away hand in hand. She packed away the things and headed back to the cottage , thinking she would just have time for a cup of tea before they both got home and the chaos began again. She knew that Craig would put Sarah to bed tonight and sit and read to her until she fell asleep , she knew that he needed this last night with her before he left ,and then they would have supper together and spend the rest of the evening just sitting and relaxing , making the most of their last evening together .She knew that they would say goodbye tonight , that tomorrow when she got up he would be gone, It was what he wanted and she would let him say goodbye the easiest way he knew how, Then she would sit and wait for the phone call telling her that he had got back safely. She knew then that she would miss him almost as much as she missed having David in her life, and there was a sudden realization of how important he had become to her. She hoped that it would not be too long before they were together again , for there would be a space in her life that no one else could fill. He truly had become her family.
The knock on the door broke into her thoughts. She walked towards it and suddenly knew in her heart that something had happened.
She saw the policeman standing there and the car behind him and knew she had been right.
`Mrs Garrison? He asked
She looked at him and did not answer. `Ma'am I'm afraid there's been an accident in the village . We need you to come with us, Lt Garrison and your daughter have been taken to the hospital and I've been sent to take you to them , he said
She finally managed to focus in him, `How bad? She asked.
`Don't know the details , just that they need you at the hospital, now let me help you with your coat and then we can get started , all right? He asked her.
She nodded and let him take the lead and help her , suddenly unable to sort out anything by herself. He took her arm and led her to the car , and in that instant she knew that one of them was dead. She could see the sorrow in his eyes and knew .She had felt the same when they had told her that one of the brothers was dead , but that they couldn't tell her which one , she had known then that it was David, just as she knew in her heart now that Sarah was gone .
They were waiting for her at the hospital, and she knew the moment she saw Peter that she had been right .
`Catherine, I'm so sorry , there was nothing we could do for her , she was already gone when she got to me, ` he said
`Tell me , tell me what happened? She said
`There was a drunk driver , came round the corner too fast and skidded into the store window. He hit Craig and knocked Sarah from his arms, she was trapped under the jeep , they couldn't stop the bleeding, Oh Catherine I'm so sorry, there was nothing anyone could do to save her`, he said
She looked at him . `Where is she? I need to see her , tell me . She cried.
`I don't think that's a good idea right now , maybe later `.he told her
She hurled herself at Peter ,
`What have you done with her , let me see her , she's my daughter , let me see her now.`. She cried hysterically.
She punched at him, tried to get past him .
He held her and nodded to the nurse and as she stepped forward with the syringe and injected Catherine, she felt the world and the pain slipping away from her as she slumped into his arms .
`What do we do know Dr? she asked
`I'll get her settled in one of the side rooms for now, you go and see Lt . Garrison and sedate him to if you have to, I need to deal with one of them at a time and right now she is more important, ` he said.
He picked Catherine up and carried her to the bed, wondering what he was going to be able to do to help her, he had the awful feeling that things were going to get a lot worse in the next few days , for all of them.
Craig had seen Catherine being brought into the hospital and had seen Peter take her into one of the rooms. He knew that they were going to tell her about Sarah and he tried to get out of bed to go to her. She would need him now. The effort however proved to much and he fell back onto the pillow. He heard the screams as she yelled at Peter and then the silence. , He saw Peter carry her into one of the empty rooms near his , and then the nurse leave the room and head towards him .He was trying to get out of bed when she reached him, but the dizziness overwhelmed him yet again.
`I need to see her `, he said
`Mrs Garrison has been sedated Lt. you can't do anything for her just now, it would be best if you got some rest,` she said
`I need to see the doctor then `, he said
`I'm sure the doctor will see you as soon as he can, now you lay down please. You were a very lucky young man , you got away with a concussion, and a few cuts and bruises, it could have been a lot worse.` she said
`What are you talking about? He asked he roughly. Tell me how things could be worse? My niece is dead , how much worse do you think it could get for me? He asked angrily
`I'm sorry `, she said, `That's not what I meant, it's just that your injuries could have been so much worse`.
`Just let me go to her `, he said and tried to get out of the bed again.
But once again lost to the dizziness.
`The nurse held his arm and injected the sedative before he had time to argue
`No`, he screamed` I need to stay awake, she'll need me, ` he said
Despite his best efforts he knew he was losing the battle , and as he drifted deeper and deeper into sleep he hoped that when he woke up the nightmare would be over.
The nurse watched him and brushed the hair back from his face. He opened his eyes briefly and said simply `Sarah`. And then drifted into oblivion.
`When he woke he saw her standing at the foot of his bed. `Catherine`, he said, `I'm so sorry , I couldn't save her . I'm so sorry . `he looked at her with tears in his eyes and was horrified at what he saw.
He had never seen such a look of hatred in anyone's eyes before .
`You let her die`, she spat at him `You promised to keep her safe and you let her die ,` she said hysterically.
`Catherine please`, he begged
`I never want to see you again ,` she screamed at him `never`,
`I hope that you rot in hell for what you did, You killed her . Just as if you'd put a bullet in her head , you killed her and I will never forgive you , I wish you'd never come back , I wish it had been you instead of her , you took David from me and now her , you killed her too, `, she stopped for breath
`Catherine please`, he said
`I hate you , she screamed` I hate you, you bastard , you let her die'`
Peter rushed into the room just in time to keep her from attacking Craig
He held her and took her sobbing out of the room .
Craig looked away, she was right , it was his fault, he should have been able too save Sarah, she was right to blame him , he had killed her daughter . Maybe she would get what she wanted , taking convicts to Germany and hoping that they wouldn't shoot him the first chance they got was a tall order, and at this moment he was hoping that they would do just that. He knew it was the only way he would rid himself of the guilt he was feeling. He had lost everything, not just Sarah , but Catherine too, for he knew she would never forgive him, He had lost the one person that had really cared whether he lived or died , and now he knew he was alone. Everything that mattered to him had gone, and understood then how much he needed the love she had given him. The tears began to flow again, and this time not just for Sarah, but for the family that he would never have again. Maybe going back to the States was the best thing he could do for her now. Give her time to grieve without him reminding her everyday of what she had lost, what he had taken from her. It wasn't as if he had any choice, he had to go where the army sent him, do what they ordered him to do .All he could do was work the cons hard and hope that this would be enough to get him through the grief, hope that the work would fill some of the void that going away from her would leave inside him . Hope that some day if he could stay alive long enough she would find it in her heart to forgive him.
Peter found that Catherine had no other family but Craig and hearing his name brought on the hysteria again, so all he could do was keep them apart. He blamed himself for her outburst , as he had not realized she was awake, and he knew that the last thing the Lt. needed was to be blamed for something that he already felt responsible for. She was shaking with emotion when he took her back to her room ,and he had sedated her again until he decided what was best too do. He definitely couldn't send her home alone, and with no-one to take care of her he didn't think much of her chances of survival. He knew that she was falling into a deep depression and as far as she was concerned she had lost all that mattered in her life.
He knew he should put her in a hospital that would take care of her needs , but, some how it just didn't seem to be the right thing to do. He felt she needed more , but he didn't quite know what to do for the best. She needed someone to take special care of her, and at that moment he had no idea who that person was.
He was doing his rounds later that morning when he remembered Mary. She was visiting the soldiers who had no family in England , and were glad of some one to spend time with them. She had lost two sons to the war and the hospital visits had helped not only the soldiers but her too. It had given her a purpose in her life and had helped her through the grief she had felt. She was one of the few people in the hospital that called him Peter, she said that she was old enough to be his mother anyway and doctor sounded so formal when they weren't in the wards dealing with the patients. He had smiled at that and he had found that Mary was one of the most trustworthy people he had ever met. He had talked to her about patients problems sometimes and her clear thinking had most times come up a solution that hadn't occurred to him , but as an afterthought seemed so simple, so it seemed totally reasonable to talk to her about Catherine and Craig Garrison and the problem he had.
He found her in one of the wards,
`Mary `, he called, `Need to talk to you if you can spare a minute`, he said
Mary smiled ,` For you Doc I'll make time.` she said
He led her into his office, poured the coffee and gestured for her to sit down.
`I have a big problem Mary, and to be honest I don't know what to do for the best.
He told her about Catherine and the outburst earlier that morning.
`I need to get her away from the hospital , but I need someone to take care of her , She has lost a husband a daughter in the space of three months and if we're not careful I think we may lose her too. As far as she is concerned she has nothing in the world left to live for. So if you have any ideas I'll be only too glad to hear them,` he said.
`The solution is obvious`, she told him, `I 'll take her home with me. I know how she feels , how much it hurts to lose a child , and I think that is something she needs right now ,
`Do you know what you're taking on? He asked, `This is not going to be easy , you do know that? He asked her
`Do you really think that sending her to a hospital that will give her drugs to keep her quiet is the answer `, she asked, ``Because I don't.
She needs help now , and I think I can give her that help, At least let me try Peter , you can always resort to the hospital if she doesn't improve , now can't you? She asked
`I'll tell you what `, he said, `Try for a week I'll come every day to check up on her and we'll see how things work out, ok? he asked
`Right you are`, she said `Now where is she , and I'll go and meet her and tell her what's happening , ` she said
`I'll show you`, he said ,`and Mary thank you, I really think you're the only hope she's got.
`Well we'll soon find out won't we? She asked him . And he led the way to Catherine's room.
Mary took her home that afternoon, put her to bed and let her sleep until the nightmares woke her, and then sat on the edge of the bed and held her, rocking her gently.
`I know you don't believe me now, but it will get better with time`, she said gently. `I know it hurts, rips out your heart, just take it a day at a time , I'll be here whenever you need me, and believe me I do understand, lost two sons, thought the world had ended. ` she said
Catherine said nothing, just sat and let Mary hold her. Bill looked in the room and asked
`You all right love? You need anything?
Mary smiled sadly at him, and shook her head.
`No , we're doing fine , we just need to sit for a while dear that's all, you remember how it was, don't you? She asked her husband.
He nodded , `Only to well`, he said ,` call if you need anything for her , I'll stay in the house until you're sure she's all right ,` he said.
`Thank you dear`, she said and watched leave , never letting go of Catherine.
Suddenly and without warning the tears began to flow, quickly turning into uncontrollable sobs. Mary held her tighter ,
`That's it love , you cry for them, it's what you need right now, You can start to heal then,` she said quietly Mary rocked her gently and gradually Catherine's arms wrapped round her and she held her as if she was afraid to let go.
`That's right love , you hold on to me, tight as you like, I'll be her as long as you need me`, she said
As the sobs eventually subsided , she felt Catherine get heavier in her arms as exhaustion finally overtook her. Bill walked quietly over to them.
`Here love let me take her , you've done enough for now`, he said as he gently laid Catherine back on the bed.
He turned and saw tears in Mary's eyes,
`Now now what's this for? He asked as he handed her his handkerchief.
`I was just thinking, she's lost everything, how do we make her want to live ? We've nothing to offer her , I at least had you `, she said hugging him
`We stay with her ,teach her that she's not the only one alone because of this war, be there when she needs us , she has to do the rest herself, and if she doesn't , then there is nothing we can do about that, Now come on let's you and me have a nice cup of tea, and let her sleep, shall we? He asked , and taking his wife by the arm gently led her from the room.
Mary sat with Catherine two days later fearing the subject she had to broach with her
`Catherine love, have you had any thought about Sarah's funeral, ? She asked gently.
Catherine looked at her and answered more calmly than Mary liked .
`I'll bury her with David , they should be together , don't you think? She asked
`I think that's a good idea love , shall I make the arrangements for you? Would that be all right ? She asked her,
`Whatever you think is best `. She said
`Right then, and I'll contact the Lt. and tell him the details`. she said.
Catherine reacted with more anger than Mary had seen in a long time.
`Don't you tell that murdering bastard anything, he has no right to be anywhere near my daughter , don't you tell him, you hear, don't you dare let him near her .`she cried hysterically
`All right dear, if that's what you want`. She said
She handed Catherine one of the sedatives Peter had left for her , `Now take this and we'll talk no more about him ok? She asked.
She dutifully swallowed the pill and Mary led her back to the bedroom and tucked her into bed,
`Now you get some rest, there's a good girl `. She sat with her until she was asleep and then went to find Bill in the kitchen.
`What was that all about? he asked
`I mentioned telling her Lt. about the funeral, she went crazy, ` she said `Think I'll go and see him at the hospital, ask him to stay away , would probably be better for all concerned. You be all right taking care of her for a while ?
`If you've given her one of those knock out drops Peter gave you for her she'll likely still be sleeping when you get back , but I'll stay just in case ok?
Mary kissed him , `Don't know what I'd do without you`, she said
`Love you too sweetheart`, he replied ,`Now go , get things sorted out, all right .
She kissed him once again before heading out to the hospital to find the monster that Catherine felt responsible for her daughter's death