Warnings: vague mentions of child sexual abuse
Note: I kept the "name" of the man mentioned out because this one shot is supposed to be an outlet for me to release my emotions on my own experience with this kind of abuse. If you are a CSA survivor and are reading this, proceed with caution.
Summary: Callie has become somewhat obsessed with finding someone who hurt her years ago. Stef knows something is up but doesn't want to confront her in front of the family. So what happens when Stef finds Callie downstairs at 2am on her computer?
Dinner at the Adams-Foster home is a loud event. Everyone is talking over one another trying to get in their two cents about their day while fighting over food and space. Mariana is ranting about a girl in her class while Jesus is next to her, making it quite obvious that he didn't care. Stef and Lena are trying to engage in typical Mom Talk while also paying attention to Mariana's story. Brandon is relatively quiet, chiming in here and there, but mostly focusing on his music that he brought to the table. Jude is entertaining Mariana's story, giving her his undivided attention.
All in all, it's a loud event.
The eldest daughter is quiet all throughout dinner and picking at her food. She's always been a quiet girl, but even then, she, like Brandon, would chime in now and again. So the complete silence from the young girl is concerning Stef. Thankful that they sit next to each other, Stef reaches over and places her hand on Callie's knee, getting her attention.
"You alright, my love?" she asks quietly as to not draw attention toward her daughter, which would make her close in on herself even more so than right now.
Callie is startled from her daydream and offers her mother a weak smile and a nod after registering the question. "Yeah, just a small headache," she fibs, hoping her mother buys into the lie but not counting on it. Her already weak composure almost shatters as she looks into her mother's blue eyes that shimmer with love.
A few red flags go up in Stef's mind. Firstly, Callie isn't prone to headaches. If something is hurting, it's usually her stomach. Second, even if it was a headache, Callie knows that eating would make her feel better. However, a bustling table is not the place to confront the lie, so Stef lets it go for now.
"Eat, love. It'll help," she suggests, patting Callie's knee before pulling her hand away and turning back to her Mom Talk with Lena.
To appease her mother, Callie forces herself to eat half of her meal, each bite threatening to force its way back up. The nerves in her stomach make it hard to focus on anything but the trigger for her current bout of anxiety.
Soon enough, dinner is over and everyone parts ways to return to their tasks. Not waiting to see if her mothers are going to ask questions, Callie rushes up the stairs and into her and Mariana's shared room. She grabs her laptop and pulls up Google, typing in the name that she knows by heart. She scrolls through hundreds of names for hours, her stomach dropping with every picture she sees that isn't him.
What seems to be minutes later, she hears the bedroom door open and looks up to see Stef, who is looking at her with the same concerned expression as earlier. However, with Mariana now in the room getting ready for bed, she knows she won't get an answer from Callie. Instead, she tries the casual route.
"Whatcha looking up, Cal?" she hums in amusement as she leans against the doorframe, watching her daughter carefully for any abnormal reactions.
Ever the quick thinker, it only takes Callie a second to come up with an appropriate lie. "Just some research for an assignment."
Stef narrows her eyes at Callie and gives her an "Uh-huh," that carries a tone of disbelief. She doesn't believe Callie for one minute but is willing to overlook it for now. "Well, don't stay up too late."
Callie nods and turns back to her laptop, her eyes skimming over the names on the screen. Mariana climbs into bed and makes herself comfortable.
"Goodnight, my babies. I love you."
"Love you, too," both girls say in unison, already sidetracked by either sleep or electronics. Stef shakes her head in amusement and closes the door.
Once she is sure Stef is out of earshot, Mariana sits up and gives her sister an inquisitive look. "I know you're not doing research, Callie."
Callie heaves a sigh and spares a glance at her sister. "Don't worry about it," she says, her voice carrying a tone of finality. She cannot afford anyone in this house finding out what she's doing.
Mariana pouts and huffs dramatically. "You know, I've done this before. Are you looking for someone? Because if you are, I've been-"
"I said don't worry about it, Mariana!" Callie snaps, then immediately feels bad. Mariana is only trying to help because she's done this before and knows the consequences. "I'm sorry," she mumbles after a moment, closing her eyes and rubbing her hand over her face. "I just don't want you worrying. This is something I have to do." Before Mariana can ask, Callie tacks on, "I'm okay," for good measure. "Get some sleep, Mari, okay?"
Still suspicious of her sister's odd behavior, Mariana hesitates. However, the exhaustion soon forces her to lay down and close her eyes. "'Night," she murmurs, already half asleep.
"Goodnight." Once she is sure Mariana is out, Callie refocuses her attention on the sea of names, all so similar to one another, but not the one she's looking for. The names start blurring together and here comes an actual headache. Callie spares a glance at the digital clock on her laptop, eyes widening at how much time has passed. It's already almost 2am.
Not wanting to risk waking up her sister, Callie migrates downstairs, praying that she doesn't wake anyone while descending the stairs. She settles on the couch and resumes her searching. She has to find him. She has to. She won't feel safe until she does.
Twenty minutes and five other websites later, Callie has still come up empty. The anxiety is starting to eat at her and she can feel the tears of fear pooling her eyes. Too caught up in her thoughts, she doesn't hear her mother coming down the stairs.
Stef is less than surprised to see her daughter awake at such an hour. It's become their thing, their thing that Stef loves and cherishes despite how unhealthy it is to be awake so early. She sees the laptop open and knows for sure that whatever Callie is "researching," it's definitely not for school.
"Callie?" she calls out in a voice that only a mother can procure. Callie's head snaps up as she gasps, jumping a little in her spot. She tries to recover but it's no use. Stef already knows something is up.
Stef comes to sit beside Callie but doesn't look at the screen yet, hoping Callie will be truthful on her own. "What are you doing? And don't say research for class," she adds on in a stern voice when Callie opens her mouth to answer. Callie glances back at the screen and sighs, shrugging.
Concerned for her daughter, Stef steals a peek at the screen. Alarms go off in her head when she catches the words 'Sex Offender Registry.' She barely has time to react before Callie is slamming her laptop shut.
"Hey," Stef barks quietly yet still firmly, fixing her daughter with The Look. Her initial anger quickly dissipates when Callie lets out a small sniffle and a quiet sob. Moving slowly, Stef takes the laptop and opens it, eyes widening when she sees more details of the site Callie was looking at, her heart shattering when she sees the numerous tabs carrying the same information.
Callie doesn't say anything, just watches as her mother clicks on the Facebook tab. She closes her eyes, preparing herself for the reprimand-
"Oh, honey." She doesn't even have time to react before she feels her mother's arms circling her in a tight embrace. Involuntarily, tears start streaming down the young girl's face, overtired and scared and just sad. Her tears create a wet patch on Stef's shirt, but neither cares. She feels a hand cradle the back of her head and that does it. The sobs she's been holding back come tumbling out as she grips onto her mother for dear life.
"You're okay, baby. You're alright. I've got you," Stef soothes as she stares at the offending computer screen, glaring at the name on it. The name of a man that brought her daughter so much pain, even before foster care. Stef cannot count how many times her daughter has cried over this man alone; how many nightmares she's had of his touch and sleepless nights because she can hear his voice.
Callie just cries and cries. She cries for the little girl who had to grow up too fast. She cries for any other children that have fallen victim to this man. She cries because she feels safe enough to now that her mom is here. She just cries; cries until she feels lighter and more stable.
Sensing that Callie has stopped crying so hard, Stef coaxes her head up and wipes away the stray tears. "Baby girl, why were you-"
"I have to find him." Callie's voice is robotic. It's a stark contrast to the sadness in her eyes. It almost scares Stef until she realizes that this has probably been the mantra for the past few hours.
"Honey-" Stef tries again, only to be interrupted once more.
"I have to find him." Callie reaches for the laptop but Stef quickly moves it so it is out of reach while holding onto her daughter tighter. Callie struggles in her arms, pushing and hitting. "No! Let me go! I have to find him!" she cries, her voice sounding nothing like it did moments ago. Now, it's filled with anguish and frustration.
Unfazed by the pushing and hitting, Stef forces herself to sound relatively calm and soothing. "Why, my love?" She can't bare to see her daughter in so much pain. But this is something that Callie needs to get off her chest.
"I won't feel safe until I find him! Please, you have to let me find him!" Callie continues to thrash around, tears pouring down her face once more.
Stef closes her eyes and tries not to let her emotions get the better of her. She's going to find this man. She's going to hunt down this fucker who impelled so much fear into her daughter.
Eventually, Callie starts to get quieter with her mantra, and she falls limp in Stef's arms, crying once more. She's never going to feel safe until she knows where he is. Stef snaps out of her trance and returns to comforting her daughter.
"You're safe, baby. Mommy's got you." She doesn't tell her to calm down or to stop crying. These are years of pent up emotions coming to the surface. She holds her daughter as she cries, humming a soft tune to soothe her.
After about five minutes, Callie lifts her head once more, trying to move her hair out of her face and growing frustrated when it's sticks to her face and forehead. Stef reaches up and pulls Callie's hand away, fixing the hair while murmuring reassurances.
"I'm scared," Callie whispers, the best she can do with a hoarse voice.
Stef tuts and holds only Callie's face, watching her facial features carefully. "Why?"
"Because I don't know where he is." On instinct, Callie moves her head so she can look at all the windows and doors. Stef gently guides her face back.
"What do you mean, baby?" Stef has a strong feeling she knows exactly what Callie means, but she thinks it'll help for Callie to say it out loud.
"He could be hundreds of miles away, or h-he could be within walking distance," she whimpers, starting to cry once more as the fear settles in again. "W-What if he is near? What if he knows where I am? H-He could hurt me again!" Her chest is heaving now with labored breaths. Stef is already trying to soothe her daughter before she's even done talking.
"Hey. Hey, hey. Callie, look at me. Look at me, baby." Callie does as she's told and she looks at her mother, meeting her eyes which are swimming in love and determination and love and so many more emotions. "I'm never going to let that happen. Okay? Never," she emphasizes, staring into her daughter's scared eyes. "Do you know why?"
Callie sniffles and shakes her head, too caught up in her emotions to think of a possible answer.
Stef smiles and kisses Callie's forehead. "Because you're my baby now. And I protect my babies." Her heart shatters again when Callie inhales sharply as tears pool her eyes once more. How long has she waited to hear those words? "Yeah? You're one of my babies now. They don't call me Mama Tiger for no reason." This draws a smile from her daughter. She'll consider that a win. "Come here," she whispers, pulling Callie into another hug.
Callie lets herself be comforted in her mother's arms. Within minutes, she's falling asleep, smiling as she thinks about a mom tiger protecting her cubs.
Stef kisses the top of Callie's head. When she's sure she's asleep, Stef starts speaking. "He can't hurt you anymore, my love. I'll never let him. You're safe here."