Disclaimer: I am not the owner of any of the Harry Potter characters, and I am not making any money from this. I am only writing this for my own enjoyment.

I start with no dear, I think you know that you are more than that to me.

I sit in the dark garden, finding comfort in the clouded night. The storm is my beloved tonight as you won't fill that position. My days and all that has happened during my years here, has turned into suffocating pain.

As you have neglected me and humiliated me to the core, I have bowed to you as if you were my master and swallowed my tears.

I buy and I buy things to fill the space were something, someone should be. Today I redecorated my bedroom. I striped it of all things until there was only the hard floor left to sleep on.

I can't sleep, I can't stay awake. I upset people around me for even their breathing is enough to anger me. I can't write, I can't cry or shout and I can't run away when I most need it. Even thou you don't realize it, your keeping me locked to this place, this convent of wretchedness.

I want to leave this place, I want to leave you and yet I can't. It is hard to leave someone you need to survive. If I stay thou, will I be a living dead, a shell, walking the streets?

I will try to leave now, in the emptiness of the dark.

Please don't try and find me only to still your felling of guilt, I don't want your pity, mine is enough.

I won't take anything with me, all that you once gave me is lying in the wrapped box in your room. I give it back as it was once given to me, I find it fitting and will perhaps make you wryly smile, though it made me cry.

I want you so much it hurt me inside, I want to scream out in agony but no sound is passing my lips as I'm biting them so hard together that the bleed. It doesn't matter if all my blood seeps away, my heart is no longer beating, it's broken.

I wish it was broken, maybe then it would stop hurting.

Why couldn't you have stayed mean so I could have hated you, instead you were nice, gave me little smiles that made my walls crumble, made me like you and imagine that you liked me too. I started to notice you, started to think that you looked for me amongst the many people surrounding me.

I tried not to get hurt but I will get hurt no matter what happens. If you don't like me than I will get hurt because I think I love you and if you do like me, well then perhaps we will be together for a while and then you will get bored with me and cut me lose and I will shatter like a shell against the hard mountainfloor.

We are so different and yet I want you, for every selfish reason there is, I want you. I like to think that we are each others ways but it may be the via dolorosa, the painful way, that we will walk.

Would you be scared if I said that I love you? Would I be scared? I think I already am scared. I want you in my life. The funny part is that I don't find you the most attractive man on the earth, I don't find that your smell is the best I ever felt and you are in reality much to old for me. Yet when I look into your eyes my heart leaps and my breath comes in short gasps. I love you and if you don't love me I think my world has come to an end.

Is it better to not know and hope, then to know and despair?

You know, ignorance is bliss and I'm a coward, so as you are reading this, I am on my way gone. I'll be somewhere, trying to survive, trying to heal. When you are standing were I once was, all that will be left for you to grasp is this, once ours,

empty,

empty garden.

I am sadly yours until the end.

Love