Spongebob and the gang play a little game of truth or dare. Hilarity ensues! Pairings include, Squid/Sponge, Mindy/Pat, Squilliam/Squidward, and hints of Sponge/Pat.
A bright stage is set in the middle of Bikini Bottom downtown. A group of familiar fish are entering, all in question about what they are about to do. They take their seats at the foot of the stage, and in this order they sit: Pearl, Mr. Krabs, Plankton, Karen, Squilliam, Squidward, Spongebob, Patrick, Mindy, Sandy, Larry, and Fred the "MY LEG!" fish. The lights are dim and complaints are being thrown around.
Squidward: *sigh* Where are the belly dancers? I need to get home to play my clarinet...
Squilliam: *turns to him* Don't you mean torture it? *laughs*
Squidward: Shut up, you! I don't have the time to listen to your insults.
Squilliam: Well I don't either. The choir better get here soon, or I'm leaving. My unibrow needs to be tended to. *wiggles it suggestively*
Squidward: *raises eyebrow* The choir? I was told this was a belly-dancing show...
Spongebob: Hey Squidward, when do you think Mermaidman and Barnacleboy are going to get here? *bounces up and down excitedly*
Squidward and Squilliam: W-what?
Mr. Krabs: *shakes fist at stage* I don't have time to be sitting here! I need to go home and count me loot! These money-grubbers already stole two bucks for this here show...
Pearl: *sobs* Daddy stop! You're embarrassing me!
Mindy: *folds arms* I don't even know why I agreed to come here...
Patrick: *smiles nervously at Mindy* H-hi Mindy... *blush*
Fred: *is swatting at a fly swarming around his face* *the fly goes in his eye and he shrieks* MY LEG!
*everyone turns in confusion*
Amidst all of this, suddenly the lights turn off completely and everyone is left in the pitch black. Some people yelp in surprise. One however...
Spongebob: AAAAAAAH! *clings onto Squidward's head* SQUIDWARD, SAVE ME!
Squilliam: *smirks* Well then, I see you have one fan. Can't say he's worth it..
Squidward: *glares and yanks off the sponge*
Suddenly two large spotlights light up the stage. A girl with long black hair in a purple tank top and jean shorts comes out. She holds a microphone in one hand and smiles at the audience.
Plankton: Whoa baby, who's that gorgeous specimen? *heart eyes*
Karen: *SMACK!* I don't know why I bother staying around...
Kenya: Well hello there, folks! My name is Kenya! And I bet you're wondering why I'm here.
All: YEAH!
Kenya: Well, my friends, you have all been invited to a game of... *marquee lights flash from behind her* BIKINI BOTTOM TRUTH OR DARE!
Lights from the back light up to reveal fish (and humans in scuba gear) clapping and cheering wildly in seats behind them. They all look at them in wonderment and confusion.
Squidward: Wait a second! I came here to see exotic belly dancers!
Squilliam: And I, a choir!
Spongebob: *oblivious* Do you guys see Mermaidman back there?
Kenya: *giggle* Well, I figured you all wouldn't come to this thing if you knew it was a truth or dare tournament. So I just told you all that you were coming to see your favorite things!
Patrick: So there's no ice cream?
Kenya: There will be if you win!
Sandy: Um, I have one question. How are y'all stayin' alive without a suit or helmet if yer an air-breather like me?
Kenya: *sweatdrop* Err...THAT'S THE AUTHOR'S RANDOM PLOTHOLE, NOT MINE SO LET'S JUST FORGET ABOUT IT! *glares*
Sandy: *shrinks back* O-ok...
Mr. Krabs: So...how are we playing this game?
Kenya: I was getting to that. *turns to face audience* Alright, so we have 12 contestants here today! In this qualifier round, we will give out truth or dare cards to each player. We will spin a wheel *gestures to the one beside her* that has all of your faces on it. Whatever it lands on will determine who goes. Then I will decide whether they get a truth or a dare. If they fail to complete the truth/dare that they receive, then they will also fail to move onto the next round. We will pick 6 contestants to go to the next round. Whoever can keep it up till the last person completes their challenge will move on!
Larry: And what if we don't WANT to do this?
Kenya: *smirks, pulling out a remote and pushes a button* I'm afraid that's not an option, dear Larry. *steel plates block the exit from behind them*
Everybody: *gulp*
Kenya: Now, let's get started! *turns to audience* Now, we are going to show the audience what the cards you have say. *thinks* And you know what? To make this more interesting...I'm taking away all the truths! Now you only have to do dares!
Everybody: WHAT?
Kenya: Deal with it! Anyways, here are the cards!
DARE CARDS FOR CONTESTANTS
Spongebob-Go a five minutes without laughing, giggling, or smiling. If you fail, you must be tickled by Squidward in the same amount of time.
Patrick- Eat a 10 foot high plate of Krabby Patties in under 30 seconds
Squidward- Play "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" in key on your clarinet. If you fail, you must have Squilliam smack you on the butt repeatedly.
Mr. Krabs- Sit in a glass chamber filled with money, and not TOUCH OR PICK UP ANY OF IT.
Sandy- Try to talk without your Southern accent
Plankton- Have Mr. Krabs hold a Krabby Patty in front of your face for 30 seconds, and try not to steal/eat it. If you fail, you must sing the F.U.N song on stage, while dancing to the moves Spongebob taught you.
Pearl- Sit through a minute of your father talking about how he cared for you as a baby. Try not to blush!
Squilliam- Have your unibrow waxed off by Squidward.
Mindy: Kiss Patrick passionately for 30 seconds.
Larry: Eat a dozen chocolate chip cookies and force yourself not to work off the calories.
Karen: Be pummeled by objects thrown by the audience for 20 seconds.
Fred: Try not to say "MY LEG!" for ten minutes, no matter what part of your body gets injured.
Kenya: Alrighty, those are our dares! Our contestants are unaware of them at the moment. They will only be allowed to look at them once their name has been chosen. *smiles* Now, being the star of the show, I think it's only fair to let Spongebob go first.
Spongebob: *grins* I'm ready!
Kenya: *smirks* Alright! Your dare, my dear Spongie is to not laugh, smile, or giggle for five minutes! And if you fail, you will receive a punishment from one of our contestants. *wiggles eyebrows slyly*
Squidward: *folds arms and smirks* This should be good...
Kenya: *looking at giant timer on the wall* And...your time starts...NOW!
Spongebob looks at the clock nervously as it starts. He looks around at the contestants looking at him expectantly, some smirking slyly. The sight of them smiling begins to make him form a smile. He breathes in sharply and holds his breath, trying not to focus at the people around him.
Squidward: Oh yeah...yeah... Look at how red your cheeks are... *smiles wider* You wanna laugh, don't ya? I know you wanna laugh...
Sandy: *nervous* How much longer do ya think he can keep this up?
Kenya: 4 minutes left!
Spongebob attempts to hold his breath longer, but then something in the audiences catches his eye. One of the baby fishes begins to cry. The father looks over worriedly and begins to make silly faces in an attempt to make the baby laugh. He feels his cheeks about to burst. Finally he can't take it any longer and a smile forms on his lips.
Squidward: Ah ha! *pointing* He smiled! He's out! He failed!
Squilliam: *unamused* Jeez Squiddy, keep your pants on. No need to get so worked up. *gets glare*
Kenya: *buzzer goes off* But Squidward is right! Sorry Spongebob, you have failed the challenge. You can breathe agai-
"DAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The windows in the theatre shatter loudly as the laugh erupted around them. Kenya's hair has been blown back, along with all the other girl contestants. Everyone stares in utter shock as they try to recover from the jolt they had gotten. Spongebob sighs in relief and smiles innocently.
Spongebob: *sighs* Ahhhh... That felt good!
Kenya: *in shaky voice* A-alright then... N-now, Spongebob, since you failed this challenge...you must endure a punishment from one of the contestants.
Spongebob: Well, whatever it is, it can't be as horrible as not laughing!
Squidward: *rubbing temples* Wanna bet? *lights up* Wait, Spongebob gets a punishment? *smiles* Ohohoho...this should be good!
Kenya: Alright, you must be tickled for five minutes by...
Squidward: *laughing hysterically* Yes?
Kenya: *points dramatically* Squidward!
Spongebob: *blush* Huh?
Squidward: *nose deflates* Wh-wh-what?
Squilliam: *laughs harder* Ohhhh, karma is delicious!
Kenya: You heard me, Squiddy! Get over there and find Spongie's soft spot. *smiles*
Squidward: *sighs reluctantly and turns to Spongebob* We will never speak of this after it's done...
Squilliam: *scoffs* Like that matters, since all of Bikini Bottom is in the audience...
Squidward: *glare* Shut up!
Kenya: Ok, Spongebob, lay down on the ground.
Spongebob obeys and blushes as he sees Squidward hovering right above him.
Kenya: And your time starts...*buzzer sounds* NOW!
Squidward reluctantly stands over Spongebob, and spreads out his tentacles on either side of him. He pokes out a tentacle and recoils a bit, blushing at the gesture he was about to do. Noticing the expectant eyes around him, he begins to trickle his fingers down Spongebob's sides. Immediately the sponge shivers with pleasure. He then moves them up and down, over and over on his spongy sides, the ticklish feeling pulsating occasionally as he went. Next he moved onto the sponge's belly which made him begin to giggle like a little school girl. This went on for a while, and Squidward actually beginning to enjoy the angelic laughter that was coming from his neighbor.
Kenya: Thirty seconds left!
Squidward noticed this and breathed in relief. But seeing as how much he was actually enjoying this, he decided to amp it up a little bit. He picked up Spongebob and flipped him over so that he was on his stomach.
Spongebob: *muffled* What are you doing, Squidward?
Squidward: Just relax...
And he ran his fingers softly down Spongebob's back, and Spongebob instantly burst into giggles. As he made his way down his back, he smirked as he continued. He then began to twirl his fingers as he reached his bum. Spongebob lost it. He was laughing so loud that it echoed off the walls and the audience was whooping and screaming with joy as they watched this display. Squidward then began to inch his fingers lower...
Kenya: *buzzer sounds* Alright, time is up! *blushes* That was VERY interesting! You guys can return to your chairs.
Spongebob: *gets up and smiles at Squidward* W-wow, Squidward... You sure have some special touch... *shivers and blushes*
Squidward: Hehe, yeah... *quietly* Damn that timer... *glowers angrily to himself* *sits down*
Squilliam: Looks like somebody has a little crush... *smirks*
Squiward: That's...crazy... *blushes* I do not...
Squilliam: *waves tentacle* Whatever you say, Squiddy!
Kenya: Ok guys! Now it's time to spin the Dare Wheel! *spins it with great force*
Everybody watches in awe as the little triangle slips past the picture of Plankton, Pearl, and Mr. Krabs. It finally comes to a stop at...Mindy.
Kenya: Yay for Mindy! *smirks suggestively as she hands her dare card to her* You're gonna love this one...
Mindy: *blushes* Oh my goodness...
Patrick: *trying to look at card* What? What is it?
Mindy: *turns to Patrick, bright red* Ready?
Patrick looks at her confusedly, but before he could say anything, Mindy swims towards him and plants her lips on his. Patrick's eyes widen, but he takes advantage of the situation and grabs Mindy's face and thrusts it deeper into his. She smiles, actually enjoying it as their tongues dance in each others mouths. The audience screams with satisfaction.
Kenya: Ok guys, it's been thirty seconds.
But the two don't hear her and they continue their makeout session.
Kenya: *yelling* GUYS!
Patrick pulls away from Mindy with a blush covering his whole face, and he smiles crookedly. Mindy blinks for a moment and looks around her, as if she didn't know where she was. She stares at Patrick next to her, who is lost in his own world.
Mindy: Wow, Patrick... You're a good kisser...
Patrick: *blushing deeply* Yaaaa...huh...mmmm... *is smiling drunkenly*
Spongebob: *glances to his friend and notices something, nudges* Umm... Pat, your "snake" is out of the "garden"...
Patrick: *looks down* Huh? *shocked, covers himself* Aaah!
Mindy: *smiling* Patrick... We really should do that ag-
Kenya: Ok, moving on! Mindy you'll be going to the next round! Let's spin the wheel! *spins dramatically*
And it lands on Sandy.
Sandy: Oh golly... *looking at her dare card* Are y'all kidding? That ain't possible for me! *covers her mouth in realization*
Kenya: Ooh sorry... You didn't do what was on the card... Better luck next time.
Sandy: But don't I not come back if I lose.
Kenya: *giggles* Oh, yeah that's right. Oh well! *spins wheel again*
This time it lands on Patrick.
Patrick: *grinning as he looks at card* Ooh, this will be easy!
A giant plate stacked 10 feet high with Krabby Patties. He grins happily at the sight.
Patrick: *looks at Mindy slyly* This is for you, Mindy.
Mindy smiles slightly. Patrick hears the buzz of the clock starting at 30 seconds. Everyone expects him to start shoveling the patties in, but the starfish has a different approach. He stands up, opens his mouth wide, and sucks in deeply. Like Kirby, he inhales the patties quickly, and they are gone when the clock is halfway counted down. Everyone stares in amazement.
Patrick pats his now bloated belly and burps loudly. Spongebob smirks and gives him an approving thumbs up. Mindy recoils a bit in disgust, but gives him a smile when he faces her.
Squilliam: Ugh... What a fatass...
Squidward: Truer words have never been spoken...
Kenya: Good job, Patrick! Along with Mindy, you both will be moving onto the final round!
Patrick grins and hugs Mindy tightly.
Kenya faces the wheel once again and spins it. It lands on Plankton.
Plankton: Great. What degrading challenge are you forcing me to do?
Kenya: *hands him card* See for yourself. *looks at Mr. Krabs* You may want to look to, seeing as it involves you.
Mr. Krabs: *grins widely* Ohhh, I'm gonna enjoy this. Arr Arr Arr Arr Arr!
Plankton: *sweats nervously* No problem... I've been around Krabby Patties many times.. I should be able to handle-
Mr. Krabs suddenly stuffs a warm, juicy patty right in front of the single-cell's face. Plankton shrinks back, but the crab pushes it towards his face more. As the meat and cheese are pushed into his face and the juices leak onto his skin, he begins to squirm. He forces himself to keep his mouth shut, as he longs to take a big bite of the burger.
Mr. Krabs: Gettin' weak-kneened, are ye? *chuckes*
Plankton: *holding breath, panting* I...won't...give...up...!
Kenya: Ten seconds left!
Plankton tries as best he can to hold himself together as he watches the numbers on the clock count down. As they get to the 3, he feels himself sweat more. Finally the buzzer goes off and Plankton laughs maniacally, getting up in triumph.
Plankton: Yes...yes...YES! Finally, after all these years, I WIN! *points at Mr. Krabs and laughs* Hear that, Krabs? I won!
Mr. Krabs: *sighs and shrugs* Eh, you may have won a silly Truth er Dare game, but guess what ye haven't won... *puts patty in face* A Krabby Patty! Ar ar ar ar! *eats patty*
Plankton: *sighs shakily* Great. Even when I've won, I'm still a failure...
Mr. Krabs: *mockingly* And ye always will be, bug!
Kenya: *holds up hand* Enough with the insults!
Plankton: Thank you!
Kenya spins the wheel, and it lands on Squidward.
Squidward: *sighs* Wonderful. *looks at card* Ooh, this should be easy. *pulls out clarinet and smiles* Time for us to shine, Clari!
Squilliam: *laughs* Now, this will be good!
Squidward glares at him. He then begins to play by blowing into the instrument, but before he can go to another chord, the buzzer goes off.
Squidward: What? That wasn't even five seconds!
Kenya: I know, but uh... *frowns* that was terribly off-key.
Squidward: *blushing as he looks at the punishment* Dammit...
Squilliam: *laughing* What's wrong, Squiddy? Can't take a loss? What's your punishment?
Squidward: See for yourself...
Squilliam: *faces brightens up* Oh, this is too good to be true!
Kenya: Alright, Squilliam, start smacking 'dat ass!
Squilliam: *stands up, tentacle raised* With pleasure!
Squidward winces as he turns away and sticks out his bum, ready to be slapped. Squilliam strikes the first blow and Squidward yells out in pain as the fancy octopus laughed mockingly.
Squilliam: Oh, this is so much better than that private yacht trip I was going to take today! *smacks harder*
Squidward: *wincing* Squi-Squilliam... P-please...G-GENtler...ple-EEEAAASE!
Squilliam: Not on your pathetic life, Squiddy-kins! *smacks harder still*
Spongebob: *glaring jealously* I really don't like this game...
Kenya: Ok, Squilliam, you can stop now.
Squilliam: *frowns* Aww, Kenya, you have to ruin my fun?
Squidward: *sighs, rubbing his now red bum in pain* Thank you, Kenya...
Spongebob: *loudly* Yes, thank you, Kenya!
Squilliam: Oh Spongie, you're just jealous that you haven't gotten that kind of action from him yet.
Squidward: *blush* Wh-what?
Spongebob: *blush* T-that's not true at all!
Squilliam: Right. And Squiddy, dear. Don't pretend like you didn't enjoy it. *smiles*
Kenya: Alright, I think we've satisfied many of out slashy viewers. Let's move on!
She spins the wheel and it lands, ironically, on Squilliam.
Squidward: *snickers* I can't wait...
Squilliam: Oh, shut up. Unlike you, I can handle some childish dare. It's not the end of the world. *looks at card* Oh...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! *looks at Kenya with begging eyes* No! N-no! I can't do it! *covers unibrow* I just can't!
Squidward: Why...what does it...*looks at card* Ohohohoho, Squilliam! Karma is one hell of a bitch! *laughs as he gets handed a large piece of paper coated with wax* Now recline for me, Squilly. *raises eyebrows*
Plankton: HA! Now who's going to have the superior unibrow? *wiggles his*
Squilliam reluctantly reclines in his seat as the contestants gather around them to watch. Squidward smirks as he lays the wax on top of the unibrow.
Squilliam: Squidward...p-please...do it quick so it's painless... *closes eyes*
Squidward: Oh, I don't think so. Four years of torture in high school deserves payback this sweet!
And he slowly rips the paper as Squilliam screams in agony. Murmurs of concern come from some audience members, while most cheer Squidward on. Finally he reaches the end and he smiles as he hands Squilliam the paper with the unibrow remnants attached.
Squidward: Here's your beloved unibrow, Squilliam. Hope you enjoy it.
Squilliam: *is handed a mirror and gasps* Oh nooooo! NO! I don't...I can't even look at myself... *looks at wax paper and puts it where his unibrow used to be* I-it's ok...It's going to be ok...
Spongebob giggles and nudges Squidward playfully on the shoulder. He holds out his hand for a high five, where at this point Squidward accepts, slapping his hand back. The whoops and cheers of his name from the audience were too good to be true.
Kenya: Well then, that was sure interesting! Tickling, butt-slapping, an eating contest, some lip action... What else is coming up? Well, we're gonna take a short break now! See you after commercial!
And we pan out to see Squilliam sobbing over his unibrow, and every one else laughing at the display.
A/N: So, what did you think? I think it came out pretty good if I do say so myself. Squilliam can be pretty bad when he wants to be, huh? Well, next chapter should be up by tomorrow!