Blind Faith

Butterfly Psyche

Disclaimer

Chapter one

Someone asked me the other day whether Kai preferred boys or girls. I was standing next to Rei at the time, holding that icy glass of lemon mulch in that hot arid room, listening to the pulsing beat of the background music drilling a hole through my skull, (I've never been one for rap, call me whatever you want but it just does nothing for me) and somehow, for some reason, the question really bothered me.

I've known Kai for about- what? Five years now? It never really entered my mind that he preferred any sort of gender, hell, it wasn't so much the question, more of the shocking reality that in my mind Kai wasn't into anything at all. Some how my image of Kai never included his personal life- sure, he obviously must have one, I mean look at the guy, dark hair, smooth skin, beautiful mouth, gorgeous intense eyes and a youthful body to match. He knows he's stunning too, he's not stupid, but he doesn't particularly care either. People will stop, turn and stare when he comes in a room, silence quickly descending on all of the inhabitants.

But the most he ever does is raise an eyebrow and shrug his shoulders nonchalantly with an amused expression lingering in the sparkling intensity of his eyes.

I stood for a moment, with the lemon drink half way to my mouth, lost for words as I grappled with this insane concept of Kai; a Kai I had never seen before.

The funny thing about Kai and me, (me being of course Tyson Granger) is that despite all the disputes and spat's we always end up having, somehow, inevitably Max always says, end up being drawn back together closer then before. The thing is I like Kai, not always, when I first met him I thought he was a jerk, and an arrogant one at that to, and to some extent he still is, he always will be- it's inbred I suppose, something about class systems and rules or hierarchy that I simply don't understand.

But I really do admire him, his integrity if you will, and that solid determination to get what he wants, in a funny way you can always depend on him to be there when you really need him. I guess I like that, the older we got, the closer we became. It's always Kai and Tyson now, never Tyson and Kai, but always Kai and Tyson, as if that proves some point- I don't know when it happened, or when I got so comfortable being around him. I learnt after a while, that he doesn't always talk with his mouth, Kai Hiwatari has a silent language that he expresses through a slight tilt of the head, a narrowing of the eyes or simply the way in which he might lean against the wall, as if to say "Oh really?".

"Which does he prefer?" the young female pestered, her face blushing slightly, although that may have been due to the heat of the air, or whether or not she was embarrassed at airing her own desires. I remember looking at Rei, who was looking at me with his yellow cat like eyes, a rather interested expression darting across his mouth, as though examining my reaction to confirm some sort of suspicion.

"Does he like guy's?" she continued, pressing herself closer to me as a wave of movement caught up on the dance floor, the music raised in volume and tempo and I found myself blinking my thoughts into focus again.

"Why are you-?"

She looked at me desperately; she was a pretty little thing, long waist length red hair and grey eyes, with a petite figure and beautifully shaped hands.

"I've been trying all night to find out if he likes me," she wrung her hands in frustration about her chest; I should of guessed, welcome to the thronging hordes of Kai Hiwatari admirers.

"He told me to ask you."

"Ask me what?"

She flushed deeper, her skin matching the flaming crimson of her long hair, "To ask you who he likes."

"How the hell should I know?" I shouted suddenly and very angrily, the girl looked at me, her grey eyes large and repentant, Rei was looking at me again from the corner of his eyes, I disliked that look, it was the 'I knew it look.'

"Jesus, those stupid, bloody games!" I snarled, thrusting my drink at Rei and storming through the throng of people to find Kai; screw this, I thought. This was one of those sorts of things I tried to keep separate in my mind, the part of me that realised inherently that Kai must kiss other people and well, do- things with them. But it wasn't something I actively thought of; it wasn't jealousy so much, more of a sort of wrongness, that Kai, my Kai just was there solely and purposefully for me- he didn't have an independent life away from me. We'd grown up together, fallen apart, been brought back closer together, closer then with anyone else, and yet here he was actively flouting this other self directly before me for all eyes to see. You know something? I really bugged me.

Perhaps, I thought, shouldering my way through the mass of unified movement, I was glad Kai had never invested in a long term relationship with someone else, eyes flicker from me to him, when we're together, I know he really doesn't seem like the laughing type, but Kai has one of those charming rare smiles that makes you feel like you are the only person in existence. I told him so once, and he just shrugged his shoulders in his faded leather jacket and told me, "Some people don't make me feel like smiling." Was his simple reply, there was a silence after he spoke, where he placed both hands in his pockets, I felt rather peculiar after he said that, and upon turning my head I noticed he was looking at me from beneath his incredibly long vulnerable lashes.

"Do you think I should smile more Tyson?"

Why does he always ask me things like this? As if I should have the answer, I can't even solve the questions I give myself, let alone answer all of his, and he asks me the oddest things sometimes, like, if I were to die tomorrow, what would I do with the last day I had- or do you believe in love at first sight, or even is there such as thing as a person you would die for. It's at times like these when he looks at me, strangely defenceless beneath feathery lashes, dark hair falling into intense eyes, his mouth slightly parted as if he's holding his breath for the answer, or trying not to breathe. I never quite know what he's thinking, I spend a lot of time looking for the answer, finding no words and then saying something stupid, and incoherent, and he always looks disappointed when I say it, even though I truly mean to help, he gets a peculiarly wounded look dipping through his eyes and then turns away. And I hate myself for that- truly, I really, really do.

And yet recently, he's been playing more of those games, yet in different ways, he doesn't say them anymore, other people do, the words fall from other people's lips- I know he's put the thought there, and it's lingered in their mind, festering and growing into a burning question that sears across their conscious thought. If he wants to stick his tongue down another person's throat then fine, do what you like Kai. I thought heatedly, as someone's torso collided with my back sending me tumbling towards the nearby wall, but don't drag me into it to; I don't want to know.

I spot him suddenly, in amongst a crowd of youths, centre of attention, regally so, arms folded, relaxed customary half amused expression sprawling over his lips.

His eyes flicker to mine and he gets that habitual half smile, like he's expected me, and I feel myself steam within my clothes, how dare he? How dare he treat me like this? Like some door mat to be stepped all over! That he can control and get to do what he wants even when I don't know what I'm doing or want to do is what he wants to do. Just thinking about the circle makes me livid.

"Kai!" I begin, shouting over the drum beat, he smiles fully now seeing the fury in my eyes and the youths glistening eyes all turn in my direction, I can see resentment and contempt on some of their faces, young girls and older men, and especially evocative youthful female reduces her mouth to a thin line of dislike.

"What took you?" he asked in smooth undertones, reaching out and taking my hand so he can pull me closer, he kisses me briefly on the lips as he always does, it's more of a conformation of property, Hillary once said to me in passing as she, Kenny and Max conversed at the oddity of Kai's regular greeting techniques when it came to Tyson.

'A formality,' as both she and Kenny had put it, 'like a hug to confirm your friendship, except more physically aggressive.'

Whatever it was it was hardly making me anymore popular, the girl with the compacted lips was glaring at me so hard I was sure my skull must be melting.

There was no tongue involved, but I did feel momentarily breathless as he drew away, linking his fingers through mine, I didn't really hear what it was that he said to the horde about him, but soon enough he was pulling gently and yet firmly at my arm as he cut a swathe through the crowd and headed towards the door.

It was only when we were both outside in the hallway going down the spiralling stair case that I stopped, my mind suddenly clicking from where ever it had been into reality, and I snatched my hand from his, and snapped "What the hell are you doing?"

Kai leaned against the banister, looking at me, his eyes glittering in the flickering hall light, "Didn't you want to go?" he questioned softly, "You weren't enjoying yourself at all, I could tell from thirty feet away."

I opened my mouth, floundered for words and then shut it again, wishing I could severely reprimand him for being so presumptuous and yet knowing he was right.

"I was-" I began knowing the blatancy of the lie, Kai actually laughed at me then, bracing both of his hands on the rail and tilting back his head so the under skin of his creamy neck was exposed to the limn shadows.

"You hate rap, you get drunk far to easily, and you're hot." He paused, "which always makes you irritable."

"I am not irritable!" I retorted ardently, only proving his point further as I blushed stupidly for words.

"Hrn," he replied, walking slowly down the stair, "besides it was no fun anyway, the people were all boring, didn't know how to dance."

"Did you dance with that red head?" I asked heatedly, coming after him, he gave me a brief glance over his shoulder and continued to descend without answering.

I followed after him.

"I said: Did you dance with her?"

"Yes."

"Oh." I don't know why, but it startled me somewhat, for him just to admit something like that so loosely, I know it sounds so simple, so innocent maybe, but I understood why it was now that girl had looked at me so frantically, twisting her hands over and over again. It's just- Kai- well to say he's a good dancer might be somewhat of an understatement, he sort of feels the music, the rhythm and the pulse, and he flows with it; heavy lidded, hips with your hips, arms against your arms, and then his torso twisting back and forth with pure sound as sinews in flesh.

It's sensual, a really corporeal way of dancing.

"Why did you ask her to tell me that?" I blurted out suddenly, he stopped by the glass front door of the building and looked up, his gaze so intense that I felt slightly afraid, like I'd hit a raw nerve.

"Boys or girls?" he said quietly, the door swung on its hinges but he didn't seem to notice."

"It depends on the person you are with, both are different…you know."

There was a pause in which neither of us spoke.

"Tyson, does that bother you?"

I admit here, I seemed to have lost my voice, I moved quickly past him and into the bracing night air of the concrete car park, where I stood shivering, my teeth chattering painfully inside my cheeks as I kept biting down on the question that was springing up in my mind.

Kai shrugged the jacket from his shoulders and threw it over to me; I caught it fumblingly with trembling hands as he produce a set of car keys from his back pocket.

"Hey, lets do something fun." I nodded numbly, it always ended up like this, and somehow I never questioned it, I always enjoyed myself more when I was alone with Kai then with anyone else.

"Somewhere warm p-preferably." I stuttered, Kai smirked and gave me a fringed side look, "If it's with me, you know it's gonna be hot."

I smiled, and shook my head, anything I thought, rather then this burning sensation gnawing at the pit of my stomach- and wondering what it was that it bothered me so very very much.

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