Good evening, ladies and gents.
It was a dark and stormy night-
(Or a sunny afternoon, whichever you prefer)
-When your beloved author decided that her fans could wait no longer, and that she must turn over a new, wonderful leaf!
In other words…
-ah hem-
DRUMROLL FOR THE NEXT STUPIDEST THING SINCE FRUITS BASKET: THE SHOW….
THE SHOW: NAURTO OF DOOM!
-coughing wildly-
All rights reserved. Brought to you by Emby Corporations Inc. If this offends you, you can bang your head against a freakin' brick wall.
Thank you.
Me: Before I begin, I would like to point out that yes, script format isn't exactly smiled upon, but I don't give a rat's butt and if Fanfiction decided to delete my stories… They would be sued. Capeche? But, anyways… WELCOME TO NARUTO: THE SHOW! Special Edition. My name is Emby, and I'll be your host for the remainder of stupid time today.
Sakura: Run… Run while you still can… -sobbing-
Me: -pleasant smile- Here, we make Naruto characters do things they never should be made to do! Like… Eat bacon, Sakura!
Sakura: No! My low-fat diet! Noooooo!
Me: For those young viewers, I would advise you not to diet. It's not worth it. Do you really want to become this… This thing?
Sakura: I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world! It's fantastic, being plastic! Hey Ken, wanna go for a ride?
Ken: No.
Sakura: -wide eyes- I thought what we had was special!
Ken: -grunts and walks off- You thought wrong. I'm leaving you for Fred and Daphne.
Sakura: -gasp!- But… BUT MY HAIR IS PINK!
Ken: -silence-
Me: Haha. I am the Bunny Highest Priestest, and I say that you're officially stupid.
Sakura: -sobbing-
-rest of cast wanders in sullenly-
Me: Ooh, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today!
Shikamaru: Happy happy joy joy! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! –bouncing-
Temari: Save me from the fangirls! God, save me from this idiot! Save me!
Me: In case you all didn't know, Temari and Shikamaru are having an affair. –smug grin-
A/N: While I'm at it, I'd like to explain a concept that'll be used throughout this lovely fanfiction.
Naruto and Sasuke, sadly, are lovers. Naruto is also Hinata's lover, who is Neji's lover, who is Gaara's lover, who wants to be Naruto's lover but is instead Choji's lover who is Ino's lover who is Sakura's lover who wants to be Sasuke's lover but is instead Shikamaru's lover who is Temari's lover who is also Ino's lover who is raping Naruto who is also raping Akamaru (Yeah, the dog) who is Sasuke's lover who is raping Kakashi. Who is straight but also being raped by Iruka, Gai, and Jiriya who are all lovers of Tsunade who just runs around raping whoever she feels like, i.e. Lee who is also raping Gaara because he wants his eyebrows back, and Gaara's Neji's lover, who is Hinata's cousin who is also
I'll explain more later.
Temari: -rocks back and forth, sobbing- Help… Help me…
Shikamaru: Dee da deed a deed a do do! Dee da dee dee do! Deeda dooda, deeda!
Gaara: I am so angsty and depressed. I cut myself. Tak. I am so angsty and depressed. I am so angsty and depressed.
Lee: -gasp- You took my eyeliner! Give it back!
Gaara: I want my eyebrows. My eyeliner. Get your own box. Leggo my Eggo. My eyeliner. I'm tragically delicious. Give me eyeliner.
Naruto: Sasuke! My love!
Sasuke: I hate you all. I hate the world. I hate my brother. I love you Naruto! –makes out-
Me: I can sense the happiness of all the fangirls…
Fangirls: OMG! OMG! LOOK! THEY'RE KISSING! –some fall over in a dead faint- KODAK MOMENT!
Temari: I want recognition! –makes out with Shikamaru-
Shikamaru: -keeps on dancing to Hamster Dance-
Fangirls: O.O;; That's not as hot as Sasuke and Naruto… BUT IT'S STILL HOT! –camera flashing-
Me: Where has all the rum gone? Why is the rum always gone?
Sakura: You said you didn't drink! Liar!
Me: I don't. But I think I'm going to start…. –looks bleakly around- You would too if you had all the thoughts I think running around in your head.
Sakura: -ignoring, humming Barbie Girl-
Kakashi: -licking Tootsie Pop- Eight hundred and seventy one… Eight hundred and seventy two…
Me: -gasps- It's Kakashi! –pounces-
Kakashi: Eight hundred and seventy eight… Eight hundred and seventy nine… Oh, I lost count. Gotta start over. One. Two.
Me: I want a Death Note. You know, you write people's names in and they keel over dead? I think that'd be pretty funny.
-silence-
Kakashi: Five. Six.
Tsunade: I'm going to rape you! –rapes wall-
Me: That, like, defied gravity. But since I am the almighty authoress/Bunny Highest priestess, I SHALL HAVE A DEATH NOTE!
Kakashi: Eight. Nine. Oops, lost count! Start over again. One. Two.
Me: It will be… A Laugh Note! Yay! –scribbles- Um, okay, let's turn on the Presidental Adress.
-magical t.v. turns on-
Mr. President: I want to tell you all that I love myself, the Vice President, and my wife and kids. The Vice President especially. He was real great when he shot me in the leg and then apologized.
Crowd: -clapping-
Mr. President: My wife's okay, but she's a Hilary Clinton hater and that's not okay. I don't really know my kids, so I can't exactly talk about them. Ooh, ooh! MY SPIDEY SENSES ARE TINGLING!
Crowd: -screaming-
Mr. President: -giggling- The leaders of Iraq and Iran just tried to walk into Target and missed again. –laughing hilariously- Oh, when will they learn!
Crowd: -nervous giggles-
Mr. President: Why aren't you laughing! I said, WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING?! Off with their heads!
Guard: Hup to! Yes sir, yes sir!
Crowd: -silence-
-T.V. flicks off-
Me: This is another example of blind justice. –points at Kakashi-
Kakashi: Just 'cause I have to use Lassy as a seeing eye dog doesn't mean anything. –scowling, gets kissed by Sasuke-
Naruto: Nuu! If we're going to rape Kakashi, it has to be with me!
Fangirls: -freaking out-
Sakura: I want chicken I want liver Meow Mix Meow Mix please deliver!
Me: Oh, I have a cell phone! Verizon. Not Cingular, who raises the bar, but Verizon. Not Vonage, but Verizon. Not Qwest who is also Cingular, but Verizon. VERIZON, YOU HEAR ME?!
Ino: My lip gloss is poppin'.
Akamaru: Woof woof woof! Woof woof woof!
A/N: Translation: This is why I'm hot! This is why I'm hot!
Neji: Fergalicious! It's so delicious!
Me: Soulja Boy, in the hole! Watch me crank and watch me roll!
Jiriya: Damn all these beautiful girls! They'll make you suicidal!
Tsunade: Bad boys bad boys! Whatcha gonna do when they come for you!
Me: Okay, this is getting old. –shakes head- That's what happens when you get exposed to rap. It runs around in your head.
Ino: My lip gloss is still poppin'!
Me: Shut up, will you just shut up! –smacks-
Kakashi: Monty Python… -dreamily ignoring Naruto and Sasuke-
Sasuke: I hate you all.
Naruto: -blinking- Crunchatize me, captain?
St. Patty: You can show me your lucky charms!
Sakura: Will you show me a position?
St. Patty: I'm Irish, I know all positions!
Me: This is so nasty. –shudders-
Hinata: Let me see you one two step!
Me: Really, the song recitation is getting old. At least sing something good. O.o;;
-silence-
-cricket cricket-
Me: Santa Claus is scary. I mean, he sees you when you're sleeping. That counts as creepy. He's a stalker. Scary Scary.
Naruto: C'mmon, Kakashi-sensei, participate!
Me: I'm only thirteen! SHIELD YOUR EYES!
Kakashi: Don't hurt me!
Me: This should be rated higher than teen. O.o;; Because of all the adult references. It was bad enough with Shigure and Ayame, but you all are such… Perverts….
Fangirls: Perverts! Yes! All the way! Take it all off!
Naruto: -stripping-
Me: No! No, no no!
-screen goes black…-
Yep yep.
Chappie one, complete!
Can you make it past level two? Well, we'll see, huh?
Love y'all. To bits and pieces.
"It's Katie!"- Inside joke.
♥♥♥- Emby!
P.S. May the chainsaws be with you.
P.S.S. I am actually the Bunny Highest Priestest. Love to the bunny worshippers!
P.S.S.S. If you want to thank anyone for making me write again, it was the people who said I was their idol, which made me feel all special and stuff. It was awesome. Yay! Hersheys and hugs! ♥♥♥♣