Steve : And now ladies and gentleman, the presidential debate. What you hear today may very well be the deciding factor in who you vote for as ruler of the world and the colonies. Here are the candidates : For the "Omae o Korsou" party, Heero Yuy For the "Fun-and-games" party , Duo Maxwell
For the, the
uh.. the ".........." party , Trowa Barton For the "Winner Industries" party. Quatre Raberba Winner
For the "Justice" party , Wufei Chang
For the "Hippy Pacifist" party , Relena Peacecraft
For the "Blow stuff up and cause war" party, Dorothy Catalonia
and for the,
are you kidding me ? you can't be serious, it is the "Im too sexy for my shirt" party, being represented by Zechs Merquise And now that you know the candidates, lets move on to the debates.
Anonymous Reporter #1 : Mr. Yuy, why should people vote for you ?
Heero : (wearing his usual tank top and shorts) Yes, a good question, although I don't have the leading experience like Ms. Peacecraft, or even Mr. Merquise, I beleive I can sum up why in 6 simple words. "I'll kill you if you don't."
Anonymous Reporter #1 : Im still not voting for you.
BANG !!!
Heero calmly puts his gun back into wherever he keeps it when not pointing it at people.
Heero : Any futher questions ?
none answer Steve : Ok, moving on, Duo Maxwell.
AR #2 : Mr. Maxwell, why should we vote for you ?
Duo : (to save me the trouble, they're all wearing their usual clothes ) Because, if you vote for me, I will institute 'National Goof off and Party day !' Rock On !!
A large chorus of "Yeah's" fill the arena as every teenager and lazy fat guy roar in approval
Steve : whew, this one's still alive. Hey, security ! Get rid of the one Heero already killed ! Ok, next, Trowa Barton.
AR #2 : Mr. Barton. Why should we vote for you ?
Trowa : ................
AR #2 : Excuse me ?
Trowa : .............
AR #2 : Huh ?
Catherine : Ugh, no no no, you get his attention like this. Throws a handful of knives at Trowa. All but one miss.
Trowa : Agh, dammit Catherine, that was my right nut !! Jesus, damn, ouch !
Steve : We'll get back to Trowa on the next question. Guaranteed, no more Clinton scandals if he's elected. Ducks piece of moldy fruit thrown by someone. Uh, Heero, that guy that threw the fruit at me, he said he wasn't going to vote for you.
Heero : Mission Accepted
BANG !!
Steve :heh heh heh. Moving along, Quatre Raberba Winner.
AR #2 : Mr. Winner, why should people vote for you ?
Quatre : puts down his tea and adjusts his tie Because Im rich.
AR #2 : Any other reasons ?
Quatre : shrugs Nope.
Steve : That was certianly fast, well, now we're at Wufei Chang.
AR #2 : Mr. Chang...
Wufei : Don't speak weakling ! I know your weak question, and my answer is that I should be president because I will institute justice !! I have already begun construction on the National Justice Library, the School of Justice , the Justice website www.justice.com/justiceisnataku and the Justice channel, all justice all the time.
Steve : Oookay. Moving along...the Hippy Pacifist party, this should take awhile, I warn all viewers to get comfortable.
AR #2 : Ms. Peace- BANG !!
Heero puts his gun back. Heero : I was getting tired of listening to him.
AR #3 : Ms. Peacecraft, why should we elect you ?
Relena : Well, I was former Queen of the world, I was queen of my own country, and because I will establish pacifism everywhere !! I will destroy all weapons and stop all wars and -- BANG !! Camera moves to Heero, but no smoke is coming from his gun. Camera moves around the room to Dorothy. She is holding a gun.
Heero : Damn, I wanted to shoot her.
Relena : Im fine people, Im okay , just a wound BANG !!
Heero : heh heh heh
Steve : Well, Relena has, um, dropped out of the elections, soo...
AR #3 : Ms. Catalonia....
Dorothy : Hold on a sec please. grabs a rapier out of nowhere and spears Quatre. Quatre : It hurts it hurts. falls over, painfully wounded, but not dead.
Dorothy : Ok, Im ready. I beleive I should be president because I will cause wars, beautiful shiny, pleasant candy-like wars ! I'll start with Switzerland, they've been neutral too long, it will be a beautiful fight, then Ethiopia, then Canada and Mexico.....
Steve : Ok Dorothy, times up. Last but not least, Zechs Merquise.
AR #3 : Mr. Merqui......uh, Mr. Merquise ?
Zechs appears to be zoned out, out of nowhere the 'Macho macho man' music plays. Zechs begins stripdancing, all male members of the audience (including the Gundam Boys and myself) leave the arena. After 8 hours, the screaming of hundreds of horny women begin to quiet down. After another 3 hours, Heero grows impatient and throws a few things of tear-gas inside. 3 more hours and the gas clears out and we continue the debate.
*******************************************************
Steve : Well, now for round two.
AR #3 : Mr. Yuy, what will you do if elected ?
Heero : Kill all pacifists, kill all who piss me off, kill all who don't do what I say.
AR #3 : Mr. Maxwell ?
Duo : Rock on !!!
chorus of yeahs fill the arena as all teenagers and fat lazy people cheer for Duo AR #3 : Mr. Barton ?
Trowa : looks over at Cathy who is sharpening her knives. Ahem, I, well rubs his newly pierced nut For starters, Im going to kill my sister and ban knife throwing.
AR #3 : Mr. Winner ?
Quatre : weakly gets up, keeping a hand over his newly re-opened sword wound I'll give money to all the poor people and still have enough to buy the rest of the countries from the other leaders.
AR #3 : Mr. Chang.
Wufei : I will preach JUSTICE AND NATAKU !! JUSTICE IS GOOD !!!
AR #3 : Ms Peace..oh yeah, Ms. Catalonia ?
Dorothy : I will start wars and take over the world through force, beautiful war !!
AR #3 : Im almost afraid to ask, but, Mr. Merquise ?
Macho Man music starts to play again. Women reach for dollar bills BANG !!!! Heero shot the stereo guy and the stereo.
Zechs : Well, I will make an all me dancing shirtless channel for women, and, uh, I guess that's it. ******************************************************* Steve : Well, we've had a heated debate so far, including 5 civilian casualties, 1 sword wound and one stripdance. Hopefully no more, Heero informed me he's out of tear-gas. Well, now for the third and final round.
AR #3 : Mr. Yuy, who will be your vice-president ?
Heero : I don't need one, nor do I need a congress, or a secretary of state, or an ambassador, speaking of which, do you have the time ?
AR #3 : Why yes, it's 4 in the afternoon, why do you ask ?
Heero : You'll see, 3...2...1..ignition pushes a small red button. The Whit House, the House or Representatives and the Senate all explode in a massive blaze. Mission Complete.
AR #3 : Mr. Maxwell ?
Duo : Ya oughtta know Hilde's gonna be my vice-president, and the first lady. Rock on !!!
Loud chorus of Yeah's as all the teenagers and fat lazy people roar their approval.
AR #3 : Mr. Barton ?
Trowa : Like Heero, I have no vice president. fwapp !! Ah, my other nut !! I...I mean Cathy is my vice-president, medic....
AR #3 : Mr. Winner ?
Quatre : I'll have one of my sister's be the vice-president.
AR #3 : Mr. Chang ?
Wufei : JUSTICE !!! Justice will be my vice-president, Justice and Nataku will be my entire Congress of Justice !!
AR #3 : Ms. Catalonia ?
Dorothy : Why, Mr. Treize of course.
AR #3 : But he died.
Dorothy : Oh yeah, then my little Quatre.
Quatre : Hell no !! You stabbed me 2 friggin times you bitch ! Oops, just, calm down Quatre, just calm down, drink some tea. I decline Ms. Dorothy's offer.
Dorothy grabs her rapier Quatre : On second thought, I accept.
AR #3 : Mr. Merquise.
Zechs is once again trying to dance, although there is no music. Steve throws a book and hits Zechs in the face.
Zechs : Huh ? Wha, oh yeah, all you ladies can be my vice-president.
assorted cheering from all the horny females in the audience waving dollar bills.
*******************************************************
Steve : Well, thats the debate, vote for your favorite candidate. I will count up the votes and announce the winner sometime after Christmas. Ok, now, in a nutshell (sorry Trowa) here are our candidates their motto and their vice president if they win.
Omae o Korsou party : Heero Yuy : Vote for me or I'll kill you : No vice-president Fun and Games party : Duo Maxwell : Rock on !! : Vice-president- Hilde Schbeiker
........ party : Trowa Barton : ......agh ! My nut !!.... : Vive President - Catherine Bloom
Winner Industries party : Quatre Raberba Winner : You stabbed me two friggin times you psycho bitch !!! : Vice-president - One of his sisters
Justice party : Wufei Chang : JUSTICE !!!! : Vice-president(s) - Justice and Nataku
Hippy Pacifist party : no candidate : no motto : no vice pres
Blow stuff up and cause war party : Dorothy Catalonia : Beautiful pleasant candy-like war ! : Vice president : Quatre Raberba Winner
Im too sexy for my shirt party : Zechs Merquise : *dancing* Macho macho man . I want to be, a macho man : Vice president - all the ladies in the audience
*******************************************************
Well, thats the debate and the run-down of all the candidates, choose wisely, vote wisely, and vote quick.
