Chapter One: Le Scandale du Jesuis

Tolander Jesweet looked like the kind of play-it-safe guy who would get a job right out of school and stay full tenure working in one position with no desire to advance, even if he were only magi-mopping floors. So, it can be accurately said that it was neither his drive nor his brilliance that landed him the position as Head of the Department of the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, but rather that Tolander was promoted while abroad on holiday in France and was neither informed nor granted opportunity to decline.

Dr. K. Hart, Tolander's predecessor, was in equal measure despised for his grating personality and held in high regard for his rapport with magical monsters. As such, he was left well alone to run his department without much drama. It helped, too, that he was a pragmatic man and knew that, of all the departments in the ministry, his was the surest target to be axed. Everyone knew that Dr. Hart had only been asked to mediate once in all his years at the helm, as the beasts regulated and controlled themselves so long as they were assured adequate grazing areas and replenished prey stock.

The secret to Hart's success with magical beasts was his pedigree. A wizurt himself (or wizspurt if you were a bigoted blood purist), a hybrid wizard and wracksspurt, the beasts regarded him as one of their own, and he remained unregistered by the ministry as wizurts were declared extinct generations ago, long even before Magizoologist Scamander's esteemed tome was published. So it was that Dr. Hart's chair remained unchallenged despite the obvious appeal of a no-responsibilities position-if you were a wizurt at least.

Dr. Hart did not rest on his laurels, however. He took additional measures to ingratiate himself to the ministry lackeys by being rather generous with his budget allowance when other departments were in short supply. They knew a call to Dr. Hart would be sure to get them the funds they needed for whatever pet project they were working on.

And it was that the Department of the Regulation of Control of Magical Creatures routinely received the largest budget award each cycle, and so it was the Dr. Hart was despised, rejected, and left unchallenged for all 25 years of his directorship.

Sadly, it was during an annual physical exam that Dr. Hart was diagnosed with the fatal and fast-acting Snaugasaurous Spotted Fever, which is a misnomer in that it is actually a curse that activates upon diagnoses, rendering the cursed exactly 48 hours to live.

After realizing that the likelihood of finding a replacement for a department most feared joining let alone heading was next to impossible but a top priority lest their hugely popular petty cash arrangement be endangered, the ministry threatened to cancel Dr. Hart's ministry-issued life insurance policy unless he produced a successor, one who would keep the monsters abated AND keep things running per usual. Now, other than his beasts, the only thing Dr. Hart loved in the whole world was his son and sole heir, Harden, who would assuredly need the cash. And it was that Tolander Jesweet, a gentle soul the beasts liked but who appeared easy to manipulate, was appointed to replace Dr. Hart while on holiday in France. (Clarification: Tolander was on holiday in France; Hart was dead).

Tolander's resignation after only three days in the position was met with mixed impression. However, Tolander's reason for resigning met with unanimous stupefaction.

Turns out Tolander was set to resign despite the transfer of power. Tolander revealed at his send-off party that, feeling sufficient time had elapsed, the Jesweets of London, who had most recently convened in Paris, had voted to return to France. The Jesweets were descended from the French Jesuis Wizarding Dynasty (pronounced zyuh-SWEE, awkwardly Anglicized Jesweet), and they had fled centuries prior in the wake of what has come to be known "Le Scandale du Henri Jesuis-Jesuis" (leh SCOND-leh dew ohn-REE zyuh-SWEE zyuh-SWEE).

The Jesuis were once a highly regarded magical family until a long-dead descendant decided to marry her brother (she is long dead now, but was quite alive when they married, as opposed to an earlier scandal referred to as "Espirit (eh-SPREE) de Jesuis-Jesuis" (from a bad English translation), where a living Jesuis married a dead one, rendering the relationship childless, but it was overlooked as there were total 13 children and there was no risk of ending the Jesuis bloodline). Anyway, the most assuredly alive Jesuis-Jesuis' had a son: Henri, referred to as Le Wee Henri Jesuis-Jesuis (le WEE ohn-REE zyuh-SWEE zyuh-SWEE).

Bearing the burden of the scandal, enduring merciless bullying from his peers and ostracization from pureblood society, Henri grew to hate France and the French language (le WEEonREEjehSWEEjeSWEE, mon dieu, bleh, zut!), to hate his mother, and to subsequently hate all women. But Henri got the last laugh. He emigrated to England, became King Henry VIII (awkwardly Anglicized Henry VIII I am-I am) murdered or banished most of his wives, and had a hit song penned in homage.

At this convocation, The Jesuis Family felt it time to return to France to resume rightful management of their many estates, vineyards, vaults, and most especially, Le Lac du Jesuis, where Tolander could microfocus his research on the endangered hydroflora Walrusroot Limpiador de Ventana, "found only in all the world in the Jesuis ancestral "le lac.""

News of such magnitude would overshadow most society stories on even a good news day. No one even KNEW that Tolander came from such a renowned family that convocated ("don't, like, muggle bishops convene?" "My family is pureblood as far as can be tracked, Sacred Twenty Eight, and even WE have never convened-I just go to my parents for dinner every Sunday") or that he was a landed aristocrat, or that he was THEE T. Jesuis (!) cited for his work with the de Ventana in esteemed peer-reviewed academic journals such as "Forbidden and Forsaken Forests and Freshwaters: Flora, Fauna, and Fungi" and the quintessential text used in every wizarding curriculum in Europe, "Herbology: Yesterday, Today, and Some Other Day." And they certainly didn't know that he OWNED the only 'le lac'(insert eye roll, enunciate with exaggerated nasal pretension) whereupon grew the rare and black market sweetheart, the hydroflora de Ventana, which gained notoriety for its properties used in healing, magimetics, epicurean magiscience, and its never-to-be forgotten role in "Le Scandale du Walrusroot et Wrackspurt" of the 1400s that so enraptured Professor Bins that he spent two days lecturing on the subject.

A two-day lecture that would forever change the trajectory of young Tolander's life.

And which brings us to our next point.

No one knew all this.

Save one Person.

And so it was that Tolander concluded his send-off speech:

"I would like to express my sincere gratitude not only for this send off, but also for the opportunity the Ministry has afforded me these few years to work with a tremendous group of people. With that said, we come to the moment we have all been waiting for. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you your newest Head of the Department of the Care and Regulation of Magical Creatures, Miss Hermione Granger!"

Upcoming from Chapter Two:

Hogwarts, Year Six

So it was that Tolander came from likely the most notorious magical family of Europe. He adopted the quiet boy personae as means to draw attention away from himself, which allowed him to sit back and observe. He knew who he was, and he felt no inclination to strut like that Malfoy tosser.

Further, with no expectations placed upon him, he had time to sit back and marvel at that absolute SIREN…