"You little fucker… just… come on…" – Sirius grumbled as he tried to reach and pull out a doxy from the old piano, bare handed, not caring about the little creature could easily bite him. Cleaning the house at the Grimmauld Place seemed like a never ending mission, but at least, sometimes it helped him to distract his thoughts.
He straightened up and let out a loud, long sigh in defeat.
"Is it possible to uproot them all? Last night I found three in my bed."
Sirius snapped his head up, seeing Remus was standing nearby, leaning against the doorway with his hands in his pockets. "No," Sirius replied, bending down again to the piano, with a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. "Guess you need to stay in my bed, then. It's safer."
"Not necessary. There are a lot of empty rooms in this house, but thank you," Remus said, causing Sirius to shot a short glance at him with narrowed eyes, still smiling smugly.
"Are you going to play?" Remus asked as Sirius still tried to pull the tiny beasts out from the piano.
"I don't think I could anymore."
He finally caught two doxies at a time; he threw one of them into a huge bag, but the other one escaped and flew out from the living room. Remus drew out his wand, but Sirius stopped him. "Leave it. Dung is in the kitchen, let him deal with it."
Remus closed his eyes and let out a low chuckle, but did nothing about it. He watched in silence as Sirius tried to tune the instrument; old memories filled his mind, things that Sirius was thinking about too.
"Come on, Moony," Sirius panted as he nearly dragged his friend all the way through the long, dark tunnel, leading to the Shrieking Shack. "We're almost there." James and Peter were still trapped in detention with McGonagall, but Remus knew there wasn't much time to loose. Some cycle was worse than the others, some came almost without any pain, but Sirius understood this night will be dreadful for Remus. He realized that when they were still five days far away from the full moon, but Remus' limbs already started to hurt. He realized today, an hour before they arrived to the abandoned house, when he could barely stand on his feet and he was sure if they won't leave the castle immediately, they won't be able to do it later.
Sirius dropped Remus onto the bed with a growl before he transformed into his animagus form and curled up next to him, resting his head on his lap. Because somehow it was something that always could calm his nerves down, and it helped now too, as he was lying there with closed eyes, his hand brushing through the dark fur on Padfoot's head.
But this time Sirius couldn't take it for so long as he usually did. Remus tried to stay in silence, but the burning pain under his skin made him lost his composure. He made painful whimpers and low, restrained growls involuntarily, no matter how much he tried to swallow them back.
Padfoot whined and jumped down from the bed. It made his heart ache; hearing these sounds coming from Remus, his short, ragged breaths, knowing it meant his pain was much bigger than usual. He paced around the room – as Sirius now – tapped his knuckles against the wall, whishing the time could flow faster. He sat down by the piano and hit some random keys on it, just to muffle the heart-breaking noises. His fingers quickly found the rhythm, and soon he was playing chords and melodies; only Remus' low chuckles made him stop.
"I didn't know you can play," he said in surprise, eyes still closed.
"My parents forced me to take lessons," he replied bitterly. "It gave my mother a huge pleasure, seeing how much I hated it."
With all of his remained energy, Remus elbowed himself to a sitting position, resting his back against the headboard. "Hate it or not, you must admit you're really good at it."
Sirius let out a slight smile which was more like a grimace, but he turned back to the piano, and not exactly understanding why, but he started to play again.
As he finished the song, he noticed the lack of sounds immediately. Not the tunes he played, but Remus' whimpers died away and his chest was raising and falling steadily, with only soft hums leaving his lips.
Sirius was astonished. He couldn't admit to himself, he couldn't believe that this was his doing, that he could achieve something that no potions or herbs could before. He couldn't take his eyes off Remus for minutes, until the door burst open as James and Peter arrived.
One month later they left earlier again. "It's safer to sneak out if we go separately," Sirius said as an excuse, though no one really asked him why he wanted to go with him alone. Remus bowed his head in the attempt to hide the light blush that flooded up on his cheeks, while Peter looked at James questioningly, who only shrugged with a knowing smile.
"Will you play for me again?" Remus asked in a teasing voice, biting back a smile. He looked and felt exhausted, but it was nothing compared what happened with him during the past full moon.
"No," Sirius said with narrowed eyes, stopping in the middle of the room in the Shrieking Shack. "That was one, special occasion. Sorry Moony, but don't get used to it," he didn't break the eye contact, a lopsided smirk hiding at the corner of his lips.
Remus let out a laugh, but in the next moment he stopped, placing his hand on his aching ribs. Sirius' smile vanished too, and she swallowed hard before stepped closer, put his hand on Remus' shoulder and led him closer to the bed.
Sirius didn't play that night. Not like he didn't want to – he wanted it so much, he considered several times to jump up and go, and he couldn't understand why. It was something he always hated; despised even, like everything else what his parents wanted him to do.
He even made a half-movement with his body as he almost went towards the piano, but stopped and turned to the window instead. He couldn't do it, not when Remus already knew that Sirius always hated it; what he would think?
But another month passed and Sirius didn't care what anyone think. Not when it was one of those nights again when Remus looked like someone who hadn't slept in weeks, someone with the worst fever, someone who looked so fragile, like his bones could break into pieces if anyone would touch him.
Without saying a word, he started to play, and this was the first time in his life when he didn't wish he could stop. No one forced him now, and knowing there was even the smallest chance to make Remus feel better, he'd played even if he'd rather wanted to stop. But now, he loved every second of it.
"It was beautiful," Remus said, his voice weak.
Sirius still looked the keys, smiling to himself. "It's called the 'Moonlight Sonata'," he said, looking towards the bed with a smug smile on his lips.
Remus couldn't help but let out a short, painful laugh. "Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Nope," Sirius chimed, playing a short chord.
"Great," Remus chuckled again. "Wonderful."
Sirius raised his head up. "What's your problem, Moony? You said it was beautiful," he mimicked his friend's voice, but jumped up in the next moment as he saw Remus was slowly standing up. "Lie back down, what are you doing? You need to rest!"
But Remus only waved his hand, walking towards Sirius faster than he thought he could. "I'm fine," he gasped out, as the little stroll take out all of his energy. He pulled a chair with himself too, and collapsed on it, letting out a weary sigh. He looked up at Sirius then, who watched him with concerned eyes. "Just wanna see you play."
Sirius clenched his jaw, fighting an internal battle with himself about what he should do before he slowly sat back down and started to play. Remus needed to try really hard to keep his eyes open, but it worth it. He couldn't look away.
It was the first time when after an all-night run they returned back not to the castle, but the Shrieking Shack – at least Remus and Sirius. The latter murmured some excuse again, "just look at how miserable he looks, ugh, and so tired, can't really move, you just go I'll stay," but once again, James let out a knowing smile and now Peter stopped looking so lost about it too.
Sirius slowly and carefully crawled into the bed next to Remus, scared about he'd hurt him as the mattress moved under his weight. He felt himself exhausted too, but hasn't even crossed his mind to whine about it. "How are you feeling? Do you need anything?"
"I'm good," Remus replied in a low voice, eyes closed. "Why are we here?"
Sirius' lips parted and suddenly, he felt nervous, unable to think any reason what could actually make sense. "Well, I just thought… you looked really tired and I thought we could stay here for a couple hours longer until…"
"I looked worse, you know that," Remus cut him off, but opened his eyes and turned his head towards Sirius with a smile.
"Okay, if you want to leave, then…" he started, sitting up on the bed, but Remus grasped his arm and tugged on it, trying to pull him back.
He didn't really need to ask before Sirius fell back on the sheets, Remus still smiling at him, his hands not leaving his arm. "Just stay here Pads, alright?"
Sirius didn't answer but crawled a bit closer, and as he did, Remus' hand slipped from his arm to his back, lazily resting it around him. With another sudden idea, while he couldn't even take a breath, Sirius snuggled closer once again, closing the gap between them and locked him into a soft hug. His heart was banging against his ribs so hardly he was entirely sure Remus could feel it too as his head was pressed against Sirius' chest, but now, he didn't care. No, he wanted him to hear it, to feel it, to feel everything that he felt in that moment.
Sirius tried to play something nice. He really tried, but it seemed his fingers couldn't work anymore the way they used to be. Or was it his head? He angrily slammed his fist on the keys; the piano gave deep, eerie sound as he said, "See? I said I can't do this anymore." One more thing that Azkaban deprived me of, he thought bitterly while Remus pulled a chair closer and sat down next to him. He took one of his hands into his.
"You don't have to do it if you don't want to."
"That's the problem, Moony," Sirius said angrily, jerking his hand away from him. "I want to. From the day I first played to you, it's something I really enjoy to do. But now… I just can't do it anymore."
Remus watched him in silence, his eyes in pain; he wasn't sure at all he'll ever see Sirius content or happy. Despite of this, he wanted to do everything to make him feel better, like Sirius used to make him ages ago.
"You just need some time."
But Sirius only snorted. "Time, sure. Why is that even so important to you?"
"I want to help you," Remus said as he leaned closer, and a moment later they found no space between themselves as Sirius closed the gap; their lips moving in a perfect synchronization, like old lovers. It was more than a decade ago when they last kissed; still, they couldn't forget the feeling of their lips against each other.
They pulled back slightly, and when Sirius opened his grey eyes, Remus could see as there were no marks of anger in them anymore.
"Let me help you," he said with his hand on his face, and Sirius nodded before his forehead fall on Remus' shoulder. It wasn't about music anymore. They needed to forget, to forgive, they needed time – but as they have been through so much together, they knew, they honestly knew that they are going to get through this too.