Disclaimer: When I say it's the "final episode", I don't mean it.
It was a slow day, so slow that the police officers of Elwood City thought crime might have taken a holiday.
"This reminds me of March, when the whole city became nice for two weeks," said Officer Pinsky, a shaggy-haired poodle woman, as she paced back and forth in the police headquarters.
Her partner, Officer Jones, sat on a wooden chair, her lanky legs resting on another chair. The uniformed cat woman chuckled at the comic book in her hands.
"What's so funny?" asked Pinsky in an aggravated voice.
"The Fantastic Four," replied Jones with a grin. "They always crack me up."
Pinsky only grunted.
A moment later, two anxious-looking bear people stepped into the reception area. "Pardon me, officers," said the woman. "We have a bit of a problem with…with our children."
Pinsky stood stiffly. Jones lowered her comic book. "Social services, three blocks to the west," said Pinsky glibly.
"No, it's not that," said the man, who was wringing his hands. "Our children are…well, we lost them."
The woman spread out a stack of papers and photographs on the reception desk. "The girl's name is Tegan," she said, her voice quivering. "The boy's name is Alan. According to the birth certificates, Tegan is fourteen and Alan is ten."
Officer Jones rose slowly to her feet. She and her partner stared blankly at Mr. and Mrs. Powers for a second.
"Er, you don't need to show us their birth certificates," said Jones. "But the photos will be very helpful."
"There's more to it than that, officer," said Mr. Powers hesitantly. "We last saw Tegan last month, but we can't remember where she is, or how to get there."
"And Alan…" A tear fell down Mrs. Powers' cheek. "We can't remember Alan at all. We only know he's our son because of the pictures, and the certificate, and…and the report cards. I can't even remember giving birth to him."
Pinsky's ears flopped as she turned to look at Jones.
"We think government agents tampered with our memories as part of a conspiracy involving our children," said Mr. Powers. "Can you help us find them?"
"Uh, government conspiracies are outside of our jurisdiction," said Pinsky. "But we know someone else who can help you."
On a Monday morning in the middle of October, the corridors of Lakewood Elementary were decorated with papers and posters. Some featured a picture of a bear boy and the caption, MISSING: ALAN WAYNE POWERS. Others announced a weekend party in the gymnasium to raise funds for the construction of a new school auditorium.
Many of the children in Mrs. Krantz' fifth-grade class were in a somber mood. "I hope Alan's all right, wherever he is," said Francine to Fern.
"I'm worried about him too," said Fern wistfully.
"I still remember when you kissed him at the Wynton Marsalis concert a year ago," said Francine with a smile. "Do you still like him?"
"That was a year ago," said Fern without emotion.
Muffy walked into the classroom, her lips frozen in a scowl.
"Hey, Arthur," said Buster, "is your dad gonna cater the fund-raiser next week?"
"Nope," Arthur replied. "Mr. Haney said that would a conflict of interest, whatever that is."
Muffy laid her arms on top of her desk and sighed dolefully. Nobody noticed.
"Maybe Alan told Prunella where he was going, but she forgot the next day," Binky theorized.
"The aliens are behind it all," said George. "All of this could've been avoided if you'd listened to my warnings."
"You're a silly goose, George," said Beat.
The kids in Mrs. Krantz' class—Arthur, Francine, Buster, Fern, Zeke, Muffy, Binky, Sue Ellen, Van, and Beat—quickly fell silent when a pair of odd-looking creatures entered the room. One was a girl with pointy yellow hair and round, inquisitive eyes, clad in a red dress and pearl necklace. The other looked more like a walking test tube than a man. He wore thick glasses, pink jeans, a white smock, and a bowtie, and a clump of unruly brown hair sat on his head. Both had only four fingers on each hand.
Even Muffy smiled when she recognized the girl. "It's…it's Lisa Simpson!"
"Lisa who?" was Zeke's response.
"You weren't around," Sue Ellen told him. "She was in our third-grade class for a month."
"Hey, Lisa, welcome back!" Binky called out.
Lisa waved and showed her teeth. "I remember you, Binky. You kicked my brother's butt."
So enthusiastic were the kids' greetings to Lisa that Mrs. Krantz held out her arms to silence them. "Students, we have some special guests from Springfield today," the moose woman announced. "Let's give a warm Elwood City welcome to Lisa Simpson and Professor John Frink, okaaaay?"
The children burst into loud applause. "Quiet, please," said Mrs. Krantz firmly.
Lisa assumed a central position in front of the students, and bashfully put her hands behind her back. "Uh, many of you know me and my brother Bart, because we came to your school two years ago. Now I have a job as a laboratory assistant."
"Cool," Buster blurted out.
"Oh, it's nothing exciting," Lisa went on. "It's mainly just carrying around vats of toxic chemicals, and volunteering for genetic experiments."
"Er, Lisa did not say 'genetic' experiments," the smock-clad man chimed in. "She clearly said 'generic' experiments, in order to express the routine nature of her tasks, with the tube-washing and the note-taking and the coffee-bringing, ng'hoy, glavin."
"Professor Frink is going to explain to you the principle of how a spring works," said Lisa as the bespectacled scientist pulled a Slinky from his smock pocket.
"It's really quite simple," said Frink, bouncing the spring between his hands. "You multiply the spring constant k by the length of the spring x to obtain the magnitude of the force applied by the…hey, this is loads of fun!"
"Can I have a turn?" asked Van.
"I'm afraid not, wheelie-duck," Frink replied. "You can't possibly enjoy it on as many levels as I do, with the hoyven and the glavin…"
"Uh, Professor," said Lisa, "I think the kids would like to hear some hard scientific facts."
"Oh, very well," said Frink, dropping the now-tangled Slinky into his pocket. "There is no God, the universe is a result of blind chance, you all evolved from monkeys, and some of you still look like monkeys. Frink out."
While the professor ducked out of the classroom, Lisa sat down at a desk and shook hands with Arthur and Francine. "I'm glad to finally meet you," Beat whispered to her. "Are the legends of your intelligence true?"
Unseen to them, Professor Frink strolled through the back entrance of the school and stepped behind a nearby bush. Pulling up his smock with one hand, he plucked a cell phone from his belt with the other.
He dialed a number, glancing about to ensure no one was watching. "She's here," he spoke quietly into the phone.
to be continued