Authors note: First fanfic for the site. A friend was talking to me about what happens to your warden if Alistair's not hardened, and you romance him as a mage. Then I saw this comment on some youtube video that was all like "S(he) be(lie)ve(d). S(he's) br(ok)en" And inspiration came to me! :) Hope you all enjoy. Note, this is going through AMELL's view on the whole thing ending, not Alistair's, so pardon if they seem OOC. xD ...Can honestly say... never played as mage. And never romanced Ali as anything other than a noble. XD
She Believed
Damn it, it hurt.
She believed every single word he ever said.
Sometimes, she would tease and joke. But no matter what she did or how she reacted, she believed every single word that ever came out of Alistair Theirin's mouth.
Every single 'I love you' and 'I'll never leave you' was taken to heart, and she fully believed that he truly did love her and would never leave her alone like all the others she had cared about. When he had given her that beautiful rose he picked up at Lothering, her heart skipped a beat even though she mocked him afterwards with cheerful sarcasm that all of her companions had grown accustomed to.
Amell rarely meant what she said, but Alistair… Alistair was honorable. She could trust him.
When she told him she loved him, she meant it completely. With him, she felt whole. She felt like she, a mage, could be free. He made her happy with every word, every touch, and every kiss. His very presence made her feel safe.
But then, once the Landsmeet came around and she put him on the throne…
He lied.
Sometimes, she would tease and joke.
But she always believed every word that came from Alistair Theirin's mouth.
However, every single 'I love you' and 'I'll never leave you' was replaced by 'I care about you' and 'I'd never want to leave you'. And damn it, it hurt. It tore her apart inside how easily he would throw her away like she was an old toy. Everyone but him would see her suffering, and Wynne made a habit to soothe her before she fell asleep each night, after her tears made her eyes puffy and her cheeks red.
Amell rarely meant what she said, but she thought she could trust Alistair.
She wished with all her heart that he would tell her he loved her. That he would hold her close and apologize over and over for crushing her beyond repair. That he would do everything in his power to make things right.
Now she was broken.
During the day, she wouldn't cry. Her smile was easily fabricated, and to the untrained eye would fool anyone. Alistair didn't care enough to notice, or see if she was alright. And she was fine. Broken and dying, but fine.
When Morrighan told her about the ritual, she agreed. Amell had the smallest fear that Alistair might sacrifice himself instead of her, or that if she died he might actually miss her and she couldn't risk that.
The one thing worse than being killed on the inside by the one you love would be to watch the one you love be killed on the outside.
But he was ok.
He was completely and utterly fine.
To him, nothing was wrong. Nothing was out of place. He didn't care for all the 'I love you's and the 'I'll never leave you's.
She believed.
He lied.
She's broken.
He's ok.
And damn it, it hurt.