Warning: Contains minor swearing, major silliness, and a very brief guest appearance by Harry Potter. If any of these three things upset you, please stop reading.

I don't own the Animorphs or Harry. They belong to K.A. Applegate and J.K. Rowling, respectively. Norman is the only thing here that belongs to me. Which is just sad, really, because he's a total loser.

-------------------------

Animorphs Anonymous consisted of a circle of chairs in the middle of a small, classroom-like space. People filtered into the room one at a time, and once most of the chairs were filled, the man at the front of the circle, a good-looking man with short black hair, stood up and introduced himself.

"Hello, everyone," he said in a loud, confident voice that was a little too friendly. He waited a moment for everyone else to say 'hello' back, but only a few people did. "My name is Norman, and I am a perfectly normal human being. Now, let's go around the circle, and let's all get to know each other."

Next to Norman was a teenage boy with medium-length brown hair. He stood up. "My name is Jake. I'm the leader of a guerilla band of kids who turn into animals."

Norman clapped. The rest of the people in the circle hesitantly followed suit as Jake sat back down.

Next to Jake was an african-american girl with short black hair. "My name is Cassie. Uh, I can turn into a wolf, and, well, I have lots of moral qualms about fighting Yeerks."

More applause, a bit more confident this time.

Next to her was a short, hispanic boy with black hair. "My name is Marco. I can turn into a gorilla, and I tell jokes to help me cope with the pain of my life."

More applause.

Next to him was a girl with long blond hair. "My name is Rachel. I'm a crazy daredevil who can turn into a grizzly bear! Yeah!"

Louder applause.

Next to her was a boy with messy, dirty blond hair. "My name is Tobias. I'm a red-tailed hawk."

Enthusiastic applause.

Next to Tobias was a boy who looked like a weird combination of the first four people who had introduced themselves. "My name is Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill. I am an Andalite."

One person, a guy with spiked green hair who looked like he was maybe a few cheerios short of a full box, applauded, completely oblivious to the fact that nobody else was. The rest of the group gasped in horror.

"Now, let's be supportive," Norman said admonishingly to the group. "You did very good . . . uh, Ax. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem."

Next to Ax was a kid with round glasses, black hair, and a lightning-bolt-shaped scar on his forehead. "My name is Harry Potter. I'm the Boy who Lived."

Norman cleared his throat over the few people who had begun to clap. "I'm sorry, you have the wrong room. You want the room three doors down the hall, on your left."

Harry Potter got up, and left the room.

Next to where Harry Potter had been sitting was a man who looked like an older version of Ax. "My name is Elfangor-Sirinal-Shamtul. And, uh . . . I'm supposed to be dead."

Applause.

A teenage boy with blond hair stood up. "My name is David. I'm a rat."

"Now, let's not be hard on ourselves," Norman said kindly. "All of us here may have . . . well, fairly serious problems, but we're all still human beings."

"I'm not," David said sadly, hanging his head in shame. When he looked up again, he was glaring at Rachel, fuming with barely-contained hatred.

Ax, Elfangor, and a few others around the circle made offended noises at the phrase 'human beings.' A tall, important-looking man with a cold expression gave Norman the finger.

"Moving on," Norman said nonchalantly.

The guy next to David had medium-length, brown hair, and looked a little like a shorter version of Jake. He stood up. "My name is Erek. I'm an android."

Applause.

Next was the guy with spiky green hair and the dull look in his eyes. "My name Jara Hamee!" he exclaimed excitedly. "Me Hork-bajir!"

Marco muttered something derogatory under the sound of clapping. Norman gave him a sharp glance, but quickly went back to smiling warmly at the next person in the circle.

Next to Jara was an old guy with long, white hair. "My name is Ellimist. I can bend space and time to my will, but I of course never interfere-"

"Bullshit!"

"-with the lives of sentient beings," he finished, unperturbed.

Applause.

Next to Ellimist was a muscular man, maybe in his mid-twenties. "My name is Ronnie. I'm the bastard that stole Cassie from Jake."

Applause. Jake glared, pointed at his own eyes then at Ronnie in the classic 'I'm watching you' gesture. Followed by a slitting-the-throat motion.

The girl next to Ronnie, a young girl with long, curly red hair and freckles, had been staring at Ax this whole time. "My name is Estrid-Corril-Darrath," she said in a distracted voice. "In book thirty-eight, I risked wiping out the human race to take out the Yeerks."

Very hesitant applause.

Next to Estrid was the important-looking guy who had given Norman the finger. "My name is Esplin-nine-four-six-six. And I'm Visser Three. No, wait, that's not right. I'm Visser One."

The lady next to him glared sharply at him. She had long, dark hair, and looked hispanic. "No, I'm Visser One!"

"I'm Visser One!"

"I'm Visser One!"

"Stop it, both of you!" Norman yelled. He turned to the second Visser One and sweetly said, "Please continue."

"Well, my name is Edriss-Five-Six-Two," she said. Then she glared pointedly at Esplin. "And I'm Visser One."

"No, I'm Visser One!"

Norman held up a hand to silence them. "Moving on," he said again. There was only one person left who hadn't been introduced.

At the end of the circle, sitting between Edriss and Norman, was a blond girl. "My name is Taylor," she announced proudly. "And I'm a psychotic crazy power-hungry bitch who gets her kicks from torturing people." She grinned at Tobias, who cringed in fear.

Everyone applauded.

----------------------

Stay tuned for the next chapter. The therapy continues . . .